Food

So, there are always those things that people seem to tell you, and at the time you hear it you don't think too much about it, but some time later it totally comes true and you get one of those "I told you so" type of moments.

Last year, and I didn't think it was possible, but I lost over 10 pounds over the course of the school year. It was quite visible too, according to some people, about how I had gotten skinnier. Funny, because I didn't think I could; but apparently, I can. So over the four months that I was home, I tried to gain it back - it kind of worked.

I swore to myself that I was not going to let this occur again this year. A month and a half of school later, I think it might happen. I cannot stand eating cafeteria food everyday. It tastes awful, and is hardly ever filling to the point that it can put me through to the next meal. The worst thing about it is that it is so bloody expensive. If it didn't cost an arm or a leg every time I wanted to get something to eat, maybe I wouldn't be as reluctant to go get something. I remember, and had a good guess that it'd be true, years ago when some people told me that cafeteria food is awful to be living on. I didn't think that it'd actually come to a point where I'd be living off of cafe food.

I haven't intentionally done it, but I've caught myself trying to get around it a few times: I've skipped some meals. The best example will be that over the last two days, I didn't eat lunch. Sure, I've been tight on time for doing my paper, but I still think that it is inexcusable that I'm not eating enough. And because I'm not eating enough, I am reminded of what it feels like to have next to no energy or ability to function because of the lack of food in my stomach. It kind of sucks.

So my eating habits are pretty bad already, and I sure as heck hope that it doesn't come down to me losing weight again because I'm already skinny enough.

The challenge now is that I find a way to stay full! If you ask me, I'd probably choose to be getting fat rather than getting skinny now in the state that I'm in. Don't get me wrong though! I still prefer to be skinny over being fat; but my point is that if I had to choose between getting fat off cafeteria food over getting skinny, I'd pick fat. Because I don't like being hungry!

Oh well, I'll learn to deal (=

Slap In the Face!

Every year, it seems like I am lazy as heck to start off a school year. I've been in school for a lot of years now, and it has never changed. So as it's been the same again this year, I've been incredibly lazy - more so than I was last year. I think that last year was a pleasant surprise because I had never found such joy in being in school and studying something that I was passionate about. But with this being my second year, I kind of unintentionally carried that entitlement in thinking that I know what this is all about.

People talk about the "sophomore jinx" in sports and how when a player gets complacent, they stop trying as hard after their first year because they know what's up. So, with that being said, I've been absolutely brutal this year.

Usually, it takes something to slap me in the face that will wake me up and scare me in order for me to really start working. I think that's happened now. Unfortunately, it happened a little too late and I am quite potentially screwed.

As today is Wednesday, these are some of the things that I am facing over the next few days. Tomorrow, I have a Greek exam; it is a given that a few hours will be needed to study for this because I need to memorize the vocab and learn all the rules of how the words work. I also have to get together with my Sociology group tomorrow to put our presentation together and get ready to present on Tuesday. At night, I'm going to be going to church to have a worship practice with people I have never played with before. Automatically, that takes another few hours out of my day. All of this is kind of hindering at what I really want to focus on the most: my Practical Theology paper. This beast of a thing is to be ten to twelve pages, and just today have I started to do my research - it's due on Monday. This weekend, I'm going to have to also put together a couple of somewhat minor papers for my Practicum Reflection class, but they're not as minor in the sense that my prof is very particular about what and how he wants the paper to be done. My first paper, although it was my fault for forgetting about it, shows that certain profs like things done in ways that others may not. With the weekend approaching, I have to meet my practicum peoples on Friday; then there is a missions conference over the weekend which I am helping with worship.

Now that I seem to have woken up from the "summer syndrome" that kept me from being productive for the first month and a half of school, I am finally finding the ability to focus - kind of. The main concern for me is the theology paper on communion but there are so many other little assignments and stuff that I need to do, it makes for a very choppy and itchy progress.

So now that I'm about to go for supper, hoping that it tastes good tonight, I guess I found some time to blog and vent out some of the things that I need to do. I would never intentionally put myself into this position for being so cramped for time; but hey, this is my biggest weakness after all. I just hope that I can finish things to the quality that I'd like them to be because I know what I'm capable of, the laziness just prevents me from doing that.

