Brand New

I've been feeling good over the last couple of days - that's probably all you really need to know. My spirits are feeling much better and there is a sense of being uplifted, encouraged, and motivated. I'm not entirely sure why, but I like it; or maybe the new year buzz is finally hitting.

To take care of some of the previous matters, and to offer some closure for all of you, the trip to New York was nothing short of amazing. It was important for me to be able to be with my family during a difficult time for my parents and my aunts and uncles. I don't care that the death of my grandmother doesn't affect me directly all that much, but the fact that it's important to my family makes it important for me. It was really nice to see some of my cousins having grown up and doing well. My family stayed with my aunt and uncle in New Jersey, so it was a bit of a drive out to Manhattan for the days of the funeral. And, as expected, we held a traditional Chinese funeral that was very Buddhist oriented. I didn't agree with the way some of the things were gone about, but again, this was not about me and my preferences - I wanted to support my family, so I went along with what we did, but stopped at the points where I would compromise my own faith. So after a few days of catching up with my cousins, I flew back to Vancouver running on little to no sleep.

If you are wondering, from the sense that I got, my family seems to be doing pretty well in coping with the loss of my grandma. I know that not the entire family is Christian, but I felt a consistently overwhelming sense of peace from Christ during the whole process, and I'm thankful to know that we are still loved and cared for.

Anyways, I'm glad to be back in Vancouver and in the swing of things.

This past weekend, I was able to get back together with my church. For our youth group, we kicked off chapter one of our Crazy Love series. As expected, the night started a bit slow, but the kids really started to open up toward the end, and I'm glad that we were able to have a good start to this book. I hope that with what we're doing with the youth group, we're really kick starting a new "culture" of Christ loving disciples at this church. Going home after youth was the first time I really felt encouraged after leaving an event at church. I think that can sound iffy, but that's just the reality of having a pastor coming in to a different culture and starting to see some progress.

Yesterday, we celebrated the church's 39th anniversary. 39 years is a long time, and I'm amazed that this church has been around for that long. For some of the original (or as close to it as you can get) members, they've seen some great times and some not so great times. My senior pastor has expressed a few times that there has to be a reason that we're still here after 39 years, and I cannot agree more. From what I've gathered in my time here, this church has been a gathering of what is essentially a family of believers over the years, and it should continue to be that. But what I think we really need to focus on in the upcoming (hypothetical) 40 years, is to expand our family. Our church shouldn't just be a Chinese church, it needs to be a church for ALL believers. This vision should never change, and I want to be part of that growth.

As for myself, I'm doing much better. I was struggling quite a bit on a personal level with living in a new city, adapting to a new culture, and just the things that come with living on my own. I have a renewed sense of motivation to go about organizing my life and allowing myself to live as a more respectable person. One mistake I've made in the past is that I wouldn't ride this wave of motivation and boldness, which put me back into the sense of ugliness that held me down.

I feel, in some ways, brand new. I'm excited to learn about the Vancouver culture, I want to get out into the city and explore, I want to meet people (which is actually still incredibly difficult), and I want to work towards being an actual "growed up" person. As it stands right now, I want to be in Vancouver long term. I want to be a pastor here for the foreseeable future, and if God allows it, I want to start my family here. I'm very good at seeing the end goals, the ultimate destinations, the potential from the big picture, but I've often neglected what it takes to get there, and it would discourage me when I saw the struggle of having to put the work in. I may finally be able to find the willingness to work hard at it.

The sun shining in the sky helps with this "feeling good" business.