Evolution

I gave up on studying for tonight. For any that are interested, my English Literature class' final is tomorrow. For those that are really interested, I'm not confident going into the exam because I really cannot recall learning anything in class since the middle of February - like, I am completely clueless of any material that's going to be on the exam.

Anyways, my purpose for blogging tonight is a different reason. I spent the last half hour or so going back to the year of 2009. I read all my blog posts in January and February, and if you were to go read those posts, aside from all the silliness that I am, you would also notice the sudden drastic change of my character shortly after my 18th birthday. For much of January, I felt lost and confused, unable to be at rest about my life. Then, after my birthday, all of a sudden I became a totally different person.

If you haven't clued in already, that was the time of my life when I met God's call for me to ministry face to face. I really didn't know what going to bible college and doing full-time ministry would entail at that time, but I seemed to carry this confidence, a new spark, in me that was so sure of where God was leading me. I look back at that period of time and sometimes wished that I had that type of confidence again. Nevertheless, where I am now in relation to where I was then is a miracle.

It is absolutely amazing how coming face to face, a dramatic encounter, with God can so drastically change someone's life. I can't even come to believe that I had gone through that kind of radical change in such a way that it happened. Rest assured, today I am able to more clearly define, and even confirm, that a call to the vocation of ministry is an inescapable call. Being a pastor wasn't something I had chosen like I would've if I wanted to be a music producer or a teacher. Throughout my four years at Ambrose, I've learned that for those that God calls into ministry, it's unlike any other career. I mean, you could say that ultimately I got to choose whether or not I actually wanted to become a pastor, but with how things unfolded and placed together, I probably would've chosen to be a pastor again 100% of the time. That is how confident I am in God's call for me to be in ministry. Being a pastor, like I already said, isn't one job of many that I can choose, it is the role that God has prepared and equipped my life for. I would not have it any other way.

With all that's been said, my amazement doesn't seize as I have now essentially graduated. As long as I don't randomly not show up for my three finals, I will be able to walk the stage on the 26th as a sign of perhaps the greatest accomplishment of my life. Like I said, when I go back to those few months, even as early as late 2008, I cannot believe that I am here - it is all too surreal.

And all of this is by God's grace. God decided to take a shy, heavily introverted, timid, stubborn, selfish, scrawny, and ignorant kid that had absolutely no confidence and turned him into someone who now sees himself as the way God created him to be. It's amazing, and quite frankly baffling, that God would choose me; but I'm so glad he did.

Good luck to everyone writing finals in the next couple weeks! Study hard, and make sure to get good rest.