October is drawing to an end in a couple of days. What have I learned so far? I learned that I am terrified of the cold, but fortunately discovered a route to get home from school that cuts down the time to just over an hour. I learned that if you suck at school, you're going to suck at school even if you study something you like. I learned that living with a family that isn't my own can be quite the challenge. I've learned that I am always hungry. Wait, I already knew that.
Anyways, really sketchy for me to be talking about this right now especially given my current state of life. And it's to no surprised that it's probably sprouted from my current situation. But I am developing some views on how families should be run - being very vague here. That probably includes parenting, how you manage a household, how you are to your spouse, etc. I am not one to say that I am someone who is "all-knowing" about any of this, but maybe it's because I am maturing in this aspect. L-O-L did I just say that I'm maturing? Even though I've never really thought about it, it's always been in the back of my mind once in a while where I think about how I'd be like if I get to be a dad. I know that that is thinking WAY ahead of myself because I haven't even done step one yet. But there's always the possibility of it happening, and I am always curious of how I'd do.
In the perfect world, if I can manage to be a fraction of what my parents are, I am probably pretty satisfied. I think that my parents are the perfect model parents for just about any new couples. However, I can't discount the fact that I also think there are some incredible parents that I know. The very first question I have for parents is this: how different are you in front of your kid(s) than your peers? You're not going to be the same person in the two situations; if you are, I feel for you. But the question is more of how big of a difference in character is there? I know that parents always want the best for their kids, so they're going to try to "feed" them the best that they have. This means that you probably do your best to hide your imperfections in front of your kids so they don't feed off of your flaws. Although this isn't a bad thing, how far are you willing to go? When does the whole quote of "do as I say, not as I do" come in? Everyone is a hypocrite to some extend in their own way, but where is the line that you have to draw?
I've been learning about different types of spiritualities this semester, and we touched on one that's called "classical spirituality". It's hard to have one solid definition of this term, but it's easily understandable. It is basically "see no evil, speak no evil, and hear no evil" to its most literal-ness. You won't sit or have a bar stool because it's a "bar" stool; in bars they do bad things, so you can't have any of that. Basically, anything that has even the slightest hint of potential evil is something you have to stay away from. It's a little extreme, I know, but I have witnessed it - maybe not to its full potential, but the general idea. The parents would almost completely indoctrinate the kids into nothing but God and Jesus, and the whole 9 yards. Yes, everything. Indoctrinate is a strong word, and I mean every bit of what the word is. From the posters and decorations on your dining room wall, to the music you listen to, to the TV shows you watch, to the vocabulary that you're allowed to have, to the clothes that you wear, to the activities that you do, it all has to be free from evil. Again, this is why it's so sketchy to be talking about. Because even if I'm in a completely different situation (living alone, or on res, or something else), the subject itself is already sketchy. Is this how you would treat your kids?
If you knew people like this, what would your opinion be? Now, if you take my character and who I am into play, how does that work? Like I said, there isn't really anything that is flat out wrong about living a classically spirited life, but my question is this: will you ever peak outside of your box to realize that there is a world that you live in? The whole idea of it seems kind of surreal. As a bit of a third party looking in, it almost seems as if the attitude is that they're too good for this place. Of course, this is getting rather specific to the particular people, but it seems that way. Try to picture if there is a king or queen that asked for some food. But when they see that there is a piece of meat that is a little under cooked, they won't even look at it. They have to have everything done one way, and one way only, and don't even realize that the only way you get to the imperfections of this world is by diving into it and not kind of picking at it with your thumb and index while you squint one eye and sitting on the edge of your seat ready to run away if something happened.
