It's crazy how beginning your working career can change your perspective for you. I'm usually one of those nerds that go all contemplative toward the end of a year and think back on everything that's gone on in the past year, try to analyze all the big and small events, and try to learn from them.
I'm not doing that this time around. There's so much to look forward to in the coming year that I am really not spending much time thinking about 2014. I probably look at my rear view mirror while I drive more than I'm looking back at 2014. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I don't think. It just shows my excitement for all the new things that are going to take place just over the horizon.
With December winding down, I'm really not sure where this month went. I've been so busy that there's been days where I couldn't even find time to go to the washroom. Don't worry, it's mostly an exaggeration, but it gives the sense that there really is a lot of work to do.
I had a great week of Christmas where I decided to intentionally put work aside for a few days. So for Christmas Day, most of Boxing day, and after service on Sunday, I didn't do work. I took a couple hours on Boxing day and a chunk of Saturday to prepare for my sermon; but other than that, I really didn't do anything. I saw just how tired I was when I slept in to 11am or even noon a couple times - granted, that I don't go to sleep until 2 or 3am sometimes. I was thinking to myself yesterday of just how disoriented and dazed I felt after taking 3 or 4 days off completely.
Christmas this year was different, there's no question about it. I didn't see my family, there was no snow, and I was working through the days leading up to Christmas. So I apologize that I didn't really feel much hype for the festivities this time around.
I ended up going to my cousins' on Christmas day for a nice supper and gift exchange. It was good to still have the family time, and we're close enough that they feel very much like immediate family to me.
Other than that, what did I do during my self-inflicted time off? I watched a few movies - Thor 2, Guardians of the Galaxy, Elf, and Divergent. I still want to watch The Wolf of Wall Street (I've had this one for quite some time, but haven't gotten around to watching it). I also started to read a few books - Crazy Love (Francis Chan - I started re-reading this one, because we're doing it for my youth group), Walking Through Pain and Suffering (Tim Keller), Gospel (J.D. Greear), and You and Me Forever (Francis Chan). Honestly, I don't think I should be reading so many books at one time. LOL.
On top of all that, of course, I played a bunch of games with my friends. Most people will say that playing games is a waste of time, and I agree to some extent. I think for the group of us that play though, it's been a great way for us to keep in touch after we went our separate ways for school/work. I'll admit that sometimes we spend too much time playing and we even get on each other's nerves, but I'm confident in saying that playing together has kept us together while we're separated by different cities. This really is the main reason I play video games. It's also been interesting to observe how we've changed as people outside of the game taking effect inside the games that we play.
Anyway, I'm getting carried away here. What I really wanted to make of this post was to say that I'm looking forward to 2015. It's going to be like me learning how to ride a bike, after taking the training wheels off. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make a ton of mistakes, but that's going to be how I learn.
Kick off for youth is this Saturday; and I'm beginning my first ever sermon series on Sunday. For me personally, I'm also looking to begin my ordination process soon as well. This really is exciting times, and I'm so glad and thankful that I'm doing this (ministry) now.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Most Wonderful Time
Christmas has been, and always will be, my favorite time of year. Traditionally, it meant parties, family time, friends, presents, celebration, etc. I've come to love Christmas even more over the last four or five years because it meant I got to go home to see my friends and family.
Beginning this year, this tradition will change significantly for me. Though it still remains the most wonderful time of the year, it will be so differently. Being a pastor now means that there's a lot of things going on in church that I'll need to be involved in. Unfortunately, it means I don't get to go back to Edmonton to see my friends and family, but it could be something I rebrand down here in Vancouver.
Last Friday, we had our candlelight service at church. It was pretty awesome! Originally, I was kind of thrown into the "overseeing" duty for this without really having much of a choice. Then, I was approached in a bit of an emergency back up situation where someone that was going to be in the play got sick and couldn't participate in it anymore. So yes, I dusted off the Splash Kingdom acting skills and learned the lines in about two days and jumped right into a major role in the play.
