Based on what was originally planned, I would be back in Calgary by now. The thing about life, is that you can plan anything to the finest detail; but there is always possibility that it doesn't turn out the way you initially intended. You can study for hours, memorizing every term and concept, and still end up with a B.
Anyways, an unfortunate event happened last week that caused a family reunion type of thing this weekend. It's so awesome, every time family gets together after having been away for months or years. But the thing is that you always want to gather for the right reasons. But like I said before, we don't control the world; sometimes we try to, but that's just foolish.
I only recall attending one funeral in my life. I was still really young and did not know very much of what was going on and the significance of everything. This time, though, it was much different. I tell people that I have a very large family. When I do, it usually includes all my cousins, my cousins' cousins, and sometimes even my cousins' cousins' cousins. I don't know the proper term for it in English - second cousin or whatever. I don't know everyone as well as I'd like, but you can't win them all.
When we stand in front of death face to face, there is a fear. I think I can speak for almost everyone that the fear is one of uncertainty. Death is the one thing in life that humans cannot rule over. Our minds are powerful enough to do pretty much everything we have ever dreamed of, except conquering death. Death is caused by sin, so there is proof that we are all sinners whether or not we admit it. For me, sitting in that service today, it was so hard not to feel awful or even tear up. Seeing people in such pain is something that has always been something that bothered me. But I'm going to sound and seem very cynical and pessimistic. I don't think we face these situations enough. We see it in movies, we can think about it all we want, but when we're actually there, it's a totally different monster. I'm not saying that it's good to see people leave the earth, but since we don't really think much about this touchy subject, we often don't know how to respond properly, or know what it feels like. Whether someone goes to heaven or hell, that is between them and God; I wouldn't know, and I can only hope it's the former.
Today, as I sat in that spot in the pew, I kept picturing in my mind God walking side by side with her as he was showing her all the cool things he wanted her to see. Through all the weeping and sorrow, it brought a glimpse of joy to me. Everything that was shared, and all the people that showed up really testifies, not only to her, but in a general sense of how much impact someone has had in this world. Even though there weren't a whole lot, my experiences confirm this 100%. It's too bad I never really get to know people as much as I'd like, because I think there's something to like in every person.
There was also a point where I broadened up everything and thought to myself, "how can anyone possibly not believe in God?" Even if it is for the sake of the whole afterlife thing, or at least some sort of hope that life is more than what we see, how can anyone come out to say flat out that there is no God. I guess to make myself a bit more clear, I'm talking about the God that created the world. I've also often wondered how God is perceived differently through different people. Would the God that I believe and know be different from yours? So I guess as a universal common theme that we should share is by going back to creation. Because God reveals himself differently and works in different ways, we have to see the bigger picture through the universe that he created. You can call me crazy, but I just find it impossible to deny the existence of our God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. I mean, everything points that way. Like C.S. Lewis said, if you don't believe it, you're either a lunatic or a liar.
Another thing is that while you're in the midst of all that is happening, how do you not think about what it would be like to be in everyone else's shoes? What if it was you that God had decided that your time is up, or you that are the immediate family? It was tough, and I definitely cannot even imagine the pain to be so closely related to the situation.
Anyways, my reading week seems so insignificant given the events that have happened; and I don't mind putting aside blogging about myself to acknowledge these things. There's a lot more that I can say, but I'm getting a bit tired and I will be going back to Calgary tomorrow, so I'll need to get some sleep. I hope that God has revealed himself in some capacity to everyone that was affected.
Rest in peace. I hope I'll get to see you one day, along with everyone else who was called by him to be his own. Then, we'll really get to celebrate.
1 comment:
I've been thinking alot about death from the same trigger..wondering why Lazarus or Dorcas didn't share their experience of death as they were dead and raised from the dead again. Or maybe nobody documented it? I keep thinking that if I was close to them, I'd ask all these questions about what happens. Like if they still know what goes on on earth, if they know who thinks about them, if they feel sad to see people cry for them, if they know what people think, etc...That's a really pretty picture you have in mind - I wish the same is happening as we speak.
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