Oh No He Did'int

Yeah I did.

Read at your own discretion ;)

On Wednesday, March 24, 2010, around 2:00pm MST, a fellow was shopping in the West Edmonton Mall Sportchek. He walked through the store towards the back and saw the sexiest bike he had ever laid eyes upon. When he saw this bike, different parts of his body may have been feeling a bit tingly. However, this man saw that the bike was a little above his personal spending budget of approximately 69 cents. He was confused and a little disappointed.

So the fellow decided that the only way he'd be able to take this bike home, and spend special time with it, was to purchase it at no cost. However, there are some pretty greedy people in this world so that there was no way he'd be able to convince them to give him the bike, free of charge. With a sharp eye, the man spotted a security tag tied around the bar handles of the bike. He thought to himself, "if I could get this off, then these guys won't have to go through the hassle of wasting their time on me while I try to explain to them that I don't have enough money to pay for this; I can just take the bike, head on home and all will be good!"

As he proceeds to try to figure out ways to remove the security tag, he remembered that the jaw is probably the strongest and most suitable option to take the tag off. However, this little bad boy holds a little stronger than the fellow expected. A few people in black t-shirts, which looked like uniforms, offered to help him, but he insisted that he'd be able to do it himself; it was just never clearly stated that he could take the tag off himself without help.

After the unsuccessful attempt with the not-so-mighty jaw, this gentleman returns with a five inch bladed knife. He thought that, since raw power couldn't remove the tag, precision cutting with a sharp edge oughta do it. However, the knife decided to be a little bit dull today, making life more difficult for this guy. As he's hacking away at the rope securing the security tag on the bike, another skinny asian boy, who could play guitar and owns a blog, walks up to him to ask how he was doing - but the asian boy was doing it more out of curiousity at the vigorous sawing motions.

The Asian boy walks away completely confused at what this fellow was doing, but as sharp as he is, alerts a coworker to keep an eye on the fellow in the case that he needed some aid with the sawing. The fellow finally gives up and decide that he could just take the bike off the rack and walk it out the front because he had to get home to make special time for him and the bike. As he walks to the front of the store, he figured that he probably shouldn't get in everyone who's paying for their merchandise's way, so he ventures behind the cashier into the footwear department. At the sight of this, the Asian boy runs towards the front of the store with his coworker whom he alerted earlier, both screaming at a few other coworkers. The fellow gets confused at this sudden burst of ruckus, so in a bit of a panic, he hops on the bike and tries to jet the store.

However, the fellow caught on that we live in a rather large society where being large has become the norm, so he decided to follow. And due to this result, the fellow suddenly realized, as he's pedalling away at the bike, one of the familiar men in the black uniform has caught up to him while running.

.. and the rest is history.