Alarm

I'm woken up easily 6 out of 7 days. It can take something as simple as hearing faint footsteps of people upstairs to a change in lighting in my room. On the 7th day, Sunday night to Monday morning, I'm unconcious because, of course, I was probably exhausted from Sunday festivities. I usually sleep pretty well if I'm completely drained of energy.

The biggest problem though is my ability to fall asleep. For whatever reason, I have trouble getting to sleep often because of the things that weigh on my mind. My congregation knows pretty well by now that Sunday mornings are tough for me because I don't sleep well on Saturday nights. Some of those nights I don't sleep at all; I just kind of roll around in my bed.

Hard to sleep; easy to wake. That's been the story of my time as a pastor. It's not all terrible though, I get a good amount of sleep most of the time. You do have to remember that I am someone who needs more sleep than the 7 or 8 that people average. Well, I shouldn't say "need"; I prefer 9 hours to 9 and a half hours.

My alarm is usually the radio. But having mentioned that I can be awoken by different things, one thing that's been waking me up on occasion has been some sort of spiritual burden to pray.

In the last couple years, I've found times where at some point during the day, I feel a physical weight to pray for someone or something. It's like an alarm. I'll use the example of the passing of my grandma almost 2 years ago. During that Saturday, something started weighing heavily on me. I had the most eerie feeling that something was going to happen, and that it was going to hurt my family. Later that night at youth group, I get a text that something is wrong. I knew what happened even before I confirmed it with my family. When I got home and my mom confirmed with me that my grandma had indeed passed, it didn't stop me from being filled with grief; but for some reason, I knew it had happened even before I spoke with my mom.

This year, there was an instance where there was one night I was about to go to sleep. I suddenly felt a very odd physical feeling that alarmed me of a friend who was going through a difficult time with regards to that body part. Again, it moved me into prayer.

These types of instances have been happening to me for a while now. I wanted to write it down because I've been in a rather dry season for myself lately. My spiritual life has felt like it's dried up, but I had managed to get by because of the reminder that I still have tasks to do, which can be both a good and bad thing I guess. My life has been teetering on this for roughly 4 or 5 months. It's the tiredness that's caught up to me.

And yet, God has still been giving me affection for the people in my life. More nights than not, I have difficulty praying because in the desert, everything feels bland. So God has gently reminded me of my mortality and how little control I really have over my life. Way to kick me while I'm down right? Haha. But in doing so, coupled with putting these prayer alarms into me, I'm being told that there's still work to do and people to love.

I think for the first time in a little over 2 years, I'm actually experiencing the "labor" part of the work I'm called to.