Going to bed or reading/writing paper would be much more productive right now, but there's a couple things that's been on my mind recently; so I'll just jot down my thoughts and then go to bed in hopes that I'll have more energy for tomorrow.
Oh! Before I continue, sorry about not having my second part to my empowering thing up yet. Who would've thought that if I left papers to the last minute that I'd be so busy? I'll try to have it up this weekend.
The first thing that's been on my mind has actually been a slow progression throughout the latter half of my life and then suddenly took a spike up since coming to Ambrose. Several years back, I was at a training with a bunch of people who I had just met for the first time that week, and also a few people that I had come to know prior to that training. There were a few odd occasions where a few jabs, just for funzies, at how there are Asians among the group and how if we do something, it's acceptable or at least understandable because we're Asian.
Later on one night, I was asked by a Caucasian how I felt about these jabs of being Asian. At the time, since I had been around Asians for most of my life, I never had a problem when I was out with people of different ethnicities where there might be a fun joke about how I do something, or could do something, because of the fact that I'm Asian. At the time, I actually thought it was pretty funny that people would actually notice that I'm Asian.
However, I brushed off that question and kind of shoved it to the back of my mind. I didn't forget about it completely because I noted the fact that my friend who had asked the question seemed pretty serious about it.
Since coming to Ambrose, I became one of just a handful of Asians in the school, especially in ministry - I may have been one of maybe only two or three. And on a different note, everybody has their little quirks about them. Of course, I have mine as well. Slowly, these little Asian jabs started to come back up - for fun of course, and I didn't mind.
I'm good at soccer? Oh, I'm Asian. I'm good at music? Oh, it's because I'm Asian. I do this and that? It's alright, I'm Asian. I had no issues with this until recently. I realize that it's all just for jokes and fun, but I really have to admit, it starts to wear on me and get old. I used to laugh and play along with these jokes, but I've caught myself at times now not even responding to it. If I'm in a good mood, maybe I'll still crack up the joke, but on any other day, it's almost annoying. If I had to guess, there's probably one Asian on each floor of my residence. I wonder if they experience the same things. I wonder if people of a different ethnicity does as well? There's a couple black people in res, and a couple of some mixed Latin American too, I'm sure.
Yeah, I went on a little bit long with that vent. Oops.
The second thing I want to touch on is about the year of 2011/2012 at Ambrose. I've talked repeatedly about how I had such an awful year. The thing is, as this year is progressing, I'm hearing more and more about how people had same experiences last year as well. I'm wondering if it's a strange coincidence? Or is it just that I'm noticing it when people are sharing because I went through it last year as well? It's so weird that I've now heard on several different occasions about people coming out to share about how at some point during the last year that they were either ready to kill themselves or give up God completely. I mean, I've shared my experience on a couple of occasions now; and there's others that are doing the same.
The one thing in common with all of our stories is that no one came out to ask for help or support during the time that we were going through it. It's just so strange how the forces of evil work in this world. You could be so immersed into a culture full of people, and yet be so incredibly isolated at the same time. It only takes one little peak off to the side of the road. If the devil catches you with just the one small glance away from God, he'll scare you off the path. Once you've strayed from the path, he continues to scare you until you're cornered and you have nowhere to go.
It's crazy how so many of us went through such similar pains and struggles. This, though, all the more reinforces the idea that the very moment we realize there's potential for us to stumble, we absolutely NEED to approach people for support and most importantly cling onto Jesus.
It blew my mind when I heard someone else tell their story; and it still blows my mind that I wasn't alone.
I'm done. Time to go to bed and then hammer out 2500 words tomorrow.
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