Until I graduate and until I'm free of debt (if I have any), there will always be a battle between two sides for me. One side is for the money, and the other side is for the experience. We all know that I won't be making top dollar when I start my working career, and I'm okay with that. But until I get there, this tug of war will continue.
What do I mean, exactly? Over the last couple summers, basically whenever I've needed to find work, I've always struggled between looking at places that will pay me good money versus places that will get me good experience. The jobs that are both are often rare and I'm usually not really qualified for them - or at the very least, the people that apply outclass me by a large margin.
I'm glad I took the AIA job though. When I decided to do it, I knew very well that it would mean that I wouldn't have enough money to support my school and living for the next year. I'm doing my very best to stay away from student loans and borrowing money; but sometimes you end up having to choose either experience or pay, and this time I chose the former.
It's been a lot of fun. Even though I know I don't have enough money to go to school, I'm not going to worry about it. I think I'm lucky because I've accepted and learned that money is not going to run my world. I know a lot of people that have money as a defining factor for the way that they live, and I am not one of them. Even if they aren't doing it intentionally, money plays a much bigger role in their life than it needs to. But that's reality, money runs our world and so there has to be some sort of influence on each person.
With all of this being said, I'm halfway through my summer job as a soccer coach. As dark as I've become, I've really enjoyed every moment of it since training started. I think that no matter what happens for the second half of work, this summer will go down as one of my favorites. Easily. One thing that I've really loved is that nothing has really bothered me enough to make me feel any different than I am now. Sure there were some inconveniences and unfortunate things, but I don't think I've had so much joy in being able to do what I love, be active and get paid for it too.
Anyways, tomorrow I'll be driving out to Athabasca with 2 of the other coaches. This week is going to be exciting because it is a huge camp that is sponsored by ministry organizations. So I'm just really stoked to see what's going to happen.
It's been a really fun month of July! I'm excited to be able to continue to mature as a person and to grow in ways that I can't even imagine.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Catching My Breath
When I really think about it now, I don't know when the last time I woke up without having my nose not being clogged up was. It's been that long. With this past week, I really got to appreciate what it means to be able to breathe properly.
I can normally be around animals if I'm visiting someones house. I know I have some allergies to their fur, but it usually isn't so bad - until I started living with them that is. Being on an acreage this week, the family had cats and dogs in their house. I felt it right away. When I woke up on Monday for camps, I hadn't felt so bad in years.
I don't think it's a good thing, but most days when I wake up, my nose is plugged to some degree. Sometimes, it's really minor and I can ignore it until it clears up throughout the day. Other times, I will have to blow my nose a couple times and it will be good for the rest of the day. Throughout this entire week, I don't think I have ever had so much trouble clearing my windpipe and pathways that air needs to go through.
It got to a climax on Thursday night/Friday morning. I woke up at around 1:00am and I had so much trouble breathing. I couldn't breathe through my left nostril and my eye also seemed to be glued shut. It took me probably 45 minutes to be able to have things even out again and be able to go back to bed. It was a painful 45 minutes.
Anyways, camp this week was okay. I'd like to think that it went better than I am picturing it to be because of my allergies. However, it did feel different from the two previous camps though. I didn't feel like I was as focused and engaged, for whatever reason, in connecting with the campers and volunteer coaches as much. As the week wore on, I definitely did get to connect better with the guy coaches, but that seemed to be about it. There are a few kids that definitely stood out to me and I was able to have a lot of fun with them, so I think that that was still pretty good.
Maybe part of it is that I'm coming from such familiarity in week 2 with the NEAC/Steele Heights camp that my outlook was a bit blurred. And in my first week in Cochrane, the kids there were really special.
Either way, my thoughts are quite scrambled right now because my mind has been all over the place in the last day or two. But that's okay because I'm home for another couple of days before I head west to West Meadows Baptist to do camps there.
Them mosquitoes better stay the heck away from us. Unlikely, though. Dangggg!
I can normally be around animals if I'm visiting someones house. I know I have some allergies to their fur, but it usually isn't so bad - until I started living with them that is. Being on an acreage this week, the family had cats and dogs in their house. I felt it right away. When I woke up on Monday for camps, I hadn't felt so bad in years.
