A bit of a neat way to end off the year's posts, I have been able to think back to not just how this year went, but how the last decade has been for me.
I was blessed with the privilege of connecting my youth to some youth from NEAC this week, and I'm so thankful for the little collision of worlds. One thing God has pressed on my life over the last few years is that church is done as a whole. Just because I'm at Newbern doesn't mean I'm stuck here, or if I'm an NEAC member, I'm not allowed to see church outside of that. Even when I formally became pastor here, I never saw my ministry being just with this one church. Obviously, with the bigness of everything and just how life goes, I haven't been able to establish working relationships with many other churches so far. But it's always been on my mind, ever since my internship, that churches within the same community base need to work together. I've been able to meet several of the pastors near by, but none of us have been able to foster these relationships into something that I'd like. The Church body needs to be on the map in the community and city, so I really don't like that there are so many of us that are isolated and secluded from the people around us.
Yesterday morning, I had one of the more bizarre experiences that I've had so far in my brief tenure as a pastor. In wanting to help the NEAC crew get to my church, I, along with a few drivers whom I'm very thankful for, went to the Skytrain to pick up the group. However, there were a few things that caused them to be about 45 minutes late, so this meant I would be late. So the drivers waited at the station and I just watched the clock tick by. I notified the senior pastor and my worship leader that I'd be late, and they were cool with it.
9:15am... 9:30am... 9:45am.
I'm now late for my own service. But my bigger concern was for the group. I already felt bad that they felt bad for being late. They just got off a 15 hour bus ride and arrived at 7am, how could they possibly have any energy? I don't like being late for things, but this time it was out of my control. So finally, we get everyone together and I try to make it to church as fast as I could in the pouring rain.
We get to church, I walk in and everyone is singing. I literally get to the front, put my stuff down, take my jacket off, the song finishes, and I'm walking up to the front. Talk about the thrill of being one of those celebrities that are fashionably late and make their entrance in style! That's basically what I did. So I compose myself, look up, and see that my congregation has basically doubled in size. And this is when I got excited. I'm generally not a fan of the super big churches with huge gatherings, but something about the increase in numbers really got my blood flowing and levels of joy increasing.
Needless to say, my message probably blew some chunks as I didn't even get to get into the mindset of what I was to preach that morning; but at the same time, it probably wasn't as bad as I thought it'd ended up. The NEAC group is here for Winter Conference this week, and I hope that they will have a great time at the conference. I love it when people I know come for visits because it really reminds me that they still know I exist and that they'd be willing to take the time to check up on me and see how I'm doing.
To bring everything into perspective, I'd found myself thinking back to all the times people ask me why I chose Newbern. This is another one of those questions that I have no idea how to answer. It's amazing, really, because I've recently stumbled across several of the churches that I was in conversation with to potentially work at before Newbern came on the radar. In other words, I basically had forgotten that I'd even spoken to these churches about the opportunity to work there.
So of course, this gets me thinking, "Why Newbern?" I look back briefly at these other opportunities that I had, and I always spend a few seconds to wonder why I didn't pick those but picked Newbern. Aside from only a confirmation that I probably understand, there's really no way for me to explain why I chose this church over the others. It's actually interesting because I look at some of these other churches I had talked to, and there were a couple that are highly regarded churches in the C&MA with many flourishing ministries. Instead, I chose Newbern, a small church that's basically been a family over the last 40 years who have turned all their friendships and brotherhood into a church. I have confidence that I'm supposed to be here and that there is work that I need to do here, and that's really all that matters now.
Hypothetically, you can also imagine what life would be like if I picked a different church to work at. How different would my life be? How different would Newbern be? I know that the "what if's" drive some people crazy because they don't see a point in dwelling on them. For me, it's always cool to dream a little bit, as long as I don't lose focus of where I'm at and what I'm doing.
So in the end, it's crazy to see how several opportunities get served up to us in life and to be able to look back at the ones we decided to reach out and grab. God's been very consistent in helping me decide which ones to take. There's been times where he's left it up to me, and he's completely supported and provided for me whichever path I chose. Vancouver was what I chose, but I get the feeling that God had lead me to picking it from the beginning. So, meaning that even though I was at a point where I was sure God gave me a choice, there really was only one choice - and I'm glad that this is where it lead me to.
Looking into 2016 and beyond, the process of how these opportunities unfold is something I need to remember and put my trust in. God's slowly been revealing to me the start of another searching process that may include many new opportunities; so I need to be diligent in seeing the signs in how he will help me figure this out this time around.
Happy Holidays!
Monday, December 28, 2015
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Of Longevity
Originally, I had another topic queued up for me to talk about. After allowing the subject to soak for about a week, I decided to postpone it for a bit; I'll explain why when I actually get to writing on it.
The whole thing of longevity is so strange to me. Is it good? Is it bad? How do things last? Why do they last, or why don't they last? Longevity has been something I've thought many years about. The whole idea and issue behind it came to me when I was in high school. At youth group one night, one of the leaders told us about the average lifespan of pastors in Chinese churches nowadays. I don't know why, but hearing the stats shocked me and the feeling of it has stayed with me ever since. I'll chalk this one up to God, preparing me for when I entered ministry.
Wherever we stand on this topic of longevity, I think one thing is pretty clear: it's pretty hard to come by now. I'm not sure I remember the last time I saw or heard any sort of advertisement emphasizing the idea of preservation and commitment. Everything is about getting it new, trying something different, or just turning the page completely. Things in life seem to get dull so quickly because of the rapid turnover rate of just about everything. So whenever we preserve or keep something for a span of time, it just feels odd. Many people can look at things from merely 4 or 5 years ago and call them classics already. I'd say this is especially true in the music industry. There's this one radio ad I hear all the time that more or less says, "We play everything, from the classics *insert Firework by Katy Perry clip* to the newest hits *insert Sorry by Justin Bieber clip.*"
Bringing this topic into the church, or the church into this topic, things start to get even more strange. Here is the conflict that I can't seem to figure out: we crave longevity, and yet it seems to be longevity that often kills the church.
I realize that such a statement isn't universally applicable, but it appears to be a rather prominent thing that is acting as a roadblock for so many church families/communities. In several of the churches I've attended and served at over the last several years, there is one thing that is rather common with the trend of areas that need to be addressed. I'll draw up a scenario. The youth pastor who just started at the church 6 months ago has just quit or was let go. People raise their pitchforks and take stabs at anything and everything, saying that the decision was arrived at too quickly. And on the other hand, the approach to the worship service has been the same for over 20 years, and people are bored of it. There's no new-ness, nothing "fresh" about the service, and has become predictable and boring. Why can't we try new things to liven up the atmosphere? We'll never grow if we remain stuck in the past!
Such cases are happening everywhere. It saddens me that the worshiping of Jesus as our saviour ever gets old - or anything that's related to it, in that matter. When we talk about practicality, is there ever a "just right"? Most of the decisions we make seem to either be premature or overdue. We either act too quickly, or wait long enough to see everything collapse. The only thing I can say to these results and decisions is that when we seem to be too hasty in our choices, we only ever say that we should've given it more time. For the latter, the issue to me isn't when we find that by the time we realize it's too late, we see ourselves scrambling and trying to catch as many pieces as we can while everything falls apart. The real problem is when we try to take back everything we've lost. We end up spending so much time chasing things that will likely never come back that we neglect what we do have and what's coming our way. This is precisely why I think nostalgia can trap us so easily.
At this point, you might be thinking that I lean towards letting go of things sooner rather than later. This isn't necessarily the case because we can also have the tendency to bail out at the first sign of trouble. If one person makes one mistake, all of a sudden he/she is exiled, or something like that.
So, as Newbern is a few weeks from turning 40, these are the questions I'm asking in regards to longevity. It's really important for me to address this because it's a hurdle that will either propel us forward or hinder us. This started when I began wondering how long I'd be here. I'm confident that I will be here as long as I'm needed, but the question is always "how long?" Will I leave before I even make an impact? Or will I overstay my welcome? From determining this, it stems pretty much every action I take and decision I make.
With that being said, I know my mission and purpose is to not focus on how long I'm going to be the English pastor here, but that while I am here, how am I going to prepare for the day that I do leave? I think this mindset has great bearing for an overall approach to life because we all know we're going to be gone one day. For some people, we think they're gone too soon; for others, they can't seem to be gone sooner. We'll never know when that day comes, but in the time being, what are we going to do in preparation for when it does happen?
The answer is quite simple, really. "Let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23b) This is how I'm approaching the whole thing of longevity. If we stop living in such a way, then every decision will either be too soon or too late; this is because we don't have peace with it. But with Christ and in him, I know that when the time comes, I want to have the ability to surrender my judgment and trust that his timing is right.
The whole thing of longevity is so strange to me. Is it good? Is it bad? How do things last? Why do they last, or why don't they last? Longevity has been something I've thought many years about. The whole idea and issue behind it came to me when I was in high school. At youth group one night, one of the leaders told us about the average lifespan of pastors in Chinese churches nowadays. I don't know why, but hearing the stats shocked me and the feeling of it has stayed with me ever since. I'll chalk this one up to God, preparing me for when I entered ministry.
Wherever we stand on this topic of longevity, I think one thing is pretty clear: it's pretty hard to come by now. I'm not sure I remember the last time I saw or heard any sort of advertisement emphasizing the idea of preservation and commitment. Everything is about getting it new, trying something different, or just turning the page completely. Things in life seem to get dull so quickly because of the rapid turnover rate of just about everything. So whenever we preserve or keep something for a span of time, it just feels odd. Many people can look at things from merely 4 or 5 years ago and call them classics already. I'd say this is especially true in the music industry. There's this one radio ad I hear all the time that more or less says, "We play everything, from the classics *insert Firework by Katy Perry clip* to the newest hits *insert Sorry by Justin Bieber clip.*"
Bringing this topic into the church, or the church into this topic, things start to get even more strange. Here is the conflict that I can't seem to figure out: we crave longevity, and yet it seems to be longevity that often kills the church.
I realize that such a statement isn't universally applicable, but it appears to be a rather prominent thing that is acting as a roadblock for so many church families/communities. In several of the churches I've attended and served at over the last several years, there is one thing that is rather common with the trend of areas that need to be addressed. I'll draw up a scenario. The youth pastor who just started at the church 6 months ago has just quit or was let go. People raise their pitchforks and take stabs at anything and everything, saying that the decision was arrived at too quickly. And on the other hand, the approach to the worship service has been the same for over 20 years, and people are bored of it. There's no new-ness, nothing "fresh" about the service, and has become predictable and boring. Why can't we try new things to liven up the atmosphere? We'll never grow if we remain stuck in the past!
Such cases are happening everywhere. It saddens me that the worshiping of Jesus as our saviour ever gets old - or anything that's related to it, in that matter. When we talk about practicality, is there ever a "just right"? Most of the decisions we make seem to either be premature or overdue. We either act too quickly, or wait long enough to see everything collapse. The only thing I can say to these results and decisions is that when we seem to be too hasty in our choices, we only ever say that we should've given it more time. For the latter, the issue to me isn't when we find that by the time we realize it's too late, we see ourselves scrambling and trying to catch as many pieces as we can while everything falls apart. The real problem is when we try to take back everything we've lost. We end up spending so much time chasing things that will likely never come back that we neglect what we do have and what's coming our way. This is precisely why I think nostalgia can trap us so easily.
At this point, you might be thinking that I lean towards letting go of things sooner rather than later. This isn't necessarily the case because we can also have the tendency to bail out at the first sign of trouble. If one person makes one mistake, all of a sudden he/she is exiled, or something like that.
So, as Newbern is a few weeks from turning 40, these are the questions I'm asking in regards to longevity. It's really important for me to address this because it's a hurdle that will either propel us forward or hinder us. This started when I began wondering how long I'd be here. I'm confident that I will be here as long as I'm needed, but the question is always "how long?" Will I leave before I even make an impact? Or will I overstay my welcome? From determining this, it stems pretty much every action I take and decision I make.
With that being said, I know my mission and purpose is to not focus on how long I'm going to be the English pastor here, but that while I am here, how am I going to prepare for the day that I do leave? I think this mindset has great bearing for an overall approach to life because we all know we're going to be gone one day. For some people, we think they're gone too soon; for others, they can't seem to be gone sooner. We'll never know when that day comes, but in the time being, what are we going to do in preparation for when it does happen?
The answer is quite simple, really. "Let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23b) This is how I'm approaching the whole thing of longevity. If we stop living in such a way, then every decision will either be too soon or too late; this is because we don't have peace with it. But with Christ and in him, I know that when the time comes, I want to have the ability to surrender my judgment and trust that his timing is right.
Monday, December 14, 2015
Of Purpose
What a funny post title. Confession time: I've been listening to Justin Bieber's new album, entitled "Purpose," a lot recently, and have no shame in it. I think the Biebs did a pretty good job this time around. I pick and listen to my music at face value, not based on who the person is. However, the caveat is that an artist's music is typically reflective of their character on many levels.
Having mentioned the Biebs, I'm also sure that many people have seen his recent clips and remarks about the Christian faith. Based solely on what he's said, it's amazing how someone like him has a better grasp on our faith than many who call themselves "Christian." I'm not advocating for Bieber in saying that he has sound theology, because he doesn't, but he understands that at the core of our faith is our relationship with and to Christ. It amazes me that there are Christians who are practically born into the church and still see their lives as to having to earn favor with God. Like, if we do something well, we feel entitled to God's blessings. Nothing's ever going to make God love us more or less, so put away the record book of all the times we think we did something to please God. We all know that in due time, we're just going to grab that book when times are rough and complain to God about why he didn't give us this and that when we were in a good stretch.
Anyways - I'm off the rails a little bit.
In recent weeks, I've been burdened with the whole thing about purpose. If you read the posts I've written since I started titling each entry with "Of...," you'll sense that a lot of my thoughts deal with the intent of addressing purpose behind each topic. What's the purpose behind this or that?
A while ago, I wasn't happy with my daily studies and prayer life. So I began asking God to give me the passion and the desire to be in his word and to find joy in growing closer to him. What I wasn't honest about was that this prayer and request sprouted from comparing myself to some rather big names and highly respected people in the Christian circles. I looked at a lot of these people, somewhat envious of what they seemed to have in a strong and faithful life, and wanted it for myself. So in a moment of teachability, God seems to be responding to me in a way that has lead me to go down the alley of asking me, "what's the purpose of you wanting this?" Do you want to do this so people can look at you and say that you have it all together? Or are you doing this because you truly love me and want to be with me?
In other words, the battle I'm fighting right now is that I am almost using the excuse of getting close with God to be the reason I need to run a good show. Basically, I'm trying to do it all under my power. I'm not intentionally thinking it, but I'm acting in a way that says if I do everything properly, like according to some formula, then people will be drawn to God. So, while a lot of this, I think, is okay, I'm forgetting that it's the Holy Spirit that ultimately draws people to Christ. Therefore, when I don't see the response that I envision from doing something, I get utterly discouraged and upset. By asking for a passion to study the Word based on a slightly skewed reason, it's symbolical to the way I'm approaching things in a way that makes me think I will bring people to God simply by the fact that I'm doing it properly.
Where are the fruits of my labor? This is essentially the complaint that I'm wearing on my heart. So many pastors struggle with this, and I'm no different. I wish I wasn't so selfish in thinking that by putting time and effort in, I should be seeing results. I mean, who am I to be the one who determines if people will gain an affection for God? It's not up to me, and yet I act like it is.
The point here is that I've been so focused on making things work so that people can encounter God, I'm neglecting the purpose of why we want people to encounter him. I'm so concerned with building a beautiful bridge that people will want to cross that I, in many ways, am trying to beautify the pathway more than the destination itself.
I'm having a hard time describing how I feel exactly because I'm not good at putting into words the minor, but important, differences in how I'm running my ministry. So I'll try to use an example to illustrate.
