Spectrum of Emotion - Sorrow

It blows my mind to see the range of emotions that humans are capable of experiencing. I've encountered, myself, some of the best and some of the worst emotions known. The one thing that kind of bottlenecks our emotions is in the language of expression. Words and actions rarely justify what we truly feel, and it's too bad that we have to be limited in such a way.

Today, I feel utterly defeated by sorrow. What's been lingering in my mind for the last 60-ish hours is starting to take shape and affect my behaviour. I've been sitting in my office all morning and now into the afternoon without an ounce of motivation to do anything. When you hear somebody drowning in their sorrow, that's exactly what I want to do today.

In some ways, I'm glad that it took this long for me to feel these effects because I needed to be excited for the kick off weekend at church. I don't think I did a good job at it (being excited), but I was still able to contain most of the sadness welling up inside of me. And as yesterday was a day I still hung out with people, I didn't want to allow the release of emotion just yet. Today, however, I think I've involuntarily allowed myself to let loose a bit, and it doesn't feel good.

It's been a very long time since I've felt this way, but it doesn't change how painful it is. Most days where I'm not so productive, it's usually because I'm lazy. This time around, I think I just don't feel up to doing anything even if I tried. Even writing up this blog to vent a little bit is a struggle.

Anyways, I'll be making a trip to New York this coming weekend with my family for all the wrong reasons. So, I'll do everything to allow myself and my family to properly grieve, because there is a time for that.

Rest in peace, grandma.