My week(ish) of going crazy over what I currently feel about NEAC has come and gone, it seems. So that probably explains the break in my streak of blogging consecutive days. However, that doesn't really mean that I stop thinking. Haha. That sounds kind of funny.
I really enjoyed a week off to just watch the Olympics and stay at home for a little bit. Since Monday, I've been coaching soccer camps at SEAC. I think I can honestly say that even though it's a bit strange for me to kind of just hop onto a team that's been together for a month and a half, it's been my most enjoyable week of soccer camps since Athabasca of last year.
It's so great to reconnect with some of the people at this church, and I always marvel at how, even though I don't live in Edmonton anymore, this community has always been down here while I still attended church up north. I'll admit that my past experiences with SEAC haven't been the best; but I really do believe they have a very strong community here - a community much stronger and healthier than NEAC.
On Monday night, I had the privilege to play in a rec league game for SEAC. It was a bit awkward because apparently they have two teams, and one of the teams that was supposed to play in the north side got cancelled; so they showed up at the second team's game, the one I was at, and there were about 25 people, not including the 4 AIA coaches. So I felt really bad playing, and I only played one shift of about 10 minutes. At first thought, I wanted to think that these SEAC people are really good at soccer. Admittedly so, I didn't pay too much attention to them in the game because I was fooling around on the side.
But after their rec game, the 25 or so people decided to play another game for fun. And it was then that I was able to actually get some soccer in. While their skill level is not top tier, most of the people can run; and they have a few players that are really good! So I loved that I got to match myself up to see how I compared to their best guys. And to my surprise, I think I did pretty well! I wasn't going all out, but I tried hard enough to know that I can keep up with other people.
I did the whole "skill comparing" thing because I realized that in the last few years, the only soccer I've really played was with my own church. And while that's not a problem, I didn't really have benchmarks to see if I was actually any good or not. So again, I have to insert the whole conclusion about how, in terms of skill, I'm pretty good, but because of my conditioning, I can't do squat! Haha.
On a different note, I'll go back to just venting out a bit of what's been on my mind.
I know that everyone longs for things. I've longed for things all my life. In fact, I think that my desires are so strong, that if they were anywhere close to average, I'd be a failure in life - an actual failure. My drive for certain things is about the only thing I can really credit any accomplishment I have in my life.
But the thing is that it's so weird how sometimes you can be longing for something so much, but feeling so hopeless about it. If it were something related to music, or soccer, or whatever, I'd have no issues dealing with it. If I wanted to learn a song or learn a new trick, I'd practice until I could do it, and do it well. But then there's other random things that I want so badly, but then when it comes for a time to man up, I just basically go "no way." And then I'll go on to come up with the stupidest excuses, be all depressed about it, and blah blah blah.
If I had to pinpoint this to something, I guess I'd have to say that it's all in experience. If I have no experience in something, I'll be so hesitant to get started.
And I'm the kind of guy to just ignore the fact that I am a total chicken when it comes to doing things that I am not comfortable doing; so it'll remain like this for a very long time.
Oh well.
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