This post has the potential to contain some harsh and borderline inappropriate words.
Guys are normally "big picture" type of people. There are always exceptions where some guys do care enough for the details; however, there is no chance that a guy can match a girl at details - they're just on another level. I know I've done it before, and I know you have too. What have we done? When there is something, often a message, that you're trying to deliver to someone but don't want to be a dick about it, you often try to drop a hint subtly and hope they notice. I've thrown these out tons of times, and when I get a dirty look, I know I did my job. Okay, there is the cocky side of me. Yeah, I know you've done it before. When I do it, it's never a personal attack. I do it most of the time as a joke, or for funzies. I will never deliberately attack another person's character because I respect who they are. If there is something I feel that I need to express about that person, I will - most of the time - tell it to them in a semi-polite manner. If it is just something that I personally can`t cope with, I`ll often leave it alone because I know that it's just my problem that I can't agree with their whatever. But if I feel that it needs to be addressed because it goes beyond affecting me, then of course, I'm going to let them know.
However, recently I've noticed a few of these little minor detailed attacks. Instead of just trying to subtly drop it when I'm around so that I might catch it, they take it a step further and attack the areas that I influence. Some of you avid followers of my blog may remember reading me talking about how it seems everyone knows me and what I'm capable of. Not everyone has a natural ability to lead, and oddly enough I have a bit of that. So it means that I'm going to be able to influence the way some people act. And also, I've mentioned before that when you invite someone to live in your household, they can very potentially change the dynamics of your home; and I always feel like I've been doing that, even if it's not for the good. Unfortunately, they're too much of a wuss to tell me that I need to lay off a bit, so they attack my areas of influence. Or maybe they're just trying to be nice and let me be me, but trying to take indirect shots by eliminating the things I accomplish - so to speak. Basically what this mean is, they're disapproving the person that I am by controlling those that have taken something from my character. I know that I'm beating around the bush a lot, but let me try to draw a comparison for you. Let's say you have a kid. You teach your kid to act and behave a certain way. But one day, someone comes along, sees your kid act or behave a certain way, and then say to your kid that he/she is dumb and shouldn't be doing that. By calling out your kid, that person pretty much insults you and the way you are too because of what you taught your kid. Are you offended yet?
Anyways, what I was writing about may have made absolutely no sense to you; but to me, it's a big deal because my character is being attacked. I would like to think that anyone who knows me knows that I would never intentionally do something that would potentially harm someone or something. Yeah, I'm not the smartest so sometimes my decisions aren't the best; but it doesn't mean that there's a cruel intention behind it. If you have a better way of doing something, be my guest; just don't take shots at me by trying to "correct" something that resulted from who I am. If you really, really want to know the exact details to this, just talk to me. I wouldn't mind a chance to kind of vent a little bit either.
And at the end of the day (just in case you're like "oh, nathan"), I know I need to get used to these things and can't take "feedback" so seriously. I know that if I'm going to do what I think God wants me to do, I have to be able to handle these things. I'm writing about them because I care and I'm always looking to improve who I am. In my Christian Spirituality class, we talked briefly about how we can know that we are living in God's will. And I think what I talked about ties pretty well into all of this because how do you know if you're doing the right thing? A really abbreviated answer that we got was that if you're living by faith in God, genuine faith, then you're living in his will. When Jesus said multiple times "follow me", he doesn't say where to; and I think that it is just brilliant because it sprouts your curiosity and the only way you'll find out where you're going is if you follow. So, it's a lot alike in that same sense that if you're chasing after God's heart with your faith, then you'll be fine.
So, how does five papers in three weeks sound? I like writing papers that ask for my view or opinion. I, however, don't like writing papers that require me to do 20 hours of research just to maybe get an A. My plan is to get the easy ones out of the way as fast as I can, so I can focus on the biggies. There is quite the possibility of me getting owned this month. But because we're there..
... Hello weekend! Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour!