One question I've kept asking over and over is that if I'm and outsider and visiting my church, whether as a one time thing or in search for a church to attend regularly, would I want to stay? I've never had to think long, the answer has always been easy to arrive at. I can get into a lot of reasons and observations that won't help the cause, but there's something else that needs to be unpacked. The question by itself is perfectly reasonable and necessary to ask, but why am I asking this question in the first place? What is the process that has lead me to asking such a question? Am I asking this because I'm curious to know if our church points toward Christ in everything we do? Or am I asking this because I have a presupposition of what a healthy church should look like, and that people who come will speak well of it? Both questions aren't terrible, but it leads me to addressing something I cannot neglect.
What all of this has lead me to is the purpose of why I'm doing anything at all. When I look at my church and the ministry, what's our purpose supposed to be? Are we a church that's just for our group of families and friends to get together? Or do we exist to serve a greater purpose? Christ very clearly said that we need to bring his light into the world, and I just think we too often get caught up in the secondaries that we forget why we do anything to begin with.
God delights in us when we respond in faith; we exist as a church to show people this light. I just don't like that many churches, including my own, have defaulted to either a club that's just for the people who's part of the group, or a clinic where all we try to do is fix people. Let's get back to doing church the way that we are meant to live as Christians: fostering the relationship we have with Jesus Christ.
This was a really hard post for me to write - it took an hour and a half to get some barely comprehensible thoughts onto the page. I'm thankful that I'm in this period of searching, because I know there's learning and growing to be had. And thank you for bearing with me.
Having mentioned the Biebs, I'm also sure that many people have seen his recent clips and remarks about the Christian faith. Based solely on what he's said, it's amazing how someone like him has a better grasp on our faith than many who call themselves "Christian." I'm not advocating for Bieber in saying that he has sound theology, because he doesn't, but he understands that at the core of our faith is our relationship with and to Christ. It amazes me that there are Christians who are practically born into the church and still see their lives as to having to earn favor with God. Like, if we do something well, we feel entitled to God's blessings. Nothing's ever going to make God love us more or less, so put away the record book of all the times we think we did something to please God. We all know that in due time, we're just going to grab that book when times are rough and complain to God about why he didn't give us this and that when we were in a good stretch.
Anyways - I'm off the rails a little bit.
In recent weeks, I've been burdened with the whole thing about purpose. If you read the posts I've written since I started titling each entry with "Of...," you'll sense that a lot of my thoughts deal with the intent of addressing purpose behind each topic. What's the purpose behind this or that?
A while ago, I wasn't happy with my daily studies and prayer life. So I began asking God to give me the passion and the desire to be in his word and to find joy in growing closer to him. What I wasn't honest about was that this prayer and request sprouted from comparing myself to some rather big names and highly respected people in the Christian circles. I looked at a lot of these people, somewhat envious of what they seemed to have in a strong and faithful life, and wanted it for myself. So in a moment of teachability, God seems to be responding to me in a way that has lead me to go down the alley of asking me, "what's the purpose of you wanting this?" Do you want to do this so people can look at you and say that you have it all together? Or are you doing this because you truly love me and want to be with me?
In other words, the battle I'm fighting right now is that I am almost using the excuse of getting close with God to be the reason I need to run a good show. Basically, I'm trying to do it all under my power. I'm not intentionally thinking it, but I'm acting in a way that says if I do everything properly, like according to some formula, then people will be drawn to God. So, while a lot of this, I think, is okay, I'm forgetting that it's the Holy Spirit that ultimately draws people to Christ. Therefore, when I don't see the response that I envision from doing something, I get utterly discouraged and upset. By asking for a passion to study the Word based on a slightly skewed reason, it's symbolical to the way I'm approaching things in a way that makes me think I will bring people to God simply by the fact that I'm doing it properly.
Where are the fruits of my labor? This is essentially the complaint that I'm wearing on my heart. So many pastors struggle with this, and I'm no different. I wish I wasn't so selfish in thinking that by putting time and effort in, I should be seeing results. I mean, who am I to be the one who determines if people will gain an affection for God? It's not up to me, and yet I act like it is.
The point here is that I've been so focused on making things work so that people can encounter God, I'm neglecting the purpose of why we want people to encounter him. I'm so concerned with building a beautiful bridge that people will want to cross that I, in many ways, am trying to beautify the pathway more than the destination itself.
I'm having a hard time describing how I feel exactly because I'm not good at putting into words the minor, but important, differences in how I'm running my ministry. So I'll try to use an example to illustrate.
One question I've kept asking over and over is that if I'm and outsider and visiting my church, whether as a one time thing or in search for a church to attend regularly, would I want to stay? I've never had to think long, the answer has always been easy to arrive at. I can get into a lot of reasons and observations that won't help the cause, but there's something else that needs to be unpacked. The question by itself is perfectly reasonable and necessary to ask, but why am I asking this question in the first place? What is the process that has lead me to asking such a question? Am I asking this because I'm curious to know if our church points toward Christ in everything we do? Or am I asking this because I have a presupposition of what a healthy church should look like, and that people who come will speak well of it? Both questions aren't terrible, but it leads me to addressing something I cannot neglect.
What all of this has lead me to is the purpose of why I'm doing anything at all. When I look at my church and the ministry, what's our purpose supposed to be? Are we a church that's just for our group of families and friends to get together? Or do we exist to serve a greater purpose? Christ very clearly said that we need to bring his light into the world, and I just think we too often get caught up in the secondaries that we forget why we do anything to begin with.
God delights in us when we respond in faith; we exist as a church to show people this light. I just don't like that many churches, including my own, have defaulted to either a club that's just for the people who's part of the group, or a clinic where all we try to do is fix people. Let's get back to doing church the way that we are meant to live as Christians: fostering the relationship we have with Jesus Christ.
This was a really hard post for me to write - it took an hour and a half to get some barely comprehensible thoughts onto the page. I'm thankful that I'm in this period of searching, because I know there's learning and growing to be had. And thank you for bearing with me.
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Of Dreaming and State of Mind
This will be more of a fun one - as opposed to my more "serious" (if you can call it that) posts about church and life, I guess. Haha.
I've always been a bit of a dreamer, thinking big and thinking supernatural. Most of the time, the dreaming doesn't really amount to anything practical, or even achievable, but hey, it's part of my personality. As they say, if you're an INFP on the Myers-Briggs scale, then you're born to dream. Usually, as most people have it, passions drive your dreams. So seeing how my dreams have evolved over the years has been really interesting - and slightly embarrassing.
I wanted to write on this because of how I'm approaching 2016 in regards to my church. We recently have started talking about possibly renovating the old sanctuary, where the English side meets, as part of our 40th Anniversary celebration. Upon hearing that news, I immediately became bright eyed and wanted to go through a whole process of redesigning my sanctuary. Due to being busy, and ultimately pushing this dreaming business off to the side, I haven't had much opportunity to really put pen to the paper with how we could change the look of our sacred worship space. I've been open about my desire to "upgrade" our space since I stepped foot into this church, so it's no secret to the leadership what I want to do.
Another fun, but challenging, part of dreaming for 2016 has been how to take care of my people and my ministries. Eventually, I landed on the idea of discipleship and that if our church can get to where the leadership wants to go, it will be a top 2 contributor to getting there. The first, obviously, being grace that is granted to us. Coming right up behind grace, to me at least, will be discipleship. The church has expressed this desire to evangelize and provide outreach into the community and into the world. Given the way I think, there is no better evangelism than through discipleship. With the context of North America, you really don't hear too often about the big revivals that happen where thousands of people come to Christ overnight. So, from where I stand, I need to equip and empower the people around me so they can either do the same or go out to the places that seek revival.
So I've been doing my best to keep my mind at a state where I am genuinely loving these people enough that I'd want to invest and bless their lives through teaching and training them. I've told my leaders that starting this next year, I'm going to begin the process of working myself out of my job. This isn't that I have no desire to stay here, but I think there will inevitably come a time where God needs my skill set somewhere else. So when the day comes that I leave, I want to have the confidence that this church is well equipped to do what I've been doing.
One of the bigger challenges of me doing this is that it involves a lot of spending time to meet with people. If they don't want to meet with me as badly as I do with them, then it's going to be a one-way thing - and this is where the relationship and love for each other comes in. Another challenge is the style of leadership that I approach discipleship in a practical manner. With where I am, people have a strong lean towards the side of me being the leader to do exactly that: lead. Telling people what to do and, in some ways, commanding them is what I see prevailing in my eyes. The way that I prefer to go about it isn't through dictatorship, though. I love preaching and the pulpit work, but where the real growth happens is in the coffee shop when I'm talking to you about how we can all do this together, each pulling their weight. If that means me telling you in a dictator fashion to get off your butt, then so be it. But not everyone responds to that, so I need to find out what makes each person click.
So that's my dream. I want Newbern, in reaching 40 years, to turn the page a little bit and see that doing church may need to be looked at a little differently. As our younger half of the church begin to take on more leadership, this is the shift I think we will need to see taking place in the next few years.
It's crazy how this has become one of my dreams in life, to see a flourishing church. I'm the kid that used to dream about being a rockstar, playing guitar on stage and having people chant my name. Yeah, those days are long gone. My biggest desires in life are now pleasing God, having a growing and healthy church, and growing a healthy family where I can play soccer with my kids in the backyard. I don't ever want to stop dreaming, it's a wonderful thing. When I dream, I get inspired and move into action. For a person that is generally laid back and lazy, I welcome this into my life often. I just have to be careful that I don't get carried away in this fantasy land and neglect what's in front of me in the real world.
CRAZY, I tell you!
I've always been a bit of a dreamer, thinking big and thinking supernatural. Most of the time, the dreaming doesn't really amount to anything practical, or even achievable, but hey, it's part of my personality. As they say, if you're an INFP on the Myers-Briggs scale, then you're born to dream. Usually, as most people have it, passions drive your dreams. So seeing how my dreams have evolved over the years has been really interesting - and slightly embarrassing.
I wanted to write on this because of how I'm approaching 2016 in regards to my church. We recently have started talking about possibly renovating the old sanctuary, where the English side meets, as part of our 40th Anniversary celebration. Upon hearing that news, I immediately became bright eyed and wanted to go through a whole process of redesigning my sanctuary. Due to being busy, and ultimately pushing this dreaming business off to the side, I haven't had much opportunity to really put pen to the paper with how we could change the look of our sacred worship space. I've been open about my desire to "upgrade" our space since I stepped foot into this church, so it's no secret to the leadership what I want to do.
Another fun, but challenging, part of dreaming for 2016 has been how to take care of my people and my ministries. Eventually, I landed on the idea of discipleship and that if our church can get to where the leadership wants to go, it will be a top 2 contributor to getting there. The first, obviously, being grace that is granted to us. Coming right up behind grace, to me at least, will be discipleship. The church has expressed this desire to evangelize and provide outreach into the community and into the world. Given the way I think, there is no better evangelism than through discipleship. With the context of North America, you really don't hear too often about the big revivals that happen where thousands of people come to Christ overnight. So, from where I stand, I need to equip and empower the people around me so they can either do the same or go out to the places that seek revival.
So I've been doing my best to keep my mind at a state where I am genuinely loving these people enough that I'd want to invest and bless their lives through teaching and training them. I've told my leaders that starting this next year, I'm going to begin the process of working myself out of my job. This isn't that I have no desire to stay here, but I think there will inevitably come a time where God needs my skill set somewhere else. So when the day comes that I leave, I want to have the confidence that this church is well equipped to do what I've been doing.
One of the bigger challenges of me doing this is that it involves a lot of spending time to meet with people. If they don't want to meet with me as badly as I do with them, then it's going to be a one-way thing - and this is where the relationship and love for each other comes in. Another challenge is the style of leadership that I approach discipleship in a practical manner. With where I am, people have a strong lean towards the side of me being the leader to do exactly that: lead. Telling people what to do and, in some ways, commanding them is what I see prevailing in my eyes. The way that I prefer to go about it isn't through dictatorship, though. I love preaching and the pulpit work, but where the real growth happens is in the coffee shop when I'm talking to you about how we can all do this together, each pulling their weight. If that means me telling you in a dictator fashion to get off your butt, then so be it. But not everyone responds to that, so I need to find out what makes each person click.
So that's my dream. I want Newbern, in reaching 40 years, to turn the page a little bit and see that doing church may need to be looked at a little differently. As our younger half of the church begin to take on more leadership, this is the shift I think we will need to see taking place in the next few years.
It's crazy how this has become one of my dreams in life, to see a flourishing church. I'm the kid that used to dream about being a rockstar, playing guitar on stage and having people chant my name. Yeah, those days are long gone. My biggest desires in life are now pleasing God, having a growing and healthy church, and growing a healthy family where I can play soccer with my kids in the backyard. I don't ever want to stop dreaming, it's a wonderful thing. When I dream, I get inspired and move into action. For a person that is generally laid back and lazy, I welcome this into my life often. I just have to be careful that I don't get carried away in this fantasy land and neglect what's in front of me in the real world.
CRAZY, I tell you!
Monday, November 30, 2015
Of Vocation and Secular Life
"I'm a pastor."
I'm a little uncomfortable when people ask me what I do for a living. It's not really that I am scared of telling them I'm a pastor; it's more that I don't really want to do a whole lot of explaining. Some people are really cool and polite. They will follow up with asking about my job like they would any other person's job. And there are also people that pause for a second, have a confused look, and then ask a few guarded questions to try to be respectful.
It's actually sort of amusing. I don't really look forward to explaining my job, what it is, and how I got to doing it, because I don't ever want to assume people know about Christianity. So I've learned to give some really basic answers, and then I'll start trying to steer the conversation elsewhere.
You could say this blog post was inspired by a conversation I had today at the bank. I was depositing a cheque and taking out rent money when the dude asked me if I wanted to upgrade my savings account so that I could get a little more interest rate going on for it. I thought, "Why not? Day off, I'm in no hurry." After a minute, I was brought into a room to meet with a lady to set me up.
In asking for my ID, I accidentally gave her my health card, which looks identical to my driver's license. She asked if I had my license on me, and I realized I gave her the wrong card; so I said something about still getting used to these Vancouver documents and such. Then she made the remark of acknowledging that I'm from Alberta.
The conversation continues a little bit and she asks what I do. "I'm a pastor." The lady had a bit of a surprised look on her face, pretty typical from what I've seen. She then says, "I would've never pictured you to be a pastor." So we continue to talk, and she then tells me she's catholic. My thoughts were that it made sense because she had a good grasp on several faith-type terms and such. So I found it pretty pleasant to talk to her for the while.
About ten minutes later, the lady then tells me, "That's so cool! I could see you as my pastor - you're so easy to talk to!" Now, it was my turn to act a little surprised. Didn't she just tell me that I don't come across like one? Either way, I appreciated the compliment quite a bit actually. It just goes to show how much difference a few minutes can make in getting to know someone.
I know it was in a professional environment, but it's funny how the conversation with this lady made my day. Sometimes it's really refreshing to talk to some people that I don't see regularly, regardless of faith. I think she's probably no more than 5 or 6 years older than me, but I walked out of CIBC feeling pretty rejuvenated. I had a bit of a rough Sunday this past week, so I guess this was a nice way of getting back on my feet.
Anyways, this incident is really just one example of the several I've had in the last few years about my job. People all react differently, but also in a very similar way to when I tell them I'm a pastor - if that makes any sense. Reactions are unique, but all fall within the same spectrum. Usually, we end up talking about my age in relation to my job. I'm starting to warm up to this avenue more and more because I'm recognizing that traditional barriers are being broken in people thinking that you have to be old and archaic to be a pastor. My goal isn't to share the gospel when I talk to people in a secular context, but I want to be able to show them that I am who I am because of God's grace. You look at people nowadays, and you rarely feel hopeful and confident in the future of the world. But I hope that I can be a beacon of light to those that are curious enough to wonder.
