I have officially completed another semester! It always feels so strange to be sitting in my room at night and hearing complete silence. The only noise that gets processed through my brain is the sound of my typing and the static that my ear hears. The static, or white noise or whatever - I'm not actually sure, is pretty interesting because I don't know how much of it I've always heard in my life. But ever since I moved to res at school, I've become much more aware of the silence I get at home. I have to say that I love it, though it can seem a bit creepy because I'm just not used to it anymore.
Either way, I'm so stoked to have, yet again, another Christmas to spend with my family and friends back home. The drive home was rather smooth; there was only a small portion near Leduc where the visibility was pretty bad due to the snow that had fallen earlier in the day. And when I got back into the city, there were a couple icy parts, but it wasn't unmanageable.
So, for the next two days, I'm just going to spend my time at home except for when I have to go play music for the youth ministry thing that I wrote about a while ago in being delegated as worship leader when I didn't even want to do it. As I am with trying new things, I'm always a bit reluctant, so I hope I have fun. Other than that, I'm probably going to try to make a trip or two to WEM before it gets overly busy with Christmas shopping.
Aside from those that I've mentioned, I don't really have plans at all! So if you aren't too cool for me, hit me up and we'll go do something! (=
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Sympathy
This morning, I woke up and felt rather excited to write my second final of my three in total. I didn't do too much studying for this class, but it was only because I felt I had a strong grasp on all the things we learned already. Theology From the Margins has been, by far, my favorite class of the semester. We got to learn about four different theologies within four different people groups, and how their view of the gospel and the Christian faith is so close to what we might consider classical Christianity or orthodoxy, and yet still be missing some things so that it isn't actually Christianity.
As much as I loved this class, it was a lot of work. Regrettably, it may have been the only class where I spent more than a single day on any assignment this term. Yes, that speaks to my sloppy work in most cases; but on the other hand, it also tells that I actually cared enough about this class to start my homework earlier than I needed to - partly because I had no choice.
Unfortunately, our term paper and the last assignment was due within the span of a week. And because the weeks that these two were due, I had several other assignments due. So, as it was in the last couple weeks of November, they were two weeks of death. I felt the effects of it too. After each assignment I finished, I felt so drained that I really had no idea that I'd be able to finish the next one. The effects of being drained meant I ended up handing a couple assignments in late - which is something I never do, by the way. So you might be able to tell that it really did take its toll on me.
However, back to this morning's final. I was excited to be able to walk out of my final and discuss the questions with my friend. However, as the exam started, he was nowhere to be seen; we ended up starting a few minutes late in hopes that he just slept in or something. But after a while, he never showed up, so we just started.
There were several points during the exam where I started to think about him, but I knew I had to finish the exam first. After I finished, I went to his room to see him watching a cartoon. I was kind of shocked to see that he didn't go to the exam. He told me he never actually handed the last two assignments in; and because of that, he thought he failed the class because it was a course where we had to submit all assignments to pass. So, I guess he thought that he failed, and just gave up.
As a dude, I'm terrible with this compassion stuff. I didn't know what to say. I don't even remember what I said. But the expression my friend had on his face was one of such defeat, I'm not sure anything I could've said would've done anything. It's really too bad, because he's one of the smartest guys I know; and to see him go down, probably burnt out, like that really hurts me.
All I remember is, as I walked out of his room, I said, "I don't want you to fail, ____." I think he needed his space, so that's why I didn't want to poke at him anymore. All I can really say is that I feel terrible. I don't know if he will pass the class now, and I don't know if he cares.
Well, I guess that it's a choice that was made; so, everyone will have to live with the consequences. It's one thing to get knocked down; but another to get knocked down and get back up, or to just lay their making friends with the ground.
As much as I loved this class, it was a lot of work. Regrettably, it may have been the only class where I spent more than a single day on any assignment this term. Yes, that speaks to my sloppy work in most cases; but on the other hand, it also tells that I actually cared enough about this class to start my homework earlier than I needed to - partly because I had no choice.