Friday, November 5, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Half Of One
After hitting ten posts in October, and it being the first time I hit the double digits in the year of o'ten, I was pretty proud of myself. Actually, I had to restrain myself from blogging every single day, because it seemed that I had something to say everyday. And now that November has began, I will give a quick update on my edumacation... and of course, other things.
The first two months of school has passed by incredibly quickly. September rolled and I got left in the dust. October came around, and I kind of caught up until the last week-ish. Having school just four days a week make my weeks feel so much shorter because I really don't do a whole lot on Mondays unless I have a test or something due that week. So, like this week, I don't have anything huge, so I'm not really doing anything. On Tuesdays, my week will start and before I know it, it's Friday.
Last week, I had two midterms, one quiz, and one paper compacted into two days. I devised a freakin' genius plan that would help me be able to do all of that. But it failed. Miserably. One: I barely studied. Two: I forgot I had a geography quiz. Three: I only did my paper to the extend that I was satisfied. Four: I hoped that I'd do well on at least one of the 3 tests, but did well on none. I think I got 69% on my geography quiz, because with these things, you either know it or you don't. So guessing can only take you so far. Thankfully I had 100% on first two geography tests, so the 69% doesn't sting so bad. Thankfully, the entire Theology class thought the midterm was hard. To take from a classmates words, "I thought I studied, but when I looked at the test, I didn't know anything." Thankfully, my Old Testament midterm was more heavily weighted towards the geography side. With the geography side worth half of the test, I'm quite confident I got all of that; for the rest of the exam, I knew probably around half of that too; so, if all went well, I might still have eeked out a 75%.
So in a bit of a chaotic fashion, I had two papers, two midterms, one quiz that needed to be done in the span of three class days. Thankfully there was a weekend after my first paper was due. Anyways, like I've said many times, I am really thankful for anyone that still takes the time to think about me. I might have mentioned it on my blog - if not, it was in my email update - that it's hard for a student like me to get to know a whole lot of people because I live so far away and I'm not from the greater Calgary area. But in October, I've got to get introduced to some more people and I'm glad that I had people I can actually approach to talk to now. I know I'm really slow at this, but I know I'm going to be able to get there, even if it takes all year. November is going to be a ridiculously hectic month. Right now, I'm kind of entering the eye of the storm. I get a really easy week this week, with a short assignment due on Wednesday, but nothing else that really needs to be done. But starting next week, there is quite the possibility that I get destroyed by the amount that I'm going to need to do. I managed to make it through the first wave of things okay, but this second wave is about twice as difficult. I'm kind of intimidated by my theology term paper because of what the requirements are. It's an 8-10 page essay that requires 15 scholarly sources. It's pretty much a really dry paper because it's just all about me demonstrating that I know my stuff. I didn't do great in my first year English papers, but I improved drastically as the year went on, so hopefully the trend continues.
In church, I continue to do Sunday school, lead worship once a week, and do Bible study once a month for the youth group. People, apparently, keep hearing incredible things about me that I don't even know where it came from. I don't know why, but the more I attend this church, the more I don't feel right. I may have just thrown a grenade out by saying that, but I'm being honest. I don't know what it is. Is it an alliance versus baptist thing? Is it because it's a tiny church? Is it because of the people? I'm trying to figure it out. Normally, I love to go to church; I would look for excuses to be at church. Right now, and it's definitely not a good thing, but I'm almost trying to avoid it? I'm not trying to avoid church in general, but the one that I am attending. Again, another grenade may have been tossed, but I'll take my chances. I've been running all sorts of situations through my head, trying to simulate several instances where someone might have been in the same situation that I'm in, so I can find out why I might be feeling this way. I have my opinions, but this is a scenario that played out in my head. It's not directed at a certain church, but it's a thought that I got when I saw something.