At first, I was nervous about the actual evening because it seemed like the planning and preparation was pretty disorganized and messy. But when it came to the night, it worked quite well. I loved that we were able to step up our game and really pulled through with lines and all that stuff. Maybe we were just caught in the moment, but regardless, it came out pretty much positive. The only gripe I had with the evening was that I don't think we had enough candles. The stage, especially, was still quite dark so it was hard to see the faces of people that were up front. Haha.
This Wednesday, for Christmas Eve, we're going to have some caroling thing at church as well. I'm really not sure what's happening for it, as I'm not the one overseeing, so I guess I'll just show up and do whatever they tell me to do.
Other than that, I've got to manage my time in a way that I can still prepare a sermon for the coming Sunday. It's going to be weird having to work through Christmas this time around. I'm so used to just sitting at home and relaxing during the last two weeks of each year that I'm somewhat uneager to do it.
Finally, with Christmas also comes the New Year shortly after. I'm so excited for what we'll be implementing at church, but it does seem like there's way too much for me to be realistically keeping track of. I'm overhauling the worship serivce AND the youth group. These two tasks take so much time and energy that I just can't bring myself to looking after the other things that I'm supposed to look after as well. It's going to be a crazy first half of the year, but I hope that once things are in place, I can move my focus onto other things.
I'm so stoked!
If I don't manage another blog post, Merry Christmas to all of my readers! You all make my day and I love each and every one of you.
Happy Holidays!
Beginning this year, this tradition will change significantly for me. Though it still remains the most wonderful time of the year, it will be so differently. Being a pastor now means that there's a lot of things going on in church that I'll need to be involved in. Unfortunately, it means I don't get to go back to Edmonton to see my friends and family, but it could be something I rebrand down here in Vancouver.
Last Friday, we had our candlelight service at church. It was pretty awesome! Originally, I was kind of thrown into the "overseeing" duty for this without really having much of a choice. Then, I was approached in a bit of an emergency back up situation where someone that was going to be in the play got sick and couldn't participate in it anymore. So yes, I dusted off the Splash Kingdom acting skills and learned the lines in about two days and jumped right into a major role in the play.
At first, I was nervous about the actual evening because it seemed like the planning and preparation was pretty disorganized and messy. But when it came to the night, it worked quite well. I loved that we were able to step up our game and really pulled through with lines and all that stuff. Maybe we were just caught in the moment, but regardless, it came out pretty much positive. The only gripe I had with the evening was that I don't think we had enough candles. The stage, especially, was still quite dark so it was hard to see the faces of people that were up front. Haha.
This Wednesday, for Christmas Eve, we're going to have some caroling thing at church as well. I'm really not sure what's happening for it, as I'm not the one overseeing, so I guess I'll just show up and do whatever they tell me to do.
Other than that, I've got to manage my time in a way that I can still prepare a sermon for the coming Sunday. It's going to be weird having to work through Christmas this time around. I'm so used to just sitting at home and relaxing during the last two weeks of each year that I'm somewhat uneager to do it.
Finally, with Christmas also comes the New Year shortly after. I'm so excited for what we'll be implementing at church, but it does seem like there's way too much for me to be realistically keeping track of. I'm overhauling the worship serivce AND the youth group. These two tasks take so much time and energy that I just can't bring myself to looking after the other things that I'm supposed to look after as well. It's going to be a crazy first half of the year, but I hope that once things are in place, I can move my focus onto other things.
I'm so stoked!
If I don't manage another blog post, Merry Christmas to all of my readers! You all make my day and I love each and every one of you.
Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Secondaries
I just showered, so while I wait for my hair to dry before I go to sleep, I thought I'd throw down another blog post!
This one will be more casual and nonsensical because I just wanted to share a few things that I've found interesting since moving down.
First one is the whole dichotomy of an English congregation and a Chinese congregation in a Vancouver church. It's very hard to distinguish the difference because if it's a Chinese church, it seems like regardless of your associated congregation, you're going to be a regular user of the Chinese language. For example, pretty much my entire congregation is quite fluent in Cantonese even though we're the "English" congregation. There's a few small group or fellowship type groups that I am still, to this day, confused as to whether they belong to the English or the Chinese side of the church. This is because they use both languages regularly.