Unfortunately, our term paper and the last assignment was due within the span of a week. And because the weeks that these two were due, I had several other assignments due. So, as it was in the last couple weeks of November, they were two weeks of death. I felt the effects of it too. After each assignment I finished, I felt so drained that I really had no idea that I'd be able to finish the next one. The effects of being drained meant I ended up handing a couple assignments in late - which is something I never do, by the way. So you might be able to tell that it really did take its toll on me.
However, back to this morning's final. I was excited to be able to walk out of my final and discuss the questions with my friend. However, as the exam started, he was nowhere to be seen; we ended up starting a few minutes late in hopes that he just slept in or something. But after a while, he never showed up, so we just started.
There were several points during the exam where I started to think about him, but I knew I had to finish the exam first. After I finished, I went to his room to see him watching a cartoon. I was kind of shocked to see that he didn't go to the exam. He told me he never actually handed the last two assignments in; and because of that, he thought he failed the class because it was a course where we had to submit all assignments to pass. So, I guess he thought that he failed, and just gave up.
As a dude, I'm terrible with this compassion stuff. I didn't know what to say. I don't even remember what I said. But the expression my friend had on his face was one of such defeat, I'm not sure anything I could've said would've done anything. It's really too bad, because he's one of the smartest guys I know; and to see him go down, probably burnt out, like that really hurts me.
All I remember is, as I walked out of his room, I said, "I don't want you to fail, ____." I think he needed his space, so that's why I didn't want to poke at him anymore. All I can really say is that I feel terrible. I don't know if he will pass the class now, and I don't know if he cares.
Well, I guess that it's a choice that was made; so, everyone will have to live with the consequences. It's one thing to get knocked down; but another to get knocked down and get back up, or to just lay their making friends with the ground.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Empowerment - Pt. 2 // What It Looks Like
I have an overdue paper, another paper due Friday, and an entire course's worth of Greek assignments to finish - this doesn't even include the fact that my first final is on Friday. However, that's not going to stop me from blogging! Procrastination is my strength, after all. Haha.
It's been, what, 3 weeks since my first post on this subject? I won't lie, I've somewhat lost track of where I wanted to go from the end of my last post, but I'm going to do my best to pick it up from where I left off.
I remember being part of a conversation where it was made known to me that the group of "leaders" before the current group at the time never passed down anything they had learned or experienced from their times before they all left to do different things in their lives. As a result, the next group was forced to, not even pick up where they left off, but to start the whole thing all over again. I think I was in grade 12 when this conversation happened. It stood out to me so much because it made complete sense to me.
When I was young, there was a very strong group of leaders that did almost everything for us. They kind of paved the way, I'd even argue much more than any group of leaders had done so after they had left, for a strong community. The evidence is found in that, while many of them nowadays are off doing their own things in different parts of the world, they are still connected somehow.
Up to that point in the conversation, I really saw the people in my age range start to take leadership of the congregation. It wasn't all that obvious yet, because we were still on the cusp of breaking out. It was strange, but I saw it the whole time. I really felt that our group had the potential to become the leaders of, not only the congregation, but the church as well. I'm sure I'm not the only one that saw that. I think a huge reason for that was because we had to learn everything by ourselves - with guidance, of course. We had learned what it was like to have God run the show while we stood there as the instrument or even if it was simply just to watch as the story unfolded.
I was ready as well. I wanted so desperately to become a leader in the church. I wanted so badly to make sure that the group coming up after us would be able to not go through the growing pains that we did, to be able to learn and experience what we've been able to see because of God's grace. I wanted to empower as many people as I could.
I don't know how successful I was. If I think about it now, I don't think I was successful at all. It might have manifested a bit when I was still living in Edmonton, but it clearly didn't last. I don't know how much of what I did back then, is still influential in the way things happen now.
To be honest, before I really got to do much, God called me away from home. I wanted to do so much for my church, but God knew that it was time for me to move out; and, quite frankly, I couldn't have agreed more. At the time, it was time for me to move away from home.
