Time for an actual update.
February always goes by really quickly. Yeah, yeah - I know that there's only 28 days in the month, but it usually feels significantly shorter than any other.
All in all, this was a beautiful month for me. I've felt super motivated, super productive, and super happy about where I'm at. After the initial struggles of culture shock and trying to fit in, I feel my new mindset really kicking in. My work and life in Vancouver are just beginning to take off and I am excited to be here for the long haul.
I love that Spring has begun to peak its head around the corner. There's this one tree outside my church; and after I walked out of the building today, I saw that all the little flowers were basically in full bloom already. How cool is that?! February! I'm used to the weather still being bone chillingly cold this time around. The sun has been out the past couple weeks, and I've been much happier as a result.
I'm slowly beginning to exercise again, but it's definitely a struggle. Probably the most important thing is going to be cardio, which is still somewhat difficult right now as it's not as warm as I want it to be in order to run outside. However, I've begun pushing myself to really be a little more active. I was really starting to feel the fatigue on my mind and body from being a vegetable in the office and at home all day. The strain was felt, especially in my eyes. I'm not sure why, but I think my vision has taken the biggest hit from this inactivity. Especially on the days where I'm really tired, I have a lot of trouble seeing and focusing on things properly. Too much staring at a screen and book is causing my eyes to strain and it's not good! Breaks will need to be enforced just to give my eyes some rest.
Touching on my different approach to maintaining a budget, I know I'm starting to be at that "grow'd up" stage when I'm so stoked that I have money left over that I didn't spend. Because of the many events and suppers I was invited to this month, I didn't spend my full budget on groceries. So going to Superstore today, I allowed myself to treat myself by buying some junk food that I normally wouldn't get because I needed the essentials first. So now I've got cookies, pop, and other snacks in my cupboard. Nice! The only hiccup I had this month was my gas portion. I didn't think the price would go back up so quickly, so I probably should've given a few more dollars here, but whatever.
Last Sunday, I took a risk and did something different from my series that I was preaching. I mentioned in my last post that these things have been stirring up in my heart for a couple months now, and I decided to preach on one of the topics despite feeling like I know next to nothing about it. Well, I shouldn't say I know nothing, it was just my knowledge base of the subject was shaken up a bit. I spoke on the topic of calling: receiving messages and words from God. All in all, it's been what I've been going through. I really believe I'm going through the process of interpreting a call from God right now, so I decided to preach on it. I'm glad I did, because I think that it was probably the best feedback I've heard on any message I've ever given. So I hope that it was able to help someone in my congregation. I guess sometimes you just have to preach from conviction and deviate from the plan a little bit. If anything, it was a message I needed to hear myself; that is likely why I was going at it so hotly.
Since it's apparently a huge deal here, Happy Chinese New Year to all! Our church definitely celebrated this occasion, all while I was completely ignorant to the fact that it even was Chinese New Years.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Friday, February 20, 2015
The Verge
The disclaimer for this post is that it's going to get very personal very fast. In my last two posts, I mentioned lightly on how I've been in a hurricane of a wrestling match with God, trying to find answers and getting clear guidance in multiple aspects of my life. I think that many things that have been going on in my early months of ministry all seem to line up in some way to some thing. My pursuit, therefore, is trying to find out in what way everything is lining up and what it's lining up to; and then, ultimately, what does it mean?
I've already given you my warning, so if you don't want to read about my current though process that include unrefined thoughts and incomplete findings, you can close the browser or click to a different webpage. I know that a lot of things I'm going to say could make no sense or be outright wrong, but I think it's important for me to collect everything together like this. I have other outlets to do something like this, but I'm going to choose to blog because it's purely about me and my perspective of my life and ministry. And besides, this side of my life isn't exactly secret; I'm very open about where I am and how people can support me if they so choose. Some of you are curious beyond just the surface happenings of life in Vancouver, so this will reveal a lot of what's going on with me. Here we go.
The two biggest desires in my heart as of the start of 2015 are, A) how I can be the pastor that God wants me to be; and, B) the search for a spouse.