I believe everyone has a spot in their hearts and minds to wonder about God. If I can draw attention to that, then that's fantastic. Not everyone will have a positive reaction, but if people can see a little bit of Jesus in me, then I'm doing what I need to do. I hope that I was able to do that for the lady I met today.
I'm a little uncomfortable when people ask me what I do for a living. It's not really that I am scared of telling them I'm a pastor; it's more that I don't really want to do a whole lot of explaining. Some people are really cool and polite. They will follow up with asking about my job like they would any other person's job. And there are also people that pause for a second, have a confused look, and then ask a few guarded questions to try to be respectful.
It's actually sort of amusing. I don't really look forward to explaining my job, what it is, and how I got to doing it, because I don't ever want to assume people know about Christianity. So I've learned to give some really basic answers, and then I'll start trying to steer the conversation elsewhere.
You could say this blog post was inspired by a conversation I had today at the bank. I was depositing a cheque and taking out rent money when the dude asked me if I wanted to upgrade my savings account so that I could get a little more interest rate going on for it. I thought, "Why not? Day off, I'm in no hurry." After a minute, I was brought into a room to meet with a lady to set me up.
In asking for my ID, I accidentally gave her my health card, which looks identical to my driver's license. She asked if I had my license on me, and I realized I gave her the wrong card; so I said something about still getting used to these Vancouver documents and such. Then she made the remark of acknowledging that I'm from Alberta.
The conversation continues a little bit and she asks what I do. "I'm a pastor." The lady had a bit of a surprised look on her face, pretty typical from what I've seen. She then says, "I would've never pictured you to be a pastor." So we continue to talk, and she then tells me she's catholic. My thoughts were that it made sense because she had a good grasp on several faith-type terms and such. So I found it pretty pleasant to talk to her for the while.
About ten minutes later, the lady then tells me, "That's so cool! I could see you as my pastor - you're so easy to talk to!" Now, it was my turn to act a little surprised. Didn't she just tell me that I don't come across like one? Either way, I appreciated the compliment quite a bit actually. It just goes to show how much difference a few minutes can make in getting to know someone.
I know it was in a professional environment, but it's funny how the conversation with this lady made my day. Sometimes it's really refreshing to talk to some people that I don't see regularly, regardless of faith. I think she's probably no more than 5 or 6 years older than me, but I walked out of CIBC feeling pretty rejuvenated. I had a bit of a rough Sunday this past week, so I guess this was a nice way of getting back on my feet.
Anyways, this incident is really just one example of the several I've had in the last few years about my job. People all react differently, but also in a very similar way to when I tell them I'm a pastor - if that makes any sense. Reactions are unique, but all fall within the same spectrum. Usually, we end up talking about my age in relation to my job. I'm starting to warm up to this avenue more and more because I'm recognizing that traditional barriers are being broken in people thinking that you have to be old and archaic to be a pastor. My goal isn't to share the gospel when I talk to people in a secular context, but I want to be able to show them that I am who I am because of God's grace. You look at people nowadays, and you rarely feel hopeful and confident in the future of the world. But I hope that I can be a beacon of light to those that are curious enough to wonder.
I believe everyone has a spot in their hearts and minds to wonder about God. If I can draw attention to that, then that's fantastic. Not everyone will have a positive reaction, but if people can see a little bit of Jesus in me, then I'm doing what I need to do. I hope that I was able to do that for the lady I met today.
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
Of Attention and Magnification
When you're a pastor, there's no running from attention. There is also no hiding that you can really do either, because who you are and the discipline of your days start to show in your performance. Your studies slack? Your sermons and teachings will start to be hollow. You spend most of your time at home? People start to wonder if you care about your congregation. Not a lot that you do will get past your church, and it's something every pastor learns to deal with. I think it's fair. If there's a pastor that gets away with everything, he/she is probably not a very good pastor.
Given where I am and where I work, a large portion of the attention I get is simply from the title I possess. Just because I'm "Pastor Nathan," I suddenly get treated with some sort of special privileges or I'm seen differently from everyone else. As someone who's already uncomfortable with attention, hearing things about me that are derived from my title make me cringe every now and then. "Wow, he's the pastor, man!" "You can't say/do that to the pastor!" Um, if it's something that shouldn't be directed at the pastor, it's probably something that shouldn't be directed at anyone else either. I don't mean to put such negative light on it, because I don't think it's a terrible thing, but the fact that I do is likely a sign that I haven't learned to handle it yet.
I'm still getting used to being the person that people will look to in order to lead and make decisions. So when I'm not prepared to be in that situation, I probably respond in a defensive way. Another part of me is that I've always been a team player. Everyone should be able to hold equal say and opportunity in everything we do as a church. But in a very Chinese tradition-influenced church, people will more often than not default to the pastor deciding. I think that I should be part of the decision making process, but I wouldn't say my voice towers over everyone else unless I absolutely have to. So for someone that's usually just another face in the room, I'm now one that stands out.
For those of you that get self-conscious easily, this job probably isn't for you. Haha.
I do. As someone that is already hyper analytical of everything I say and do, I'm now even more so than I was before. Whatever I say, or whatever I do, I'm so careful of what it's revealing about me and about my position that I don't even know how I can speak coherent sentences and have a natural body stance. It's crazy. The second I start to notice a couple people making glances over at me, I try to sit up straight, place my hands neatly in front of me, etc.
I'll admit: I'm slightly exaggerating. But much of this attention and focus still holds true. Dealing with the attention is something I cannot say I am good at, or even decent at. The caution here is that I don't want to fall into a trap where I'm more concerned about looking good and performing well. However, at the same time, it does present me the opportunity to really show others what Christ means to me. My hopes are that the latter has been more true. I don't want anything that I do to be about me or to puff myself up. I want the one who deserves the glory to be seen.
With the constant pressure and magnification of who I am and what I do, I have fallen in love with the times of the day when I can sit on my bed and just be myself. Even on Mondays, I think about work more often than not. The 1-2 hours before I sleep every night, though, are the precious times in which I can forget about the attention. My job and my life are being blended together more and more each day. Wherever I find a bit of separation, it's pure bliss.
At the very least, this is how it is at this point in my life. If one day I am married and have a family, who knows, maybe I'll actually gain some of my life back. Maybe I'll be able to come home to my wife and kids, giving them the attention rather than having it on me. Maybe.
Or I'll just do it the easy way and live somewhere that will let me have a dog.
Given where I am and where I work, a large portion of the attention I get is simply from the title I possess. Just because I'm "Pastor Nathan," I suddenly get treated with some sort of special privileges or I'm seen differently from everyone else. As someone who's already uncomfortable with attention, hearing things about me that are derived from my title make me cringe every now and then. "Wow, he's the pastor, man!" "You can't say/do that to the pastor!" Um, if it's something that shouldn't be directed at the pastor, it's probably something that shouldn't be directed at anyone else either. I don't mean to put such negative light on it, because I don't think it's a terrible thing, but the fact that I do is likely a sign that I haven't learned to handle it yet.
I'm still getting used to being the person that people will look to in order to lead and make decisions. So when I'm not prepared to be in that situation, I probably respond in a defensive way. Another part of me is that I've always been a team player. Everyone should be able to hold equal say and opportunity in everything we do as a church. But in a very Chinese tradition-influenced church, people will more often than not default to the pastor deciding. I think that I should be part of the decision making process, but I wouldn't say my voice towers over everyone else unless I absolutely have to. So for someone that's usually just another face in the room, I'm now one that stands out.
For those of you that get self-conscious easily, this job probably isn't for you. Haha.
I do. As someone that is already hyper analytical of everything I say and do, I'm now even more so than I was before. Whatever I say, or whatever I do, I'm so careful of what it's revealing about me and about my position that I don't even know how I can speak coherent sentences and have a natural body stance. It's crazy. The second I start to notice a couple people making glances over at me, I try to sit up straight, place my hands neatly in front of me, etc.
I'll admit: I'm slightly exaggerating. But much of this attention and focus still holds true. Dealing with the attention is something I cannot say I am good at, or even decent at. The caution here is that I don't want to fall into a trap where I'm more concerned about looking good and performing well. However, at the same time, it does present me the opportunity to really show others what Christ means to me. My hopes are that the latter has been more true. I don't want anything that I do to be about me or to puff myself up. I want the one who deserves the glory to be seen.
With the constant pressure and magnification of who I am and what I do, I have fallen in love with the times of the day when I can sit on my bed and just be myself. Even on Mondays, I think about work more often than not. The 1-2 hours before I sleep every night, though, are the precious times in which I can forget about the attention. My job and my life are being blended together more and more each day. Wherever I find a bit of separation, it's pure bliss.
At the very least, this is how it is at this point in my life. If one day I am married and have a family, who knows, maybe I'll actually gain some of my life back. Maybe I'll be able to come home to my wife and kids, giving them the attention rather than having it on me. Maybe.
Or I'll just do it the easy way and live somewhere that will let me have a dog.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Of Time and Efficiency
One of the traps I fall into is that I can allow weeks to simply become cycles where I repeat the same thing over and over, with little variation. For a few weeks here in November, it seems I have fallen into this rotation a little bit. Part of it is because it has been raining and cold, so no one really wants to do anything when that happens. Another part is because I'm procrastinating.
Transitioning seasons is always tough for me. I prepared hard for the Fall. But I probably should've begun preparing for the Christmas season at the end of October. I'm left here, one week before advent starts without much groundwork for the holiday season for our church. I do have an uncanny ability to finish everything by the deadlines, but I don't like to rely on that. Basically, I didn't get ahead when I could've.
Having talked about my Mondays in the past, I'm at a point now where I'm rediscovering again what I should be doing with it. I've experienced a few Sundays in the last while where I've been completely drained by the time I got home from everything. This could be right after church, or after some evening gathering I went to. So even though I purpose myself to do something productive each Monday, I'm becoming more of a vegetable because I just don't feel like doing anything. When I veg out, I never really feel rested because I'm just doing mindless things. There's no nurturing at all, I just go through the motions until it's Tuesday again, where I dread getting up to go to the office. I need my Mondays to recharge me. But how do you do that when, a) you're exhausted, and b) the weather doesn't make it desirable to go out?
God sustains me everyday. Somedays, it means I make it through with flying colors, whereas others I am barely crawling past the finish line. I don't mind too much, I just need to do better to ready for the next day.
I've also been thinking about the life of an average church goer. The pressing question right now is how much exposure to God and to the bible do people get outside of Sunday? My optimistic guess is 1-2 hours tops. Unless we maintain strong spiritual disciplines of praying, reading, and fellowship, we will feel literally no obligation to have our attentions on God. How tragic. Also, the wrong mind set.
So, with this in mind, I'm feeling pressure to really optimize the time I do have with my church to leave something that will last. The real challenge isn't to impress something that lasts, though. The real challenge is to cause a desire to take time out of everyone's days to spend time with God. How do we do that? Well, I don't really know. I need to be the first to keep myself disciplined, and I completely understand how hard it can be. Doesn't matter that I'm a pastor. It's, in a lot of ways, actually harder for me to keep it up.
So the desire is for us to change our "logic" and attitude to a point where, instead of having no reason to spend time with God, we have no other choice but to spend time with God - that we can't help ourselves but to spend time with him.
It's actually hilarious, one thing that I find. John Piper said something along the lines of how the fact that now with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., (everything that promotes efficiency) the reason we neglect God will never be because of a lack of time. How sobering of a thought is that? I felt like I hit a brick wall when I heard that comment; and then I found myself confessing a bunch of things. Haha.
Well, these thoughts may likely turn into what I preach on for the first half of 2016. I think that would be good for me to learn as well. Time isn't very forgiving to those who choose to not prioritize it: I'm learning that now. And especially with all the... let's go with "stuff" that's happened in the world over the last few weeks, there is no greater point in our lives than now where we need to be making use of time and efficiency correctly.
Transitioning seasons is always tough for me. I prepared hard for the Fall. But I probably should've begun preparing for the Christmas season at the end of October. I'm left here, one week before advent starts without much groundwork for the holiday season for our church. I do have an uncanny ability to finish everything by the deadlines, but I don't like to rely on that. Basically, I didn't get ahead when I could've.
Having talked about my Mondays in the past, I'm at a point now where I'm rediscovering again what I should be doing with it. I've experienced a few Sundays in the last while where I've been completely drained by the time I got home from everything. This could be right after church, or after some evening gathering I went to. So even though I purpose myself to do something productive each Monday, I'm becoming more of a vegetable because I just don't feel like doing anything. When I veg out, I never really feel rested because I'm just doing mindless things. There's no nurturing at all, I just go through the motions until it's Tuesday again, where I dread getting up to go to the office. I need my Mondays to recharge me. But how do you do that when, a) you're exhausted, and b) the weather doesn't make it desirable to go out?
God sustains me everyday. Somedays, it means I make it through with flying colors, whereas others I am barely crawling past the finish line. I don't mind too much, I just need to do better to ready for the next day.
I've also been thinking about the life of an average church goer. The pressing question right now is how much exposure to God and to the bible do people get outside of Sunday? My optimistic guess is 1-2 hours tops. Unless we maintain strong spiritual disciplines of praying, reading, and fellowship, we will feel literally no obligation to have our attentions on God. How tragic. Also, the wrong mind set.
So, with this in mind, I'm feeling pressure to really optimize the time I do have with my church to leave something that will last. The real challenge isn't to impress something that lasts, though. The real challenge is to cause a desire to take time out of everyone's days to spend time with God. How do we do that? Well, I don't really know. I need to be the first to keep myself disciplined, and I completely understand how hard it can be. Doesn't matter that I'm a pastor. It's, in a lot of ways, actually harder for me to keep it up.
So the desire is for us to change our "logic" and attitude to a point where, instead of having no reason to spend time with God, we have no other choice but to spend time with God - that we can't help ourselves but to spend time with him.
It's actually hilarious, one thing that I find. John Piper said something along the lines of how the fact that now with Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., (everything that promotes efficiency) the reason we neglect God will never be because of a lack of time. How sobering of a thought is that? I felt like I hit a brick wall when I heard that comment; and then I found myself confessing a bunch of things. Haha.
Well, these thoughts may likely turn into what I preach on for the first half of 2016. I think that would be good for me to learn as well. Time isn't very forgiving to those who choose to not prioritize it: I'm learning that now. And especially with all the... let's go with "stuff" that's happened in the world over the last few weeks, there is no greater point in our lives than now where we need to be making use of time and efficiency correctly.
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Of Ministry and Balance
I've been working, on and off, on my philosophy of ministry for a couple months now. I did it once a year while I was at school, but haven't really touched it since the beginning of my graduation year. Originally, I wrote it with the academic influence on it, meaning I had to be conscientious about what I'd say and how I'd say it. Everything would come from my heart, but it remained a very broad and ambiguous sense of saying things - more politically correct, you could say.
This past summer, I've talked about vision seeking and a lot of aligning myself to where we, as a church, need to be going in the coming year(s). Doing this has allowed me to come back to what my philosophy of ministry is, and what the church's "philosophy" is as well.
It's funny, because in the past, I've just fired away at writing down exactly what I had learned and what I felt would be important to my philosophy, but after a couple months of thinking here, I really have yet to even write a single word on it.
I think there is a reason why. The overarching "philosophy," or reason/purpose, to anyone's ministry should always remain unchanged. Stemming from what Christ commissioned of the Church, that doesn't deviate from what the scriptures tell us. So, with that in mind, I was wondering, then, why I would need to redo my philosophy again. Even with wondering, however, I knew very strongly in my mind that something had shifted from year one into year two. It's fair to say that I got through my first year almost purely on energy, excitement, and the whole sense of newness. Did I really accomplish as much as it appears I have? Do people actually like me as a person and a pastor? How much longer until I get some actual push back? What's going to keep this ship sailing in the right direction?
All of these questions that come into my mind have affected the way I've approached doing my philosophy this time around. I think it's a good thing. So I've been wrestling with the balance I need to draw in terms of keeping that overarching purpose of why we do church and what our main goal is in this specific time and place, or the "context" as some would like to call it.
