Turnaround?

Given my blogging frequency over the last couple of months, going a week without really feeling the need to blog is pretty weird. I almost felt obligated to just write something down so I don't feel bad about not logging onto Blogspot! Haha.

I did, however, think of a couple things I could potentially blog about over the last couple of days though; I just hadn't gotten around to it until now.

Strange, considering that on a day to day basis, I don't really have a NEED to wake up until 10:30am at the earliest (other than church), but I've still been quite tired over the last couple of days for whatever reason. I start classes at 11:15am on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but it's at 1:00pm every other day. I don't really stay up that late either, so I'm not sure why I am so tired! Maybe because I am always sitting down and don't really move a whole lot.

But anyways, I know I have bitched and moaned about pretty much everything lately, so I am sorry for that. I have to thank you so much for dealing with all of this! You, being whoever reads my stuff and takes time out to think about me. You're awesome. By the way, I know I can sometimes let out a curse word here and there, but in those times, curse words are the only way I can really use to fully express and get across what I'm trying to relay. Generally, I advocate against using them, but I do think there is a place for them in an everyday vocabulary. The only reason these "swear words" can be looked so harshly upon is because of the abuse they get in society. I came to this conclusion because one of my profs, during a class last term, used "bitching" in something he was saying and it kind of caught everyone off guard. I later came to think that in what he was saying, given the context and everything, that that was the right word to use because it helped him say what he needed to say. So yes, I do think swearing is okay given the right context; of course, you will try to avoid it, but it can be justified in certain times.

Moving on... Over the last few days, I noticed something really weird about myself. I am slowly becoming myself again! There were some really random moments in my day where I might have caught myself being joyful. After being in the dumps for more or less two or three months, I didn't know what it meant to be joyful anymore - or I'd forgotten. So the first time I found myself enjoying a specific time in my day, I was completely baffled at it. And over the course of the last couple days, I noticed it a few more times.

And when I think about it, there were a lot of little things that I did or unintentionally did that helped me get here. A lot of the things that I did were really cheesy and stupid, things you don't think I'd normally do. If you ask me, I really don't think I have a point or an event that lead me to this turnaround; it just sort of happened.

To finish off this post, I want to credit this man for being able to explain some of my favorite things better than I could ever dream of explaining them. These two videos basically sum up the way I normally live and the way I think we can all live to be able to make the most out of life. If you have some time in your day, give them a watch! I know this is a nerd talking about these things, but it's a lot more insightful than you might think. Trust me! I've linked them on my Tumblr a while ago, but I will put them here too!

 

^-- [Day9 on emotion]

^-- [Day9 on positivity]

I will watch these videos again before I go to bed. ^^;

Looking Ahead This Term

Because, for whatever reasons, our school like to start terms on Wednesdays, I finally got to have my "first class" for my final class this term, today. It is somewhat inconvenient because by this time, we're almost back full fledged into our routines and such. So suddenly having to plop in a class on Monday for the first time, it makes it seem a little awkward and lagging behind.

But anyways, since coming back to Calgary, I've become a ton more reserved. I'm not too sure why, but I just have had no desire to get involved with anything outside my room unless it was something I couldn't resist. So other than getting food, I left my room just a few times. As for anything of any significance, I played futsal one night. I must say that, not having kicked a ball since November (when I got shin splints), I was rather rusty. And because I hadn't built up any strength in my legs since doing pretty much nothing with them for a month and a half, I couldn't kick the ball properly. Haha. Also, early in September, I broke my juggling record again (I forget the exact number), but for the few times I tried last week, I had trouble breaking 20. /sadface

Yesterday, I rented some skates (because I left mine at home) and went to play some hockey at an outdoor rink nearby. For someone that hadn't skated since probably high school, I did okay. Other than my feet hurting FAR too much because the skates don't fit my feet width-wise, I was reminded of how bad a skater I am. I have no problem skating forward, making little turns here and there, and turning left via crossovers, but other than that, I clearly lacked the ability that I needed to keep up with the best players that played. Considering some of the guys that went actually play hockey, I guess it isn't a fair comparison! Anyways, I seem to always manage to pull off something crazy every game I play in sports. I had a breakaway and so I decided to try to be cheeky and pulled a move that required sticking my stick and puck underneath and between my own legs and then flipping it up into the net. Well, suffice to say, I pulled it off, then tripped over my own stick, fell onto the ice and made it seem like I did that on purpose by rolling over a few times flapping my arms and legs in the air. Embarrassing!