It's fifteen minutes before the start of service, and the church parking lot is empty. There are a couple cars parked on the side of the road that belonged to the people who are serving on the day, but nothing more. The pastor pulls in, and the family goes into the church. It's now five minutes passed the service start time, and the pastor is in his office as he takes a peak at the watch and says to himself "let's give it a few more minutes". Finally, towards fifteen minutes passed the start time, the worship leader steps on to the stage and starts his welcoming. There are about five or six people sitting in the congregation, and they're sitting close to the back. As worship progresses, people finally start to pile in and things seem to be rolling again. At that service, there is a new visitor that has just moved into the city and is looking for a new church to settle down with. After service, the visitor stands around and waits for a bit, but no one even approaches to say hi. The visitor finally gets fed up and leaves without being greeted to even once.
What kind of impressions do you get? When you're a visitor, or a new church member, what do you feel about something like that?
I had other things to blog about, but this is long enough. Have a happy Movember! Make it legendary.
The first two months of school has passed by incredibly quickly. September rolled and I got left in the dust. October came around, and I kind of caught up until the last week-ish. Having school just four days a week make my weeks feel so much shorter because I really don't do a whole lot on Mondays unless I have a test or something due that week. So, like this week, I don't have anything huge, so I'm not really doing anything. On Tuesdays, my week will start and before I know it, it's Friday.
Last week, I had two midterms, one quiz, and one paper compacted into two days. I devised a freakin' genius plan that would help me be able to do all of that. But it failed. Miserably. One: I barely studied. Two: I forgot I had a geography quiz. Three: I only did my paper to the extend that I was satisfied. Four: I hoped that I'd do well on at least one of the 3 tests, but did well on none. I think I got 69% on my geography quiz, because with these things, you either know it or you don't. So guessing can only take you so far. Thankfully I had 100% on first two geography tests, so the 69% doesn't sting so bad. Thankfully, the entire Theology class thought the midterm was hard. To take from a classmates words, "I thought I studied, but when I looked at the test, I didn't know anything." Thankfully, my Old Testament midterm was more heavily weighted towards the geography side. With the geography side worth half of the test, I'm quite confident I got all of that; for the rest of the exam, I knew probably around half of that too; so, if all went well, I might still have eeked out a 75%.
So in a bit of a chaotic fashion, I had two papers, two midterms, one quiz that needed to be done in the span of three class days. Thankfully there was a weekend after my first paper was due. Anyways, like I've said many times, I am really thankful for anyone that still takes the time to think about me. I might have mentioned it on my blog - if not, it was in my email update - that it's hard for a student like me to get to know a whole lot of people because I live so far away and I'm not from the greater Calgary area. But in October, I've got to get introduced to some more people and I'm glad that I had people I can actually approach to talk to now. I know I'm really slow at this, but I know I'm going to be able to get there, even if it takes all year. November is going to be a ridiculously hectic month. Right now, I'm kind of entering the eye of the storm. I get a really easy week this week, with a short assignment due on Wednesday, but nothing else that really needs to be done. But starting next week, there is quite the possibility that I get destroyed by the amount that I'm going to need to do. I managed to make it through the first wave of things okay, but this second wave is about twice as difficult. I'm kind of intimidated by my theology term paper because of what the requirements are. It's an 8-10 page essay that requires 15 scholarly sources. It's pretty much a really dry paper because it's just all about me demonstrating that I know my stuff. I didn't do great in my first year English papers, but I improved drastically as the year went on, so hopefully the trend continues.
In church, I continue to do Sunday school, lead worship once a week, and do Bible study once a month for the youth group. People, apparently, keep hearing incredible things about me that I don't even know where it came from. I don't know why, but the more I attend this church, the more I don't feel right. I may have just thrown a grenade out by saying that, but I'm being honest. I don't know what it is. Is it an alliance versus baptist thing? Is it because it's a tiny church? Is it because of the people? I'm trying to figure it out. Normally, I love to go to church; I would look for excuses to be at church. Right now, and it's definitely not a good thing, but I'm almost trying to avoid it? I'm not trying to avoid church in general, but the one that I am attending. Again, another grenade may have been tossed, but I'll take my chances. I've been running all sorts of situations through my head, trying to simulate several instances where someone might have been in the same situation that I'm in, so I can find out why I might be feeling this way. I have my opinions, but this is a scenario that played out in my head. It's not directed at a certain church, but it's a thought that I got when I saw something.
