Strangers

We have said it many times, but I have to say it again: this lack of snow feels really strange! The entire drive down back to Calgary felt like the Spring time in April or May - there was basically no snow.

Thanks to my best friend, music, the drive wasn't all that bad; of course, it was long, but I managed because my mind pretty much went blank for those hours. That could also be a bad thing because it could imply that I'm not paying attention to the road. Haha. At the same time, I had to pay extra attention because it was really windy; so my car, being as light as it is, would swerve quite a bit if I wasn't careful. Speaking of windy drives, it seems every time that I've driven back home or to Calgary since the end of last year, it was really windy. Our climate is so messed up. I'm also quite certain that when winter hits, it's going to hit hard. When I say hard, I mean like nonstop snow for weeks, minus 40 temperatures for weeks - everything stops working. But at the same time, I could be way off and this will remain as our winter; so strange.

Anyways, now that I'm back in Calgary, I need to get back into the swing of things as soon as possible. It's tough for me to work myself up to these things because it seems that nothing I've done or have been a part of this year really fires me up. What kind of things?

Living in residence has been much better than I thought. People are friendly and give you the space you want. But on my end of things, I just haven't really adjusted. I'm already slow at being acclimatized to new environments, but I still haven't really met people here at school that I click with as well as some friends back home. To be fair though, I just compared life long relationships to people I've known for less than a year. Maybe I'm just disappointed because I look at the natural social butterflies and how they can get along with everyone instantly, and I wonder why I can't be like that.

Last year, and as my first year of Bible college, I loved what I studied; doing papers and reading was easy because I had such a passion and fire to learn more. I will never be a strong student, but I can always do well. And especially since coming to Ambrose, my marks have improved a lot. This first term of my second year though, I had a lot of trouble getting up to doing assignments and paying attention in class. As a result, I am somewhat scared to check my grades. I don't think I really failed anything, but my marks probably didn't meet the expectations that I had going into the term. And my expectations are really high, compared to what I've been able to achieve in the past. I only hope this term will be better.

As for my practicum, there isn't really any way that I can put it other than this: I just haven't found a way to fit in with this church. Fantastic pastors, very nice people, I just can't seem to "gel" with anyone or anything. It's incredibly strange and awkward for me because I normally LOVE going to church and being part of things. NEAC is a given for me to go, and I loved going to CCBC for the same reasons that I love my home church. This year though, I have started to notice that I've began growing a reluctance to go to church. Maybe it's the ministry that I'm uncomfortable with, or maybe I'm just not willing to try new things. At the end of the day, I just don't think youth ministry is for me. I feel awful for SGAC because I'm giving a half-assed effort most of the time and I'm just not giving what I can give. On my side, it's good because it's given me assurance on what my strengths and weaknesses are.

Anyways, there is still one thing on my mind regarding my call to ministry that I've been mulling over but not ready to really talk about it yet because it is largely affected by my mood and attitude as of late. So, while that progresses, I guess I'll just try to adjust life back to the way it was and try to look up.

Might as well be a stranger.