Following up on the first one, the second one is a bit of an "out of left field" thing for me. Being someone that is from a Chinese church in Edmonton, and now that I am pastoring in a Chinese church in Vancouver, I consider this a cross-cultural move. I didn't realize it until someone from my church told me; but when she did, it made a whole lot of sense. I'm thankful that she is a wise one and is able to recognize the situation I'm in. I'm actually a bit surprised I didn't catch onto it fast enough. When I think about it, most of the time I'm trying to translate in my head something that's been said. During meetings and other gatherings, it's also generally in Chinese so I'm the only one that has a strong preference for English. It all makes sense.
Living alone is quite the experience. I'm so bad at maintaining my place that there are times I'm wanting someone to live with me who is more willing to keep everything neat and tidy. So far, the only reasons I've cleaned or organized things were either because someone was coming over or I just couldn't stand the mess. Since I am a bit OCD and a slight neat freak, I clean and tidy somewhat regularly - as in once a week. But what bugs me is how fast I can make a mess. So between the times I clean, I can have things everywhere very quickly!
Meeting people and making friends as a pastor is so difficult! It's a little unfortunate, but for everyone I meet in my church, I have to gauge whether or not we can be friends outside of the pastor-member relationship. This is basically trying to see if, after I leave, will we still hang out and keep in touch as friends do. Naturally, my inclination is to primarily be everyone's friend. So as a friend, you know how I am. Some of these things that are part of my personality aren't appropriate for me to display in a pastor-member relationship. So it sucks that I have to be careful what I show due to my position of being a pastor. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself as friends to these people. I just have to understand, from both parties, that I am also their pastor. On the contrary, I sometimes wish I could be a pastor to my actual friends.
Again, expanding on this previous point, I don't get a chance to go out to meet people and explore the city very much. I'm basically in the vicinity of the church or a church member's home 24/7. Because I can't meet people, it doesn't help when I get my weekly comment of someone telling me that they're praying for me to meet a wonderful girl to be my wife and partner. It's nice that you have concern for me in wanting me to get married, and let me be the first to tell you that there is no one that wants me to get married more than I do myself, but I put so much time into my job, how do you expect me to spend enough time outside of church to meet someone? It's not easy, I have to find a different outlet. So this is why I'm contemplating the possibility of me joining a small group at a different church as an extracurricular thing, where I can just be Nathan and not Ps. Nathan.
Well, my hair is mostly dry. So I'll leave this post here. There's a bunch more on the topic of "secondaries," as I've labeled it, but it will have to wait until next time!
This one will be more casual and nonsensical because I just wanted to share a few things that I've found interesting since moving down.
First one is the whole dichotomy of an English congregation and a Chinese congregation in a Vancouver church. It's very hard to distinguish the difference because if it's a Chinese church, it seems like regardless of your associated congregation, you're going to be a regular user of the Chinese language. For example, pretty much my entire congregation is quite fluent in Cantonese even though we're the "English" congregation. There's a few small group or fellowship type groups that I am still, to this day, confused as to whether they belong to the English or the Chinese side of the church. This is because they use both languages regularly.
Following up on the first one, the second one is a bit of an "out of left field" thing for me. Being someone that is from a Chinese church in Edmonton, and now that I am pastoring in a Chinese church in Vancouver, I consider this a cross-cultural move. I didn't realize it until someone from my church told me; but when she did, it made a whole lot of sense. I'm thankful that she is a wise one and is able to recognize the situation I'm in. I'm actually a bit surprised I didn't catch onto it fast enough. When I think about it, most of the time I'm trying to translate in my head something that's been said. During meetings and other gatherings, it's also generally in Chinese so I'm the only one that has a strong preference for English. It all makes sense.
Living alone is quite the experience. I'm so bad at maintaining my place that there are times I'm wanting someone to live with me who is more willing to keep everything neat and tidy. So far, the only reasons I've cleaned or organized things were either because someone was coming over or I just couldn't stand the mess. Since I am a bit OCD and a slight neat freak, I clean and tidy somewhat regularly - as in once a week. But what bugs me is how fast I can make a mess. So between the times I clean, I can have things everywhere very quickly!