So, the way that I look at it, right as I felt like I was going to really step out as a leader in the church, I had to leave. Sure, I managed a year on the English Ministry Committee, and I was one of the leaders of the worship team, but I don't think I really did much. I never got the chance to share with people all the things that I had learned over the years. I never got the chance to bring up someone who might have been entering high school or junior high, put them on a worship team, and let them see what it's like. Basically, I never got to pass down anything before I had to leave.
Actually, though, I really don't know what that would look like. I don't know what I'd actually be able to teach, tell, or whatever to anyone to make them realize and see the things that I see or from the way I see it. But the more I thought about it, I think what empowering someone would really look like, if it was up to me, is to allow someone to blossom into their own person in Christ. The only thing I can do, is open the pathway to let that happen. So, if it meant to have someone play alongside me on a Sunday, or just to hang out and get to know him or her, that already is empowerment. The whole point is to speak Jesus into people's lives, both ways, so that we feel moved into action and growth.
Empowerment doesn't mean that I am "better" or "more experienced" than you are, so I'm going to teach you. It's simply the community between people, where the sharing of experiences allow for each other to be built up in a way that they can each play to their own strengths and as an entire unified body, live for Christ.
When a group of people don't step up and pass along all their growth and experience to those that are not yet at the stage, it gets wasted. In my life time, I've seen it happen twice now; and it pains me every time I think about what could have been, but isn't. Church just becomes a vicious cycle where a group of people are forced to learning the ropes by themselves because they have no idea what happened to the people before them. And when they finally grow up and learn how to take on the leadership of a church, they aren't able to pass on anything they've learned either before they leave; so it just resets the cycle.
So then, how does it look like if it works? Well, I kind of touched on it a bit already. I don't think that someone needs to be an amazing worship leader, an amazing preacher, an amazing prayer warrior, or whatever to empower people. Sure, a lot of times it will be these people because they're the upfront and center figures that kind of lead the charge. But I feel like a lot of, and maybe even more so, are the people that just take time out of their week to go have coffee with someone. Make it a routine! Go every week. It's amazing how God works when a routine is developed. What do I mean? Try finding a specific time in the day to meet with God, whether by prayer or scripture; it'll be amazing. For example, wake up at 8am every morning to do your devos. When God knows that you've set a time in your schedule for him, he will meet you there. It's just like having appointments with people. It doesn't make any sense if you just casually go about saying, "here, let's meet," while not giving any details as to when you want to meet or where.
The whole idea of community is empowerment. Fellowship is empowerment. When there is fellowship, there is empowerment happening. The very thing with sharing life with people, whether in small groups or large, it allows for the Spirit to work. The more we share life with each other, the more we grow, and the more we learn about amazing things. So, instead of just being like, "oh my gosh, that worship leader is so cool! I wish I could be like him," (as if he was some sort of celebrity) you can say, "I know that guy! He's my friend; and we're tight!"
Eventually, these relationships get contagious. People start to see that the bond between a group of people are strong; and it'll stop them in their tracks, make them turn towards the community, and want to be part of that community. So, it's extremely important to remain open as a group. Don't make it exclusive. Jesus is not exclusive; he died for all. Some of us just choose not to want him; so it's even more important to reach out to those that are struggling. You see where I'm going with this? I hope so.
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I [Jesus] with them." - Matthew 18:20
It's been, what, 3 weeks since my first post on this subject? I won't lie, I've somewhat lost track of where I wanted to go from the end of my last post, but I'm going to do my best to pick it up from where I left off.
I remember being part of a conversation where it was made known to me that the group of "leaders" before the current group at the time never passed down anything they had learned or experienced from their times before they all left to do different things in their lives. As a result, the next group was forced to, not even pick up where they left off, but to start the whole thing all over again. I think I was in grade 12 when this conversation happened. It stood out to me so much because it made complete sense to me.
