Packing

I always seem to struggle with packing, although I have learned to travel light. I struggle not in the sense that I'm panicking and not knowing what to bring, even though I kind of do that, but it's more like I just don't pack. I think that each time I've needed to pack big, I tell myself several days in advance that I need to pack, but I end up not doing it until the day before I leave. It's the knowledge that I'm leaving that makes me not want to do it, I think.

Once in a while, I will tell myself that I need to stop being such a kid and grow up. But it's so easy and so amazing to have that blissfulness of a child. Not everyone had a childhood as wonderful as mine, so it's understandable that they may not understand why I always want life to be like it was as a kid.

These two things go hand in hand for me: the packing and being childish. I don't like responsibility, what can I say? Haha. One part of why I am this way is because how much my parents have supported me throughout my life. They've made it so easy on me to live. Even when I'm on my own in Calgary, I know that a majority of the things I have access to is because of my mom and dad. It's pretty awesome, but at the same time it might have also held me back in trying to fend for myself. I am not saying that I want my parents to stop supporting me, because let's face it, the day that happens is the day I die.

Going to Saskatchewan is going to give me this opportunity to try doing it without mom and dad's go-go-gadget arms giving me things. Or as I like to put it, "I'm getting thrown into the firepit, and let's see if I can get out."

A couple weeks back, my dad asked me to think about this internship in a way that, if I gained absolutely nothing from it other than a couple things, what would they be? What I just talked about is probably one of them.

If everything fails for me with the church, with my mentor pastor, with myself, at the very least I want to see myself be able to learn to truly live on my own. I won't be able to do it very well, but there has to be a starting point somewhere. I definitely understand that I need to break out from the go-to-school-then-go-home-and-play-on-the-computer-all-day type of life. I need to start thinking about how to manage myself physically, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and relationally with others.

All that I've talked about doesn't even touch on what I want to do in the church that I'll be working at. This is the bare minimum, the ground zero, that I want to gain with my 8 months in Assiniboia. This platform will be pivotal AND icing at the same time. One, because I know that I will have some sort of impact on the church regardless of what I do, whether positive or negative. Working in the church is just something I've always loved to do; so while the opportunities and challenges will be new, the concept isn't. And, two, even though this is a pastoral internship, this bare minimum thing has absolutely nothing to do with working in the church and it will be one of the biggest challenges throughout the term.

As for stuff in the church, it's really hard for me to start with any general goals and such. Partly this is because I'll always have some sort of sense about what I want to achieve in ministry no matter where I'm at. So even if all else fails, the people hate me, the town hates me, etc., I'll know that at the very least, what I tried didn't work, so it'll help me going forward knowing that this certain thing didn't work here in this particular context. It's going to suck if that's the case, but it's a lesson learned. Besides, just because something doesn't work in one church doesn't mean that it's bad for all churches.

So at the bare minimum, if I had to label something, I think it'd be how I carry myself as a pastor. This takes into account the whole thing about being a kid. I need to have a strong discipline in how I carry myself in and out of the church. This internship is as close as it gets to doing the real thing for me, so it'll be a good test to see how I take it.

For one final thing, I want to be pro-active. It can be really hard for someone that's generally passive like me to tackle things head on or be assertive in taking action. But I need to have some level of that, or else people will not appreciate me very quickly.

So tomorrow is my last day in Edmonton for any extended amount of time until Christmas. Maybe if I pack with the mindset that I know I will be bringing all this stuff back, it'll help me not feel so bad. Haha.

This year, 2013, is a huge year for many of my closest relationships; and while I'm bummed that I can't be a part of all the amazing events, I want you to know that you have all of my support and all of my care in the milestone that you have reached in this particular time of life. Graduating, getting married, reaching your 25th annivesary, or starting your education after having found out what you want to do in life, these are all tremendous blessings that we cannot forget, and I want to wish you all the best. And remember the very reason we are able to experience these achievements.

Thanks, friends.