Meeting people and making friends as a pastor is so difficult! It's a little unfortunate, but for everyone I meet in my church, I have to gauge whether or not we can be friends outside of the pastor-member relationship. This is basically trying to see if, after I leave, will we still hang out and keep in touch as friends do. Naturally, my inclination is to primarily be everyone's friend. So as a friend, you know how I am. Some of these things that are part of my personality aren't appropriate for me to display in a pastor-member relationship. So it sucks that I have to be careful what I show due to my position of being a pastor. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself as friends to these people. I just have to understand, from both parties, that I am also their pastor. On the contrary, I sometimes wish I could be a pastor to my actual friends.
Again, expanding on this previous point, I don't get a chance to go out to meet people and explore the city very much. I'm basically in the vicinity of the church or a church member's home 24/7. Because I can't meet people, it doesn't help when I get my weekly comment of someone telling me that they're praying for me to meet a wonderful girl to be my wife and partner. It's nice that you have concern for me in wanting me to get married, and let me be the first to tell you that there is no one that wants me to get married more than I do myself, but I put so much time into my job, how do you expect me to spend enough time outside of church to meet someone? It's not easy, I have to find a different outlet. So this is why I'm contemplating the possibility of me joining a small group at a different church as an extracurricular thing, where I can just be Nathan and not Ps. Nathan.
Well, my hair is mostly dry. So I'll leave this post here. There's a bunch more on the topic of "secondaries," as I've labeled it, but it will have to wait until next time!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Regrouping
There is a crazy rainstorm outside! I got soaked from walking about 30 meters from my house to my car, and again from the car to my church.
I find Vancouver weather really weird. Every morning I wake up is an adventure to see what the weather will be like, even more so than when I was in Calgary with the four season days. People had warned me about the climate induced depression here, and I can definitely see this being a factor for many Vancouver residents. As someone who has teetered on that side of life (depression) before, I'd be lying if I said I've been unaffected by the days of rain without sun.
One other thing is that when I started driving here, I was told a few times that I need to have my headlights on when it rains even if it's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I thought it was a bit strange that I should do so, but I did it anyway because I trust the people who've been living here a lot more than I do myself. I didn't realize how important it was to have my lights on until I noticed the cars that didn't have them on - that's the point, I didn't notice them. You won't see the cars if they don't have their lights on, so never have I ever been so appreciative about having good headlights. I'd rather be driving in the rain where all the lights reflect off the road, but at least I know that there are cars there, rather than driving and not seeing cars at all.
I've hit a bit of a wall at church over the last couple weeks. I'm not exactly sure where or what caused the halt in my progress, but it was a battle. After having prayed and thought it over for a week, I'm starting to gain a bit of light as to where the issue came from. I think that some of the internal struggles and burdens that I've had to carry were likely one area of cause that made me hit a rut. I place such high expectations on myself, and with me being a new pastor, now that I've been "released" into ministry, I'm having one of those moments similar to a young bird learning how to fly. After the first few flaps of the wing, you realize that there's literally nothing keeping you up other than yourself. So out of a slight panic, you might fumble, fall and forget all the techniques you may have been taught.
As for me, I wouldn't go as far as saying there's no help, though it can feel that way because it's now up to me to approach people rather than having them watch me 24/7.
Nevertheless, I think church stuff is still going well. There's just far too many things for me to be able to give all my attention to, so I hope people don't mind giving me some time to address the more urgent things first. Christmas things are coming up, and the one question I don't like being asked is if I'm going home for Christmas. I would love to go home, but that's just not possible anymore, unless you're willing to let your pastor go for two weeks while you have to do all the Christmas things yourself.
So, other than that, I don't really have too much to update. I'll throw this one prayer request out there for those that read. If you read my blog, you deserve to know it because you're awesome that way; and in a sense, it's also a bit personal so I wouldn't just openly throw it out to everyone. However, it is urgent and important enough that I need to share it. Here it is:
I'm beginning to feel a tremendous force of darkness growing inside of me. You can probably trace it all the way back to when I started this position, but I started noticing it just last week. I think it's fair to say that it is a spiritual attack of some sort, to try to use my fears against me. A few times I've gone home each night to a really dark vision. I saw myself on Christmas night sitting alone on my couch staring at a cake of some sort with a stone cold expression. I had a small Christmas tree that was dimly lit, and the rest of the room was dark. The vision stops there, but I think the picture drawn from it speaks loud and clear what the situation is: being alone, isolated, abandoned, consumed by darkness. I could go on and on describing what the scenario implies, but I think you get the point.