It's fifteen minutes before the start of service, and the church parking lot is empty. There are a couple cars parked on the side of the road that belonged to the people who are serving on the day, but nothing more. The pastor pulls in, and the family goes into the church. It's now five minutes passed the service start time, and the pastor is in his office as he takes a peak at the watch and says to himself "let's give it a few more minutes". Finally, towards fifteen minutes passed the start time, the worship leader steps on to the stage and starts his welcoming. There are about five or six people sitting in the congregation, and they're sitting close to the back. As worship progresses, people finally start to pile in and things seem to be rolling again. At that service, there is a new visitor that has just moved into the city and is looking for a new church to settle down with. After service, the visitor stands around and waits for a bit, but no one even approaches to say hi. The visitor finally gets fed up and leaves without being greeted to even once.
What kind of impressions do you get? When you're a visitor, or a new church member, what do you feel about something like that?
I had other things to blog about, but this is long enough. Have a happy Movember! Make it legendary.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sketchy
October is drawing to an end in a couple of days. What have I learned so far? I learned that I am terrified of the cold, but fortunately discovered a route to get home from school that cuts down the time to just over an hour. I learned that if you suck at school, you're going to suck at school even if you study something you like. I learned that living with a family that isn't my own can be quite the challenge. I've learned that I am always hungry. Wait, I already knew that.
Anyways, really sketchy for me to be talking about this right now especially given my current state of life. And it's to no surprised that it's probably sprouted from my current situation. But I am developing some views on how families should be run - being very vague here. That probably includes parenting, how you manage a household, how you are to your spouse, etc. I am not one to say that I am someone who is "all-knowing" about any of this, but maybe it's because I am maturing in this aspect. L-O-L did I just say that I'm maturing? Even though I've never really thought about it, it's always been in the back of my mind once in a while where I think about how I'd be like if I get to be a dad. I know that that is thinking WAY ahead of myself because I haven't even done step one yet. But there's always the possibility of it happening, and I am always curious of how I'd do.
In the perfect world, if I can manage to be a fraction of what my parents are, I am probably pretty satisfied. I think that my parents are the perfect model parents for just about any new couples. However, I can't discount the fact that I also think there are some incredible parents that I know. The very first question I have for parents is this: how different are you in front of your kid(s) than your peers? You're not going to be the same person in the two situations; if you are, I feel for you. But the question is more of how big of a difference in character is there? I know that parents always want the best for their kids, so they're going to try to "feed" them the best that they have. This means that you probably do your best to hide your imperfections in front of your kids so they don't feed off of your flaws. Although this isn't a bad thing, how far are you willing to go? When does the whole quote of "do as I say, not as I do" come in? Everyone is a hypocrite to some extend in their own way, but where is the line that you have to draw?
I've been learning about different types of spiritualities this semester, and we touched on one that's called "classical spirituality". It's hard to have one solid definition of this term, but it's easily understandable. It is basically "see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil" to its most literal-ness. You won't sit or have a bar stool because it's a "bar" stool; in bars they do bad things, so you can't have any of that. Basically, anything that has even the slightest hint of potential evil is something you have to stay away from. It's a little extreme, I know, but I have witnessed it - maybe not to its full potential, but the general idea. The parents would almost completely indoctrinate the kids into nothing but God and Jesus, and the whole 9 yards. Yes, everything. Indoctrinate is a strong word, and I mean every bit of what the word is. From the posters and decorations on your dining room wall, to the music you listen to, to the TV shows you watch, to the vocabulary that you're allowed to have, to the clothes that you wear, to the activities that you do, it all has to be free from evil. Again, this is why it's so sketchy to be talking about. Because even if I'm in a completely different situation (living alone, or on res, or something else), the subject itself is already sketchy. Is this how you would treat your kids?