After some incredible fun, I woke up today with my hamstrings and quad muscles insanely sore! But it was worth it.

Ummm, coming back to the "school" side of things, I am not overly eager for this term because it is going to be incredibly busy. And especially now that winter has decided to finally pay everyone a visit, I'm more inclined to just hermit in my room more than I originally would have wanted to. Luckily, I still have one class that I will look forward to going to because it is taught by my favorite professor and advisor, Bill McAlpine! It is a Foundations to Church Ministry class - exactly the stuff that I am passionate about! Other than that though, I'm not too excited. As today was my first public speaking class, my prof sang us songs - awkward! It was incredibly cheesy. Unfortunately.

With the rest of my classes, it's a lot of repetitive and dry things, so I might not be too excited for much this term. With my practicum, I just hope that my heart can adjust to this church because I am honestly not doing a very good job to be excited to serve. It's so different from home and CCBC last year; I was so excited and took so much time out to prepare and think about the things I need or want to do at home, but with this church, it's a struggle. I actually wonder if it's because this is labeled as a practicum and I am being monitored and all that. Maybe, maybe not. Either way, I guess I have gained a little bit of experience in what it's like to not really want to, or at least be a little reluctant to, do ministry.

Homework starts tomorrow! Good thing I will be accompanied by this amazing track! So dreamy <3

Wait A Minute

Last night, a video surfaced all over the internet about a guy's poem saying how he loves Jesus but hates religion. While everyone seemed so blown away by what he said, I watched it a few more times and didn't really find myself all that fascinated. If you haven't seen it, here it is.

I give the guy props for what he did because I, for one, probably would never have the guts to make such a declaration in the fashion that he did. The poem was well written and you can tell he knows his stuff. So when I took a deeper look, this is what I've found.

First and foremost, I think the reason that any of us who relate to this is because we are Christians ourselves. Being Christians, it's very obvious, to a point where even "blind" see, that on a universal scale, we get thrown in with the rest of the "religions" in this world. And while everything in this video is quite true - yes, Christianity is quite different from most faiths - I didn't find it to be anything that profound. Well, you might be thinking "I just liked it because it's a good refresher, stop overreacting." I know quite well, and from experience, that things that you heard in this video will re-surface in time without you even knowing it. Anyways...

Jefferson Bethke, the man that wrote this, seems to be trying to separate Christianity with the rest of the world's religions. There's a lot of things in the video that Jefferson didn't address, so it's not safe for me to be assuming things like what caused him to write a poem like this; therefore, I can only speak from my own findings relating to what he said.

Many years ago, I was in this exact position that Jefferson is. I hated being called a "Christian" because I would look at the societies in this world and what sort of perceptions that arose if I told someone that I am a Christian. Not only with the way Christians are viewed, but I thought that people who didn't label themselves with any particular faith, they would probably just throw Christianity into a group with the rest of the religions in this world. So when people asked me, I told them that I am a follower of Jesus. As time progressed and as I grew older, I learned that being a follower of Jesus is really sketchy.

This character of Jesus defines what Christianity is, and at the same time it doesn't. What sets the boundaries for the different faiths is their view of who Jesus is and was. Most religions won't deny the existence of Jesus; the conflicts are found in who Jesus was. Some say that he was just a prophet, or a very influential person, a great teacher, etc. So by saying that I follow Jesus, what does that really mean? Because I could believe that Jesus was just a very influential person, nothing more, and still be a follower of him - much like if I was to say that I follow the teachings of Gandhi. Christianity sees Jesus as the one and only son of God, that he is one of the three persons in the Holy Trinity - fully God and fully human - and that he came to this earth to live a sin-free life and act as the sacrifice for our sins by dying on the cross in order for us to have a chance to be reunited with God. Three days after Jesus died, he rose again and ascended to the right hand of God. For simplicity's sake, I'm going to leave it there; but I think you should get the point of what I'm trying to say because for other religions, they won't agree with one or more of those points about who Jesus was.