I don't know. I'm not even sure how I went from parenting to this. I think I'm more ranting than anything right now. I guess I've just been caught up in what some of the results would be depending on the way you teach your kids. Believe me, there are some horribly undisciplined kids or kids not disciplined properly, and they can be very close to over disciplined kids too. I know. I see it pretty frequently. But with the way the society is now, parents probably can't even look at their kids funny without their kids wanting to sue them. Again, insert me into the picture. Given the environment and circumstances, this is why I think I'm such a bad influence right now. I have knives, I do magic, I play guitar, I watch hockey, I watch videos on youtube, I listen to music with swears, I am a fan of Michael Jackson's Thriller video.. Oh noes, I'm trouble! In the end though, I think that this is going to be my job: dealing with so many different stories and views and all that fun stuff by taking both the classical and the "post-modern" era and bringing it all together.
I guess I just don't really like where this world is going and what it's trying to teach people. Like this one. If you tell your kids that Halloween is bad because it's the "devil's day", then why do you tell your kids that Santa is going to jump down the chimney and give you presents on Christmas?
/endrant.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Mercy Marks, Maybe?
I was told that my theology prof is a hard marker. He even told us himself that for some reason people did miserably on his final exams. So his way of making us do better is by splitting it into two and giving one as a midterm. If you ask me, it actually makes it harder because by splitting it, you now can make the first one as hard as your final, then there's the final itself that is probably the same difficulty.
I kind of got into the room and shuffled my way closer to the back because I didn't like being watched when writing an exam. The second I got my test, it dawned on me that I haven't written any midterm or final since April of 2009. And then I panic'd. I tried to make sure my name was nice and legible. I made sure to use a blue pen (but really, I should've brought a pencil) so it's easier to read than black ink. I tried to remember any test strategies that I have ever been taught. One of them was to make sure you skim the test first to make sure everything is fine. So I read the first question on the multiple choice, and I had a good idea of what the answer was. So I flipped over to the fill in the blanks part, took a skim, and knew right away that I am going to fail this test. Then I got to the short answer part. Seeing that the short answers are half of the tests worth in marks, and seeing the kinds of questions that it was asking, I kind of wanted to put my hand up and ask to be excused because I am feeling sick. After wiggling my way through the 15 multiple choice questions, I knew that I had probably 75% of those right for sure. If my fail-logic and guesses were good to me, maybe I'll get a few more. Then I got to the fill in the blanks and I wanted to die right there. I think that of the 10ish blanks, I filled in only 1 or 2 with confidence. For the rest of them, I just found a BS answer and slapped it in. There were still a few blanks, but I had absolutely zero idea of what the answers would be. So I flipped to the last section.
My, oh my. I kind of wished that I was writing the wrong midterm or went into the wrong room or something. But I looked up and thought, nope - these are my classmates. Other than maybe one question, I put down your typical church answers, hoping for some mercy marks maybe. When I did what I could for the ones that I could, I looked at the clock and only 20 or 25 minutes have passed. And usually, if there was a question that I didn't know right away, I'd leave it blank and come back later to think it through. So I went back to check to make sure I got the multiple choices that I wanted, I proceeded to write a bunch of irrelevance to fill up the rest of my test. I knew that I wouldn't be able to suddenly have a magical appearing light bulb moment and have the answers in my head, so sitting in class fiddling with my pen would be nothing more than what it is: wasting time. So after about 40-45 minutes, I decided that I would just GTFO. I handed in the test and hung my head when I walked out. When I walked up to the front of the room though, I saw a few people that had blanks on the same questions that I came up empty on. So is it that the test really was that hard? Or were they just waiting for the perfect worded answer and get bonus marks?
Whatever it is, I don't feel good about my chances of passing this test. If I manage a 40-50%, that is probably what I will be content with. I'm really only expecting a mark in the 30s. If I suddenly miraculously get a grade over 50, then it means that God really wants me to do well to the point that he will intervene.
So anyways, school has never been my thing, I've been a B student with a couple of As at the very best. But nonetheless, this was quite the face smacking experience telling me that I really need to step up my game. But it's definitely too late for the midterm I'm going to write in a couple hours because I haven't studied a whole lot for that one either.