If you knew people like this, what would your opinion be? Now, if you take my character and who I am into play, how does that work? Like I said, there isn't really anything that is flat out wrong about living a classically spirited life, but my question is this: will you ever peak outside of your box to realize that there is a world that you live in? The whole idea of it seems kind of surreal. As a bit of a third party looking in, it almost seems as if the attitude is that they're too good for this place. Of course, this is getting rather specific to the particular people, but it seems that way. Try to picture if there is a king or queen that asked for some food. But when they see that there is a piece of meat that is a little under cooked, they won't even look at it. They have to have everything done one way, and one way only, and don't even realize that the only way you get to the imperfections of this world is by diving into it and not kind of picking at it with your thumb and index while you squint one eye and sitting on the edge of your seat ready to run away if something happened.
I don't know. I'm not even sure how I went from parenting to this. I think I'm more ranting than anything right now. I guess I've just been caught up in what some of the results would be depending on the way you teach your kids. Believe me, there are some horribly undisciplined kids or kids not disciplined properly, and they can be very close to over disciplined kids too. I know. I see it pretty frequently. But with the way the society is now, parents probably can't even look at their kids funny without their kids wanting to sue them. Again, insert me into the picture. Given the environment and circumstances, this is why I think I'm such a bad influence right now. I have knives, I do magic, I play guitar, I watch hockey, I watch videos on youtube, I listen to music with swears, I am a fan of Michael Jackson's Thriller video.. Oh noes, I'm trouble! In the end though, I think that this is going to be my job: dealing with so many different stories and views and all that fun stuff by taking both the classical and the "post-modern" era and bringing it all together.
I guess I just don't really like where this world is going and what it's trying to teach people. Like this one. If you tell your kids that Halloween is bad because it's the "devil's day", then why do you tell your kids that Santa is going to jump down the chimney and give you presents on Christmas?
/endrant.
Anyways, really sketchy for me to be talking about this right now especially given my current state of life. And it's to no surprised that it's probably sprouted from my current situation. But I am developing some views on how families should be run - being very vague here. That probably includes parenting, how you manage a household, how you are to your spouse, etc. I am not one to say that I am someone who is "all-knowing" about any of this, but maybe it's because I am maturing in this aspect. L-O-L did I just say that I'm maturing? Even though I've never really thought about it, it's always been in the back of my mind once in a while where I think about how I'd be like if I get to be a dad. I know that that is thinking WAY ahead of myself because I haven't even done step one yet. But there's always the possibility of it happening, and I am always curious of how I'd do.
In the perfect world, if I can manage to be a fraction of what my parents are, I am probably pretty satisfied. I think that my parents are the perfect model parents for just about any new couples. However, I can't discount the fact that I also think there are some incredible parents that I know. The very first question I have for parents is this: how different are you in front of your kid(s) than your peers? You're not going to be the same person in the two situations; if you are, I feel for you. But the question is more of how big of a difference in character is there? I know that parents always want the best for their kids, so they're going to try to "feed" them the best that they have. This means that you probably do your best to hide your imperfections in front of your kids so they don't feed off of your flaws. Although this isn't a bad thing, how far are you willing to go? When does the whole quote of "do as I say, not as I do" come in? Everyone is a hypocrite to some extend in their own way, but where is the line that you have to draw?
I've been learning about different types of spiritualities this semester, and we touched on one that's called "classical spirituality". It's hard to have one solid definition of this term, but it's easily understandable. It is basically "see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil" to its most literal-ness. You won't sit or have a bar stool because it's a "bar" stool; in bars they do bad things, so you can't have any of that. Basically, anything that has even the slightest hint of potential evil is something you have to stay away from. It's a little extreme, I know, but I have witnessed it - maybe not to its full potential, but the general idea. The parents would almost completely indoctrinate the kids into nothing but God and Jesus, and the whole 9 yards. Yes, everything. Indoctrinate is a strong word, and I mean every bit of what the word is. From the posters and decorations on your dining room wall, to the music you listen to, to the TV shows you watch, to the vocabulary that you're allowed to have, to the clothes that you wear, to the activities that you do, it all has to be free from evil. Again, this is why it's so sketchy to be talking about. Because even if I'm in a completely different situation (living alone, or on res, or something else), the subject itself is already sketchy. Is this how you would treat your kids?
