With the Tides

March has been a crazy month - it always seems to be, here at Ambrose. I'll just walk through the last two weeks chronologically.

After my previous post, I had some more homework to finish, so a lot of my time was spent doing that. I don't really know why I'm someone that can only seem to work under pressure. If I try to tell myself to get ahead, or start doing something before I really need to, it never works. Maybe I'm not committed enough to doing it, but I just don't seem to be someone who's able to get ahead when I have some free time. I tend to stay more on track with doing things as they come up. I'm not entirely sure if I should try to change it or stay status quo. Some people have told me that this is who I am so I shouldn't be ashamed that I seem to be more of a "procrastinator" because it's just natural to me that I work better under pressure or time constraints. Others have told me that I need to do everything in my power to get ahead while I can; if I fall behind, then it's game over. I've rarely ever fallen behind, so it seems I walk this really fine line between the two sides that I hear from people.

A couple weeks ago, my roommate's dad passed away. As it was a bit of a surprise, it probably sucked more than it does. But in reality, can we ever truly say that we can be ready to lose a mother or a father? I don't think so. So my roommate went home for over a week, which left me to be alone in my room. Though I love having my own room and space to myself, it really sucked that it was at the expense of my roommate's dad. With this kind of thing, I don't think anyone can really do anything to help or comfort the party at loss. In such a situation, it seems more to be the words that aren't spoken that seem to be most effective. What's important is that we're present and willing to suffer and grieve with them. When Lazarus died, Jesus didn't go like "it's okay guys, I'm going to resurrect him." Rather, he wept, even in knowing that he would raise Lazarus from the dead. So it was rough, and still is, to see my roommate lose such a big part of his life. You don't recover from these things, so like he said, it's about holding on to Jesus, the one who is greater.

Finally, LYC concluded just a couple hours ago. I finally have time to sit down and relax. LYC, Legacy Youth Conference, is an annual student lead youth conference here, which I've been blessed to be a part of for four years. I never had much involvement the first couple years, but the last two, I've really tried to be active in volunteering. I'm glad that I joined the prayer team this year because I've always loved to pray, though maybe not as enthusiastically as others, and prayer is where any and everything that I do begins. There were the goods and the bads with this conference, but it has been really refreshing for me to battle through the highs and lows of a prayer life. On Friday and much of Saturday, my heart sucked; my prayers, therefore, suffered. There was a very evident weighty-ness that was burdening many of us, and it just seemed that not very much was spirited. However, we persisted, and the conference ended on a fantastic note. I had the privilege to pray for many things, and it's amazing to watch and see God answer prayers and make things happen.

With my involvement in this LYC, I can really see more and more that I'm going to be someone who serves more than leads. During the last rally today, it was an anointing/healing service. We had prepared oil for youth leaders and pastors to anoint their youth with. All I did was stand there with a box of tissue and made myself available for anyone who wished to talk or be prayed for. It's amazing what a simple prayer can do for some of these teens. I'm very thankful I had the opportunity to pray for several of them.

There's just over a month left in school. I cannot wait, but like I mentioned over at my Tumblr, God's really telling me to be patient and just focus on the things in front of me. It's good to be eager and excited, but dangerous to have too much in both regards. So I'll just keep doing what I'm doing with hope and anticipation that many of my desires and wishes will come to fruition soon.