Dreamin'

Let me steal a few minutes of your time and tell you about the Nathan you'll come know in the near future.

I've been throwing out so many scenarios of what my life will be like by this time next year, that I've probably come as close to losing perception of reality as any sane person could without losing it. All the aspirations of how I'd be, what life will look like, how I'll be perceived, etc., they've all come across my mind. At this point, what those things are, are basically what they are: dreams. I was thinking about whether or not I should even be thinking about these things, but I thought to myself, why not? Having these hypotheticals and situations play out allow me to set expectations of what I can work towards. Though I won't be able to achieve all of it at once, I do think that how I perceive my life in the near future can be pretty close.

It's kind of like when you're reading a story or watching a show, when you're trying so hard to stay with the present time, but there's that temptation to skip ahead because you don't have the patience to watch it develop; this is basically what I've been doing.

For your amusement, and mine, I'll tell you a few of the things that I saw myself doing. Before doing so, I'll let you know just how serious I have been about these things. By picturing myself doing these things, I've put countless hours into researching the topics; so if you'd like to know about some of these things, just ask me. LOL.

Raising a dog. It's funny. I've told myself that I need to be okay with living well on my own before I can live well with a wife and possibly a family. But by doing so, it still left a hole in me that I was no longer in active pursuit. Since the hole is left unaddressed, adding to the fact that I've been living with a dog here, I've gravitated to the desire to raise a dog. I actually think that there is a 95% chance that this will happen. Raising a dog has always been something I wanted to do; and now that I'm old enough to think about owning one, I have the potential to do exactly that. I'd teach him all the tricks in the world; we'd be best friends; and when I have people over at my place, there would be entertainment, especially given that I'm not exactly the most social person. It's like having kids, they become the life of the party.

Buying a car and a house. This one is a given, actually. I have a car now, but it's on its last legs. I'll probably look to purchase a car once I find a job. Not only is it a given, its a necessity. Who in the world likes a pastor that doesn't have a car?! A Honda Civic is probably what you can expect me to be driving. In terms of a house, it might be an apartment. However, if I have a dog, a house/condo is much more convenient. Add to the fact that I'd just much rather have my own space than to live in small little 900 sq.ft. of space, I get a little claustrophobic. I'll cook and I'll clean. You can come over to hang out if you'd like.

Build a computer. There's just something about building a computer that has always intrigued me. Maybe it's because I'm a nerd, and I have always dreamed of having the cool home entertainment system and awesome computer rig set up to have all the sweet technological things. This task has already started. Like I mentioned earlier, I've already researched most of the things I need to know and will begin to buy parts for my computer when Cyber Monday rolls around. The whole entertainment system and computer thing may or may not be the best idea for me, though. Given the work that I've seen myself doing and the hours that go into it, I don't even know much time I'll have to spend in front of the TV other than watching hockey. But there is a way around it, I just won't get into it now.

Start a family. Honestly, this is a result of the things I've already mentioned. Owning a dog, having a stable lifestyle, and knowing how to use my tools, they all kind of gear me toward being capable of starting my own family. I think this is the ultimate dream. If you think about it, each one of those things kind of build towards it. Should God bless me with the privilege of having my own family, I think that's going to bring me joy (and a ton of growing pains as well) that nothing else in life could ever bring me, other than the fact that he has already given me the gift of life.

Raising a dog will give me insight into how to care for kids and the relationship I'll have with them. Purchasing a house and a car will teach me to budget money and aid in the financial things. Building a computer, well, everyone's got to have some cool useless abilities right? Starting a family should be the real reason for finding the partnership in a significant other.

So there you have it, that is my life in the near future. This is where my heart lies aside from being called to ministry.

Flip Side

I haven't mentioned it a whole lot, but since July, I have been teaching piano to a 13 year old boy. There is no way I can tell you why or how I got into this because even I don't know. Either way, it's been another cool experience.

It seems like such a long time ago now, but for about three(maybe four? - my memory fails me) years before I left for school, I'd taught guitar to 5 or 6 kids. In my eyes, it was a failed experiment. I came to the conclusion that I wasted their time and money. While the majority of the parents who had approached me about it mostly wanted for their kids to get some outside interactions in, I wanted to give them the opportunity to take something valuable away from it. If you asked me today whether or not the kids still play the guitar, I'd probably say no.

So, why, then did I agree to teach piano? Great question! Like I said, I have no idea. I think I was just too nice to say no, and that the mom really wanted me to do it.

Teaching piano has been a little different because I'm mostly teaching just to see if the kid would do better with me, in terms of his interest for the skill. I don't think he's particularly amazing at piano, but he has the ability to pick things up quickly.

So this is where my frustration comes in: I know exactly what it's like on both sides now. I was pretty good at piano, not the best, but I did well. And my teachers probably knew that I could be very good too. The only problem was how much I hated it, and I knew very well how frustrated my teachers had gotten because I would never practice; or when I did, it was very sloppy practice. So now that I am seeing it from the teacher's side, I am sorry for all the grief that I've caused my piano teachers. Haha. I don't want to go so far to say that it's a waste of time when the student shows up for his/her lesson and they obviously didn't practice very much, but it's bordering that. Since about the beginning of October, I have been working on the same things with my student. I wanted to throw in a 3rd song for him to play, but his progress on the 2 just doesn't allow me to.

