Piece By Piece

As I sit here after realizing that my place isn't big enough to have too many people gather in, I think it's a good opportunity to collect a few thoughts that I've had that have accumulated over the past couple weeks.

I tried to squeeze about 20 people in my place tonight for youth group - it didn't work so well in terms of spacing. But I think the kids and leaders were still able to have a good time, so I am thankful that they were gracious about the tight squeeze. Before tonight, I hoped that this would become somewhat of a regular thing, to have these kids at my place so I can share with them what they need: a safe place to ask questions and be comfortable in knowing they can approach me. I'm slightly saddened by the fact that I probably can't have them all here at one time too much due to how little room I have. However, this was the only thing that wasn't optimal tonight, so that means there's plenty to be excited about.

My planning for 2015 is really beginning to take shape, and I'm really excited at what this ministry could become. Aside from some of the preliminary obstacles I know I'm going to have to face, or ones I'm already facing, I think Newbern could become a thriving church... if some conditions are met. I'm told time and time again that I have a lot of rope and freedom to do with this English congregation what I deem necessary, but this obviously isn't fully going to be what I interpret as the freedom they think they've given me. However, until I step on some people's toes, I won't know exactly where my borders are, so I've just got to keep doing it until I get there. Just keep in mind this is a very traditional Chinese church.

I'm also really intrigued at the concept of a night service and why it's so much more attractive to people my age. When I talk about going to church on Sunday morning to some people around my age, they turn it down immediately. But when I mention of a night service, the interest is sparked. What is it about a nighttime service that is more appealing other than the time? I guess it's time for me to explore this area of church.

Finally, I'm admitting to myself that I need to make a few more changes about the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis. I've mentioned before that sometimes if I let myself wander in my thoughts too much, I'll get lost. So now I'm beginning to realize that I think I need to "extrovert" myself a bit more.  It's going to be a real tough challenge, especially since I'm so inclined to be by myself. Part of why I think I need to do so is because I'm not liking what my mind does to me when I'm so self absorbed. In other words, I don't like the person I become when I'm surfing my mind. There's so many voices in me that steer me different ways that I don't want to lose sight of the one voice I need to listen to. And quite frankly, I just stop paying attention to my surroundings when I'm trapped in my thoughts.

I've got people coming to my place week after week, and this is going to help me with my outward interactions with my environment. I just hope I don't burn myself out. This hour or two of time before I go to sleep and the couple hours of when I get up are so precious to me. Maybe these are the times where I should stay by myself, and it will be sufficient.

So, there you have it, some really vague thoughts that really don't land on anything. But piece by piece, my ministry is slowly building itself. I'm stoked of what my church can and will become. I keep coming back to the idea that the church eventually take after its pastor, and I pray that what my congregation becomes will be a reflection of me in what God wants me to be.

Taking Off

I need a break! Where's my Kit Kat? Haha, just kidding.

Honestly, though, I wanted to take a few minutes to breathe a little. Life is starting to get busy; things are beginning to happen, and my plate is getting filled up rapidly. I somewhat saw this coming before going back to Edmonton, but I didn't know it would come on so fast! Things are flying at me left and right, some predicted and some that weren't. So after going nonstop this week, I thought I'd take a breather just to slow down for a minute.

I'm definitely excited that things are starting to take off - overwhelmed, slightly. So I'm sort of looking at the next couple months laughing, saying to myself, "yup, I'm definitely a pastor now." Since I started preaching, I would get weeks, if not months, to prepare one sermon. Now, I've got to do it in a week, and on top of everything else that I have to do. My preparations are definitely taking a toll, and I don't like how under prepared I always feel.

So with the upcoming weeks, I think I'm going to see the time fly by as I'm really engaging in a lot of activities. I just worry occasionally that I don't get any "me" time in a day when there's so much going on. The challenge is going to be, am I willing to squeeze an hour or two, even if it means pushing my sleep later, to get some time where I can do my own things that I like and none of that church stuff. We'll have to see.

I'll be preaching three times within the span of Sunday to Sunday. I've also got company coming over once a week in the next 3 weeks. Maybe I was a little ambitious when I set it all up because this doesn't even cover everything else I have to do. I'll be needing to finish up my monthly report and 2015 plan for the elders meeting on Tuesday, which, the meeting just should not be happening on Remembrance Day anyway.

I give up on listing my to-do list, because talking about how much I have to do is just boring and annoying. So I'll leave it here. With some great help, my place is almost finished! I am just a few pieces away and I'll be able to say that my place is truly mine.

Anyhow, this blog post was just to give me a few minutes; and now the time has expired.

Happy November.

Boxes and Suitcases

Boy, is it ever refreshing to come home to Edmonton. This weekend is NEAC's 30th anniversary banquet, so I was able to take the weekend off and come back for the celebration. I'm glad I was given the green light to come back because it's a big deal to me that I'm able to support this church as much as I can wherever I can.

Prior to coming back, I was thinking about where I was at with settling down in my new place. I've found that while I'm comfortable, I'm still not at the stage where I can let loose the way I let loose here in Edmonton. My apologies! I'm working on this area of my life in being able to adapt to change as best I can.