I don't think it's a good thing, but most days when I wake up, my nose is plugged to some degree. Sometimes, it's really minor and I can ignore it until it clears up throughout the day. Other times, I will have to blow my nose a couple times and it will be good for the rest of the day. Throughout this entire week, I don't think I have ever had so much trouble clearing my windpipe and pathways that air needs to go through.
It got to a climax on Thursday night/Friday morning. I woke up at around 1:00am and I had so much trouble breathing. I couldn't breathe through my left nostril and my eye also seemed to be glued shut. It took me probably 45 minutes to be able to have things even out again and be able to go back to bed. It was a painful 45 minutes.
Anyways, camp this week was okay. I'd like to think that it went better than I am picturing it to be because of my allergies. However, it did feel different from the two previous camps though. I didn't feel like I was as focused and engaged, for whatever reason, in connecting with the campers and volunteer coaches as much. As the week wore on, I definitely did get to connect better with the guy coaches, but that seemed to be about it. There are a few kids that definitely stood out to me and I was able to have a lot of fun with them, so I think that that was still pretty good.
Maybe part of it is that I'm coming from such familiarity in week 2 with the NEAC/Steele Heights camp that my outlook was a bit blurred. And in my first week in Cochrane, the kids there were really special.
Either way, my thoughts are quite scrambled right now because my mind has been all over the place in the last day or two. But that's okay because I'm home for another couple of days before I head west to West Meadows Baptist to do camps there.
Them mosquitoes better stay the heck away from us. Unlikely, though. Dangggg!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Fresh Air
Well this feels awfully familiar.
I guess you can tell that I am talking about coaching for a week at my home church. Two things, though.
First is that it feels a little strange to be coaching in the same place that I've been volunteering for the past few years. I try my best not to, but there's naturally a bit of self-entitlement that comes with being here. If you gave me a choice, I probably would have said that I'd prefer not to coach in my home church for this very reason. But regardless of what I think, this is reality. So I'll deal with it. If anything, this only assures me that I will never pastor at my home church, even if it is a last destination type of pastoring. It makes me somewhat sad because no matter where I go, North Edmonton Alliance is my home church and will probably be the church I attend whenever I am in Edmonton. But I do know that it is probably in everyone's best interest that I would never have a future there as a minister. And at the same time, it is not really up to me; if God wants me here, then I'll come here. Realistically speaking though, it's probably not going to happen. However, don't get me wrong, I am very stoked that I do get to work at my home church and it's very exciting for me to see so many kids.
On a side note, we were able to go outside today despite the bad weather. We didn't really have rain until after lunch when it drizzled a little bit but wasn't bad enough that we had to go inside. Hopes are that the rest of the week are at least as good as today, if not better!
Second thing that seems awfully familiar is what is going on inside of me. I mentioned many times before that this summer was going to be spiritually challenging. Especially since I brought four kids to Christ last week, Satan is not going to like that. So over the past few days, I've felt emotionally crappy. I'm not trying to, but some things that are happening are making me question who I am again. It's been talked about that in my past, what lead to the lowest point in my life was my lack of self-esteem and confidence. So since that was an area of weakness, why not attack that again?
A few years ago, I was at a point in my life where I thought that I needed to change who I am in order to fit in more and have people like me better. I don't remember what the end result was, but I can assure you that the entire process of it was not fun to go through. For some reason, I'm at that point again. I'm not doing it on purpose, and I know people respect me for who I am - even though I'm still so immature - but the thoughts are resurfacing and causing me to doubt my personality. Not cool.
But all of this doesn't mean bad things though, I feel. Because I know I need to be a much more mature person as I am now a bit older. I can't act like a child in many aspects of life anymore, so it's good that all this evaluation of my personal character will help me in becoming stronger as a person and more confident in who I am. I love that God has been putting me in situations where eyes are on me over the last year, and it allows me to be more aware of the image that I put on because I know what I want people to see when they look at me.
So the good thing is that I can finally see where my spiritual life is heading, or where it needs to go, over the next little while. Once I am more mature, I will be able to relate to people better and hopefully be able to develop some really strong relationships.
That's the goal.
I guess you can tell that I am talking about coaching for a week at my home church. Two things, though.