Context is always a bit of a "can of worms" type of a discussion because we so rarely go about it appropriately. For me, I think it will play a big role into my philosophy this time because I really believe that in this season, our church really needs to learn how to go deeper into the Gospel. This means that it's not so much hearing about the good news, but it's about keeping that freshness of what the good news means to us in our day to day lives and how it should affect the way we live. Tim Keller said Christianity seems to become very powerful at the margins of our societies. Having taken a course on marginal theology myself, I agree pretty strongly. Therefore, in many ways, ministering to "mature" Christians, believers who have been around for a long time, seems to be a really big challenge nowadays. For this reason, I really want to do a series on Philippians, but it seems everyone has been doing it. Would I be a bandwagoner if I jumped in on it too? Probably not, given my circumstances, but it's still something that will need to be addressed. James is another book that has popped up as well, so I'm glad I have options.
So there's some really introductory and surface level thoughts on my current philosophy of ministry. The philosophy will never really change too much. I think it'll just bring upon seasons where certain points of the philosophy will be emphasized more than others.
I'm thankful for my life these days. I'm glad that I've really been finding joy in doing the things I do because of the foundation I've been fortunate to build. This is not to say that everything is working out, but I'm able to face everything with joy, and that's really all I need. There's still a lot of adjustments I need to make personally, but I'm slowly getting there. The best part is when I catch myself pausing in conversation because I need to translate something in my mind so I can say it in Chinese. It's awesome the grace I get from these people who understand that Chinese isn't my go to language, so I'm a little slow when it comes to interacting with people when I have to use the language.
My church really is a small and faithful family that's been committed for decades, and my heart burns for their ability to grow and continue in what will begin as the next chapter of this thing we call church in 2016.
This past summer, I've talked about vision seeking and a lot of aligning myself to where we, as a church, need to be going in the coming year(s). Doing this has allowed me to come back to what my philosophy of ministry is, and what the church's "philosophy" is as well.
It's funny, because in the past, I've just fired away at writing down exactly what I had learned and what I felt would be important to my philosophy, but after a couple months of thinking here, I really have yet to even write a single word on it.
I think there is a reason why. The overarching "philosophy," or reason/purpose, to anyone's ministry should always remain unchanged. Stemming from what Christ commissioned of the Church, that doesn't deviate from what the scriptures tell us. So, with that in mind, I was wondering, then, why I would need to redo my philosophy again. Even with wondering, however, I knew very strongly in my mind that something had shifted from year one into year two. It's fair to say that I got through my first year almost purely on energy, excitement, and the whole sense of newness. Did I really accomplish as much as it appears I have? Do people actually like me as a person and a pastor? How much longer until I get some actual push back? What's going to keep this ship sailing in the right direction?
All of these questions that come into my mind have affected the way I've approached doing my philosophy this time around. I think it's a good thing. So I've been wrestling with the balance I need to draw in terms of keeping that overarching purpose of why we do church and what our main goal is in this specific time and place, or the "context" as some would like to call it.
Context is always a bit of a "can of worms" type of a discussion because we so rarely go about it appropriately. For me, I think it will play a big role into my philosophy this time because I really believe that in this season, our church really needs to learn how to go deeper into the Gospel. This means that it's not so much hearing about the good news, but it's about keeping that freshness of what the good news means to us in our day to day lives and how it should affect the way we live. Tim Keller said Christianity seems to become very powerful at the margins of our societies. Having taken a course on marginal theology myself, I agree pretty strongly. Therefore, in many ways, ministering to "mature" Christians, believers who have been around for a long time, seems to be a really big challenge nowadays. For this reason, I really want to do a series on Philippians, but it seems everyone has been doing it. Would I be a bandwagoner if I jumped in on it too? Probably not, given my circumstances, but it's still something that will need to be addressed. James is another book that has popped up as well, so I'm glad I have options.
So there's some really introductory and surface level thoughts on my current philosophy of ministry. The philosophy will never really change too much. I think it'll just bring upon seasons where certain points of the philosophy will be emphasized more than others.
I'm thankful for my life these days. I'm glad that I've really been finding joy in doing the things I do because of the foundation I've been fortunate to build. This is not to say that everything is working out, but I'm able to face everything with joy, and that's really all I need. There's still a lot of adjustments I need to make personally, but I'm slowly getting there. The best part is when I catch myself pausing in conversation because I need to translate something in my mind so I can say it in Chinese. It's awesome the grace I get from these people who understand that Chinese isn't my go to language, so I'm a little slow when it comes to interacting with people when I have to use the language.
My church really is a small and faithful family that's been committed for decades, and my heart burns for their ability to grow and continue in what will begin as the next chapter of this thing we call church in 2016.
Tuesday, November 3, 2015
Searching
September and October have been two interesting months for me at my job and ministry. There's been some rollercoaster type effects that I've been feeling about several things and I've been trying to process all of it during this time.
Looking back at October, I didn't have a whole lot to do compared to the months that sandwich it. I only had to preach on one Sunday, and that was the joint Thanksgiving service.
I actually really enjoyed preaching at the joint service. Generally speaking, I haven't met too many people that like joint services. Usually, it means the service time will be longer, there needs to be translation, and it's usually some special event like a baptism or something like that. Predominantly in Chinese churches, a joint service means that it's a service in the style and format of the Chinese meeting. I know that in the last several years, many churches of the like are beginning to realize that if a Chinese church in North America is to have any real future, it will need to put resources into developing and growing the English. That's a whole different subject that I won't get into, because no matter which way you turn, you seem to be stepping on people's toes when you talk about the nature of an English congregation in a Chinese church - I would say it's almost as can-of-worm-like as talking finances in a Chinese-heavy culture. So when I look at the overall climate of Chinese churches, the ones who figured this out sooner seem to be further along the spectrum.
With that being said, I wasn't sure what to expect as I prepared my message for the service. However, God gave me a really awesome message to speak on; so I hung onto the excitement that I gained from knowing I get to tell people what I learned in preparing for the message. As it turned out, I came away really encouraged. My parents taught me to be thankful and to show that appreciation to others. So when, at the beginning of the sermon, I let everyone know what a privilege it was to speak at a joint service, it seemed like a lot of tension was lifted and the stress very much eased. It was genuine, though. I didn't just say that so the older people would give me props for being respectful. I don't remember the last time the English pastor preached at the joint service. So when I said it was an honor for me to preach, I meant it.
On the topic of preaching, I'm starting to find that maybe I'm getting more comfortable behind the pulpit. I mentioned that I am really beginning to find joy in the preparation and the giving of the sermon. People are beginning to respond more as well. I appreciate the positive feedback and "praise" that people give me for being what they think is a good preacher, but I still often feel uncomfortable accepting the compliments. I get told that I really have a natural ability as a preacher, and it's cool, but I don't know how to feel about it. Over the last year, especially, I've put in a lot of work trying to become a better preacher - almost to a point that the other areas of my ministry would suffer because of it. I've listened to countless sermons from countless pastors to try to take note of their styles and what they focus on.
The funny thing here is that while I tune into these sermons for the techniques, I'm usually left being impressed by the message itself. So that's what I really think it comes down to. You can have all the techniques, the natural abilities, or whatever else you want, but if your message has no substance of the gospel, it's not going to have a lasting effect. Preach the Word.
One of the older ladies in the congregation keeps telling me how impressed she is by my work; and it flatters me, but I think it's adorable that she thinks so highly of me to the point of over-complimenting me. She thinks I'll become a famous pastor because of how gifted I am. It's really funny, because she's a very experienced and well traveled lady; she's seen a lot of the world throughout her life, and hearing what she says to me is very nice. All I can really do is gently point her back to the work of the Lord. I beat myself up for being useless all the time, and I think a lot of it is warranted even if you think I'm just hard on myself. So it just lets me know that when people think highly of me, there really is only one reason for it.
I really hope people understand that about me. You may think I'm gifted or talented in many ways, but in my lifetime, I've rarely ever thought that about myself. Many nights I'll lay in bed asking why God grants me the ability to succeed when my work ethic's consitency is so poor and don't deserve "being in the right place at the right time", so to speak. When I get compliments and such, I know certain people will shoot a stink eye at me saying that I flaunt all my abilities so people will like me and to puff up my ego. I never wanted to be in any spotlight. In fact, I prefer being invisible. It's just funny that God has put me exactly where I don't want to be.
Even then, in some form of defense to myself, where I am "skilled" in something, I've probably put in a lot of hard work to get to the point of where I'm at. Take guitar, for instance. When I first fell in love with the instrument, I played non-stop for hours a day. I annoyed my family because of how much I'd play guitar. So I think it's only fair to acknowledge the amount of hard work that anyone puts into being good at something. So if I'm becoming an alright preacher, it's probably because I've put a lot of time into practicing and preparing.
Anyways, I've forgotten what the point of this blog post was. Haha. Skimming over all that I just wrote, it doesn't really paint a picture that I want to display, but I guess that's just part of me being transparent. I'm doing a lot of searching these days, and helping me process these thoughts through typing and analyzing can only be a good thing.
Looking back at October, I didn't have a whole lot to do compared to the months that sandwich it. I only had to preach on one Sunday, and that was the joint Thanksgiving service.
I actually really enjoyed preaching at the joint service. Generally speaking, I haven't met too many people that like joint services. Usually, it means the service time will be longer, there needs to be translation, and it's usually some special event like a baptism or something like that. Predominantly in Chinese churches, a joint service means that it's a service in the style and format of the Chinese meeting. I know that in the last several years, many churches of the like are beginning to realize that if a Chinese church in North America is to have any real future, it will need to put resources into developing and growing the English. That's a whole different subject that I won't get into, because no matter which way you turn, you seem to be stepping on people's toes when you talk about the nature of an English congregation in a Chinese church - I would say it's almost as can-of-worm-like as talking finances in a Chinese-heavy culture. So when I look at the overall climate of Chinese churches, the ones who figured this out sooner seem to be further along the spectrum.
With that being said, I wasn't sure what to expect as I prepared my message for the service. However, God gave me a really awesome message to speak on; so I hung onto the excitement that I gained from knowing I get to tell people what I learned in preparing for the message. As it turned out, I came away really encouraged. My parents taught me to be thankful and to show that appreciation to others. So when, at the beginning of the sermon, I let everyone know what a privilege it was to speak at a joint service, it seemed like a lot of tension was lifted and the stress very much eased. It was genuine, though. I didn't just say that so the older people would give me props for being respectful. I don't remember the last time the English pastor preached at the joint service. So when I said it was an honor for me to preach, I meant it.
On the topic of preaching, I'm starting to find that maybe I'm getting more comfortable behind the pulpit. I mentioned that I am really beginning to find joy in the preparation and the giving of the sermon. People are beginning to respond more as well. I appreciate the positive feedback and "praise" that people give me for being what they think is a good preacher, but I still often feel uncomfortable accepting the compliments. I get told that I really have a natural ability as a preacher, and it's cool, but I don't know how to feel about it. Over the last year, especially, I've put in a lot of work trying to become a better preacher - almost to a point that the other areas of my ministry would suffer because of it. I've listened to countless sermons from countless pastors to try to take note of their styles and what they focus on.
The funny thing here is that while I tune into these sermons for the techniques, I'm usually left being impressed by the message itself. So that's what I really think it comes down to. You can have all the techniques, the natural abilities, or whatever else you want, but if your message has no substance of the gospel, it's not going to have a lasting effect. Preach the Word.
One of the older ladies in the congregation keeps telling me how impressed she is by my work; and it flatters me, but I think it's adorable that she thinks so highly of me to the point of over-complimenting me. She thinks I'll become a famous pastor because of how gifted I am. It's really funny, because she's a very experienced and well traveled lady; she's seen a lot of the world throughout her life, and hearing what she says to me is very nice. All I can really do is gently point her back to the work of the Lord. I beat myself up for being useless all the time, and I think a lot of it is warranted even if you think I'm just hard on myself. So it just lets me know that when people think highly of me, there really is only one reason for it.
I really hope people understand that about me. You may think I'm gifted or talented in many ways, but in my lifetime, I've rarely ever thought that about myself. Many nights I'll lay in bed asking why God grants me the ability to succeed when my work ethic's consitency is so poor and don't deserve "being in the right place at the right time", so to speak. When I get compliments and such, I know certain people will shoot a stink eye at me saying that I flaunt all my abilities so people will like me and to puff up my ego. I never wanted to be in any spotlight. In fact, I prefer being invisible. It's just funny that God has put me exactly where I don't want to be.
Even then, in some form of defense to myself, where I am "skilled" in something, I've probably put in a lot of hard work to get to the point of where I'm at. Take guitar, for instance. When I first fell in love with the instrument, I played non-stop for hours a day. I annoyed my family because of how much I'd play guitar. So I think it's only fair to acknowledge the amount of hard work that anyone puts into being good at something. So if I'm becoming an alright preacher, it's probably because I've put a lot of time into practicing and preparing.
Anyways, I've forgotten what the point of this blog post was. Haha. Skimming over all that I just wrote, it doesn't really paint a picture that I want to display, but I guess that's just part of me being transparent. I'm doing a lot of searching these days, and helping me process these thoughts through typing and analyzing can only be a good thing.
Monday, October 12, 2015
The Retreat - My Thanksgiving
Slowly, I've begun to enjoy more and more the whole thing about preaching. This extends from the beginning in searching for a series to preach, breaking down the weekly topics and passages, the preparation and study that goes into each week, and then being able to share that with people who I hope can also find enjoyment in hearing what God has to say.
They say that when we present an informative speech of some kind, whether preaching, teaching, etc., it's like we spend time in a cave where we are studying all the creases, the edges, and the corners, learning about the cave and what it's about, and then taking a piece of that cave and showing it to people. The piece of the cave is supposed to give everyone an idea of what the entire cave is like. Like my cousin, Jon, said to me once, "why take one piece of the cave to the people, when I can just bring them to the cave itself?" I couldn't agree more. It's nice to bring one piece of what we study and try to get people to understand what the entirety is like; but what would really bring satisfaction is if we can use that piece to get people excited enough so that they go and visit the cave themselves.
This is really what I try to accomplish when I preach. I want to tell people to be excited about Jesus and who they are in him at the end of every message. Sometimes it's convicting, sometimes it's joyful. It's in my hopes that how I present the message brings a certain amount of sweetness that everyone can taste in their mouths, but wanting more. So it's a very neat science for me to determine what and how much I explain in each point of the message. I can't leave it so open that people are second guessing what I'm saying; but I also don't want to explain every detail too vividly. I think this is usually what I let go of and let the Spirit do the work. I trust that I put in the work, and whatever gets the peoples' ears to perk up is his work.
What I love even more about preaching is the retreat I get after it - the Sunday night. I do my best to keep Sunday nights to myself, because it allows me to come home to my haven and retreat from everything that happened during the week. Knowing that I've completed a cycle of the work, and that there are no pressures for me to wake up the next day, it brings an incredible peace to my mind and heart.
Spending so much time in the Word (or the cave, as I've illustrated earlier), it gets to a point where I think most of us need to sit back and let everything soak in before we continue further. Sunday night is that for me. I get to sit at home with as little disturbances as I allow, and just have everything sink in. I reflect, and I rest in God's peace. It's honestly one of the most comforting and theraputic things I've ever experienced. Even in the times where I feel like I preached a terrible sermon, being able to soak everything in and just relax is so refreshing.
Obviously, I'm not afforded a whole lot of time off anymore, and I think that's okay. This just makes me all the more thankful for the time that I do have off. Being able to come home, in a familiar place and surrounding, it's really quite heavenly. It's the feeling of stepping behind the curtain and "disappearing for a while" that I really find rewarding. As an introvert, I can indulge in this any day.
I love preaching, and the retreat after it may be as awesome as the preaching itself. This is my thanksgiving.