I think I've had to, on multiple occasions, be reminded that being a pastor and serving a church really isn't about what I want or what I expect a church to be like. I am trying so hard to surrender all the presuppositions and all the stereotypes that I've brought in from my previous experiences so that I can look at the task in front of me with fresh eyes and with as little bias as possible. It proves difficult when I take the seemingly God-given vision that I have for the church with the resources I appear to have. This isn't a shot at a lack of resources; it is more of finding it extremely difficult to get this church to where that vision God has given me is. Already as a brand new pastor, I'm going to be looking at things with a more rose-colored pair of glasses than many more experienced pastors will. While I don't think this is bad, running too fast may cause me to run out of steam before I get anywhere of significance.
So I want so bad to be able to shape my life in a way that represents a good Christian and good pastor. Titus 2 encourages us to live such good lives modeling what God wants us to be so that people can't say anything bad about us. The flaw in my thinking here is that my attention ends up being on my own image, and that is not what I want at all. I'm trying to find ways to feed myself, ways to help me grow, so I end up looking to so many different resources and listening to so many different voices, that I just end up being confused and somewhat frustrated. It's almost like if I want to try skydiving; with my parachute and harness on, ready to take in the amazing view, everytime I try to jump, something tells me "don't." And when I try to find someone or something to speak into my life in this aspect, I get confused if the desires in my heart are really that of God or of myself - meaning, do I really want to dive out into the sky because it's an incredible experience or am I just dumb?
Moving on, one of the hurdles I've run into with my ministry and own personal life is the need for a spouse. Okay. I've jokingly talked about the external pressure from people about me finding that wonderful partner that will come into my life, and it's still there. After the new year started though, whether or not that external pressure factors into it at all, I've grown a tremendous desire to actively find a spouse. There is a cohesion here with my ministry and personal life. I've discovered that there is no way I'm going to be able to minister to the girls of my congregation the same way a strong female can. I can try, and with a complete sense of genuinity, I do, but it isn't the same as having a girl-to-girl. Maybe there is a strong female leader in my congregation somewhere that I haven't found yet that can take care of that side for me, but I think there's something more when it comes from "the pastor's wife" as opposed to just another female in the church. I could be totally wrong here, and I think I am in some ways. But I think I've come to the point in my life where I think having a spouse will benefit me, and vice versa, to be able to have someone by my side to support me in whatever way necessary.
It was brought up to me once, and I keep going back to it, about how man was not created to be alone. So, to Adam, God brought Eve. I'm always wondering if this will be the case for me. There's no way, and again I could be wrong here, for me to be able to go out and nurture a relationship with enough people to entertain someone as a spouse given the fact that I'm so invested into my job. This is usually where I get quite discouraged. I find it hard to think such a case could happen. I'm able to continue following and being obedient to my call as I am, but I do think that having a spouse would complement my life and ministry and add a completely different dimension to the way I perceive everything to be.
For the first few weeks, I was so embarrassed to seem to have been so stressed about this new found "burden." Now that I think about it though, what's the point of being embarrased? It's not weird to have a desire to get married. In fact, it's quite the privilege to be able to join lives with a partner. I think that the more I hide the fact I'm looking for a spouse, the more awkward it becomes when it gets brought up. I've become more and more straightforward as a person in the last year or so, so this makes perfect sense that I don't see an issue with the way I'm approaching it. Obviously I'm not going to be obnoxious about it, but if it gets mentioned or talked about, I'm not going to deny anything.
Finally, what seems to have brought everything together has been my recent discovery and revisitation of the spiritual gifts. Thanks to Ps Rich and Jon of Five Stones Church, I've been completely consumed by a hunger to want to know more about the gift of prophecy. This topic is a subject for a different blog post, so I won't talk about it. But through exploring this gift and revisiting some of the ways that people ministered to each other in the early church, I have been encouraged by both Rich and Jon in the avenue of prophecy to know that these rumblings I've been having aren't out of the blue, and that God is doing something within me. Many nights, I've been on the verge of meltdowns and tears because I feel a million puzzle pieces being dumped on top of me, not knowing how to put them together. And what they have helped me with is a sense of revelation in seeing what the completed puzzle is supposed to be. So from knowing that, I can begin to take each piece and see how they need to fit together to create the finished product.