If you knew people like this, what would your opinion be? Now, if you take my character and who I am into play, how does that work? Like I said, there isn't really anything that is flat out wrong about living a classically spirited life, but my question is this: will you ever peak outside of your box to realize that there is a world that you live in? The whole idea of it seems kind of surreal. As a bit of a third party looking in, it almost seems as if the attitude is that they're too good for this place. Of course, this is getting rather specific to the particular people, but it seems that way. Try to picture if there is a king or queen that asked for some food. But when they see that there is a piece of meat that is a little under cooked, they won't even look at it. They have to have everything done one way, and one way only, and don't even realize that the only way you get to the imperfections of this world is by diving into it and not kind of picking at it with your thumb and index while you squint one eye and sitting on the edge of your seat ready to run away if something happened.
I don't know. I'm not even sure how I went from parenting to this. I think I'm more ranting than anything right now. I guess I've just been caught up in what some of the results would be depending on the way you teach your kids. Believe me, there are some horribly undisciplined kids or kids not disciplined properly, and they can be very close to over disciplined kids too. I know. I see it pretty frequently. But with the way the society is now, parents probably can't even look at their kids funny without their kids wanting to sue them. Again, insert me into the picture. Given the environment and circumstances, this is why I think I'm such a bad influence right now. I have knives, I do magic, I play guitar, I watch hockey, I watch videos on youtube, I listen to music with swears, I am a fan of Michael Jackson's Thriller video.. Oh noes, I'm trouble! In the end though, I think that this is going to be my job: dealing with so many different stories and views and all that fun stuff by taking both the classical and the "post-modern" era and bringing it all together.
I guess I just don't really like where this world is going and what it's trying to teach people. Like this one. If you tell your kids that Halloween is bad because it's the "devil's day", then why do you tell your kids that Santa is going to jump down the chimney and give you presents on Christmas?
/endrant.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Mercy Marks, Maybe?
I was told that my theology prof is a hard marker. He even told us himself that for some reason people did miserably on his final exams. So his way of making us do better is by splitting it into two and giving one as a midterm. If you ask me, it actually makes it harder because by splitting it, you now can make the first one as hard as your final, then there's the final itself that is probably the same difficulty.
I kind of got into the room and shuffled my way closer to the back because I didn't like being watched when writing an exam. The second I got my test, it dawned on me that I haven't written any midterm or final since April of 2009. And then I panic'd. I tried to make sure my name was nice and legible. I made sure to use a blue pen (but really, I should've brought a pencil) so it's easier to read than black ink. I tried to remember any test strategies that I have ever been taught. One of them was to make sure you skim the test first to make sure everything is fine. So I read the first question on the multiple choice, and I had a good idea of what the answer was. So I flipped over to the fill in the blanks part, took a skim, and knew right away that I am going to fail this test. Then I got to the short answer part. Seeing that the short answers are half of the tests worth in marks, and seeing the kinds of questions that it was asking, I kind of wanted to put my hand up and ask to be excused because I am feeling sick. After wiggling my way through the 15 multiple choice questions, I knew that I had probably 75% of those right for sure. If my fail-logic and guesses were good to me, maybe I'll get a few more. Then I got to the fill in the blanks and I wanted to die right there. I think that of the 10ish blanks, I filled in only 1 or 2 with confidence. For the rest of them, I just found a BS answer and slapped it in. There were still a few blanks, but I had absolutely zero idea of what the answers would be. So I flipped to the last section.
