Boxes and Suitcases

Boy, is it ever refreshing to come home to Edmonton. This weekend is NEAC's 30th anniversary banquet, so I was able to take the weekend off and come back for the celebration. I'm glad I was given the green light to come back because it's a big deal to me that I'm able to support this church as much as I can wherever I can.

Prior to coming back, I was thinking about where I was at with settling down in my new place. I've found that while I'm comfortable, I'm still not at the stage where I can let loose the way I let loose here in Edmonton. My apologies! I'm working on this area of my life in being able to adapt to change as best I can.

For over four years, it's been a constant struggle with trying to learn how to live in boxes and suitcases (literally and figuratively) as I've been packing and moving every few months. This is nothing new to anyone who's been connected with me, but I'm realizing just how big of a struggle it has been. I think that in some ways, my problem with learning how to settle down has indirectly caused some walls and barriers to come up, some of which I don't know how to break down. There are certain parts of my life where I'm just completely closed off to people, and I don't do it on purpose, but it's just what developed in the last few years.

So that's going to be the challenge for me when I get back to Vancouver on Monday. It helps that I get away, even for a couple days, to get that broadened view to see how my life's been. Unfortunately, a lot of what it's looked like has been what I've presented myself as during my time in school. I've got to really put in an effort to be completely transparent and open with my life to the people around me. One way this is going to improve is that I've already got a few nights with people over. I think having people at my place is going to relieve some of the closed-off-ness. To be honest, I really don't have anything to hide, it's just a hesitancy to share my life with others I think. There's always that fear of looking like a dork or being embarrassed by hobbies and such, but I have all of those, and I wear them with confidence, so what's the matter then?

Bottom line, I have to learn to settle down and open up. On the other hand, a reputation and identity is not built overnight, so I need to remember to build strong habits and keep my life in order, have the accountability that I need and things will be looking up.

It's time I get rid of the boxes and suitcases life.