All in all, I'm still utterly confused, constantly asking "what does this mean?" This isn't to say I'm having a rough time, though. In fact, I have never felt so much joy in pursuing what God is doing and how my life is unfolding. My hunger and thirst for God is probably at an all time high right now. I'm so excited that I get to spend the upcoming months seeking answers and seeing where this leads me as a person and as a pastor.
So this has been what's kept me up at night in the last two months. The passion and fire is only growing bigger and stronger. I want so badly for God to unveil just what it is he's been burning up inside of me.
I've already given you my warning, so if you don't want to read about my current though process that include unrefined thoughts and incomplete findings, you can close the browser or click to a different webpage. I know that a lot of things I'm going to say could make no sense or be outright wrong, but I think it's important for me to collect everything together like this. I have other outlets to do something like this, but I'm going to choose to blog because it's purely about me and my perspective of my life and ministry. And besides, this side of my life isn't exactly secret; I'm very open about where I am and how people can support me if they so choose. Some of you are curious beyond just the surface happenings of life in Vancouver, so this will reveal a lot of what's going on with me. Here we go.
The two biggest desires in my heart as of the start of 2015 are, A) how I can be the pastor that God wants me to be; and, B) the search for a spouse.
I think I've had to, on multiple occasions, be reminded that being a pastor and serving a church really isn't about what I want or what I expect a church to be like. I am trying so hard to surrender all the presuppositions and all the stereotypes that I've brought in from my previous experiences so that I can look at the task in front of me with fresh eyes and with as little bias as possible. It proves difficult when I take the seemingly God-given vision that I have for the church with the resources I appear to have. This isn't a shot at a lack of resources; it is more of finding it extremely difficult to get this church to where that vision God has given me is. Already as a brand new pastor, I'm going to be looking at things with a more rose-colored pair of glasses than many more experienced pastors will. While I don't think this is bad, running too fast may cause me to run out of steam before I get anywhere of significance.
So I want so bad to be able to shape my life in a way that represents a good Christian and good pastor. Titus 2 encourages us to live such good lives modeling what God wants us to be so that people can't say anything bad about us. The flaw in my thinking here is that my attention ends up being on my own image, and that is not what I want at all. I'm trying to find ways to feed myself, ways to help me grow, so I end up looking to so many different resources and listening to so many different voices, that I just end up being confused and somewhat frustrated. It's almost like if I want to try skydiving; with my parachute and harness on, ready to take in the amazing view, everytime I try to jump, something tells me "don't." And when I try to find someone or something to speak into my life in this aspect, I get confused if the desires in my heart are really that of God or of myself - meaning, do I really want to dive out into the sky because it's an incredible experience or am I just dumb?
Moving on, one of the hurdles I've run into with my ministry and own personal life is the need for a spouse. Okay. I've jokingly talked about the external pressure from people about me finding that wonderful partner that will come into my life, and it's still there. After the new year started though, whether or not that external pressure factors into it at all, I've grown a tremendous desire to actively find a spouse. There is a cohesion here with my ministry and personal life. I've discovered that there is no way I'm going to be able to minister to the girls of my congregation the same way a strong female can. I can try, and with a complete sense of genuinity, I do, but it isn't the same as having a girl-to-girl. Maybe there is a strong female leader in my congregation somewhere that I haven't found yet that can take care of that side for me, but I think there's something more when it comes from "the pastor's wife" as opposed to just another female in the church. I could be totally wrong here, and I think I am in some ways. But I think I've come to the point in my life where I think having a spouse will benefit me, and vice versa, to be able to have someone by my side to support me in whatever way necessary.
It was brought up to me once, and I keep going back to it, about how man was not created to be alone. So, to Adam, God brought Eve. I'm always wondering if this will be the case for me. There's no way, and again I could be wrong here, for me to be able to go out and nurture a relationship with enough people to entertain someone as a spouse given the fact that I'm so invested into my job. This is usually where I get quite discouraged. I find it hard to think such a case could happen. I'm able to continue following and being obedient to my call as I am, but I do think that having a spouse would complement my life and ministry and add a completely different dimension to the way I perceive everything to be.
For the first few weeks, I was so embarrassed to seem to have been so stressed about this new found "burden." Now that I think about it though, what's the point of being embarrased? It's not weird to have a desire to get married. In fact, it's quite the privilege to be able to join lives with a partner. I think that the more I hide the fact I'm looking for a spouse, the more awkward it becomes when it gets brought up. I've become more and more straightforward as a person in the last year or so, so this makes perfect sense that I don't see an issue with the way I'm approaching it. Obviously I'm not going to be obnoxious about it, but if it gets mentioned or talked about, I'm not going to deny anything.