Mercy?
I kind of got into the room and shuffled my way closer to the back because I didn't like being watched when writing an exam. The second I got my test, it dawned on me that I haven't written any midterm or final since April of 2009. And then I panic'd. I tried to make sure my name was nice and legible. I made sure to use a blue pen (but really, I should've brought a pencil) so it's easier to read than black ink. I tried to remember any test strategies that I have ever been taught. One of them was to make sure you skim the test first to make sure everything is fine. So I read the first question on the multiple choice, and I had a good idea of what the answer was. So I flipped over to the fill in the blanks part, took a skim, and knew right away that I am going to fail this test. Then I got to the short answer part. Seeing that the short answers are half of the tests worth in marks, and seeing the kinds of questions that it was asking, I kind of wanted to put my hand up and ask to be excused because I am feeling sick. After wiggling my way through the 15 multiple choice questions, I knew that I had probably 75% of those right for sure. If my fail-logic and guesses were good to me, maybe I'll get a few more. Then I got to the fill in the blanks and I wanted to die right there. I think that of the 10ish blanks, I filled in only 1 or 2 with confidence. For the rest of them, I just found a BS answer and slapped it in. There were still a few blanks, but I had absolutely zero idea of what the answers would be. So I flipped to the last section.
My, oh my. I kind of wished that I was writing the wrong midterm or went into the wrong room or something. But I looked up and thought, nope - these are my classmates. Other than maybe one question, I put down your typical church answers, hoping for some mercy marks maybe. When I did what I could for the ones that I could, I looked at the clock and only 20 or 25 minutes have passed. And usually, if there was a question that I didn't know right away, I'd leave it blank and come back later to think it through. So I went back to check to make sure I got the multiple choices that I wanted, I proceeded to write a bunch of irrelevance to fill up the rest of my test. I knew that I wouldn't be able to suddenly have a magical appearing light bulb moment and have the answers in my head, so sitting in class fiddling with my pen would be nothing more than what it is: wasting time. So after about 40-45 minutes, I decided that I would just GTFO. I handed in the test and hung my head when I walked out. When I walked up to the front of the room though, I saw a few people that had blanks on the same questions that I came up empty on. So is it that the test really was that hard? Or were they just waiting for the perfect worded answer and get bonus marks?
Whatever it is, I don't feel good about my chances of passing this test. If I manage a 40-50%, that is probably what I will be content with. I'm really only expecting a mark in the 30s. If I suddenly miraculously get a grade over 50, then it means that God really wants me to do well to the point that he will intervene.
So anyways, school has never been my thing, I've been a B student with a couple of As at the very best. But nonetheless, this was quite the face smacking experience telling me that I really need to step up my game. But it's definitely too late for the midterm I'm going to write in a couple hours because I haven't studied a whole lot for that one either.
Mercy?
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Keep On
I had to literally find something to do in order to stop myself from doing my paper. So what did I decide to do? I took a shower and decided to blog! Hah! After all, I need to keep up with my pace of a post every three days. I was slow to start studying and do my paper, so I'm going to pay for it on Tuesday and Wednesday. But I feel that I needed to stop because my brain is all fried and mashed up. So I think if I kept on working on my paper, everything I write wouldn't be flowing very good. I'm very picky about how I write, so if there is something that's out of place, I get annoyed. And with the state that I am in now, that is more than likely to happen.
Although, I have to say that I've really enjoyed engaging and writing this paper that has to do with how heaven is related to earth. A lot of times, the profs only want to make sure that you understand the things and don't want you to give a brand new "never-before-thought-of" ideology. It's pretty hard to write from my brain and not from my heart. But I guess wanting to write from my heart is not entirely a bad thing because it lets me know that I'm doing theology for theology, and not religious studies. I've been warned before that I shouldn't treat my studies as studies, but rather a passion. After all, faith is what springs theology, so it's important that I'm not doing this like I used to do grade school or first year at the UofA. I know the profs probably feel the same because they're only supposed to tell you the truths and not let their colors out by going into preach mode. Nevertheless, I'm loving these assignments because it lets me get out what I feel have been bottled up inside of me for the last few years but never got to share them.
