Characters

My first year of classes are done with! Well, they have been for a few days now. First off, I realized that the blog list I have that's to the side isn't updating when people on Blogger write a new blog. Strange. So if I miss your new blog post, I am sorry. Haha, not like it matters though, right?

I have been blogging mostly about some pretty material things over the last year; things like what I'm learning in school, how I'm getting used to living away from family, etc., but I don't think I've really talked too much about my own growth as a person.

There's a couple ways to look at how I've progressed this year, I think. From my standpoint, I think I've learned how to articulate myself much better. In a sense, my "abilities" are becoming much more refined. When there is a picture in my head, I'm able to get it out much better than I used to. I also think I've matured in a way that I have taken a look at myself from a third person view. Some time over the course of this year, I've really thought about the person that I project myself as. Indirectly, it's been influenced by quite a lot of exterior things. I've come to know some people that just give me a great vibe about who they are. And since I have always been a person about inspiration, I'm going to take a lot of these things that I like and apply it to my own life. It has always been a strength (or weakness, depending on how you put it) of mine to be able to pick out people that have an influence on me, and then model myself after those positive aspects. To kind of sum it all up, I've really worked on the person that I project myself to be; whether it is through talking, postures, or whatever else that you see based on appearance, I have, in some way or another, taken a look at it. This is all a result of some pretty early realizations that I discovered early into the year when I found out what a bad influence I can be. I remember reading a Mother Teresa book where she said you have to be open to humiliation in order to encounter humility. I thought that there was nothing that could be truer than what she said; and I guess that is what happened.

Switching to the other standpoint, I find some pretty funny things. First of all, I'm still really dumb; I have way too much to learn, and I don't even think I'm at the level of knowledge that I was supposed to attain this year. But even on brief trips back to Edmonton, or through different chats with people I've had at church in Calgary, I've gotten comments about how I've become "so wise" or "so mature." For the first couple times that I heard it, I am pretty sure I laughed. I thought that there was no way, even if I did become wiser or more mature, that the difference would be so noticeable. In fact, I hadn't even though I was any different until more recently. Based on some of the conversations I've had, people are always using the words like "deep" or "hardcore" or whatever. I think it's funny because I'm always like that. But if we look back to my view on the year, I feel like I'm beginning to better articulate myself which probably means that all my "deep" or "wise" thoughts come out better.

Or, it could all be irrelevant and none of anything I just typed is true. Instead, it is because people have started to notice me now. I've never (at least in my opinion) really stood out above or below everyone else. I always thought I fit into the status quo pretty well. So, now that I'm one of those people that have "moved out to go to school" and more specifically to become a pastor, people start noticing me and my actions. So as people begin to notice, all my blog posts, rants, and conversations have suddenly materialized into actual... material. Because when people read my blog or talk to me, they're unconsciously thinking, "this guy's gonna become a pastor; maybe I can get something useful from him." Everyone's a critic right? But who knows, stranger things have happened. I know this is really stretching it because I'm letting my imagination run wild right now, but it isn't without merit. I've mentioned many times that people I have never even seen or talked to have somehow found out who I am and what I'm doing in Calgary; so in that sense, I am being noticed.

And because I'm a thinker, I know that I am reading way too much into this whole situation. Admittedly, it's a lot of fun to imagine. If you don't know, I think in pictures. With each of the scenarios, I've somehow translated the images in my head into the words on this computer screen. If all went well, and assuming that you think in pictures too, then you'll have a similar picture in your head to the one that is in mine.

Different views, and nothing unanimous: this has been a pretty common theme in the things I learn in school. On a side note, I also love to draw parallels and comparisons, which I am doing right now. A lot of intra-Christian beliefs differ from interpretation from the Bible. Groups of people become separated; and thus, we have the diversity of the different types of believers today. In both my situation and the Christian situation, even though there are these interpretation differences, the reason they exist at all is because of the same thing. For me, it is because I have grown and become more mature, regardless of how and in what aspects. For Christianity, it is because God gave us his Word, and the fact that everything is happening to ultimately restore the creation order.

Yeah, I know.