Finally, what seems to have brought everything together has been my recent discovery and revisitation of the spiritual gifts. Thanks to Ps Rich and Jon of Five Stones Church, I've been completely consumed by a hunger to want to know more about the gift of prophecy. This topic is a subject for a different blog post, so I won't talk about it. But through exploring this gift and revisiting some of the ways that people ministered to each other in the early church, I have been encouraged by both Rich and Jon in the avenue of prophecy to know that these rumblings I've been having aren't out of the blue, and that God is doing something within me. Many nights, I've been on the verge of meltdowns and tears because I feel a million puzzle pieces being dumped on top of me, not knowing how to put them together. And what they have helped me with is a sense of revelation in seeing what the completed puzzle is supposed to be. So from knowing that, I can begin to take each piece and see how they need to fit together to create the finished product.
All in all, I'm still utterly confused, constantly asking "what does this mean?" This isn't to say I'm having a rough time, though. In fact, I have never felt so much joy in pursuing what God is doing and how my life is unfolding. My hunger and thirst for God is probably at an all time high right now. I'm so excited that I get to spend the upcoming months seeking answers and seeing where this leads me as a person and as a pastor.
So this has been what's kept me up at night in the last two months. The passion and fire is only growing bigger and stronger. I want so badly for God to unveil just what it is he's been burning up inside of me.
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Secondaries - Pt. 2
It's been a few weeks since I've last blogged, and lots have happened. I've wanted to blog a few times but I just didn't think I'd have enough to make my post a meaningful one. But, since we're more than halfway through February, I thought I'd just write about more of the little things I've noticed in the last while.
I previously wrote a post titled Secondaries back in December, where I talked about some of the smaller things I've picked up on since moving down here - you can go check it out if you want. So I guess this is, in some ways, part two! Let's go.
This month has gone by super quick. Apparently I turned 24 about a week and a half ago. I find 24 to be such a weird age to be at. You're not quite 25, but you're also not so young that you're still free to enjoy some of the "I just became an adult" freedoms you normally get. That's why I find that being 24 is more of a nuisance than anything else. Haha. I might as well be 25 so at least my car insurance rate will go down.
During the weekend of my birthday, I also had a friend come down to stay over at my place. It was nice to have someone else other than me in my house for a change. It was also pretty cool to receive some birthday cards and presents from people back home, letting me know that I still exist in their lives.
As much as I want to, I really don't see myself being back in Edmonton for a long time. There also comes a point where we all have to stop living in the past and look at what's in front of us. It's nice to acknowledge what brought us to where we are, but dwelling there isn't going to help us moving forward. So until I am called to go back home, I am not sure when the next time I'll be in Edmonton is.
I've been super motivated in the last month to do all sorts of stuff. The thing you have to know about me, though, is that being motivated and being productive are two separate things that are worlds apart. I tried to nail down what it is exactly that makes me so lazy as a person. While I don't think that the general sense of being lazy is a terrible thing, because I still get things done for when they need to be, I just wanted to know what holds me back from living a more active life. Having a laidback personality is somewhat of a cop out to me. I do think that I won't ever be a workhorse like my sister, but I think it's definitely worth finding something in between where I am now and the other end of it. At the bottom of the searching, I found myself asking the question, "are you taking this serious enough that you'll do something about it?" I think that's exactly it. If and when I find something that I think is a serious matter, I jump on those tasks immediately. Maybe I just need to take things a little more seriously and be less care free.
For the month of February, I've also been trying something a little different in my budgeting of finances. I've divided up my salary into all the different areas I need to spend to the exact amount and treated my money like it's already been spent. That way, when I go fill up gas, for example, then I just subtracted from the total that I expected to spend for the month. I find subtracting rather than adding all my spendings help me control my spendings way better. It helps me because the number gets closer to 0 rather than getting closer to the salary cap. So I think I'm going to do this from now on.
