There are times where I wonder if having such an analytical personality can affect me in worse ways than good. Regardless of the answer, I think the general sense is that it is good for me to be constantly analyzing situations and events. Having such a curious mind is probably what allows me to learn, or at least be aware of, things quickly. Most of the times that I do all this analyzing work is when I'm given some time to think about it. This is why you'll rarely see me give straight up answers immediately.
Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I'm beginning to see how God is teaching me to be more conscious about what I say and how I say things. It's pretty obvious that I'm a very sarcastic person, and in a very dry way too. I'll admit that I'll be joking about something at least 80% of the time. Part of it is due to my playful nature, and the other part is just that I like to be a bit of a troll. So because I'm sarcastic a majority of the time, people will have trouble realizing if I'm being serious or not. It gets to a point where I could be on the extreme of either end, and no one will know. This is not a good trait to carry onto the pulpit - I'm learning!
Getting to the point! I've vented to a few people about how upset I am that a church emphasizes so much about supporting their pastors so they can succeed and not have to struggle, and yet they go and pay them (what's essentially) minimum wage. I've always held this stance, even before I went into ministry.
However, I made one claim before I got hired that I don't really care about my salary, that I just wanted enough so that I'm living comfortably. Well, I guess "living comfortably" can be gone about in many different ways.
Now that I've accepted the fact that I can't afford maintaining a car with my current salary, I keep asking God what he's trying to help me learn here. I thought, I'm not someone that has issues with spending, nor do I drive wrecklessly. So what could it have possibly been that would make me go through such a hindrance to my ministry in its beginning phases?
It came back to that statement I made, about not caring about how much I would make. It's a rather bold statement, now that I think about it, especially considering I hadn't even stepped foot into the field yet. So God basically used my own humor against me by saying, really? Do you really not care how much you make?
And here I am, indirectly telling my elders board that I need a higher pay in order to support a vehicle.
I lost sleep this past week being angry about the whole situation. But I think this is the one valuable lesson I've learned that I've already seen myself applying to: be honest and be clear, because there's no point hiding things inside letting it boil and grow bitter. Deal with your issues, and (at least attempt to) solve your conflicts. Do it right away too, there's no point in waiting and allow bitterness to build up. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Even if nothing comes out of your attempt, honesty goes a long way and it's worth knowing that at least you gave it a shot.
For me, this means that from now on I'm going to at least inquire about my salary if I'm candidating at a church. I'll let them know what my stance on a pastor's salary is, the reasoning behind it, and let them decide what they want. I'm going to go nowhere if I just sit my passive butt down and be too polite to speak up when something is not right. I think I had the right mindset when I said I didn't want my salary to be a deciding factor on whether or not I accepted the job because it shows that I'm not greedy for money (I wouldn't be in ministry if I wanted money), and I'm sure they appreciated that I thought this way, but I still have to be able to support myself if I want to do what a church tells me to do. So if that means inquiring about the salary they show me, I'll do it rather than pacing back and forth being upset at them.
... And, I'm pretty much just rambling at this point.
Gotta preach tomorrow, good night!
No comments:
Post a Comment