I seem to do this every year: it's December 31st, and after having dinner to celebrate my brother's birthday, I end up finding myself sitting somewhere in the house and blogging about the past year. I have no idea whether or not it will ever amount to anything, but I guess it's a good habit that doesn't really hurt anybody.
This was such a bizarre year, to say the least. Quite honestly, I don't have any words that could really describe how the year went. With the way 2011 ended, it's especially hard for me to really have any positive outlook going into 2012. It's unfortunate, but the sad truth is that I have lost much of my "glass-half-full" mentality. One thing that I will never say is that a year was bad. It's definitely possible that I won't have a good year (by my standards); but to say that I've had a bad year would be doubting God's will.
And this is basically how it went...
I'm never going to forget how strange it was to be home for the first time over an extended break. I tried to fit right back in to the flow of things here at home, but it just didn't work because even though I'm not here anymore, life goes on - things happen. Not to take away from my break though, since it was, and always will be, so refreshing.
I don't really remember anything too remarkable in the winter term, however. School just continued, and I just kept living. When I finished the term, I was so happy to come back home for the summer. At the time, I didn't know what was in store for me because I didn't plan ahead; so when I got back, I went without a job for a couple months, and ended up just being a bum at home. As nice as it was to have time off, it lead me to a whirlwind of events that shaped me up for the rest of the year.
Being accepted to work for AIA changed everything. It's just funny how I had absolutely no intention on applying to be a soccer coach, and yet God used it to have a much larger impact on me than I could ever imagine. Trust me, this whole AIA experience extended beyond just the coaching and the witnessing of lives changing. I will shove this coaching job into one of the many things I don't understand and will definitely be asking God when I get to heaven.
When it came time for me to move into Ambrose's residence, I tried to not be intimidated by anyone or anything. The life I lived from September to December was very much the way I thought it would have turned out in res. I didn't do that well in school because it was just way too hard for me to focus with all the energy and things in general that were happening at school.
The more I think about it now, the more I'm wondering if I really should have spent my holidays the way that I did. I swore to myself that once I got back, I'd do everything in my power to keep myself as occupied and busy as possible. In a lot of ways, I've loved it; but at the same time, am I just running away or burning myself out? Maybe. One thing that I do know, however, is that what's happened has happened, and there's no point in thinking about how things could have been or should have been - I've found, though, that it's way too hard to do that.
So now that I'm here, sandwiched by eternity on both sides of time, I really wish I could be looking at 2012 differently. I started writing this post with no title; but somewhere in between the start and now, I threw in the current title. Let me explain why.
Everyone is celebrating the passing of a new year, making resolutions that are never kept, reflecting and evaluating, all sorts of things that we do during the time when we flip calendars. My attitude is that none of these things are a big deal at all. Another year has come and gone, another one awaits us: big whoop, it's happened thousands of times. Years from now, heck even months or days, does any of this matter? Probably not. I don't mean to be pooping on your party, but life can be so dull sometimes. Eventually, we just go back to our routines of school or work; once in a while, something nice will happen - like getting a promotion, or graduating - but at the end of the day, it's all the same. This fallen world that we live in is just so messed up. Some of the nicest people that deserve all the fortune this world has to offer get pushed around and kicked to the dirt while the idiots get to feel like the world bows before them.
Call it bitterness; call it self-pity; or call it whatever you want. Point is, I'm tired of learning how to grow up. I was thinking about making the claim of being tired of waiting for God to work and make life pretty, but I knew that I'd get a lot of crap for saying that, so why not just direct it all at myself, seeing as this way I don't have to have people "correct my way of thinking about God's omnipotence and blah blah blah."
Have a great freaking new year.
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