It always feels like people generally don't really have that interest to talk about a lot of things that do with God. Or I should say that people want to talk about God, they just don't have the right people to talk to. So they don't.
Anyways, I can't really remember what else I wanted to blog about. There was something, I just don't remember.
Oh yeah, many people have asked me if I get home sick or do I miss Edmonton. I'd be lying if I said I don't. I'm not, and never will be, one of those people from Edmonton that move to Vancouver and never look back. Whenever something exciting is happening up there, I do feel disappointed that I don't get to be part of it. A lot of times, it's not because I want to be part of that event, it's the people that I want to do it with. Lifelong relationships are called lifelong relationships for a reason, and nothing will ever change them. I've mentioned many times before that it sucks that I don't get to go through this Bible college thing with my family and friends. But at the same time, I've also said many times that I'm not going to be bitter and depressed about it; it's just not my thing. I think I've lived long enough to be able to know that nothing good ever comes out of being down in the dumps. All you do is look for more reasons to be depressed, and nothing more. I've been there and don't want to go back. So that's why I'm always going to choose to live life the way that I do.
Anyways, I'm curious. If you have an opinion, and you don't mind sharing with me, what is your view on how heaven relates to earth? Is earth the same as heaven since God is omnipresent and God is everything and everything is God. Or is heaven a completely different state of universe as earth because God is perfect, the world is not, and God can't comprehend sin, so he doesn't intervene? Or is it a bit of a hybrid?
Tell me what you think!
EDIT: I have more to add.
It seems that kids are the same no matter where I go. Case in point: the leg grabbing.
Although, I have to say that I've really enjoyed engaging and writing this paper that has to do with how heaven is related to earth. A lot of times, the profs only want to make sure that you understand the things and don't want you to give a brand new "never-before-thought-of" ideology. It's pretty hard to write from my brain and not from my heart. But I guess wanting to write from my heart is not entirely a bad thing because it lets me know that I'm doing theology for theology, and not religious studies. I've been warned before that I shouldn't treat my studies as studies, but rather a passion. After all, faith is what springs theology, so it's important that I'm not doing this like I used to do grade school or first year at the UofA. I know the profs probably feel the same because they're only supposed to tell you the truths and not let their colors out by going into preach mode. Nevertheless, I'm loving these assignments because it lets me get out what I feel have been bottled up inside of me for the last few years but never got to share them.
It always feels like people generally don't really have that interest to talk about a lot of things that do with God. Or I should say that people want to talk about God, they just don't have the right people to talk to. So they don't.
Anyways, I can't really remember what else I wanted to blog about. There was something, I just don't remember.
Oh yeah, many people have asked me if I get home sick or do I miss Edmonton. I'd be lying if I said I don't. I'm not, and never will be, one of those people from Edmonton that move to Vancouver and never look back. Whenever something exciting is happening up there, I do feel disappointed that I don't get to be part of it. A lot of times, it's not because I want to be part of that event, it's the people that I want to do it with. Lifelong relationships are called lifelong relationships for a reason, and nothing will ever change them. I've mentioned many times before that it sucks that I don't get to go through this Bible college thing with my family and friends. But at the same time, I've also said many times that I'm not going to be bitter and depressed about it; it's just not my thing. I think I've lived long enough to be able to know that nothing good ever comes out of being down in the dumps. All you do is look for more reasons to be depressed, and nothing more. I've been there and don't want to go back. So that's why I'm always going to choose to live life the way that I do.
Anyways, I'm curious. If you have an opinion, and you don't mind sharing with me, what is your view on how heaven relates to earth? Is earth the same as heaven since God is omnipresent and God is everything and everything is God. Or is heaven a completely different state of universe as earth because God is perfect, the world is not, and God can't comprehend sin, so he doesn't intervene? Or is it a bit of a hybrid?