Finally, I bought myself a camera. Haha! Last summer, I did a lot of research in trying to find a camera for my dad for Father's Day. Most of that research I felt was a bit wasted since my mom was smart and knew that he'd want a Canon regardless of what other brands offer, which is true because most of it nowadays come down to preferences anyway. So I bought myself a Sony A5000. For whatever reason, Wal-Mart had it like $150 cheaper than any other place, so I had to jump on it. I guess that with this camera, I'm another step closer to becoming hipster. Just kidding.
That's about it, I guess. Church is still going smoothly, and I'm continuing to adapt and see how I can serve this church, so I'm kept rather busy most times. I'm definitely enjoying things. I mentioned that I never really felt a honeymoon phase, but I think my church did. So it will be interesting to see how things change once the "new" label is taken off of me. I definitely feel the leaders in the church are doing more than I normally think they would to help me. In some ways, that's unfair of me to say because I don't know in great detail what the track record of this church is, but all things point to the leaders being very open minded and forward thinking. That's what I like, and that's where I hope it keeps going.
I previously wrote a post titled Secondaries back in December, where I talked about some of the smaller things I've picked up on since moving down here - you can go check it out if you want. So I guess this is, in some ways, part two! Let's go.
This month has gone by super quick. Apparently I turned 24 about a week and a half ago. I find 24 to be such a weird age to be at. You're not quite 25, but you're also not so young that you're still free to enjoy some of the "I just became an adult" freedoms you normally get. That's why I find that being 24 is more of a nuisance than anything else. Haha. I might as well be 25 so at least my car insurance rate will go down.
During the weekend of my birthday, I also had a friend come down to stay over at my place. It was nice to have someone else other than me in my house for a change. It was also pretty cool to receive some birthday cards and presents from people back home, letting me know that I still exist in their lives.
As much as I want to, I really don't see myself being back in Edmonton for a long time. There also comes a point where we all have to stop living in the past and look at what's in front of us. It's nice to acknowledge what brought us to where we are, but dwelling there isn't going to help us moving forward. So until I am called to go back home, I am not sure when the next time I'll be in Edmonton is.
I've been super motivated in the last month to do all sorts of stuff. The thing you have to know about me, though, is that being motivated and being productive are two separate things that are worlds apart. I tried to nail down what it is exactly that makes me so lazy as a person. While I don't think that the general sense of being lazy is a terrible thing, because I still get things done for when they need to be, I just wanted to know what holds me back from living a more active life. Having a laidback personality is somewhat of a cop out to me. I do think that I won't ever be a workhorse like my sister, but I think it's definitely worth finding something in between where I am now and the other end of it. At the bottom of the searching, I found myself asking the question, "are you taking this serious enough that you'll do something about it?" I think that's exactly it. If and when I find something that I think is a serious matter, I jump on those tasks immediately. Maybe I just need to take things a little more seriously and be less care free.
For the month of February, I've also been trying something a little different in my budgeting of finances. I've divided up my salary into all the different areas I need to spend to the exact amount and treated my money like it's already been spent. That way, when I go fill up gas, for example, then I just subtracted from the total that I expected to spend for the month. I find subtracting rather than adding all my spendings help me control my spendings way better. It helps me because the number gets closer to 0 rather than getting closer to the salary cap. So I think I'm going to do this from now on.
Finally, I bought myself a camera. Haha! Last summer, I did a lot of research in trying to find a camera for my dad for Father's Day. Most of that research I felt was a bit wasted since my mom was smart and knew that he'd want a Canon regardless of what other brands offer, which is true because most of it nowadays come down to preferences anyway. So I bought myself a Sony A5000. For whatever reason, Wal-Mart had it like $150 cheaper than any other place, so I had to jump on it. I guess that with this camera, I'm another step closer to becoming hipster. Just kidding.
That's about it, I guess. Church is still going smoothly, and I'm continuing to adapt and see how I can serve this church, so I'm kept rather busy most times. I'm definitely enjoying things. I mentioned that I never really felt a honeymoon phase, but I think my church did. So it will be interesting to see how things change once the "new" label is taken off of me. I definitely feel the leaders in the church are doing more than I normally think they would to help me. In some ways, that's unfair of me to say because I don't know in great detail what the track record of this church is, but all things point to the leaders being very open minded and forward thinking. That's what I like, and that's where I hope it keeps going.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)