Piece By Piece

As I sit here after realizing that my place isn't big enough to have too many people gather in, I think it's a good opportunity to collect a few thoughts that I've had that have accumulated over the past couple weeks.

I tried to squeeze about 20 people in my place tonight for youth group - it didn't work so well in terms of spacing. But I think the kids and leaders were still able to have a good time, so I am thankful that they were gracious about the tight squeeze. Before tonight, I hoped that this would become somewhat of a regular thing, to have these kids at my place so I can share with them what they need: a safe place to ask questions and be comfortable in knowing they can approach me. I'm slightly saddened by the fact that I probably can't have them all here at one time too much due to how little room I have. However, this was the only thing that wasn't optimal tonight, so that means there's plenty to be excited about.

My planning for 2015 is really beginning to take shape, and I'm really excited at what this ministry could become. Aside from some of the preliminary obstacles I know I'm going to have to face, or ones I'm already facing, I think Newbern could become a thriving church... if some conditions are met. I'm told time and time again that I have a lot of rope and freedom to do with this English congregation what I deem necessary, but this obviously isn't fully going to be what I interpret as the freedom they think they've given me. However, until I step on some people's toes, I won't know exactly where my borders are, so I've just got to keep doing it until I get there. Just keep in mind this is a very traditional Chinese church.

I'm also really intrigued at the concept of a night service and why it's so much more attractive to people my age. When I talk about going to church on Sunday morning to some people around my age, they turn it down immediately. But when I mention of a night service, the interest is sparked. What is it about a nighttime service that is more appealing other than the time? I guess it's time for me to explore this area of church.

Finally, I'm admitting to myself that I need to make a few more changes about the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis. I've mentioned before that sometimes if I let myself wander in my thoughts too much, I'll get lost. So now I'm beginning to realize that I think I need to "extrovert" myself a bit more.  It's going to be a real tough challenge, especially since I'm so inclined to be by myself. Part of why I think I need to do so is because I'm not liking what my mind does to me when I'm so self absorbed. In other words, I don't like the person I become when I'm surfing my mind. There's so many voices in me that steer me different ways that I don't want to lose sight of the one voice I need to listen to. And quite frankly, I just stop paying attention to my surroundings when I'm trapped in my thoughts.

I've got people coming to my place week after week, and this is going to help me with my outward interactions with my environment. I just hope I don't burn myself out. This hour or two of time before I go to sleep and the couple hours of when I get up are so precious to me. Maybe these are the times where I should stay by myself, and it will be sufficient.

So, there you have it, some really vague thoughts that really don't land on anything. But piece by piece, my ministry is slowly building itself. I'm stoked of what my church can and will become. I keep coming back to the idea that the church eventually take after its pastor, and I pray that what my congregation becomes will be a reflection of me in what God wants me to be.