I officially finished my first semester of post-secondary education yesterday. The amount of relief was incredible, not because I was exhausted from studying or anything, but because it's finally over. Looking back at the first semester, in a lot of ways, it can be deemed a failure of a semester but I don't like to see things that way. It was definitely a good learning experience for me to know what it's like being in university. In the past, I was able to get by without studying much at all, but now 90% of it comes from effort, so if you don't do your daily reviews and stuff, you're screwed, simple as that. I believe that's pretty common sense and obvious right? It is for me, but actually doing it isn't as easy as it may seem for a lot of people that have been doing it for years. I don't have the work ethic or motivation necessary to be able to do it, which makes my biggest weakness. It's a challenge for me to get up off my ass and open a textbook or binder and study my crap. And even when I do get to the point where I open up my books, staying focused is the next problem that I have because I get bored and distracted very easily; school not being a very high interest just adds to that. Then my efficiency of studying comes into play. Even if I somehow stay focused, I'm very inefficient at studying because of the lack of consistancy of studying over the years.
All in all, I've screwed myself over.
I became one of the many who went to university for the sake of going to university. It's a parent's dream to have their kids go into university and receive a degree in something that they love doing and end up with a good stable career somewhere down the road. So because everyone else is doing it, I did it too, and ultimately I went in blind. Going into university for the sole purpose of going in is pretty stupid if you ask me. I am applied for a BA in music major, but is that what I really want to do? Some might think so because I love music so much, but no, studying music is not even close to what I want to do for a career. Even if it was, I wouldn't know what kind of job I'd end up having with a music major. My take on music is another discussion so I won't say much more.
My first impressions of university were not too bad. I liked watching everyone scramble all over the place, people chillin and so proud that now they're living the 'big life', etc. But what about me? I am only here because this is where the crowd is. I went into university with a purpose of trying to find my passions so I can decide what I might want to pursue. I also figured that because I'm a year younger than most people, it'd be okay to use my first year to my advantage to find what I want. However, as the year progresses, I'm starting to think more and more that this year is making absolutely no progress in terms of finding my direction. Ultimately, this year could not be a bigger waste. I would make more progress in life if I took a year off and went to work or find something else to do instead of just going through the motions of a university life.
University is definitely what people say it is, but is it absolutely necessary? For a person like me, I don't think so, but that is because I have no direction in life. I wasted a semester taking courses that I don't even like, and yet I can't find anything decent enough to replace it. If this is not a semester gone to waste, I don't know what is. And it's not like I can say that I did well in this semester either. Calling grades like Cs and Ds progress is like watching the Toronto Maple Leafs game after game saying they're a good team and getting better.
But then again, who the hell should listen to what I have to say. For a majority of the people, university is the right direction to head because they already have their sights set on something achievable. Someone like me who's just wandering aimlessly shouldn't even have their opinion taken into account by anyone. I just hope that there's a hidden path somewhere out there that someone like me can find because I cannot possibly see myself doing another 3 years and a semester of this university business. Things take time and rushing it sometimes only make it worse. I will leave things here for now because I want to enjoy this Christmas...
OneRepublic - Stop and Stare
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