Seasoned Pro

So, it's been roughly a year since I officially started blogging - just over 10 months using blogspot - and I decided to read a few of my older posts, a couple days ago, just to see what kind of a dork I was. I, then, proceeded to read a few of my newer posts to see the dork that I've become. Overall, I don't think I've changed that significantly, in terms of the blogger that I am. I'll admit that my attention to grammar, and everything around it, might have increased because the Prof I had for my English 111 class indoctrinated me into being too aware of the way my sentences are structured. And then I realized that reading about someone blogging about their blog really isn't that interesting, so I will now move on to the next topic; I don't know if I really consider myself as a seasoned pro, just yet.

Lately, I've been having trouble getting off my butt and applying for summer jobs; I will try to explain, exactly, why that is. Not getting a job has gotten so bad that I'm beginning to be pitied by other people by offering me money to do some house chores for them, and I can't say I feel that great. I think everyone can relate to my inability to get a job, but just in a different way with a different situation. First of all, I, in fact, have done everything except the actual applying part of getting a job. I have a pretty decent resume; I have the motivation and know what kind of job I'm looking for, in a sense; I go out with a folder with my resumes in them and look for stores to hand them to. However, every single time I walk into the store, I freeze, and a sense of fear or something wraps around me and holds me back from asking whether or not they are hiring. I wouldn't think that it's because I'm shy, because I love talking to people. I just can't seem to muster up the strength or courage to actually go to the customer service, or whatever, to ask for applications and stuff. It's pretty stupid, if you ask me, that I am so close to applying, but I just don't do it; I crumble, due to whatever it is, and then it's as if both my legs and my mouth are glued shut and then I become unable to say anything. It's kind of lame.

To try to make the whole situation a little more relateable, it's that one thing in your life that you seem to have no problem talking about it, planning about it, going about it. But when you're actually getting it done is when you suddenly tense up and can't do it. I'll use Joe Thornton and Patrick Marleau as an example. Both Thornton and Marleau are terrific hockey players during the regular season; but as the playoffs arrive, they both know, and are motivated in a way, that they have to perform up to standards to help their team win the Stanley Cup. For whatever reason, they choke and can't play like the way they do in the regular season. Year after year, the same happens and they just can't seem to explain why. It's the same for me. Who the heck cares if I'm over-analyzing this simple aspect of "getting a job"? It drives me mad and that's why I'm over analyzing. You try and try to figure out what the problem is, so you can correct it, but the answer is just not there.

.. Definitely not a season pro. But when you teach yourself to fly, you've got to learn how to spread your wings first, and that's what I'm trying to do; except, I don't have wings. Just some really girly fingers.