For over four years, it's been a constant struggle with trying to learn how to live in boxes and suitcases (literally and figuratively) as I've been packing and moving every few months. This is nothing new to anyone who's been connected with me, but I'm realizing just how big of a struggle it has been. I think that in some ways, my problem with learning how to settle down has indirectly caused some walls and barriers to come up, some of which I don't know how to break down. There are certain parts of my life where I'm just completely closed off to people, and I don't do it on purpose, but it's just what developed in the last few years.

So that's going to be the challenge for me when I get back to Vancouver on Monday. It helps that I get away, even for a couple days, to get that broadened view to see how my life's been. Unfortunately, a lot of what it's looked like has been what I've presented myself as during my time in school. I've got to really put in an effort to be completely transparent and open with my life to the people around me. One way this is going to improve is that I've already got a few nights with people over. I think having people at my place is going to relieve some of the closed-off-ness. To be honest, I really don't have anything to hide, it's just a hesitancy to share my life with others I think. There's always that fear of looking like a dork or being embarrassed by hobbies and such, but I have all of those, and I wear them with confidence, so what's the matter then?

Bottom line, I have to learn to settle down and open up. On the other hand, a reputation and identity is not built overnight, so I need to remember to build strong habits and keep my life in order, have the accountability that I need and things will be looking up.

It's time I get rid of the boxes and suitcases life.

The Playbook

I'm closing in on completing my first month of minstry here in Vancouver, and it's been nothing but a tremendous adjustment to real life. So far, I've had a lot of fun as well as a lot of challenges. There's no point in me going on to list out everything on each end, but I still often find myself dazed at the fact that I'm actually supposed to be doing a job now. Again, I have to give my thanks to those that have helped me, even when it was unwarranted. It shows that I continue to be surrounded by amazing people that want me to succeed; I appreciate it.

Before I continue, I must make mention of the best concert I've been to. This past Thursday, I went to the Jason Mraz show with a good friend, and if I had to describe the show in one word, it would be "uplifting." I don't even care that I'm one of the more dedicated fans of Mraz, but being at the show really lifted my spirits in a way they haven't been lifted in a long time. Most concerts I go to, the artists do their best to put on a show and have the goal of entertaining with the audience. With Mraz, he does more than that; he has a way of connecting with his fans and really doing life with everyone for the span of the show. I very much appreciated that he made me feel like I, along with everyone else, belonged. On the musical side of things, I also think that his vocals sound on point. He's recovered well from his illness several years ago, and it's really showing how well he can sing. What a night!

Coming back to my life at Newbern, I'm beginning to get a grasp of what the culture of the church is like. There's been more than a few days where I've thought to myself and asked God, "what in the world do I have to offer for this church?" And, I don't ask it with a skeptical tone, though there has been some of it, but I think it's just part of the process of starting at a new position. With where I'm at right now, I'm not even thinking about walking yet; I'm just simply trying to stand up without being wobbly.

I've shared with a few people about how I feel hesitant to dive right into doing things. There's been advice ranging from "yes! Get right in, do as much as you can while people are excited," to "you should wait at least 6 months before even trying to do anything." The answer I'm usually left with at the end of the day is the same question I had just mentioned, "what can I even do, at this point?"

Start small. That's what keeps coming to my mind. I need to develop good habits for myself, build a good routine and solidify my foundation. Basically, I think my first big challenge is to mould myself into what God wants my church to be before I try to get people to do the same - not going to be easy, but fair enough.

To cap off this post, I think I'm going to begin using my blog to help me with my ministry as well. I'm going to try to write down my impressions of things at certain points in time and then refer back to them later on to see if the thoughts still stand. If they do, then there's probably some digging that I can do to move forward with where I need to go and what I need to do.

First of all, there are a few things that are "bylaw" here that have resulted from something happening in the past. While I don't like this philosophy of running a church, I have to comply to it for now. When something happens, and it causes you to change fundamentals in how your church policies go, sometimes to a point of them being completely unbiblical, I find it more restricting than beneficial. At times, it's just flat out wrong; and a big chunk of these issues are one-offs anyway.

The second impression has many little contributing factors. The result of these factors is a sense that the people, especially the younger ones, don't even know what having a pastor is like. I got asked tonight at youth if I have a job. I assumed it was a side job that was being referred to, which I said politely, "no, this is my job." Then the response was, "so what do you do during the week then? Just stay at home?" She wasn't trying to be mean, but she just didn't know better. What a "pastor" means for these kids has always been the person that just comes to speak on Sunday, but have no affiliation with the church otherwise. I actually find this really sad. I've heard about this somewhat ignorant misconception many, many times, but now I've seen it in action in reference to myself.

In the following weeks, I'm going to work hard at coming up with a ministry plan and goal - a playbook, you can say. The English congregation here has no identity and no guidance. One of the elders put it best when he said that it's somewhat in a survival mode. What I do appreciate is that the people are willing. That's all I need. I know that I'm going to ask to do some things that next to no one will like, but the fact that most of them seem willing is all it may take. One hopeless goal I have, though, is to make this place less Chinese. Haha! It's way too Asian for my likes, but I knew this going in.