When I was young, there was a very strong group of leaders that did almost everything for us. They kind of paved the way, I'd even argue much more than any group of leaders had done so after they had left, for a strong community. The evidence is found in that, while many of them nowadays are off doing their own things in different parts of the world, they are still connected somehow.
Up to that point in the conversation, I really saw the people in my age range start to take leadership of the congregation. It wasn't all that obvious yet, because we were still on the cusp of breaking out. It was strange, but I saw it the whole time. I really felt that our group had the potential to become the leaders of, not only the congregation, but the church as well. I'm sure I'm not the only one that saw that. I think a huge reason for that was because we had to learn everything by ourselves - with guidance, of course. We had learned what it was like to have God run the show while we stood there as the instrument or even if it was simply just to watch as the story unfolded.
I was ready as well. I wanted so desperately to become a leader in the church. I wanted so badly to make sure that the group coming up after us would be able to not go through the growing pains that we did, to be able to learn and experience what we've been able to see because of God's grace. I wanted to empower as many people as I could.
I don't know how successful I was. If I think about it now, I don't think I was successful at all. It might have manifested a bit when I was still living in Edmonton, but it clearly didn't last. I don't know how much of what I did back then, is still influential in the way things happen now.
To be honest, before I really got to do much, God called me away from home. I wanted to do so much for my church, but God knew that it was time for me to move out; and, quite frankly, I couldn't have agreed more. At the time, it was time for me to move away from home.
So, the way that I look at it, right as I felt like I was going to really step out as a leader in the church, I had to leave. Sure, I managed a year on the English Ministry Committee, and I was one of the leaders of the worship team, but I don't think I really did much. I never got the chance to share with people all the things that I had learned over the years. I never got the chance to bring up someone who might have been entering high school or junior high, put them on a worship team, and let them see what it's like. Basically, I never got to pass down anything before I had to leave.
Actually, though, I really don't know what that would look like. I don't know what I'd actually be able to teach, tell, or whatever to anyone to make them realize and see the things that I see or from the way I see it. But the more I thought about it, I think what empowering someone would really look like, if it was up to me, is to allow someone to blossom into their own person in Christ. The only thing I can do, is open the pathway to let that happen. So, if it meant to have someone play alongside me on a Sunday, or just to hang out and get to know him or her, that already is empowerment. The whole point is to speak Jesus into people's lives, both ways, so that we feel moved into action and growth.
Empowerment doesn't mean that I am "better" or "more experienced" than you are, so I'm going to teach you. It's simply the community between people, where the sharing of experiences allow for each other to be built up in a way that they can each play to their own strengths and as an entire unified body, live for Christ.
When a group of people don't step up and pass along all their growth and experience to those that are not yet at the stage, it gets wasted. In my life time, I've seen it happen twice now; and it pains me every time I think about what could have been, but isn't. Church just becomes a vicious cycle where a group of people are forced to learning the ropes by themselves because they have no idea what happened to the people before them. And when they finally grow up and learn how to take on the leadership of a church, they aren't able to pass on anything they've learned either before they leave; so it just resets the cycle.
So then, how does it look like if it works? Well, I kind of touched on it a bit already. I don't think that someone needs to be an amazing worship leader, an amazing preacher, an amazing prayer warrior, or whatever to empower people. Sure, a lot of times it will be these people because they're the upfront and center figures that kind of lead the charge. But I feel like a lot of, and maybe even more so, are the people that just take time out of their week to go have coffee with someone. Make it a routine! Go every week. It's amazing how God works when a routine is developed. What do I mean? Try finding a specific time in the day to meet with God, whether by prayer or scripture; it'll be amazing. For example, wake up at 8am every morning to do your devos. When God knows that you've set a time in your schedule for him, he will meet you there. It's just like having appointments with people. It doesn't make any sense if you just casually go about saying, "here, let's meet," while not giving any details as to when you want to meet or where.
