It really hasn't slowed down. As of now, I'm basically continuing from the last post I made, where things are flying around at 100mph. Throughout today, I've been feeling all sorts of tired in ways that I've never felt before.
I got up, had brunch, and drove someone to the airport. After driving out from the airport, I was debating whether or not to run errands today or do them tomorrow. All of a sudden, I just felt this huge wave of exhaustion come upon me, so I decided to go home. When I got home, I was browsing through the news for about 15 minutes before I really couldn't keep my eyes open. I tried to keep going, but the tiredness was just not going away. So I ended up going to lay down for what ended up to be an hour.
After getting up, again, it took about 15 minutes for me to feel that same tiredness come back - what a terrible feeling of napping just to feel like no nap was had! But by this time, it was almost 4pm, so I thought that I really shouldn't be napping anymore. Staying awake, therefore, has been a struggle up until now. I feel like I'm jetlagged or something.
Perhaps one thing that contributed to being tired literally the whole day was that I had 2 hours of sleep going into Sunday. I managed to have energy to preach a pretty good sermon, have lunch with a few people, go play soccer, then go to the relatives' place for a Mother's Day dinner. After getting home last night though, I knew I was done: I had to go to sleep. I ended up sleeping almost 11 hours, and still felt super tired.
Honestly, I really don't like it when I feel tired. The feeling often makes me seem like I'm doing something wrong, so it irks me whenever I feel like I have no energy. However, in the last month of tiredness that I've felt, it really hasn't been that way too often. Even though I always feel like I'm about to fall asleep, I have been enjoying life a lot. Obviously, not everything is perfect, but in the grand scheme of things, I've really been in a good place.
I've got one week left in my 4 consecutive weeks of preaching, then I'll have a 5 week break from preaching in my own service. I get the opportunity to be a guest speaker for the first time at a different church's service, and I'm actually excited for that! On top of guest preaching, I'll also preach once at our own church's Saturday night service at the beginning of June. So far, I feel like my preaching abilities are hot and cold. My sermons are either pretty good, or really bad - that's how I feel anyway. I'm often curious as to how consistency would look like for preaching week to week. I'm waiting to be more experienced so I have a better sense, but from the way it looks right now, I either preach with great passion, or I don't even know what I'm saying. Of course, I wouldn't want consistency in the wrong direction, but is it doable to preach with that kind of passion every week? Perhaps. But I just find that it is way easier to be passionate some weeks compared to others.
Anyways, I've got a really busy summer coming up. I think the real test for me will start to come as I approach the Fall. It will be because I've got a year of full-time ministry under my belt, and that's when challenges really start to toll on me. So I'll have to do my best to prepare for that. Historically speaking, year 2 has always been the toughest for me, dating back to high school.
Well - I just spent about 5 minutes debating whether or not I should stop here or keep going with this post. I think I'm going to end it here. I believe I've gotten everything that I wanted to get out, so this is good enough for now!
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