They say that when we present an informative speech of some kind, whether preaching, teaching, etc., it's like we spend time in a cave where we are studying all the creases, the edges, and the corners, learning about the cave and what it's about, and then taking a piece of that cave and showing it to people. The piece of the cave is supposed to give everyone an idea of what the entire cave is like. Like my cousin, Jon, said to me once, "why take one piece of the cave to the people, when I can just bring them to the cave itself?" I couldn't agree more. It's nice to bring one piece of what we study and try to get people to understand what the entirety is like; but what would really bring satisfaction is if we can use that piece to get people excited enough so that they go and visit the cave themselves.
This is really what I try to accomplish when I preach. I want to tell people to be excited about Jesus and who they are in him at the end of every message. Sometimes it's convicting, sometimes it's joyful. It's in my hopes that how I present the message brings a certain amount of sweetness that everyone can taste in their mouths, but wanting more. So it's a very neat science for me to determine what and how much I explain in each point of the message. I can't leave it so open that people are second guessing what I'm saying; but I also don't want to explain every detail too vividly. I think this is usually what I let go of and let the Spirit do the work. I trust that I put in the work, and whatever gets the peoples' ears to perk up is his work.
What I love even more about preaching is the retreat I get after it - the Sunday night. I do my best to keep Sunday nights to myself, because it allows me to come home to my haven and retreat from everything that happened during the week. Knowing that I've completed a cycle of the work, and that there are no pressures for me to wake up the next day, it brings an incredible peace to my mind and heart.
Spending so much time in the Word (or the cave, as I've illustrated earlier), it gets to a point where I think most of us need to sit back and let everything soak in before we continue further. Sunday night is that for me. I get to sit at home with as little disturbances as I allow, and just have everything sink in. I reflect, and I rest in God's peace. It's honestly one of the most comforting and theraputic things I've ever experienced. Even in the times where I feel like I preached a terrible sermon, being able to soak everything in and just relax is so refreshing.
Obviously, I'm not afforded a whole lot of time off anymore, and I think that's okay. This just makes me all the more thankful for the time that I do have off. Being able to come home, in a familiar place and surrounding, it's really quite heavenly. It's the feeling of stepping behind the curtain and "disappearing for a while" that I really find rewarding. As an introvert, I can indulge in this any day.
I love preaching, and the retreat after it may be as awesome as the preaching itself. This is my thanksgiving.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Muse About
Every now and then, I try to put myself in someone's shoes when they have to deal with me. It's funny because I don't know what people are like exactly when they think, but I like to imagine anyway.
Then, every so often I think about the education that I received. Technically, I graduated with a Bachelor of Theology, major in church ministries. When I really think about it, what does that even mean? Practically speaking, what does it mean for me to be identified with a BTh? I have no clue. When I left Ambrose, I didn't feel a whole BTh smarter than I was before I went in - that's for sure.
I continue and think about what my professors thought of me. Everyone knows that professors talk about their students to their faculty, but I don't know how much of me ever gets mentioned. I know from the chats I've had that I'm usually seen as a more timid and shy person, going about my own business quietly and never really getting too involved in class. But that's usually about it. I think it wasn't until after I took a preaching class and after I came back from my internship that my professors really started to get to know me. This is because there's no hiding from actual performance and evaluation of that performance.
To me, it makes sense that you don't really see much of me until it gets to the practical everyday life kind of environment that you can get a grasp of what I'm like around people. I've never been all that into formal schooling and education.
In some ways, I'm learning so much more now that I'm on my own than I ever would've learned in the classroom - this always seems to be the case, for some reason.
I can be preparing for a sermon or a study that requires me to read in depth into the bible; and often, I will read and discover things that make me think, "how did I not know this before?" Which, then, leads me to asking how or why my professors even passed me when my knowledge is so bad. Contrary to how I feel about schooling, I actually finished pretty well, relatively speaking. It still baffles me, though, to try to picture myself as my professor sitting there reading one of my papers.
How or why in the world do they pass me? I guess I say this because I still feel guilty that I didn't put in the best effort on my assignments and exams. So in some ways, I feel that I don't really deserve the grades that I get.
So I finally managed to look over some of my papers lately. Some of them are awfully written, and got a grade better than I would've given it.
However, I guess I do admit that if there is one trend in my papers that I do well on, it's that I seemed to manage a firm grasp on the centrality of the gospel's importance on our lives. Christ's work on the cross really was the climax of all existence. Really, the very reason anything happens is supposed to point to the cross. I understood, and continue to understand, that. I find that understanding the relevance, the centrality, and the importance of the gospel really isn't something any schooling can ever teach you; it's just something you have to realize on your own, with the help of others, and with the grace of God.
Maybe my professors saw that I grasped that, so they gave me credit. Who knows? I just like to muse about these things every once in a while.
Then, every so often I think about the education that I received. Technically, I graduated with a Bachelor of Theology, major in church ministries. When I really think about it, what does that even mean? Practically speaking, what does it mean for me to be identified with a BTh? I have no clue. When I left Ambrose, I didn't feel a whole BTh smarter than I was before I went in - that's for sure.
I continue and think about what my professors thought of me. Everyone knows that professors talk about their students to their faculty, but I don't know how much of me ever gets mentioned. I know from the chats I've had that I'm usually seen as a more timid and shy person, going about my own business quietly and never really getting too involved in class. But that's usually about it. I think it wasn't until after I took a preaching class and after I came back from my internship that my professors really started to get to know me. This is because there's no hiding from actual performance and evaluation of that performance.
To me, it makes sense that you don't really see much of me until it gets to the practical everyday life kind of environment that you can get a grasp of what I'm like around people. I've never been all that into formal schooling and education.
In some ways, I'm learning so much more now that I'm on my own than I ever would've learned in the classroom - this always seems to be the case, for some reason.
I can be preparing for a sermon or a study that requires me to read in depth into the bible; and often, I will read and discover things that make me think, "how did I not know this before?" Which, then, leads me to asking how or why my professors even passed me when my knowledge is so bad. Contrary to how I feel about schooling, I actually finished pretty well, relatively speaking. It still baffles me, though, to try to picture myself as my professor sitting there reading one of my papers.
How or why in the world do they pass me? I guess I say this because I still feel guilty that I didn't put in the best effort on my assignments and exams. So in some ways, I feel that I don't really deserve the grades that I get.
So I finally managed to look over some of my papers lately. Some of them are awfully written, and got a grade better than I would've given it.
However, I guess I do admit that if there is one trend in my papers that I do well on, it's that I seemed to manage a firm grasp on the centrality of the gospel's importance on our lives. Christ's work on the cross really was the climax of all existence. Really, the very reason anything happens is supposed to point to the cross. I understood, and continue to understand, that. I find that understanding the relevance, the centrality, and the importance of the gospel really isn't something any schooling can ever teach you; it's just something you have to realize on your own, with the help of others, and with the grace of God.
Maybe my professors saw that I grasped that, so they gave me credit. Who knows? I just like to muse about these things every once in a while.
Thursday, September 24, 2015
Outlet For Outreach
At some point in my current tenure here at Newbern, I've realized ("accepted" might be the better word) that a whole lot of what I want to do has to be done by myself, or no one will really do it. You could say that it's a lesson in independency as a whole, but as far as my ministry goes, I'd say it holds most true.
It's been very interesting for me to try to get a feel for the temperature and climate of what this church is currently like. What I've observed over the first year is actually really intriguing to me and I'm actually quite fascinated by it. I think that if I described the nature of my church here to the average person, they'd potentially be turned off by the prospect of wanting to attend. It's interesting, really. You might say to me, "wow, where is your professional integrity in throwing your church under the bus like that on a personal blog?" Yeah, I'll probably admit that sometimes I'm too blunt and lack a bit of a filter - I'm still young and learning how to express myself appropriately.
What I'm really saying, though, is that I think with any church I'd ever work with, especially as a minister, I'd see all the holes that I'd want to fill up. If all I was focused on were the holes and flaws, then for sure you can question me in my integrity and reason for doing what I do. However, I don't really find myself doing that. When I'm analyzing, I'm really analyzing the people. If I see a certain part of the church a certain way, it's usually a result of and a cause of the people in the church.
So, because the church is composed of broken people, obviously there's going to be a lot of areas we'd want to address. I'm interested in transforming lives, not creating the best program in town.
Before I get too far off track, let me reel it back in.
One, I guess you could call it, obstacle that I've encountered so far is how to keep contact and reach the people in my church. In 2015, it seems the world revolves around and is hinged upon the use of social media. Companies have people hired as full-time staff strictly in charge of their social image and communications via social media.
Now, I'd signed up for Facebook in 2007 and got my Twitter handle in 2009, before they really became what they are now, but I guess I never realized how important they would be in ministry. It's so much easier to message someone on Facebook than it is to even text them nowadays. The chances are if I wanted people to know something, posting on Facebook will grant a higher chance of it being viewed than anything else.
I've only ever been a lurker on Facebook, rarely ever interacting with the posts I see when I scroll down the newsfeed. But I'm seeing now, after some brief experimenting, that if I pretty-up a Facebook post, it will attract more attention about maybe an announcement I want to make, or a gathering that I want to set up. It really baffles me.
Given who I am, you'd think I'd almost be an expert with this kind of stuff, but I'm really slow and behind. Several times in the past couple weeks I've even thought to myself, "man, I need to hire someone to take care of the media stuff for me." Obviously, I said it with tongue in cheek, but it's really indicative of what the best way to reach my congregation is. Everytime I open up the Facebook to post something or send a message, I almost feel bad like I'm wasting time or being unprofessional with what I'm doing. I'm just not used to it. When I first got Facebook, it was just a way for me to talk to my friends; none of this "social media" stuff was even existing yet.
I'm learning. Strange that you'd hear a 24 year old talking about struggling to keep up with technology, but I am. Ultimately, I want God to be the main attraction, but I almost feel that if I want to create avenues for people to get to that state, I have to go down this particular outlet for reaching people.
You could make a case for me just overreacting, but this stuff is a science! I swear! There is a best time to post, a best way to post; how many words, how many fonts, how many colors, click bait titles, etc. It's a science!
Please send help, I'm going crazy. Haha.
Thursday, September 10, 2015
My Victory
One of the biggest things I learned in school and in life is that everything is a process of getting to where we ought to be. As no one's perfect, we all have our flaws that we can choose to run away from, to embrace as part of who we are, or to correct it.
In this day and age, pretty much everywhere you go you'll hear people say that you should embrace who you are because it's what makes you unique, that you should love yourself and all the things that make up your personality and character. You get the whole tolerance message that tells you not to let anyone affect the way you feel about yourself just because of a certain make up of the way you are, and how we should be accepting of everyone as they are.
I mean, it all sounds pretty and seems like it's a good thing, but is it really? To be honest, it's probably the furthest thing from the truth, if you ask me. The whole spiel makes it seem too much like it's reached a conclusive state, completely negating the whole idea of a process. Telling someone that they shouldn't change who they are just because who they are is unique is so contradicting to what the Gospel teaches.
I'll expand.
I've had so many amazing people mentor me and speak into my life. One thing these mentors do for me is they keep me accountable by asking me about the sin in my life. Of course, I tell them what I struggle with and how I deal with them. Some of my sins would be behavioural, while others are very much part of what makes up my personality. The behavioural ones are easy to spot, but ones related to my character are harder to tackle. Every now and then, I'll get asked if I've experienced victory in conquering the sin. I never really enjoy answering this question because I never feel fully confident if I say yes. Maybe my faith is just weak, but what does it even mean to say that I've fully conquered a sin in my life? How can I say that I will never repeat that sin again if I can't see the future? As a bit of a clarification, though, I do believe that, by the grace of God, someone can be fully healed from a sin.
At this point in my life, my victory means a daily commitment to living a holy life according to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are two things I'll mention. The first is that when we talk about overcoming sin, we focus on the act of overcoming the behaviour or sin so much that we forget why we're overcoming the sin in the first place. We want to be rid of sin in our lives because that's what God has commanded of us. However, that's only half of the reason. The other half is that we are to be like the person of Jesus. So the very reason we're ridding ourselves of sin is so that we can be like Christ. I think most of us have no idea just how profound it is to know that we are called to be like Christ. That is the second thing. The very reason we rid sin from our lives is so that we are conformed to the person of Jesus.
I mean, this is the very basis for our faith. We are on a journey of sanctification that requires us to trek daily on this journey to battle and wage war on the sin in our lives. We're living in a sinful world, and our destination is to be where Christ is. So if I've overcome sin, it's because I've made the commitment every day to follow the calling of Christ in my life. This means I'll be tempted day in and day out, and sometimes I will even fall, but my desire is obedience so that at the end of the day, Jesus can look at me and say, "well done, good and faithful servant." Wow.
This is what I think it means to be Christian.
So that's why I don't understand why so many people keep preaching the message that we don't need to change who we are because God loves us either way. Yeah, it's true God loves you as you are, but it doesn't mean he will accept all the sin that is in your life. I also make it my goal to love you and accept you as God does, but I'm not going to say that the way you are is fine, because it's not. I want for you to become like Christ as much as I want myself to be like him, so I'm always going to try to encourage people to strive to live in the light that Christ is. The amazing thing about our faith is that we don't have to change everything about us before coming to God; but rather, when we come before God as we are, his grace allows us to see what we are to become, and thus change ourselves into who he wants us to be. To be conformed to the image of Christ is the greatest thing that I could ever dream of achieving; and so because of that, I desire greatly to change everything that is not pleasing to God so that I can get closer to Jesus each and every day. That is my victory.
In this day and age, pretty much everywhere you go you'll hear people say that you should embrace who you are because it's what makes you unique, that you should love yourself and all the things that make up your personality and character. You get the whole tolerance message that tells you not to let anyone affect the way you feel about yourself just because of a certain make up of the way you are, and how we should be accepting of everyone as they are.
I mean, it all sounds pretty and seems like it's a good thing, but is it really? To be honest, it's probably the furthest thing from the truth, if you ask me. The whole spiel makes it seem too much like it's reached a conclusive state, completely negating the whole idea of a process. Telling someone that they shouldn't change who they are just because who they are is unique is so contradicting to what the Gospel teaches.
I'll expand.
I've had so many amazing people mentor me and speak into my life. One thing these mentors do for me is they keep me accountable by asking me about the sin in my life. Of course, I tell them what I struggle with and how I deal with them. Some of my sins would be behavioural, while others are very much part of what makes up my personality. The behavioural ones are easy to spot, but ones related to my character are harder to tackle. Every now and then, I'll get asked if I've experienced victory in conquering the sin. I never really enjoy answering this question because I never feel fully confident if I say yes. Maybe my faith is just weak, but what does it even mean to say that I've fully conquered a sin in my life? How can I say that I will never repeat that sin again if I can't see the future? As a bit of a clarification, though, I do believe that, by the grace of God, someone can be fully healed from a sin.
At this point in my life, my victory means a daily commitment to living a holy life according to the gospel of Jesus Christ. There are two things I'll mention. The first is that when we talk about overcoming sin, we focus on the act of overcoming the behaviour or sin so much that we forget why we're overcoming the sin in the first place. We want to be rid of sin in our lives because that's what God has commanded of us. However, that's only half of the reason. The other half is that we are to be like the person of Jesus. So the very reason we're ridding ourselves of sin is so that we can be like Christ. I think most of us have no idea just how profound it is to know that we are called to be like Christ. That is the second thing. The very reason we rid sin from our lives is so that we are conformed to the person of Jesus.
I mean, this is the very basis for our faith. We are on a journey of sanctification that requires us to trek daily on this journey to battle and wage war on the sin in our lives. We're living in a sinful world, and our destination is to be where Christ is. So if I've overcome sin, it's because I've made the commitment every day to follow the calling of Christ in my life. This means I'll be tempted day in and day out, and sometimes I will even fall, but my desire is obedience so that at the end of the day, Jesus can look at me and say, "well done, good and faithful servant." Wow.
This is what I think it means to be Christian.