The whole idea of community is empowerment. Fellowship is empowerment. When there is fellowship, there is empowerment happening. The very thing with sharing life with people, whether in small groups or large, it allows for the Spirit to work. The more we share life with each other, the more we grow, and the more we learn about amazing things. So, instead of just being like, "oh my gosh, that worship leader is so cool! I wish I could be like him," (as if he was some sort of celebrity) you can say, "I know that guy! He's my friend; and we're tight!"
Eventually, these relationships get contagious. People start to see that the bond between a group of people are strong; and it'll stop them in their tracks, make them turn towards the community, and want to be part of that community. So, it's extremely important to remain open as a group. Don't make it exclusive. Jesus is not exclusive; he died for all. Some of us just choose not to want him; so it's even more important to reach out to those that are struggling. You see where I'm going with this? I hope so.
"For where two or three gather in my name, there am I [Jesus] with them." - Matthew 18:20
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
A Couple of Thoughts
Going to bed or reading/writing paper would be much more productive right now, but there's a couple things that's been on my mind recently; so I'll just jot down my thoughts and then go to bed in hopes that I'll have more energy for tomorrow.
Oh! Before I continue, sorry about not having my second part to my empowering thing up yet. Who would've thought that if I left papers to the last minute that I'd be so busy? I'll try to have it up this weekend.
The first thing that's been on my mind has actually been a slow progression throughout the latter half of my life and then suddenly took a spike up since coming to Ambrose. Several years back, I was at a training with a bunch of people who I had just met for the first time that week, and also a few people that I had come to know prior to that training. There were a few odd occasions where a few jabs, just for funzies, at how there are Asians among the group and how if we do something, it's acceptable or at least understandable because we're Asian.
Later on one night, I was asked by a Caucasian how I felt about these jabs of being Asian. At the time, since I had been around Asians for most of my life, I never had a problem when I was out with people of different ethnicities where there might be a fun joke about how I do something, or could do something, because of the fact that I'm Asian. At the time, I actually thought it was pretty funny that people would actually notice that I'm Asian.
However, I brushed off that question and kind of shoved it to the back of my mind. I didn't forget about it completely because I noted the fact that my friend who had asked the question seemed pretty serious about it.
Since coming to Ambrose, I became one of just a handful of Asians in the school, especially in ministry - I may have been one of maybe only two or three. And on a different note, everybody has their little quirks about them. Of course, I have mine as well. Slowly, these little Asian jabs started to come back up - for fun of course, and I didn't mind.
I'm good at soccer? Oh, I'm Asian. I'm good at music? Oh, it's because I'm Asian. I do this and that? It's alright, I'm Asian. I had no issues with this until recently. I realize that it's all just for jokes and fun, but I really have to admit, it starts to wear on me and get old. I used to laugh and play along with these jokes, but I've caught myself at times now not even responding to it. If I'm in a good mood, maybe I'll still crack up the joke, but on any other day, it's almost annoying. If I had to guess, there's probably one Asian on each floor of my residence. I wonder if they experience the same things. I wonder if people of a different ethnicity does as well? There's a couple black people in res, and a couple of some mixed Latin American too, I'm sure.
Yeah, I went on a little bit long with that vent. Oops.
The second thing I want to touch on is about the year of 2011/2012 at Ambrose. I've talked repeatedly about how I had such an awful year. The thing is, as this year is progressing, I'm hearing more and more about how people had same experiences last year as well. I'm wondering if it's a strange coincidence? Or is it just that I'm noticing it when people are sharing because I went through it last year as well? It's so weird that I've now heard on several different occasions about people coming out to share about how at some point during the last year that they were either ready to kill themselves or give up God completely. I mean, I've shared my experience on a couple of occasions now; and there's others that are doing the same.
The one thing in common with all of our stories is that no one came out to ask for help or support during the time that we were going through it. It's just so strange how the forces of evil work in this world. You could be so immersed into a culture full of people, and yet be so incredibly isolated at the same time. It only takes one little peak off to the side of the road. If the devil catches you with just the one small glance away from God, he'll scare you off the path. Once you've strayed from the path, he continues to scare you until you're cornered and you have nowhere to go.