Yeah, there you have it. I'm doing what I can to surround myself with what I need in order to make it through this, but it isn't easy when I live by myself because I'm forced to have at least several hours of being alone. You can read my previous post about what being alone has done to me.
So, I apologize for such a dark tone in my blog because I think we should focus on what's important that is coming up! Christmas season is here and it is definitely my favorite time of year.
I find Vancouver weather really weird. Every morning I wake up is an adventure to see what the weather will be like, even more so than when I was in Calgary with the four season days. People had warned me about the climate induced depression here, and I can definitely see this being a factor for many Vancouver residents. As someone who has teetered on that side of life (depression) before, I'd be lying if I said I've been unaffected by the days of rain without sun.
One other thing is that when I started driving here, I was told a few times that I need to have my headlights on when it rains even if it's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I thought it was a bit strange that I should do so, but I did it anyway because I trust the people who've been living here a lot more than I do myself. I didn't realize how important it was to have my lights on until I noticed the cars that didn't have them on - that's the point, I didn't notice them. You won't see the cars if they don't have their lights on, so never have I ever been so appreciative about having good headlights. I'd rather be driving in the rain where all the lights reflect off the road, but at least I know that there are cars there, rather than driving and not seeing cars at all.
I've hit a bit of a wall at church over the last couple weeks. I'm not exactly sure where or what caused the halt in my progress, but it was a battle. After having prayed and thought it over for a week, I'm starting to gain a bit of light as to where the issue came from. I think that some of the internal struggles and burdens that I've had to carry were likely one area of cause that made me hit a rut. I place such high expectations on myself, and with me being a new pastor, now that I've been "released" into ministry, I'm having one of those moments similar to a young bird learning how to fly. After the first few flaps of the wing, you realize that there's literally nothing keeping you up other than yourself. So out of a slight panic, you might fumble, fall and forget all the techniques you may have been taught.
As for me, I wouldn't go as far as saying there's no help, though it can feel that way because it's now up to me to approach people rather than having them watch me 24/7.
Nevertheless, I think church stuff is still going well. There's just far too many things for me to be able to give all my attention to, so I hope people don't mind giving me some time to address the more urgent things first. Christmas things are coming up, and the one question I don't like being asked is if I'm going home for Christmas. I would love to go home, but that's just not possible anymore, unless you're willing to let your pastor go for two weeks while you have to do all the Christmas things yourself.
So, other than that, I don't really have too much to update. I'll throw this one prayer request out there for those that read. If you read my blog, you deserve to know it because you're awesome that way; and in a sense, it's also a bit personal so I wouldn't just openly throw it out to everyone. However, it is urgent and important enough that I need to share it. Here it is:
I'm beginning to feel a tremendous force of darkness growing inside of me. You can probably trace it all the way back to when I started this position, but I started noticing it just last week. I think it's fair to say that it is a spiritual attack of some sort, to try to use my fears against me. A few times I've gone home each night to a really dark vision. I saw myself on Christmas night sitting alone on my couch staring at a cake of some sort with a stone cold expression. I had a small Christmas tree that was dimly lit, and the rest of the room was dark. The vision stops there, but I think the picture drawn from it speaks loud and clear what the situation is: being alone, isolated, abandoned, consumed by darkness. I could go on and on describing what the scenario implies, but I think you get the point.
Yeah, there you have it. I'm doing what I can to surround myself with what I need in order to make it through this, but it isn't easy when I live by myself because I'm forced to have at least several hours of being alone. You can read my previous post about what being alone has done to me.
So, I apologize for such a dark tone in my blog because I think we should focus on what's important that is coming up! Christmas season is here and it is definitely my favorite time of year.
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