GET TO WORK!

Giving Thanks

I think it's an annual thing (duh!) where everyone writes off a list of things that they are grateful for when the time of Thanksgiving comes around.

And of course, we're also going to complain about why we don't live like this everyday and only be thankful for one weekend of the year.

Anyways, I am specially thankful for my parents. I've said this a few times before, but I strongly believe that I have the best parents in the world. Obviously, almost everyone will disagree with me and I can totally understand, since "best" is usually of an opinion anyway. Regardless, there is nothing that will or could change my mind about thinking that though, about having the #1 parents in the world.

I keep thinking about where I am, and then thinking about how much of it has to do with my parents. Simply speaking, the only reason that I am today is because of my parents. And really, that's about all that needs to be said. I am a living testimony of my parents work, and there is no way I could ever even come close to being a portion of the parent that my parents are. The only reason why people would think highly of me is because of the reputation and status that my parents have held me up to.

I could go on and on, but I feel that this is quite enough to be said.

(=

A State of Trance

Tonight just may be one of my favorite Sunday nights of all time. To kind of throw you right into where I'm right now, paint yourself this picture -

You're sitting in your bed, covers pulled up to your waist and your back leaning on your pillow. Your laptop is sitting gently on your lap and you have your earphones plugged into your ears from your computer. There's a lot of things happening outside; but right now, you just don't give a damn. The music that's flowing from the computer to your ears is just so calm and soothing to your mind. You're in a state of trance, of solitude. Nothing else matters right now and you can just about feel every muscle in your body being relaxed. Not a care in the world.

The only thing that I left open was what kind of music was playing. Recently, and partly because I haven't been able to find some good new music, I've diverted to a lot of electronica. Just a few years ago, I was never a fan of electronica because I felt the music never had any flow or any structure to it. All it ever was were just beats and a catchy little riff or something that lasted a few minutes. But I can legitimately say that there's some talent out there now with the electronica that's being produced. And no, I don't mean club music or any of that kind of stuff.

Okay, maybe a bit of it can be played in clubs, but they're better. Or maybe my tastes have just changed? Who knows. But I've discovered something so full of bliss with this kind of music - it captivates my entire spirit, it seems. Most of what I'm listening to is really calm, engaging and relaxing music. You can call it musical therapy.

So tonight, coincidentally, a lot of my friends and I just so happened to be expecting a long night of work or studying. I know how grueling these nights can be so I decided to try to do something to make it more fun and lighten it up a bit! I threw out a challenge on Facebook that seemed to spread even beyond just my circle of friends! Definitely a proud moment. So I gathered all the pictures that I had seen with my friends work stations and posted them into one post on my Tumblr if you want to see.

I know that it ultimately might have hindered my productivity, but I'll trade my work for good fellowship and bonding time any day. It's all about relationships after all ain't it?

So anyways, as I sit in my bed in the situation that I described above, I am listening to my music and I'm absolutely in a state of trance. Everything that I'm typing out right now is literally all that I'm thinking about, translated from my brain to my fingers. There isn't another thought outside of one other one, that I haven't typed on this blog post over the last several minutes. And I feel like that thought probably isn't worth sharing, haha.

To be honest, I haven't felt this relaxed mentally in a very long time. I'm sure I'll eventually come back to gripes with all that I need to do, but I feel like this is so good for me and a lot of other people: to have that time in the day where they can just relax and drift away for a long time and not care about it at all.

In case you're wondering about what I'm listening to and want to search some of it up, you can! Aside from a lot of that popular and "mainstream" electronica like the trance and techno crap that is out there, I'm listening to Blue Sky Black Death and Ludique. I will warn you now that this isn't music for everyone. It's just what I found works for me. It's really helped me calm myself and sometimes I just don't want to escape from the state that I've been put into. Haha.

So with September being out of the way, I hope everyone has had a good first month and are excited and looking forward to all the sweet happenings that October has to offer!

The next thing I need to work on is silence.