Seven years into the life of this blog, patterns stay mostly the same. I don't blog a whole lot during the summer months. This is probably indicative of me spending most of my time in Edmonton and doing things with friends and family. Having been gone for five years, I kind of got used to the leave-for-the-school-year-and-return-in-the-summer routine. Though, it's probably fair to say with having begun my career in work, I will eventually be moving away from this pattern.
Autumn is usually refered to as the season between summer and winter, but the term itself has the meaning of maturation or a beginning in decline. Since I'm such a nerd (or as I'd like to call it: artsy), my last few months have had a real autumn vibe to them. I think I'm slowly accepting that there are a bunch of things, as well as people, that I have to let go of. Letting go doesn't mean I will never see or talk to them again, but that I shouldn't attach myself so closely to associating with them. Everyone's got their own lives to live, and the more I try to cling onto these things of old, the more I'm restricting myself from moving forward with my own life.
In preparation for the September kick off, I look back at my first year of ministry, and more specifically the last three months. After a good start, it comes to my attention that with where I am now, I'm a bit lost. With a lot of the things I'm doing now, in every aspect, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.
I think the first real thing is that I still don't feel completely settled into Vancouver. I do, however, think that I just need a bit more time. A year in such a big city can only do so much - this isn't a small town in the middle of nowhere Saskatchewan anymore (not making fun of Assiniboia, just contrasting). Being a prairie boy, Vancouver is a whole different culture, and I haven't been able to blend with the people as well as I've wanted to. This isn't really to say that I don't like the people here, it's just that I haven't found a group or community that I feel completely at home in. Probably not too surprising, as it took me almost three years in Calgary to do that.
Another thing, that I've only shared with a few people, is that I started to get excited for where my ministry was headed. For the first bit of 2015, I really sensed that our church was going somewhere. I didn't know where exactly, but I was stoked to be along for the ride. So based on past experiences, I knew very well that the second we start getting excited about church life, the enemy is going to come attacking. Basically, since the start of June-ish, I've been under constant distress about many things in my life, an attempt to more or less slow me down or stop me completely. I'll admit: I've felt the effects, and I don't like it.
You do what you can to take what you get and move on, which is what I'm trying to do; but I find that in times of decline, it isn't so much knowing what to do, it's the will to do it. Some days, it's much more appealing to stay in bed under covers than to get up and clean the house - same thing with what I'm seeing now.
This is how I've been over the last little while. There is still joy within me, and I think that's really the defining factor of why I still get up and work every morning. As much as it doesn't feel like it, I know there's still a reason for me to live my life and do what I'm told to do.
I will be extremely busy, probably, for the rest of the year and onwards. We've had an unfortunate outcome that has brought about inconvenience, so people will need to step up to fill the gap, starting with me.
Although it looks nice and is worth admiration, we all know that when the leaves have turned, they are bound to fall. The key is always to make it through the winter, no matter how cold, and look forward to the spring when new flowers blossom and bring new life.
Wednesday, August 26, 2015
Tuesday, August 11, 2015
Calibrate
It's been a good summer. All things considered, I don't think I can really complain a whole lot about how the last couple months have gone.
My mind has been set ablaze with so many things to think about, so I won't be short of things to do in the next several weeks. I just got back into the office today after spending my last two weeks in Edmonton. Overall, it was a good time away from work and life down here in such a busy city. I wish I was able to stay a bit longer to get to hang out and catch up with a few more people, but that's alright. It was nice that people took time out for me to begin with as I was the one invading their lives!
Edmonton is always fun. I will always have a reason to go back as long as my friends and family are there. Every time I go back, I see people grow and, especially, NEAC change. I don't think I've been this excited for where my home church is going in a very long time. I'd love to be a part of the journey, but that's just not where I'm supposed to be at this time. I still constantly think about if I could ever go back to be a pastor at some point in time. Even though there are more and more new faces, and people that don't recognize me, it'd be a major challenge if I ever did go back. I don't really have an answer, but I know what I want.
Moving on, I've set big sites on September, as I've wanted to have a bit of a kickoff for our church as we're set to rebrand a few of our ministry programs. I'll admit that I've been a bit over eager in implementing the things I wanted to do, but I think it's good that it presents me with an "ideal". Do I think we'll be able to have everything going the way I envision right off the bat? No. Do I think we can get there? Not sure, but that's why we're doing it. So this puts a lot on my plate with things to do and preparations to be made. In some ways, taking my time off when I did was a bit inconvenient for the planning, but I needed the break.