Tell me what you think!
EDIT: I have more to add.
It seems that kids are the same no matter where I go. Case in point: the leg grabbing.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
When I'm Calm, I Feel Good
Today, I figured out why I've been a bit "angsty" lately. It's because I haven't had a good worship in a while. I normally take time out once every week or two to play guitar and sing a bunch of songs to clear my mind and just praise God. But I haven't done that more than once or twice since moving here. Why? I think I just haven't been able to do it without much distraction.
I think whoever came up with this "Spiritual Emphasis Day" at AUC was the smartest person to ever attend the school. Take two days off to put emphasis on your spirituality? I think so. What it really is, is just a tiny two day conference. One of the breakout sessions I went to today was a worship one. Even though there were only a handful people that showed up for the one I went to, it was really nice for me to forget about everything and sing some songs. There's a lot of times where I want to go to church and just worship. But I haven't been able to do that because I have to teach Sunday School every week. And once a month I do worship. As fun as leading worship is, I sometimes just want to be one of the members in the congregation and soak everything in. I had two communions this month. I don't know why I just said that, but I did. Anyhow, I have two midterms and a paper due next Tuesday and Wednesday. Finding that out yesterday made me a little uptight.
After coming out of that worship session thing, it felt so good. It felt good right up until I walked out the door of the gym and remembered that I have stuff to do. But that hour of where I just stood there and sang was really refreshing. Uptight people should be introduced to it. It makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you sing, because of the joy it brings. I didn't know a lot of the songs they sang, but just the fact that I got a chance to push everything aside was pretty sweet.
I had wondered why I felt like I had so much tension in me lately, but it's only because I haven't had a chance to worship. So it's all good now. I even feel a bit better about having to study for two midterms and writing a book analysis paper on a book that I haven't even finished half of. I am eating candy at 9:47pm, which probably isn't a very good idea, but I'm doing it anyway.
Uhh, anyway, I think that's about all I can say. What can you get out of this? I don't know, it's your call. Maybe, for the times when you feel like a dink, just take a chance to worship - it does wonders. Worship, and really mean it.
That is all.
I think whoever came up with this "Spiritual Emphasis Day" at AUC was the smartest person to ever attend the school. Take two days off to put emphasis on your spirituality? I think so. What it really is, is just a tiny two day conference. One of the breakout sessions I went to today was a worship one. Even though there were only a handful people that showed up for the one I went to, it was really nice for me to forget about everything and sing some songs. There's a lot of times where I want to go to church and just worship. But I haven't been able to do that because I have to teach Sunday School every week. And once a month I do worship. As fun as leading worship is, I sometimes just want to be one of the members in the congregation and soak everything in. I had two communions this month. I don't know why I just said that, but I did. Anyhow, I have two midterms and a paper due next Tuesday and Wednesday. Finding that out yesterday made me a little uptight.
After coming out of that worship session thing, it felt so good. It felt good right up until I walked out the door of the gym and remembered that I have stuff to do. But that hour of where I just stood there and sang was really refreshing. Uptight people should be introduced to it. It makes you feel good. And when you feel good, you sing, because of the joy it brings. I didn't know a lot of the songs they sang, but just the fact that I got a chance to push everything aside was pretty sweet.
I had wondered why I felt like I had so much tension in me lately, but it's only because I haven't had a chance to worship. So it's all good now. I even feel a bit better about having to study for two midterms and writing a book analysis paper on a book that I haven't even finished half of. I am eating candy at 9:47pm, which probably isn't a very good idea, but I'm doing it anyway.
Uhh, anyway, I think that's about all I can say. What can you get out of this? I don't know, it's your call. Maybe, for the times when you feel like a dink, just take a chance to worship - it does wonders. Worship, and really mean it.
That is all.
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