Autumn

Seven years into the life of this blog, patterns stay mostly the same. I don't blog a whole lot during the summer months. This is probably indicative of me spending most of my time in Edmonton and doing things with friends and family. Having been gone for five years, I kind of got used to the leave-for-the-school-year-and-return-in-the-summer routine. Though, it's probably fair to say with having begun my career in work, I will eventually be moving away from this pattern.

Autumn is usually refered to as the season between summer and winter, but the term itself has the meaning of maturation or a beginning in decline. Since I'm such a nerd (or as I'd like to call it: artsy), my last few months have had a real autumn vibe to them. I think I'm slowly accepting that there are a bunch of things, as well as people, that I have to let go of. Letting go doesn't mean I will never see or talk to them again, but that I shouldn't attach myself so closely to associating with them. Everyone's got their own lives to live, and the more I try to cling onto these things of old, the more I'm restricting myself from moving forward with my own life.

In preparation for the September kick off, I look back at my first year of ministry, and more specifically the last three months. After a good start, it comes to my attention that with where I am now, I'm a bit lost. With a lot of the things I'm doing now, in every aspect, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.

I think the first real thing is that I still don't feel completely settled into Vancouver. I do, however, think that I just need a bit more time. A year in such a big city can only do so much - this isn't a small town in the middle of nowhere Saskatchewan anymore (not making fun of Assiniboia, just contrasting). Being a prairie boy, Vancouver is a whole different culture, and I haven't been able to blend with the people as well as I've wanted to. This isn't really to say that I don't like the people here, it's just that I haven't found a group or community that I feel completely at home in. Probably not too surprising, as it took me almost three years in Calgary to do that.

Another thing, that I've only shared with a few people, is that I started to get excited for where my ministry was headed. For the first bit of 2015, I really sensed that our church was going somewhere. I didn't know where exactly, but I was stoked to be along for the ride. So based on past experiences, I knew very well that the second we start getting excited about church life, the enemy is going to come attacking. Basically, since the start of June-ish, I've been under constant distress about many things in my life, an attempt to more or less slow me down or stop me completely. I'll admit: I've felt the effects, and I don't like it.

You do what you can to take what you get and move on, which is what I'm trying to do; but I find that in times of decline, it isn't so much knowing what to do, it's the will to do it. Some days, it's much more appealing to stay in bed under covers than to get up and clean the house - same thing with what I'm seeing now.

This is how I've been over the last little while. There is still joy within me, and I think that's really the defining factor of why I still get up and work every morning. As much as it doesn't feel like it, I know there's still a reason for me to live my life and do what I'm told to do.

I will be extremely busy, probably, for the rest of the year and onwards. We've had an unfortunate outcome that has brought about inconvenience, so people will need to step up to fill the gap, starting with me.

Although it looks nice and is worth admiration, we all know that when the leaves have turned, they are bound to fall. The key is always to make it through the winter, no matter how cold, and look forward to the spring when new flowers blossom and bring new life.