It's tough as a teacher because you often wonder if it's something you can do to help your students be more interested in what they're doing. Am I picking the right songs? Am I making things clear enough? Is the work load too much? The list goes on.

When I leave, Joshua will be going back to his old teacher, and I hope that she will have seen at least a bit of change in his approach to playing piano. I find that the way I teach is probably not very interesting to people. I almost always go back to the fundamentals, things that include posture, hand and arm positions, warm up routines, etc. I hated doing these things when I learned my stuff, but I knew that they pay off. These things are pretty boring and tedious, but they're just so necessary in building your core for almost any skill or trait. If it came down to it in music, I'd honestly teach all my students theory before they even touched the instrument.

But that's just me.

Home Stretch

How come, even though we grow up in such cold climate, that we still can't be used to it? I don't like cold weather! Have I mentioned that I dislike cold weather? Well, I really don't like cold weather.

Anyhow, since November started, it's been relatively busy. I've been sick for a little bit, but I'm not doing anything to help myself - I still go to bed way too late. I like 8 or 9 hours of sleep; that's my sweet spot for having a good day.

I am just over a month from completing my internship here in Assiniboia. The difficult thing is having to come to terms with this being an internship, not my job. So while I will have to move on and accept that being here was a school assignment, I can hold out for the hopes that when I do get to work for real, it'd be much longer so I can have a much more lasting impact, both on the church and for the church on me.

We had a Remembrance Day service this morning. And while I appreciate and respect the people that want to pay tribute to the veterans and people who have served in the wars, I wonder how long before  this type of "remembrance" will start to fade. Even with the old people that do them now, they are telling us the stories that they hear from their parents that lived through the war. So by the next generation, does this mean the core meaning and value of this type of a memorial will be lost? For me, while I have huge amounts of respect and appreciation for the people who fight for our freedom, I have no attachment to this type of a thing. Therefore, I find Remembrance Day ceremonies or services rather boring. Sorry. But because I know it's really important to a lot of people, I will do my best to make it important to me too.

In the last month of things here, I have a few things left to do. I will be preaching one more time, as well as leading worship one more time. I still need to find someone to take over Club DJ for the kids as well. I have someone in mind, but I am not entirely sure if she'd be willing to do it. In order for me to really see this program go where I feel it could, I probably would have needed to be around for at least 2 or 3 years. Three months is hardly anything.

But yeah, I've still got a few things to do, and I am excited about them. It will definitely be really difficult to leave this place that I've really grown comfortable with. It's been easier for me to call this place home than for me to call Calgary home. I'll admit I've had trouble settling down in Calgary over the three years I'd been there. It might just be because I never really found the group of people that I really want to hang out with. Who knows?

I better get to sleep soon.

Managing the Optimism

When harvest pretty much ended, we started up a new program for kids called Club DJ. It's a lot like AWANA and the pioneer clubs that we find across churches throughout the country. Since I'm heading this program up, I get to pretty much have the final say on almost anything (which is pretty cool - I'VE GOT THE POWER).

But as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility... Or, something like that. After about a month of running this ministry, I am so incredibly excited and encouraged by what we've seen in just a few short weeks. After each club, I've caught myself wishing the next one would come already. What's even more awesome is that we're nowhere near the efficiency that we should be at with running the thing yet, but the kids are still having such an amazing time.

We do it a little bit different from how AWANA has been like for me in past years. Our Club DJ runs on Tuesdays as an afternoon program type of a time slot. This works for us because Tuesday is the emptier day for extra-curricular activities in this town. We're doing it as an afterschool thing because some of the kids live out on farms, and it'd be too much of a hassle trying to get kids in and then having to drive back out if we have it as a 7:30-9 thing. So we'd finish our club at 5:15 or 5:30, and the kids can go home for supper.

One of the issues that I've had to deal with is how to manage this optimism that we are seeing right from the start. This last Tuesday, I was caught off guard and surprised at how many kids we had. Our first week started with seven kids, all regular church attenders. Then we increased by one or two each week, and suddenly we were popped with 14! While 14 still isn't that big, it was the fact that half of them were first timers. Since everybody has been getting sick the last couple weeks, we had several that weren't even able to come. So if everyone did come, we'd probably suddenly have 20.

Now, we're putting together the crafts for the kids to do. While trying to see how much of the material we need to order, we're faced with the challenge of how much of things we need to order. As already shown, by trying to be realistic, that might not work because we know what God can do to surprise us with numbers. But how optimistic can we be? We went through the possibilities of who else might come in the next couple weeks, and the range is just too big. We could technically be up to around 30 kids in two weeks. So even if we order enough for 25, which is already 10 more than our average attendance, and have 30 show up, that's going to be disastrous.

So the big decision that my team has to make is this: while we want to aim really high, prepare for the best because we know God can bring kids here, where do we draw the line from being optimistic enough to let God make use of our preparations, to that of just throwing away money that we really don't have to.

I am so glad that I am having these problems because it helps us know that these are the types of problems we want to have. These are the types of things that really help me get up in the mornings, and I am just so thankful that I get to be along for the ride here.

I think I will lean toward the thought of preparing for way more than what we deem realistic, and then having the faith in God that he will bring enough kids to be taking each one of the handbooks and crafts home.

Isaiah 40 -

²⁸ Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.