Looking back at my first year, I'm so humbled by the fact of who I am, with my experience in life, to have the kind of impact I do on a church. I've expressed to many people my thoughts about "running" my own congregation, and some of the core things I want to see changed about how we do church in general. And with who I am as a person, the only real way I can bring that full impact is by living it myself. I'm told to read and study 1 and 2 Timothy by pretty much everyone I talk to, and believe me, I relate very well to him. I will keep to myself some of my own views and struggles of seeing myself in the ministry capacity that I'm in, as I believe in the integrity that I should keep a level of professionalism while I'm here. But I do feel an increase in the level of frequency where I'm asking how long I have at this church before I need to go. The thing that breaks my heart is that this is happening after my first year. Longevity is so hard to come by in church now, and I also understand that the success and growth of a minister isn't purely determined by the length of time.
Looking ahead, I'm asking God every day what my purpose is to be here. At its simplest state, I know why I'm here. But if life were that simple, we'd have solved a lot of problems by now. The honeymoon is over, the excitement has died down; what happens next will be where the real work begins. Being young and inexperienced does eventually factor into how effective I am, so it's a matter of how I can handle it and how I can grow from it. I just don't want my mistakes to wear on me like I know they have in the past.
Before I babble any further, you can probably get a good sense of where I am as I enter my second year here at Newbern and Vancouver. My last two or three years have been so good, so if I end up having a crummy year, I don't think I'll be too surprised - just because I half expect it doesn't mean I'll like it. Like I've mentioned, year 2's have historically been the biggest challenge for me, so let's see where this goes.
My mind has been set ablaze with so many things to think about, so I won't be short of things to do in the next several weeks. I just got back into the office today after spending my last two weeks in Edmonton. Overall, it was a good time away from work and life down here in such a busy city. I wish I was able to stay a bit longer to get to hang out and catch up with a few more people, but that's alright. It was nice that people took time out for me to begin with as I was the one invading their lives!
Edmonton is always fun. I will always have a reason to go back as long as my friends and family are there. Every time I go back, I see people grow and, especially, NEAC change. I don't think I've been this excited for where my home church is going in a very long time. I'd love to be a part of the journey, but that's just not where I'm supposed to be at this time. I still constantly think about if I could ever go back to be a pastor at some point in time. Even though there are more and more new faces, and people that don't recognize me, it'd be a major challenge if I ever did go back. I don't really have an answer, but I know what I want.
Moving on, I've set big sites on September, as I've wanted to have a bit of a kickoff for our church as we're set to rebrand a few of our ministry programs. I'll admit that I've been a bit over eager in implementing the things I wanted to do, but I think it's good that it presents me with an "ideal". Do I think we'll be able to have everything going the way I envision right off the bat? No. Do I think we can get there? Not sure, but that's why we're doing it. So this puts a lot on my plate with things to do and preparations to be made. In some ways, taking my time off when I did was a bit inconvenient for the planning, but I needed the break.
Looking back at my first year, I'm so humbled by the fact of who I am, with my experience in life, to have the kind of impact I do on a church. I've expressed to many people my thoughts about "running" my own congregation, and some of the core things I want to see changed about how we do church in general. And with who I am as a person, the only real way I can bring that full impact is by living it myself. I'm told to read and study 1 and 2 Timothy by pretty much everyone I talk to, and believe me, I relate very well to him. I will keep to myself some of my own views and struggles of seeing myself in the ministry capacity that I'm in, as I believe in the integrity that I should keep a level of professionalism while I'm here. But I do feel an increase in the level of frequency where I'm asking how long I have at this church before I need to go. The thing that breaks my heart is that this is happening after my first year. Longevity is so hard to come by in church now, and I also understand that the success and growth of a minister isn't purely determined by the length of time.
Looking ahead, I'm asking God every day what my purpose is to be here. At its simplest state, I know why I'm here. But if life were that simple, we'd have solved a lot of problems by now. The honeymoon is over, the excitement has died down; what happens next will be where the real work begins. Being young and inexperienced does eventually factor into how effective I am, so it's a matter of how I can handle it and how I can grow from it. I just don't want my mistakes to wear on me like I know they have in the past.
Before I babble any further, you can probably get a good sense of where I am as I enter my second year here at Newbern and Vancouver. My last two or three years have been so good, so if I end up having a crummy year, I don't think I'll be too surprised - just because I half expect it doesn't mean I'll like it. Like I've mentioned, year 2's have historically been the biggest challenge for me, so let's see where this goes.
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