So that's why I don't understand why so many people keep preaching the message that we don't need to change who we are because God loves us either way. Yeah, it's true God loves you as you are, but it doesn't mean he will accept all the sin that is in your life. I also make it my goal to love you and accept you as God does, but I'm not going to say that the way you are is fine, because it's not. I want for you to become like Christ as much as I want myself to be like him, so I'm always going to try to encourage people to strive to live in the light that Christ is. The amazing thing about our faith is that we don't have to change everything about us before coming to God; but rather, when we come before God as we are, his grace allows us to see what we are to become, and thus change ourselves into who he wants us to be. To be conformed to the image of Christ is the greatest thing that I could ever dream of achieving; and so because of that, I desire greatly to change everything that is not pleasing to God so that I can get closer to Jesus each and every day. That is my victory.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Autumn
Seven years into the life of this blog, patterns stay mostly the same. I don't blog a whole lot during the summer months. This is probably indicative of me spending most of my time in Edmonton and doing things with friends and family. Having been gone for five years, I kind of got used to the leave-for-the-school-year-and-return-in-the-summer routine. Though, it's probably fair to say with having begun my career in work, I will eventually be moving away from this pattern.
Autumn is usually refered to as the season between summer and winter, but the term itself has the meaning of maturation or a beginning in decline. Since I'm such a nerd (or as I'd like to call it: artsy), my last few months have had a real autumn vibe to them. I think I'm slowly accepting that there are a bunch of things, as well as people, that I have to let go of. Letting go doesn't mean I will never see or talk to them again, but that I shouldn't attach myself so closely to associating with them. Everyone's got their own lives to live, and the more I try to cling onto these things of old, the more I'm restricting myself from moving forward with my own life.
In preparation for the September kick off, I look back at my first year of ministry, and more specifically the last three months. After a good start, it comes to my attention that with where I am now, I'm a bit lost. With a lot of the things I'm doing now, in every aspect, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
I think the first real thing is that I still don't feel completely settled into Vancouver. I do, however, think that I just need a bit more time. A year in such a big city can only do so much - this isn't a small town in the middle of nowhere Saskatchewan anymore (not making fun of Assiniboia, just contrasting). Being a prairie boy, Vancouver is a whole different culture, and I haven't been able to blend with the people as well as I've wanted to. This isn't really to say that I don't like the people here, it's just that I haven't found a group or community that I feel completely at home in. Probably not too surprising, as it took me almost three years in Calgary to do that.
Another thing, that I've only shared with a few people, is that I started to get excited for where my ministry was headed. For the first bit of 2015, I really sensed that our church was going somewhere. I didn't know where exactly, but I was stoked to be along for the ride. So based on past experiences, I knew very well that the second we start getting excited about church life, the enemy is going to come attacking. Basically, since the start of June-ish, I've been under constant distress about many things in my life, an attempt to more or less slow me down or stop me completely. I'll admit: I've felt the effects, and I don't like it.
You do what you can to take what you get and move on, which is what I'm trying to do; but I find that in times of decline, it isn't so much knowing what to do, it's the will to do it. Some days, it's much more appealing to stay in bed under covers than to get up and clean the house - same thing with what I'm seeing now.
This is how I've been over the last little while. There is still joy within me, and I think that's really the defining factor of why I still get up and work every morning. As much as it doesn't feel like it, I know there's still a reason for me to live my life and do what I'm told to do.
I will be extremely busy, probably, for the rest of the year and onwards. We've had an unfortunate outcome that has brought about inconvenience, so people will need to step up to fill the gap, starting with me.
Although it looks nice and is worth admiration, we all know that when the leaves have turned, they are bound to fall. The key is always to make it through the winter, no matter how cold, and look forward to the spring when new flowers blossom and bring new life.
Autumn is usually refered to as the season between summer and winter, but the term itself has the meaning of maturation or a beginning in decline. Since I'm such a nerd (or as I'd like to call it: artsy), my last few months have had a real autumn vibe to them. I think I'm slowly accepting that there are a bunch of things, as well as people, that I have to let go of. Letting go doesn't mean I will never see or talk to them again, but that I shouldn't attach myself so closely to associating with them. Everyone's got their own lives to live, and the more I try to cling onto these things of old, the more I'm restricting myself from moving forward with my own life.
In preparation for the September kick off, I look back at my first year of ministry, and more specifically the last three months. After a good start, it comes to my attention that with where I am now, I'm a bit lost. With a lot of the things I'm doing now, in every aspect, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
I think the first real thing is that I still don't feel completely settled into Vancouver. I do, however, think that I just need a bit more time. A year in such a big city can only do so much - this isn't a small town in the middle of nowhere Saskatchewan anymore (not making fun of Assiniboia, just contrasting). Being a prairie boy, Vancouver is a whole different culture, and I haven't been able to blend with the people as well as I've wanted to. This isn't really to say that I don't like the people here, it's just that I haven't found a group or community that I feel completely at home in. Probably not too surprising, as it took me almost three years in Calgary to do that.
Another thing, that I've only shared with a few people, is that I started to get excited for where my ministry was headed. For the first bit of 2015, I really sensed that our church was going somewhere. I didn't know where exactly, but I was stoked to be along for the ride. So based on past experiences, I knew very well that the second we start getting excited about church life, the enemy is going to come attacking. Basically, since the start of June-ish, I've been under constant distress about many things in my life, an attempt to more or less slow me down or stop me completely. I'll admit: I've felt the effects, and I don't like it.
You do what you can to take what you get and move on, which is what I'm trying to do; but I find that in times of decline, it isn't so much knowing what to do, it's the will to do it. Some days, it's much more appealing to stay in bed under covers than to get up and clean the house - same thing with what I'm seeing now.
This is how I've been over the last little while. There is still joy within me, and I think that's really the defining factor of why I still get up and work every morning. As much as it doesn't feel like it, I know there's still a reason for me to live my life and do what I'm told to do.
I will be extremely busy, probably, for the rest of the year and onwards. We've had an unfortunate outcome that has brought about inconvenience, so people will need to step up to fill the gap, starting with me.
Although it looks nice and is worth admiration, we all know that when the leaves have turned, they are bound to fall. The key is always to make it through the winter, no matter how cold, and look forward to the spring when new flowers blossom and bring new life.
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Calibrate
It's been a good summer. All things considered, I don't think I can really complain a whole lot about how the last couple months have gone.
My mind has been set ablaze with so many things to think about, so I won't be short of things to do in the next several weeks. I just got back into the office today after spending my last two weeks in Edmonton. Overall, it was a good time away from work and life down here in such a busy city. I wish I was able to stay a bit longer to get to hang out and catch up with a few more people, but that's alright. It was nice that people took time out for me to begin with as I was the one invading their lives!
Edmonton is always fun. I will always have a reason to go back as long as my friends and family are there. Every time I go back, I see people grow and, especially, NEAC change. I don't think I've been this excited for where my home church is going in a very long time. I'd love to be a part of the journey, but that's just not where I'm supposed to be at this time. I still constantly think about if I could ever go back to be a pastor at some point in time. Even though there are more and more new faces, and people that don't recognize me, it'd be a major challenge if I ever did go back. I don't really have an answer, but I know what I want.
Moving on, I've set big sites on September, as I've wanted to have a bit of a kickoff for our church as we're set to rebrand a few of our ministry programs. I'll admit that I've been a bit over eager in implementing the things I wanted to do, but I think it's good that it presents me with an "ideal". Do I think we'll be able to have everything going the way I envision right off the bat? No. Do I think we can get there? Not sure, but that's why we're doing it. So this puts a lot on my plate with things to do and preparations to be made. In some ways, taking my time off when I did was a bit inconvenient for the planning, but I needed the break.
Looking back at my first year, I'm so humbled by the fact of who I am, with my experience in life, to have the kind of impact I do on a church. I've expressed to many people my thoughts about "running" my own congregation, and some of the core things I want to see changed about how we do church in general. And with who I am as a person, the only real way I can bring that full impact is by living it myself. I'm told to read and study 1 and 2 Timothy by pretty much everyone I talk to, and believe me, I relate very well to him. I will keep to myself some of my own views and struggles of seeing myself in the ministry capacity that I'm in, as I believe in the integrity that I should keep a level of professionalism while I'm here. But I do feel an increase in the level of frequency where I'm asking how long I have at this church before I need to go. The thing that breaks my heart is that this is happening after my first year. Longevity is so hard to come by in church now, and I also understand that the success and growth of a minister isn't purely determined by the length of time.
Looking ahead, I'm asking God every day what my purpose is to be here. At its simplest state, I know why I'm here. But if life were that simple, we'd have solved a lot of problems by now. The honeymoon is over, the excitement has died down; what happens next will be where the real work begins. Being young and inexperienced does eventually factor into how effective I am, so it's a matter of how I can handle it and how I can grow from it. I just don't want my mistakes to wear on me like I know they have in the past.
Before I babble any further, you can probably get a good sense of where I am as I enter my second year here at Newbern and Vancouver. My last two or three years have been so good, so if I end up having a crummy year, I don't think I'll be too surprised - just because I half expect it doesn't mean I'll like it. Like I've mentioned, year 2's have historically been the biggest challenge for me, so let's see where this goes.
My mind has been set ablaze with so many things to think about, so I won't be short of things to do in the next several weeks. I just got back into the office today after spending my last two weeks in Edmonton. Overall, it was a good time away from work and life down here in such a busy city. I wish I was able to stay a bit longer to get to hang out and catch up with a few more people, but that's alright. It was nice that people took time out for me to begin with as I was the one invading their lives!
Edmonton is always fun. I will always have a reason to go back as long as my friends and family are there. Every time I go back, I see people grow and, especially, NEAC change. I don't think I've been this excited for where my home church is going in a very long time. I'd love to be a part of the journey, but that's just not where I'm supposed to be at this time. I still constantly think about if I could ever go back to be a pastor at some point in time. Even though there are more and more new faces, and people that don't recognize me, it'd be a major challenge if I ever did go back. I don't really have an answer, but I know what I want.
Moving on, I've set big sites on September, as I've wanted to have a bit of a kickoff for our church as we're set to rebrand a few of our ministry programs. I'll admit that I've been a bit over eager in implementing the things I wanted to do, but I think it's good that it presents me with an "ideal". Do I think we'll be able to have everything going the way I envision right off the bat? No. Do I think we can get there? Not sure, but that's why we're doing it. So this puts a lot on my plate with things to do and preparations to be made. In some ways, taking my time off when I did was a bit inconvenient for the planning, but I needed the break.
Looking back at my first year, I'm so humbled by the fact of who I am, with my experience in life, to have the kind of impact I do on a church. I've expressed to many people my thoughts about "running" my own congregation, and some of the core things I want to see changed about how we do church in general. And with who I am as a person, the only real way I can bring that full impact is by living it myself. I'm told to read and study 1 and 2 Timothy by pretty much everyone I talk to, and believe me, I relate very well to him. I will keep to myself some of my own views and struggles of seeing myself in the ministry capacity that I'm in, as I believe in the integrity that I should keep a level of professionalism while I'm here. But I do feel an increase in the level of frequency where I'm asking how long I have at this church before I need to go. The thing that breaks my heart is that this is happening after my first year. Longevity is so hard to come by in church now, and I also understand that the success and growth of a minister isn't purely determined by the length of time.
Looking ahead, I'm asking God every day what my purpose is to be here. At its simplest state, I know why I'm here. But if life were that simple, we'd have solved a lot of problems by now. The honeymoon is over, the excitement has died down; what happens next will be where the real work begins. Being young and inexperienced does eventually factor into how effective I am, so it's a matter of how I can handle it and how I can grow from it. I just don't want my mistakes to wear on me like I know they have in the past.
Before I babble any further, you can probably get a good sense of where I am as I enter my second year here at Newbern and Vancouver. My last two or three years have been so good, so if I end up having a crummy year, I don't think I'll be too surprised - just because I half expect it doesn't mean I'll like it. Like I've mentioned, year 2's have historically been the biggest challenge for me, so let's see where this goes.
Friday, July 17, 2015
"Innermission"
I stole that term - that's why it's in quotations.
What a crazy last 4 weeks it has been. I don't really have a whole lot to say about the events, probably because I can't really sum up the experience into a blog post. All the weddings and family gatherings made life two times as busy as it already had been, but I'm so glad that they happened. When you really think about it, it's about time that our family begins to move into the next stage of life. For so many years, we were the crew that was large in numbers and large in personalities. I'd probably say that we're not your ordinary family, and I don't think I'd be that far off. We were goofs, but awesome goofs. So seeing three of my cousins get married in the last 4 weeks has been a special privilege and the mark of the next stage in life for our family as we grow older.
I'd imagine that's what heaven looks like: all of our gatherings and celebrations. Pretty much everyone took time off and out of their lives for the plain reason that we can actually live. All the grinding, the hard work, and the hours that we put into our jobs and such were put on hold just so we could do what we were created to do: have fellowship. It was surreal.
With our family and our networks being so big, there was a ton of people that I met and got to converse with. I think a lot of us, when meeting and talking to people, there are always some that you pay special attention to when they speak to you. There are the select few that you key in on when they tell you something. Maybe it's their status, or maybe it's their gifting.
I never intentionally told myself, "oh, I have to listen to what this person says" or anything like that. But of the hundreds of conversations I had in the last 4 weeks, one thing stood out to me and has stuck with me.
"You'll find out in a few years."
Yep. I have no idea what that even implies or that the original context of the conversation even had anything to do with... anything. But that comment has stuck with me since I heard it. Part of it might be because of who it came from. Another part might be because it gave off a similar vibe that I'd felt before when something else had been said to me, to which now has all the meaning in the world because it lead me to my career. Prophetic? Maybe. Maybe I'm just crazy.
Either way, strange how one single comment like that stands out above all else given what had gone down in the last 4 weeks. I'm really happy for my cousins, I really am. However, I don't really know why I was so struck by something like that.
Anyways, I have to head out to our church summer camp. I was able to have a nice and brief "innermission," to reflect a little bit, over the last 24 hours. I'm back to living by myself for now. It's kind of nice, but I also have to cook. Rats!
I'll let you know when I find out in a few years.
What a crazy last 4 weeks it has been. I don't really have a whole lot to say about the events, probably because I can't really sum up the experience into a blog post. All the weddings and family gatherings made life two times as busy as it already had been, but I'm so glad that they happened. When you really think about it, it's about time that our family begins to move into the next stage of life. For so many years, we were the crew that was large in numbers and large in personalities. I'd probably say that we're not your ordinary family, and I don't think I'd be that far off. We were goofs, but awesome goofs. So seeing three of my cousins get married in the last 4 weeks has been a special privilege and the mark of the next stage in life for our family as we grow older.
I'd imagine that's what heaven looks like: all of our gatherings and celebrations. Pretty much everyone took time off and out of their lives for the plain reason that we can actually live. All the grinding, the hard work, and the hours that we put into our jobs and such were put on hold just so we could do what we were created to do: have fellowship. It was surreal.
With our family and our networks being so big, there was a ton of people that I met and got to converse with. I think a lot of us, when meeting and talking to people, there are always some that you pay special attention to when they speak to you. There are the select few that you key in on when they tell you something. Maybe it's their status, or maybe it's their gifting.
I never intentionally told myself, "oh, I have to listen to what this person says" or anything like that. But of the hundreds of conversations I had in the last 4 weeks, one thing stood out to me and has stuck with me.
"You'll find out in a few years."
Yep. I have no idea what that even implies or that the original context of the conversation even had anything to do with... anything. But that comment has stuck with me since I heard it. Part of it might be because of who it came from. Another part might be because it gave off a similar vibe that I'd felt before when something else had been said to me, to which now has all the meaning in the world because it lead me to my career. Prophetic? Maybe. Maybe I'm just crazy.
Either way, strange how one single comment like that stands out above all else given what had gone down in the last 4 weeks. I'm really happy for my cousins, I really am. However, I don't really know why I was so struck by something like that.
