Where Am I?

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been on a bit of a nostalgia trip, missing many of the things I grew up seeing or doing. It's really strange that every year around this time, I experience this feeling of wanting to go back to all the good memories I've had in my childhood. I can't really explain why, but something just triggers it; it's been a pattern every year in the Spring where I go crazy for a few weeks in this regard.

There is definitely a desire to go back home to visit Edmonton. Home, to me, is where most of your memories lie. Every once in a while, along with the nostalgic stuff I go through, I always ask myself, "how did I end up here" or "where am I?"

I think back to my elementary days, my junior high days, and my high school days. Between some incredible memories and accomplishments, and some of the most embarrassing moments, I lived an average life. I think back to the people I used to see everyday, and I do wonder where they are now. Pop open the Facebook, you only see so much - my wonder is, where are they really? I doubt it's mutual, but I would consider many of them to still be my friends. There have been people who have significantly shaped me, and I'd hope I did the same. I know that there have been friends that I've mistreated and probably never got to apologize, but most of that isn't really relevant anymore either. The funny thing, I find, is that the way I'd see these people now is probably the same way I would've seen them back then. So if there's any real changes to their character, it would probably surprise me if I encountered them somewhere. On the other hand, there are just some things that never change about people; and that's cool, because it makes them unique in that sense.

And then you get to the part where you tell these people that I'm now living in Vancouver, serving as a church pastor... I think I'd get some mixed reactions. Most of the people I hung out with knew I lived in a pretty devoted Christian family. The only thing is that you wouldn't really have expected me to become a pastor. Then again, I never expected me to be a pastor either. So, case closed, I guess.  Then I wonder what my life would've been like if in the case that I knew I was going to become a pastor at a young age. That's pretty insane.

We get to this point in life, where most of my age group is finishing up school and starting their working careers. All of it is pretty surreal, to be honest. My ten year reunion for elementary would've been three years ago, which baffles my mind a little. I'm not that old on the bigger scale, but the next thing that would blow my mind is when I start to see these same people that I grew up with begin to start families. Man, oh man. There's been lots of engagement/marriage type stuff in the last few years, so give a few more years and babies could be on the way! Who would've thought that so-and-so, the same kid you would've climbed monkey bars with, would be a dad/mom.

Personally, I'm not all that concerned about myself. My posts in the last couple months probably say differently, but the hype has died down a little. January to mid-March was an insane flurry of drive and determination that made me scared of myself. It's safe to say I've evened out a little bit here in the last couple of weeks. The thoughts and desires of my heart are still there and still resonate, but I see the value in just being myself and carving my own way at the moment. I'd be the most excited person on earth if I got to start a family, but it doesn't mean I'm going to be first in line to get it done. Crazy. I just love contradicting myself, you know.

What it all boils down to, is that at this moment in time, I'm enjoying life. I'm glad to be here, and I'm feeling content. It could all change tomorrow, and I'll be back on my tirade, but as of tonight, I'm going to be okay with everything. I don't care so much about how I got here, but that I am here. And here is all that matters.

I'm way out of my mind and getting way ahead of myself here.

Goodnight.