It's crazy how so many of us went through such similar pains and struggles. This, though, all the more reinforces the idea that the very moment we realize there's potential for us to stumble, we absolutely NEED to approach people for support and most importantly cling onto Jesus.
It blew my mind when I heard someone else tell their story; and it still blows my mind that I wasn't alone.
I'm done. Time to go to bed and then hammer out 2500 words tomorrow.
Oh! Before I continue, sorry about not having my second part to my empowering thing up yet. Who would've thought that if I left papers to the last minute that I'd be so busy? I'll try to have it up this weekend.
The first thing that's been on my mind has actually been a slow progression throughout the latter half of my life and then suddenly took a spike up since coming to Ambrose. Several years back, I was at a training with a bunch of people who I had just met for the first time that week, and also a few people that I had come to know prior to that training. There were a few odd occasions where a few jabs, just for funzies, at how there are Asians among the group and how if we do something, it's acceptable or at least understandable because we're Asian.
Later on one night, I was asked by a Caucasian how I felt about these jabs of being Asian. At the time, since I had been around Asians for most of my life, I never had a problem when I was out with people of different ethnicities where there might be a fun joke about how I do something, or could do something, because of the fact that I'm Asian. At the time, I actually thought it was pretty funny that people would actually notice that I'm Asian.
However, I brushed off that question and kind of shoved it to the back of my mind. I didn't forget about it completely because I noted the fact that my friend who had asked the question seemed pretty serious about it.
Since coming to Ambrose, I became one of just a handful of Asians in the school, especially in ministry - I may have been one of maybe only two or three. And on a different note, everybody has their little quirks about them. Of course, I have mine as well. Slowly, these little Asian jabs started to come back up - for fun of course, and I didn't mind.
I'm good at soccer? Oh, I'm Asian. I'm good at music? Oh, it's because I'm Asian. I do this and that? It's alright, I'm Asian. I had no issues with this until recently. I realize that it's all just for jokes and fun, but I really have to admit, it starts to wear on me and get old. I used to laugh and play along with these jokes, but I've caught myself at times now not even responding to it. If I'm in a good mood, maybe I'll still crack up the joke, but on any other day, it's almost annoying. If I had to guess, there's probably one Asian on each floor of my residence. I wonder if they experience the same things. I wonder if people of a different ethnicity does as well? There's a couple black people in res, and a couple of some mixed Latin American too, I'm sure.
Yeah, I went on a little bit long with that vent. Oops.
The second thing I want to touch on is about the year of 2011/2012 at Ambrose. I've talked repeatedly about how I had such an awful year. The thing is, as this year is progressing, I'm hearing more and more about how people had same experiences last year as well. I'm wondering if it's a strange coincidence? Or is it just that I'm noticing it when people are sharing because I went through it last year as well? It's so weird that I've now heard on several different occasions about people coming out to share about how at some point during the last year that they were either ready to kill themselves or give up God completely. I mean, I've shared my experience on a couple of occasions now; and there's others that are doing the same.
The one thing in common with all of our stories is that no one came out to ask for help or support during the time that we were going through it. It's just so strange how the forces of evil work in this world. You could be so immersed into a culture full of people, and yet be so incredibly isolated at the same time. It only takes one little peak off to the side of the road. If the devil catches you with just the one small glance away from God, he'll scare you off the path. Once you've strayed from the path, he continues to scare you until you're cornered and you have nowhere to go.
It's crazy how so many of us went through such similar pains and struggles. This, though, all the more reinforces the idea that the very moment we realize there's potential for us to stumble, we absolutely NEED to approach people for support and most importantly cling onto Jesus.
It blew my mind when I heard someone else tell their story; and it still blows my mind that I wasn't alone.
I'm done. Time to go to bed and then hammer out 2500 words tomorrow.
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