My, oh my. I kind of wished that I was writing the wrong midterm or went into the wrong room or something. But I looked up and thought, nope - these are my classmates. Other than maybe one question, I put down your typical church answers, hoping for some mercy marks maybe. When I did what I could for the ones that I could, I looked at the clock and only 20 or 25 minutes have passed. And usually, if there was a question that I didn't know right away, I'd leave it blank and come back later to think it through. So I went back to check to make sure I got the multiple choices that I wanted, I proceeded to write a bunch of irrelevance to fill up the rest of my test. I knew that I wouldn't be able to suddenly have a magical appearing light bulb moment and have the answers in my head, so sitting in class fiddling with my pen would be nothing more than what it is: wasting time. So after about 40-45 minutes, I decided that I would just GTFO. I handed in the test and hung my head when I walked out. When I walked up to the front of the room though, I saw a few people that had blanks on the same questions that I came up empty on. So is it that the test really was that hard? Or were they just waiting for the perfect worded answer and get bonus marks?
Whatever it is, I don't feel good about my chances of passing this test. If I manage a 40-50%, that is probably what I will be content with. I'm really only expecting a mark in the 30s. If I suddenly miraculously get a grade over 50, then it means that God really wants me to do well to the point that he will intervene.
So anyways, school has never been my thing, I've been a B student with a couple of As at the very best. But nonetheless, this was quite the face smacking experience telling me that I really need to step up my game. But it's definitely too late for the midterm I'm going to write in a couple hours because I haven't studied a whole lot for that one either.
Mercy?
I kind of got into the room and shuffled my way closer to the back because I didn't like being watched when writing an exam. The second I got my test, it dawned on me that I haven't written any midterm or final since April of 2009. And then I panic'd. I tried to make sure my name was nice and legible. I made sure to use a blue pen (but really, I should've brought a pencil) so it's easier to read than black ink. I tried to remember any test strategies that I have ever been taught. One of them was to make sure you skim the test first to make sure everything is fine. So I read the first question on the multiple choice, and I had a good idea of what the answer was. So I flipped over to the fill in the blanks part, took a skim, and knew right away that I am going to fail this test. Then I got to the short answer part. Seeing that the short answers are half of the tests worth in marks, and seeing the kinds of questions that it was asking, I kind of wanted to put my hand up and ask to be excused because I am feeling sick. After wiggling my way through the 15 multiple choice questions, I knew that I had probably 75% of those right for sure. If my fail-logic and guesses were good to me, maybe I'll get a few more. Then I got to the fill in the blanks and I wanted to die right there. I think that of the 10ish blanks, I filled in only 1 or 2 with confidence. For the rest of them, I just found a BS answer and slapped it in. There were still a few blanks, but I had absolutely zero idea of what the answers would be. So I flipped to the last section.
My, oh my. I kind of wished that I was writing the wrong midterm or went into the wrong room or something. But I looked up and thought, nope - these are my classmates. Other than maybe one question, I put down your typical church answers, hoping for some mercy marks maybe. When I did what I could for the ones that I could, I looked at the clock and only 20 or 25 minutes have passed. And usually, if there was a question that I didn't know right away, I'd leave it blank and come back later to think it through. So I went back to check to make sure I got the multiple choices that I wanted, I proceeded to write a bunch of irrelevance to fill up the rest of my test. I knew that I wouldn't be able to suddenly have a magical appearing light bulb moment and have the answers in my head, so sitting in class fiddling with my pen would be nothing more than what it is: wasting time. So after about 40-45 minutes, I decided that I would just GTFO. I handed in the test and hung my head when I walked out. When I walked up to the front of the room though, I saw a few people that had blanks on the same questions that I came up empty on. So is it that the test really was that hard? Or were they just waiting for the perfect worded answer and get bonus marks?
Whatever it is, I don't feel good about my chances of passing this test. If I manage a 40-50%, that is probably what I will be content with. I'm really only expecting a mark in the 30s. If I suddenly miraculously get a grade over 50, then it means that God really wants me to do well to the point that he will intervene.
So anyways, school has never been my thing, I've been a B student with a couple of As at the very best. But nonetheless, this was quite the face smacking experience telling me that I really need to step up my game. But it's definitely too late for the midterm I'm going to write in a couple hours because I haven't studied a whole lot for that one either.
Mercy?
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