First is that it feels a little strange to be coaching in the same place that I've been volunteering for the past few years. I try my best not to, but there's naturally a bit of self-entitlement that comes with being here. If you gave me a choice, I probably would have said that I'd prefer not to coach in my home church for this very reason. But regardless of what I think, this is reality. So I'll deal with it. If anything, this only assures me that I will never pastor at my home church, even if it is a last destination type of pastoring. It makes me somewhat sad because no matter where I go, North Edmonton Alliance is my home church and will probably be the church I attend whenever I am in Edmonton. But I do know that it is probably in everyone's best interest that I would never have a future there as a minister. And at the same time, it is not really up to me; if God wants me here, then I'll come here. Realistically speaking though, it's probably not going to happen. However, don't get me wrong, I am very stoked that I do get to work at my home church and it's very exciting for me to see so many kids.
On a side note, we were able to go outside today despite the bad weather. We didn't really have rain until after lunch when it drizzled a little bit but wasn't bad enough that we had to go inside. Hopes are that the rest of the week are at least as good as today, if not better!
Second thing that seems awfully familiar is what is going on inside of me. I mentioned many times before that this summer was going to be spiritually challenging. Especially since I brought four kids to Christ last week, Satan is not going to like that. So over the past few days, I've felt emotionally crappy. I'm not trying to, but some things that are happening are making me question who I am again. It's been talked about that in my past, what lead to the lowest point in my life was my lack of self-esteem and confidence. So since that was an area of weakness, why not attack that again?
A few years ago, I was at a point in my life where I thought that I needed to change who I am in order to fit in more and have people like me better. I don't remember what the end result was, but I can assure you that the entire process of it was not fun to go through. For some reason, I'm at that point again. I'm not doing it on purpose, and I know people respect me for who I am - even though I'm still so immature - but the thoughts are resurfacing and causing me to doubt my personality. Not cool.
But all of this doesn't mean bad things though, I feel. Because I know I need to be a much more mature person as I am now a bit older. I can't act like a child in many aspects of life anymore, so it's good that all this evaluation of my personal character will help me in becoming stronger as a person and more confident in who I am. I love that God has been putting me in situations where eyes are on me over the last year, and it allows me to be more aware of the image that I put on because I know what I want people to see when they look at me.
So the good thing is that I can finally see where my spiritual life is heading, or where it needs to go, over the next little while. Once I am more mature, I will be able to relate to people better and hopefully be able to develop some really strong relationships.
That's the goal.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Breathless
This week was probably one of the best weeks I've had in a very long time. We went out to Camp Sunnybrae, which is about 15-20 minutes from Salmon Arm, for coaches training camp. At first, I wasn't too excited that it was a very camping like feel with the lake and everything, but I am not sure what I should've expected if it wasn't going to be like that. So, anyways, after some initial timidness from seeing how boss everyone seemed to be, I felt much better.
We didn't really do much other than meet our teams and get some things started after arriving on Monday afternoon. We drove out to the pitch and did a couple of soccer activities, and went back for some talks and such. At night, I am going to admit that sleeping with 7 other guys in the same room is very awkward. The sausage fest packed a whole lot of heat, so it felt really hot throughout the night. I was shocked, however, to find that a lot of the guys were really respectful and actually went to bed by 11:00pm. So after rolling around for a couple hours because of the heat, I finally fell asleep.
The first full day of training was a load of fun. I can't even remember what we did throughout the day but I know I had a blast. All sorts of talking about how to handle kids to all the soccer things we need to know, we did it. I wasn't exactly sure what my teams dynamics would be like, but I think we'll get along quite well. We each have such different personalities and character traits that some people might find it hard that we're a team. But I think that it is because we possess such different qualities that we'll be able to be a really good team.
I will not forget the Tuesday night when a few of us decided to join some of the elderly people at the campfire. A side note is that during our training, we shared the camp with an old people's retreat. I got to meet a few of these people and they are some of the nicest people that I've ever met. So anyways, being at that campfire and listening to some testimonies and singing along with them made me really happy. A lot of the stories that the people brought really touched me and inspired me to continue living in God's light.