Anyways, I have to head out to our church summer camp. I was able to have a nice and brief "innermission," to reflect a little bit, over the last 24 hours. I'm back to living by myself for now. It's kind of nice, but I also have to cook. Rats!
I'll let you know when I find out in a few years.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Challenge Accepted
Confession: there's been one task I've been intentionally avoiding in my first year of ministry, and it's a task that is very important to the nature of life in a church. Let me explain.
Growing up, I had the privilege of being surrounded by insanely talented musicians. From the early years of playing piano, I played with some really gifted kids. My cousin, being an example of one, is now in the music production field - he also has perfect pitch, something I've always wanted. When I took up guitar, I was in a stage with my piano where I was more or less playing in an academy of music; so my teacher alone, and the students under her, are some of the very best - they would've pushed me to be even better. I was at a point where my recitals were recorded and produced to be put on a CD. I also had the fortune of playing on some of the more expensive pianos in the world. For the sake of the point, these things have to mean something in terms of the environment I was lucky enough to be in. With regards to my guitar in that aspect, I was able to boost my learning curve really fast just by ways of the trickle down effect in how rapid my musical growth was with piano.
When I was introduced to the worship ministry in church, I was blessed with a team of people that had very good ears for music, so they picked things up at an incredible pace. My job, then, was made really easy - I was spoiled with talent. I played with music majors, people who could pick up an instrument in 15 minutes, etc. To be quite honest, I just had to stand there and look as good as I could.
The downside to being in such a musically rich environment was that I never had to direct much. I'm not kidding when I say that during practices, I would just start playing and the rest of the team was able to play most of everything to my liking without me saying a word.
So when I left for Ambrose, I left the pool of talented musicians I grew up with behind. In my time at Ambrose, I also watched a lot of gifted people play and lead. However, I never really integrated myself with them because everything was so structured that I felt like I was in a foreign land whenever I joined a practice or tried to play with them. This kind of repelled me away from being involved with worship leading, and more or less marked the end of my worship leader days.
Bring Newbern into the picture. I've seen the need to train some of our members to become worship leaders in my first year, but I've never really wanted to do it. The task of training people musically at a worship level is so hard that I just kind of shutter at the thought of it. Not only do you have to be cohesive musically, you have to do it at a spiritually engaging level. I had a hard enough time teaching kids how to play guitar, so my mind doesn't like it when there's another dimension to it. In some ways, my arrogance and pride puts the thought into my mind, saying "why can't they just teach themselves? It's not that hard."
But, what's changed my outlook has, again, been that lingering thought of what will happen when I leave. I think if pastors want to be effective, they have to give those thoughts some consideration. Churches change pastors all the time, it's scary how often it occurs. There are good changes, and there are bad changes,which is beside the point, but it does happen. Bottom line is, I don't want to leave here without even having tried. I'm not saying I'm going to leave, but it's fair to say that I won't be here forever.
So my challenge, which I'm very eager to accept, is to do everything in my power to help open up the concept of worship ministry to these people. With the nature and history of this church, a lot of us probably don't really understand that a worship team means the entire congregation. Musically, I know I'm going to get fed up when someone can't play a chord or keep a rhythm, but I think I'm willing to push past the pain and do what I can to revolutionize our worship here. With how I was brought up, I think that of all people, I would be one of the few to have the ability to do it. Most of my experience in worship has been on that edge of advancement or change, so it's not really strange to me with the reaction and responses we might get.
One thing I'm thankful that we have, as a church, is the willingness to try things. So I know that if I get enough people behind me, there will always be places to go.
Growing up, I had the privilege of being surrounded by insanely talented musicians. From the early years of playing piano, I played with some really gifted kids. My cousin, being an example of one, is now in the music production field - he also has perfect pitch, something I've always wanted. When I took up guitar, I was in a stage with my piano where I was more or less playing in an academy of music; so my teacher alone, and the students under her, are some of the very best - they would've pushed me to be even better. I was at a point where my recitals were recorded and produced to be put on a CD. I also had the fortune of playing on some of the more expensive pianos in the world. For the sake of the point, these things have to mean something in terms of the environment I was lucky enough to be in. With regards to my guitar in that aspect, I was able to boost my learning curve really fast just by ways of the trickle down effect in how rapid my musical growth was with piano.
When I was introduced to the worship ministry in church, I was blessed with a team of people that had very good ears for music, so they picked things up at an incredible pace. My job, then, was made really easy - I was spoiled with talent. I played with music majors, people who could pick up an instrument in 15 minutes, etc. To be quite honest, I just had to stand there and look as good as I could.
The downside to being in such a musically rich environment was that I never had to direct much. I'm not kidding when I say that during practices, I would just start playing and the rest of the team was able to play most of everything to my liking without me saying a word.
So when I left for Ambrose, I left the pool of talented musicians I grew up with behind. In my time at Ambrose, I also watched a lot of gifted people play and lead. However, I never really integrated myself with them because everything was so structured that I felt like I was in a foreign land whenever I joined a practice or tried to play with them. This kind of repelled me away from being involved with worship leading, and more or less marked the end of my worship leader days.
Bring Newbern into the picture. I've seen the need to train some of our members to become worship leaders in my first year, but I've never really wanted to do it. The task of training people musically at a worship level is so hard that I just kind of shutter at the thought of it. Not only do you have to be cohesive musically, you have to do it at a spiritually engaging level. I had a hard enough time teaching kids how to play guitar, so my mind doesn't like it when there's another dimension to it. In some ways, my arrogance and pride puts the thought into my mind, saying "why can't they just teach themselves? It's not that hard."
But, what's changed my outlook has, again, been that lingering thought of what will happen when I leave. I think if pastors want to be effective, they have to give those thoughts some consideration. Churches change pastors all the time, it's scary how often it occurs. There are good changes, and there are bad changes,which is beside the point, but it does happen. Bottom line is, I don't want to leave here without even having tried. I'm not saying I'm going to leave, but it's fair to say that I won't be here forever.
So my challenge, which I'm very eager to accept, is to do everything in my power to help open up the concept of worship ministry to these people. With the nature and history of this church, a lot of us probably don't really understand that a worship team means the entire congregation. Musically, I know I'm going to get fed up when someone can't play a chord or keep a rhythm, but I think I'm willing to push past the pain and do what I can to revolutionize our worship here. With how I was brought up, I think that of all people, I would be one of the few to have the ability to do it. Most of my experience in worship has been on that edge of advancement or change, so it's not really strange to me with the reaction and responses we might get.
One thing I'm thankful that we have, as a church, is the willingness to try things. So I know that if I get enough people behind me, there will always be places to go.
Tuesday, June 23, 2015
Intermission
Wow! What a week it has been.
Tonight has been the first night I've been able to breathe a little bit since last Wednesday. In the span of about a week, we've been able to go through a whole crazy barrage of festivities. My parents and my sister were able to make it back safely to Edmonton this evening; my brother will be staying with me until mid-July. But let's take it back to when it began.
Since the start of June, I got to see my cousin, Jon, a few times and it was pretty obvious he was getting more and more tense as the wedding drew near. As a pastor, he already had a huge load on his plate. And then to add a wedding on top of all that, I can see why it'd be chaotic.
From my perspective, I was excited and also a little nervous. I knew we were going to have a huge family reunion of sorts to celebrate this wedding, so I was anticipating the dinners and the gatherings that would've drained me to no end. On top of that, my little basement suite needed to accommodate for my parents and brother - good thing my sister wanted to stay with my cousin for most of the trip, or else I would've not had any room to do anything.
My family arrived early Thursday afternoon in Vancouver, and we headed over to the wedding venue for the rehearsal, and then to Jon's new place for the family dinner and tea ceremony. From seeing all the gatherings, all I can really say is that our family is freakin' big. Not everyone was present, and yet our side probably occupied 75% of the attendance. This is a sure sign to me that there is no way for any of us to have a small wedding because of the size of just our side of the family. I don't mind too much because we're close enough that we really wouldn't want to do it without each other, but man, it can be crazy.
So the wedding took place at the beautiful Brock House by Jericho Beach, and it was very nice. Jon wanted a wedding entourage instead of a traditional wedding party, so getting to walk up with all of us cousins was a blast and an honor. At my last wedding, I was the officiant, so I was stoked to be able to be on the other side this time. Overall, I loved the simplicity of the wedding. Everything went as planned (though Jon probably hoped the Ferarri would've started on first go) and we had a great time.
A few days later, and I'm back seeing that I need to work again. Straight up: being a pastor makes it nearly impossible to have a personal life. The cynical side of me almost thinks these extra curricular things are an inconvenience because it distracts me from my work. But you know what, I'm thankful that they pull me away because it keeps me sane.
So we've got about 10 days before we get to do part 2 and part 3 of the summer wedding shenanigans. During this intermission, I'll have to do my best to cover all my bases before the weddings drag me aside again. I'm quite happy and thankful that my cousins are getting married. We're really starting to see the generation turn over and see our family move forward. It's been an incredible run, and to see us start to take that next step is a joy.
Time to focus.
Tonight has been the first night I've been able to breathe a little bit since last Wednesday. In the span of about a week, we've been able to go through a whole crazy barrage of festivities. My parents and my sister were able to make it back safely to Edmonton this evening; my brother will be staying with me until mid-July. But let's take it back to when it began.
Since the start of June, I got to see my cousin, Jon, a few times and it was pretty obvious he was getting more and more tense as the wedding drew near. As a pastor, he already had a huge load on his plate. And then to add a wedding on top of all that, I can see why it'd be chaotic.
From my perspective, I was excited and also a little nervous. I knew we were going to have a huge family reunion of sorts to celebrate this wedding, so I was anticipating the dinners and the gatherings that would've drained me to no end. On top of that, my little basement suite needed to accommodate for my parents and brother - good thing my sister wanted to stay with my cousin for most of the trip, or else I would've not had any room to do anything.
My family arrived early Thursday afternoon in Vancouver, and we headed over to the wedding venue for the rehearsal, and then to Jon's new place for the family dinner and tea ceremony. From seeing all the gatherings, all I can really say is that our family is freakin' big. Not everyone was present, and yet our side probably occupied 75% of the attendance. This is a sure sign to me that there is no way for any of us to have a small wedding because of the size of just our side of the family. I don't mind too much because we're close enough that we really wouldn't want to do it without each other, but man, it can be crazy.
So the wedding took place at the beautiful Brock House by Jericho Beach, and it was very nice. Jon wanted a wedding entourage instead of a traditional wedding party, so getting to walk up with all of us cousins was a blast and an honor. At my last wedding, I was the officiant, so I was stoked to be able to be on the other side this time. Overall, I loved the simplicity of the wedding. Everything went as planned (though Jon probably hoped the Ferarri would've started on first go) and we had a great time.
A few days later, and I'm back seeing that I need to work again. Straight up: being a pastor makes it nearly impossible to have a personal life. The cynical side of me almost thinks these extra curricular things are an inconvenience because it distracts me from my work. But you know what, I'm thankful that they pull me away because it keeps me sane.
So we've got about 10 days before we get to do part 2 and part 3 of the summer wedding shenanigans. During this intermission, I'll have to do my best to cover all my bases before the weddings drag me aside again. I'm quite happy and thankful that my cousins are getting married. We're really starting to see the generation turn over and see our family move forward. It's been an incredible run, and to see us start to take that next step is a joy.
Time to focus.
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
All That I Long For
I didn't have much motivation to do anything today, so I ended up sitting in my office for a couple hours playing guitar and singing. It's been a long time since I've been able to do something like this; and I wonder why I don't do it more. It's been difficult for me to find opportunities to be filled and uplifted, so it's funny how it almost always comes back to my passion in life: music.
I had my Bible opened in front of me to 1 John, and the verse reads: "We love because he first loved us" (4:19). I was praying last night, crying out, really, about how I've been feeling rather empty lately. Maybe my lack of motivation today was a good thing, to put me in a spot where I was able to do something I love and make some music.
So I browsed through some older songs I used to sing when I lead worship regularly - yeah, I'm archaic like that. I got to my favorite one; and, after I had played it, I felt satisfied.
I don't really do this, but I will share the lyrics here for us to read and ponder
I had my Bible opened in front of me to 1 John, and the verse reads: "We love because he first loved us" (4:19). I was praying last night, crying out, really, about how I've been feeling rather empty lately. Maybe my lack of motivation today was a good thing, to put me in a spot where I was able to do something I love and make some music.
So I browsed through some older songs I used to sing when I lead worship regularly - yeah, I'm archaic like that. I got to my favorite one; and, after I had played it, I felt satisfied.
I don't really do this, but I will share the lyrics here for us to read and ponder
Beholding Your beauty
Is all that I long for
To worship you Jesus
Is my sole desire
For this very heart
You have shaped for Your pleasure
Purposed to lift your name higher
Here in surrender
In pure adoration
I enter Your courts
With an offering of praise
I am Your servant
Come to bring you glory
As is fit for the works of Your hands
Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of creation resounds with the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords
The Spirit now living
And dwelling within me
Keep my eyes fixed
Ever on Jesus' face
Let not the things of this world
Ever sway me
I'll run 'til I finish the race
Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
All of eternity echoes the song
Worship and praise Him
The Lord of lords
Holy Lord
You are holy
Jesus Christ
Is Lord
Now unto the Lamb
Who sits on the throne
Be glory and honour and praise
Call all the saints to join in the song
Worship and praise
The Lord of lords
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Reference of Time
I look at how a lot of kids are getting excited for summer, and it makes me miss that part of life. As kids growing up, your year is pretty defined by schooling; so whenever summer approached, it was always filled with excitement. Not going to lie, I do miss that feeling of freedom. Summer time meant no school, no homework, no real responsibilities, and it was more about having fun and relaxing. I never really did the summer job thing until post-secondary too, so I just ran around the house and fooled around all day. Haha.
Hearing the kids run around outside this time of day while I am stuck in an office is pretty frustrating. Also, for whatever reason, Vancouver feels really peaceful today. I'm guessing the weather has something to do with it, but it felt a lot like home.
Beginning life as a pastor really seems to just blend all of time together. I have a hard time figuring out what day of the week it is, or what's going on in the upcoming weeks, etc. My only real reference of time is typically Sunday. Every other day of the week just gets mashed and scrambled together.
Since everything just gets blurred, it's crazy to think that I'll be seeing my family next week. The first of three weddings will be taking place next Saturday, and it's going to be one crazy family reunion. I'm actually really excited, as this really allows me to take that pastor hat off for a little bit. I still have to work, but I think the celebration atmosphere will let me loosen up a little bit. In all honesty though, I think it's probably better if I allow my "pastor" life to slip into my personal life. I'm talking strictly in terms of how I carry myself and how I behave on a day-to-day basis. Being a pastor has forced me to be more disciplined as a Christian in general, and I think it's a great benefit of carrying that title. In helping shape others, I also get to shape myself to be able to grow.
With everything else, there isn't a whole lot to report on. I'm just grinding away at the tasks I have to do for the summer and in preparation for the Fall. I've been vision seeking over the last month or so, and I'm starting to get a much clearer picture of where things are to go with my church here in Vancouver. I was asked, not too long ago, on how long I plan to stay with this church. I haven't had to answer that question in a while, but I think what gives me the confidence in knowing I need to be here is that I still get excited for where we're going in terms of our ministry. I feel that as long as that excitement is there, I can keep going. I've spent so much time trying to build a foundation and infrastructure that it'd be a shame if I left before I even got to see it really start to grow. To be frank though, I don't even know why I have to answer that question when I'm not even a year into the ministry.
So there you have it. Apologies for a lame blog post, since I didn't really say much of anything. I saw that I haven't posted in a couple weeks, so I just wanted to drop a few lines.
Hearing the kids run around outside this time of day while I am stuck in an office is pretty frustrating. Also, for whatever reason, Vancouver feels really peaceful today. I'm guessing the weather has something to do with it, but it felt a lot like home.