So, coming back to this poem and video, this is why I don't think it's that mind blowing. Yes, it was very good and refreshing in helping us understand that we as Christians are different; but none of this should ever come as a surprise. For myself, I tried to distinguish myself as different when I was in this stage of my life because I didn't want to be put in the same category as those people that call themselves Christians and then go and sin left and right.

Then, when I started to read and study more of what the Bible says about our life as Christians, I began to learn that it's really no big deal - all of this is expected to happen. Jesus, himself, told his disciples that when they go do what Jesus commanded them to do, that they will be persecuted and mocked and every other bad thing you can find. As the Scriptures kept going, it was exactly what happened. And even further into the New Testament, there are some great passages that talk about this whole living as a Christian type of thing. In 1 Peter 4, there is a perfect example about being persecuted as a Christian:

¹² Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. ¹³ But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. ¹⁴ If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. ¹⁵ If you suffer, it should not be as a murderer or thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. ¹⁶ However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name.

This all comes back to the fact that we don't like to be labeled as a "religion" that sprouts this want to be separated from all the other organized religions.

Anyways, I can go on and on but I don't want to take away from a good job done by Jefferson Bethke on this subject. It's very good to listen to, and to act as a reminder, about our faith in God because he basically gave us the essentials of what Christianity really means. I just wanted to state that it isn't really anything new and nothing that we shouldn't have heard before.

I'm done. Haha.

Strangers

We have said it many times, but I have to say it again: this lack of snow feels really strange! The entire drive down back to Calgary felt like the Spring time in April or May - there was basically no snow.

Thanks to my best friend, music, the drive wasn't all that bad; of course, it was long, but I managed because my mind pretty much went blank for those hours. That could also be a bad thing because it could imply that I'm not paying attention to the road. Haha. At the same time, I had to pay extra attention because it was really windy; so my car, being as light as it is, would swerve quite a bit if I wasn't careful. Speaking of windy drives, it seems every time that I've driven back home or to Calgary since the end of last year, it was really windy. Our climate is so messed up. I'm also quite certain that when winter hits, it's going to hit hard. When I say hard, I mean like nonstop snow for weeks, minus 40 temperatures for weeks - everything stops working. But at the same time, I could be way off and this will remain as our winter; so strange.

Anyways, now that I'm back in Calgary, I need to get back into the swing of things as soon as possible. It's tough for me to work myself up to these things because it seems that nothing I've done or have been a part of this year really fires me up. What kind of things?

Living in residence has been much better than I thought. People are friendly and give you the space you want. But on my end of things, I just haven't really adjusted. I'm already slow at being acclimatized to new environments, but I still haven't really met people here at school that I click with as well as some friends back home. To be fair though, I just compared life long relationships to people I've known for less than a year. Maybe I'm just disappointed because I look at the natural social butterflies and how they can get along with everyone instantly, and I wonder why I can't be like that.

Last year, and as my first year of Bible college, I loved what I studied; doing papers and reading was easy because I had such a passion and fire to learn more. I will never be a strong student, but I can always do well. And especially since coming to Ambrose, my marks have improved a lot. This first term of my second year though, I had a lot of trouble getting up to doing assignments and paying attention in class. As a result, I am somewhat scared to check my grades. I don't think I really failed anything, but my marks probably didn't meet the expectations that I had going into the term. And my expectations are really high, compared to what I've been able to achieve in the past. I only hope this term will be better.

As for my practicum, there isn't really any way that I can put it other than this: I just haven't found a way to fit in with this church. Fantastic pastors, very nice people, I just can't seem to "gel" with anyone or anything. It's incredibly strange and awkward for me because I normally LOVE going to church and being part of things. NEAC is a given for me to go, and I loved going to CCBC for the same reasons that I love my home church. This year though, I have started to notice that I've began growing a reluctance to go to church. Maybe it's the ministry that I'm uncomfortable with, or maybe I'm just not willing to try new things. At the end of the day, I just don't think youth ministry is for me. I feel awful for SGAC because I'm giving a half-assed effort most of the time and I'm just not giving what I can give. On my side, it's good because it's given me assurance on what my strengths and weaknesses are.

Anyways, there is still one thing on my mind regarding my call to ministry that I've been mulling over but not ready to really talk about it yet because it is largely affected by my mood and attitude as of late. So, while that progresses, I guess I'll just try to adjust life back to the way it was and try to look up.

Might as well be a stranger.