As training progressed through the second day, I was really starting to warm up to everyone that was there. I know that I'm slow and it takes a while for me to be able to be really open with people, but I really felt that we were creating something very special. We were together for just two full days and it felt like we knew each other for years. I'm sure everyone at training would admit to that. On the night of Wednesday, we decided to gather as a team around the campfire to do communion and have some light worship. I was given the privilege to lead a couple songs and it was fantastic. But a note to anyone that will ever think about playing guitar in front of a fire: don't do it. It ruins your guitar and that is the reason for why I didn't bring mine.
Anyways, it was sad that we needed to leave on Thursday morning, and it seemed like no one really wanted to anyway. But we had our summers of coaching ahead of us so we had to say our goodbyes. I might have mentioned before that I don't like saying goodbye, but the fact that it is most likely that I will never get to see some of the again, I had to. And I'll be honest, if I had the chance, I would definitely go out of my way to see at least one of them.
So here I am, after a day of traveling and a day of rest, I have a bit of time to reflect and prepare myself for the first camp in Cochrane. There is also one other thing that I discovered at camp that has just completely flooded my mind since leaving, but I'm probably not ready to talk about it yet (or at least put on my blog). I'm still trying to figure out where I stand on the situation so I can see if it will be really worth my time to pursue it any further anyway. However, I am open to talking about it if it is just you and me.
So yeah, this has been my week of coaches training with AIA. To say that I had a blast would be an understatement. If time could have been frozen, I would say that I'd have been in heaven.
Happy birthday Canada.
We didn't really do much other than meet our teams and get some things started after arriving on Monday afternoon. We drove out to the pitch and did a couple of soccer activities, and went back for some talks and such. At night, I am going to admit that sleeping with 7 other guys in the same room is very awkward. The sausage fest packed a whole lot of heat, so it felt really hot throughout the night. I was shocked, however, to find that a lot of the guys were really respectful and actually went to bed by 11:00pm. So after rolling around for a couple hours because of the heat, I finally fell asleep.
The first full day of training was a load of fun. I can't even remember what we did throughout the day but I know I had a blast. All sorts of talking about how to handle kids to all the soccer things we need to know, we did it. I wasn't exactly sure what my teams dynamics would be like, but I think we'll get along quite well. We each have such different personalities and character traits that some people might find it hard that we're a team. But I think that it is because we possess such different qualities that we'll be able to be a really good team.
I will not forget the Tuesday night when a few of us decided to join some of the elderly people at the campfire. A side note is that during our training, we shared the camp with an old people's retreat. I got to meet a few of these people and they are some of the nicest people that I've ever met. So anyways, being at that campfire and listening to some testimonies and singing along with them made me really happy. A lot of the stories that the people brought really touched me and inspired me to continue living in God's light.
As training progressed through the second day, I was really starting to warm up to everyone that was there. I know that I'm slow and it takes a while for me to be able to be really open with people, but I really felt that we were creating something very special. We were together for just two full days and it felt like we knew each other for years. I'm sure everyone at training would admit to that. On the night of Wednesday, we decided to gather as a team around the campfire to do communion and have some light worship. I was given the privilege to lead a couple songs and it was fantastic. But a note to anyone that will ever think about playing guitar in front of a fire: don't do it. It ruins your guitar and that is the reason for why I didn't bring mine.
Anyways, it was sad that we needed to leave on Thursday morning, and it seemed like no one really wanted to anyway. But we had our summers of coaching ahead of us so we had to say our goodbyes. I might have mentioned before that I don't like saying goodbye, but the fact that it is most likely that I will never get to see some of the again, I had to. And I'll be honest, if I had the chance, I would definitely go out of my way to see at least one of them.
So here I am, after a day of traveling and a day of rest, I have a bit of time to reflect and prepare myself for the first camp in Cochrane. There is also one other thing that I discovered at camp that has just completely flooded my mind since leaving, but I'm probably not ready to talk about it yet (or at least put on my blog). I'm still trying to figure out where I stand on the situation so I can see if it will be really worth my time to pursue it any further anyway. However, I am open to talking about it if it is just you and me.
So yeah, this has been my week of coaches training with AIA. To say that I had a blast would be an understatement. If time could have been frozen, I would say that I'd have been in heaven.
Happy birthday Canada.
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