Beginning life as a pastor really seems to just blend all of time together. I have a hard time figuring out what day of the week it is, or what's going on in the upcoming weeks, etc. My only real reference of time is typically Sunday. Every other day of the week just gets mashed and scrambled together.
Since everything just gets blurred, it's crazy to think that I'll be seeing my family next week. The first of three weddings will be taking place next Saturday, and it's going to be one crazy family reunion. I'm actually really excited, as this really allows me to take that pastor hat off for a little bit. I still have to work, but I think the celebration atmosphere will let me loosen up a little bit. In all honesty though, I think it's probably better if I allow my "pastor" life to slip into my personal life. I'm talking strictly in terms of how I carry myself and how I behave on a day-to-day basis. Being a pastor has forced me to be more disciplined as a Christian in general, and I think it's a great benefit of carrying that title. In helping shape others, I also get to shape myself to be able to grow.
With everything else, there isn't a whole lot to report on. I'm just grinding away at the tasks I have to do for the summer and in preparation for the Fall. I've been vision seeking over the last month or so, and I'm starting to get a much clearer picture of where things are to go with my church here in Vancouver. I was asked, not too long ago, on how long I plan to stay with this church. I haven't had to answer that question in a while, but I think what gives me the confidence in knowing I need to be here is that I still get excited for where we're going in terms of our ministry. I feel that as long as that excitement is there, I can keep going. I've spent so much time trying to build a foundation and infrastructure that it'd be a shame if I left before I even got to see it really start to grow. To be frank though, I don't even know why I have to answer that question when I'm not even a year into the ministry.
So there you have it. Apologies for a lame blog post, since I didn't really say much of anything. I saw that I haven't posted in a couple weeks, so I just wanted to drop a few lines.
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
This 'n That
Well, it was one of those evenings, again, where I may have made some questionable decisions leading to my reason for staying up later than I should. So I sit in my bed, once again, waiting for my hair to dry. But it's alright; I had the urge to blog throughout the day, so this works out.
I never took a day off last week, so I decided to stack Monday and Tuesday of this week to formulate my own long weekend. It didn't work so well, though. My original plan was to go spend much of the day downtown shopping for wedding clothes and for a cajon.
What ended up happening was: meeting someone for brunch, going downtown, got disappointed, got lost, then came home. Yep.
Let me break it down for you.
I've been trying to get in touch with some churches and their youth groups to see if we could put some youth rally nights together in the Fall. So one of the pastors I've been in touch with said we could meet up today for a chat. I happily obliged. It was a great time of food and chatting, and I love being able to share with other pastors about what currently fires their engines. I think this has to be, easily, one of the best things about being a pastor. The ability to be able to sit down with people who are doing similar things as I am, but in a different setting, hearing the challenges and the accomplishments, to encourage and be encouraged, it is incredible. It really isn't that far off when I tell people that my job involves having coffee with other people.
Of course, this is the sunny side of the job. The rainy sides will be saved for another day to talk about.
After brunch, I made my way downtown feeling great and uplifted. I wanted to make my purchases today for my cousin's wedding. However, when I got to the store, what I wanted was either not there, or way too expensive. I stood around for 45 minutes debating what I should do from there. After the debate, I thought I'd might as well go to the H&M to see what they had, since it was just right above the Topman on the next level.
Here's where I made an oopsie: I'm not that familiar with Pacific Center, and the place is designed like a stinkin' maze. So I wandered around the vicinity of Topman for about 15 minutes, going up escalators, down escalators, through other stores to meet dead ends, outside in the streets to be disoriented, and could not make my way to the H&M which I knew physically where it was, but couldn't find the path to get me there.
When I finally found my way in (I'll save myself some embarrassment by keeping to myself the rest of the details of how I got in), I took a look around. But again, there wasn't what I was looking for, so I just decided to wait until tomorrow to go to another location. It will work out because I'm meeting someone in Richmond, so I'll just hop on over to Richmond Center to take a look at the Topman and H&M there.
Well, I finally made my way home after the short trip downtown without going to Tom Lee's to look for a cajon. I want to buy a cajon so we can use it at church. Teaching how to play that box is infinitely easier than teaching someone how to drum. The only real downfall for me as of right now is that, with the wedding clothes and the cajon, I'm probably spending money that I shouldn't be spending. I'm at a comfortable level with my finances, but the Asian inside of me has kicked into action with the saving money mentality. I mean, in all fairness, I need to save money, but I've never been shy to make purchases that were necessary. I've done a pretty good job at stopping my habit of impulse buys, so it's nice to know that when I need to buy something, I can afford it.
Anyways, I mentioned that today was a day off that didn't feel like one, and it was exactly that. I kept receiving messages and emails throughout the day, so I caved and just did some work. I didn't mind too much because I still felt I got my "rest" in by meeting with the pastor earlier in the day; and I also only told my senior pastor and secretary that I'm off today, meaning no one knew today was my day off as well.
So yeah, a bit of an eventful day for myself. I just came home and had a quiet evening by overcooking some salmon and watching the hockey game. I'll be preaching at the Vietnamese Alliance this coming Sunday, and it will be an interesting experience.
Life just gets busier and busier. There really isn't a point in any day where I don't have something to do. The only question is whether or not I'll do it. Whether it's this or that, life's a kickin', ladies and gentlemen.
I never took a day off last week, so I decided to stack Monday and Tuesday of this week to formulate my own long weekend. It didn't work so well, though. My original plan was to go spend much of the day downtown shopping for wedding clothes and for a cajon.
What ended up happening was: meeting someone for brunch, going downtown, got disappointed, got lost, then came home. Yep.
Let me break it down for you.
I've been trying to get in touch with some churches and their youth groups to see if we could put some youth rally nights together in the Fall. So one of the pastors I've been in touch with said we could meet up today for a chat. I happily obliged. It was a great time of food and chatting, and I love being able to share with other pastors about what currently fires their engines. I think this has to be, easily, one of the best things about being a pastor. The ability to be able to sit down with people who are doing similar things as I am, but in a different setting, hearing the challenges and the accomplishments, to encourage and be encouraged, it is incredible. It really isn't that far off when I tell people that my job involves having coffee with other people.
Of course, this is the sunny side of the job. The rainy sides will be saved for another day to talk about.
After brunch, I made my way downtown feeling great and uplifted. I wanted to make my purchases today for my cousin's wedding. However, when I got to the store, what I wanted was either not there, or way too expensive. I stood around for 45 minutes debating what I should do from there. After the debate, I thought I'd might as well go to the H&M to see what they had, since it was just right above the Topman on the next level.
Here's where I made an oopsie: I'm not that familiar with Pacific Center, and the place is designed like a stinkin' maze. So I wandered around the vicinity of Topman for about 15 minutes, going up escalators, down escalators, through other stores to meet dead ends, outside in the streets to be disoriented, and could not make my way to the H&M which I knew physically where it was, but couldn't find the path to get me there.
When I finally found my way in (I'll save myself some embarrassment by keeping to myself the rest of the details of how I got in), I took a look around. But again, there wasn't what I was looking for, so I just decided to wait until tomorrow to go to another location. It will work out because I'm meeting someone in Richmond, so I'll just hop on over to Richmond Center to take a look at the Topman and H&M there.
Well, I finally made my way home after the short trip downtown without going to Tom Lee's to look for a cajon. I want to buy a cajon so we can use it at church. Teaching how to play that box is infinitely easier than teaching someone how to drum. The only real downfall for me as of right now is that, with the wedding clothes and the cajon, I'm probably spending money that I shouldn't be spending. I'm at a comfortable level with my finances, but the Asian inside of me has kicked into action with the saving money mentality. I mean, in all fairness, I need to save money, but I've never been shy to make purchases that were necessary. I've done a pretty good job at stopping my habit of impulse buys, so it's nice to know that when I need to buy something, I can afford it.
Anyways, I mentioned that today was a day off that didn't feel like one, and it was exactly that. I kept receiving messages and emails throughout the day, so I caved and just did some work. I didn't mind too much because I still felt I got my "rest" in by meeting with the pastor earlier in the day; and I also only told my senior pastor and secretary that I'm off today, meaning no one knew today was my day off as well.
So yeah, a bit of an eventful day for myself. I just came home and had a quiet evening by overcooking some salmon and watching the hockey game. I'll be preaching at the Vietnamese Alliance this coming Sunday, and it will be an interesting experience.
Life just gets busier and busier. There really isn't a point in any day where I don't have something to do. The only question is whether or not I'll do it. Whether it's this or that, life's a kickin', ladies and gentlemen.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Keep On Keepin' On
Typically, I blog when I'm feeling great. So a lot of what you've been reading would've been catching me at good times. I'm not in the best of moods today, so let's see how this post will differ. Haha.
Slowly, I'm approaching the horizon of reaching the one year mark in my career. One year doesn't make me a grizzled veteran, but I do think it's a good milestone. However, that's still a few months away, so let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet.
Over the course of the first, what, 8 or 9 months, I've still not had the sinking feeling of realizing where I'm currently at. Having mentioned that I've always dreamed of living in Vancouver, and it being true now, I still don't really realize that I'm living in Vancouver. It could be the busyness, it could be something else, but catching myself trying to associate Vancouver to who I am still feels strange. Part of it is probably the status that Vancouver has in the world, that maybe I just never saw myself being in such a place - it's surreal. The story of the little kid moving to the big city would describe it pretty well.
Regardless of how I feel, I can tell you boldly that since the end of September of 2014, I've done a bunch of stuff! To list off a few, I've begun renting my own place, bought a car, became pastor in a small church, overhauled an entire worship service (slightly exaggerated), and much more. Ma, I growed up! On a personal level of life, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I will pretend like I know, but it's just to save myself from a bit of embarrassment. This is about one of a few times I wish I was extroverted, so it'd be a lot easier for me to get out, try things, and explore without feeling like it's hard work.
In church, it's really been interesting to watch myself do things. I'm one of those that have a tendency to over promise and under deliver. This usually happens when I get excited and have all these things I want to do. So far, I've been able to keep up with most of what I've said I'd do; a few of the things will just take a bit longer because of time. I mean, you only get 100% of time, so as long as I don't say when I'll do things, that's okay right? But then, I'd question my own honesty if I would leave so many things undisclosed.
Even though I don't know what I'm doing with my personal life, I've learned a lot in the avenue of ministry. As someone that takes a while to adjust to change, I think I've adapted pretty nicely. It helps that everyone is so kind to me; it's almost impossible to squeeze even an ounce of negative feedback thus far. It'll come though, I guarantee it. A lot of what I've done is figure out what I am capable of doing, and what I can't; and then, to what capacity can I put things on my plate without feeling overwhelmed.
Not surprisingly, my capacity for workload right now isn't very big. I've mentioned that it's really hard for me to prepare a message during the week and still be able to prepare for youth and other programs. Ideally, as I gain more experience, I'll be able to do that; but I'm just not good at doing that now. Given how much energy I'd need to put into preparing sermons, I feel like I've cheated some of the people in the other ministries that I might cut some time from. I don't like that feeling. Of course, they probably don't really notice, but I don't like to halfass my job. And if I keep giving a halfassed effort here and a halfassed (I can't find a different word to relay the same meaning) effort there, eventually people will start noticing the quality of the ministry going down.
This is why training leaders is so important. I'm so glad that the board saw this need of mine and approved of the hiring of a part time pastor to help me out. In the perfect world, all of my leaders would come from my group internally, but we're not at the stage where that's available to me. So I'm thankful that there is someone who is able to basically be a second "me" to help me with my work. Even with a small church, I can see my desire to get to know literally everyone and have a good relationship with everyone. Remember, my congregation is around 40 people. If I was looking after 100 or 200 people, man I'd probably explode.
So with that being said, I'm seeing my role and purpose become more defined as I move forward. God has presented me with a handful of people that I can work closely with, and it will be my job to help them help the rest of the people. It does suck a bit because I want to be able to work closely with everyone; however, it's just not realistic. Being a big picture person, I'm humbled to know that I'm only one piece of the puzzle, and I need to work within my borders. Trying to take too much just might mean that I'm trying to gain control over everything, and that's not what we need to happen.
Moving forward then, and in the process of learning this, people in my church may start to notice a change in my habits or a change of the way I might be approaching things. This is just because I'm finding out what specifically I need to do. Hopefully it all ends well.
Slowly, I'm approaching the horizon of reaching the one year mark in my career. One year doesn't make me a grizzled veteran, but I do think it's a good milestone. However, that's still a few months away, so let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet.
Over the course of the first, what, 8 or 9 months, I've still not had the sinking feeling of realizing where I'm currently at. Having mentioned that I've always dreamed of living in Vancouver, and it being true now, I still don't really realize that I'm living in Vancouver. It could be the busyness, it could be something else, but catching myself trying to associate Vancouver to who I am still feels strange. Part of it is probably the status that Vancouver has in the world, that maybe I just never saw myself being in such a place - it's surreal. The story of the little kid moving to the big city would describe it pretty well.
Regardless of how I feel, I can tell you boldly that since the end of September of 2014, I've done a bunch of stuff! To list off a few, I've begun renting my own place, bought a car, became pastor in a small church, overhauled an entire worship service (slightly exaggerated), and much more. Ma, I growed up! On a personal level of life, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Sometimes I will pretend like I know, but it's just to save myself from a bit of embarrassment. This is about one of a few times I wish I was extroverted, so it'd be a lot easier for me to get out, try things, and explore without feeling like it's hard work.
In church, it's really been interesting to watch myself do things. I'm one of those that have a tendency to over promise and under deliver. This usually happens when I get excited and have all these things I want to do. So far, I've been able to keep up with most of what I've said I'd do; a few of the things will just take a bit longer because of time. I mean, you only get 100% of time, so as long as I don't say when I'll do things, that's okay right? But then, I'd question my own honesty if I would leave so many things undisclosed.
Even though I don't know what I'm doing with my personal life, I've learned a lot in the avenue of ministry. As someone that takes a while to adjust to change, I think I've adapted pretty nicely. It helps that everyone is so kind to me; it's almost impossible to squeeze even an ounce of negative feedback thus far. It'll come though, I guarantee it. A lot of what I've done is figure out what I am capable of doing, and what I can't; and then, to what capacity can I put things on my plate without feeling overwhelmed.
Not surprisingly, my capacity for workload right now isn't very big. I've mentioned that it's really hard for me to prepare a message during the week and still be able to prepare for youth and other programs. Ideally, as I gain more experience, I'll be able to do that; but I'm just not good at doing that now. Given how much energy I'd need to put into preparing sermons, I feel like I've cheated some of the people in the other ministries that I might cut some time from. I don't like that feeling. Of course, they probably don't really notice, but I don't like to halfass my job. And if I keep giving a halfassed effort here and a halfassed (I can't find a different word to relay the same meaning) effort there, eventually people will start noticing the quality of the ministry going down.
This is why training leaders is so important. I'm so glad that the board saw this need of mine and approved of the hiring of a part time pastor to help me out. In the perfect world, all of my leaders would come from my group internally, but we're not at the stage where that's available to me. So I'm thankful that there is someone who is able to basically be a second "me" to help me with my work. Even with a small church, I can see my desire to get to know literally everyone and have a good relationship with everyone. Remember, my congregation is around 40 people. If I was looking after 100 or 200 people, man I'd probably explode.
So with that being said, I'm seeing my role and purpose become more defined as I move forward. God has presented me with a handful of people that I can work closely with, and it will be my job to help them help the rest of the people. It does suck a bit because I want to be able to work closely with everyone; however, it's just not realistic. Being a big picture person, I'm humbled to know that I'm only one piece of the puzzle, and I need to work within my borders. Trying to take too much just might mean that I'm trying to gain control over everything, and that's not what we need to happen.
Moving forward then, and in the process of learning this, people in my church may start to notice a change in my habits or a change of the way I might be approaching things. This is just because I'm finding out what specifically I need to do. Hopefully it all ends well.
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