Piece By Piece

As I sit here after realizing that my place isn't big enough to have too many people gather in, I think it's a good opportunity to collect a few thoughts that I've had that have accumulated over the past couple weeks.

I tried to squeeze about 20 people in my place tonight for youth group - it didn't work so well in terms of spacing. But I think the kids and leaders were still able to have a good time, so I am thankful that they were gracious about the tight squeeze. Before tonight, I hoped that this would become somewhat of a regular thing, to have these kids at my place so I can share with them what they need: a safe place to ask questions and be comfortable in knowing they can approach me. I'm slightly saddened by the fact that I probably can't have them all here at one time too much due to how little room I have. However, this was the only thing that wasn't optimal tonight, so that means there's plenty to be excited about.

My planning for 2015 is really beginning to take shape, and I'm really excited at what this ministry could become. Aside from some of the preliminary obstacles I know I'm going to have to face, or ones I'm already facing, I think Newbern could become a thriving church... if some conditions are met. I'm told time and time again that I have a lot of rope and freedom to do with this English congregation what I deem necessary, but this obviously isn't fully going to be what I interpret as the freedom they think they've given me. However, until I step on some people's toes, I won't know exactly where my borders are, so I've just got to keep doing it until I get there. Just keep in mind this is a very traditional Chinese church.

I'm also really intrigued at the concept of a night service and why it's so much more attractive to people my age. When I talk about going to church on Sunday morning to some people around my age, they turn it down immediately. But when I mention of a night service, the interest is sparked. What is it about a nighttime service that is more appealing other than the time? I guess it's time for me to explore this area of church.

Finally, I'm admitting to myself that I need to make a few more changes about the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis. I've mentioned before that sometimes if I let myself wander in my thoughts too much, I'll get lost. So now I'm beginning to realize that I think I need to "extrovert" myself a bit more.  It's going to be a real tough challenge, especially since I'm so inclined to be by myself. Part of why I think I need to do so is because I'm not liking what my mind does to me when I'm so self absorbed. In other words, I don't like the person I become when I'm surfing my mind. There's so many voices in me that steer me different ways that I don't want to lose sight of the one voice I need to listen to. And quite frankly, I just stop paying attention to my surroundings when I'm trapped in my thoughts.

I've got people coming to my place week after week, and this is going to help me with my outward interactions with my environment. I just hope I don't burn myself out. This hour or two of time before I go to sleep and the couple hours of when I get up are so precious to me. Maybe these are the times where I should stay by myself, and it will be sufficient.

So, there you have it, some really vague thoughts that really don't land on anything. But piece by piece, my ministry is slowly building itself. I'm stoked of what my church can and will become. I keep coming back to the idea that the church eventually take after its pastor, and I pray that what my congregation becomes will be a reflection of me in what God wants me to be.

Taking Off

I need a break! Where's my Kit Kat? Haha, just kidding.

Honestly, though, I wanted to take a few minutes to breathe a little. Life is starting to get busy; things are beginning to happen, and my plate is getting filled up rapidly. I somewhat saw this coming before going back to Edmonton, but I didn't know it would come on so fast! Things are flying at me left and right, some predicted and some that weren't. So after going nonstop this week, I thought I'd take a breather just to slow down for a minute.

I'm definitely excited that things are starting to take off - overwhelmed, slightly. So I'm sort of looking at the next couple months laughing, saying to myself, "yup, I'm definitely a pastor now." Since I started preaching, I would get weeks, if not months, to prepare one sermon. Now, I've got to do it in a week, and on top of everything else that I have to do. My preparations are definitely taking a toll, and I don't like how under prepared I always feel.

So with the upcoming weeks, I think I'm going to see the time fly by as I'm really engaging in a lot of activities. I just worry occasionally that I don't get any "me" time in a day when there's so much going on. The challenge is going to be, am I willing to squeeze an hour or two, even if it means pushing my sleep later, to get some time where I can do my own things that I like and none of that church stuff. We'll have to see.

I'll be preaching three times within the span of Sunday to Sunday. I've also got company coming over once a week in the next 3 weeks. Maybe I was a little ambitious when I set it all up because this doesn't even cover everything else I have to do. I'll be needing to finish up my monthly report and 2015 plan for the elders meeting on Tuesday, which, the meeting just should not be happening on Remembrance Day anyway.

I give up on listing my to-do list, because talking about how much I have to do is just boring and annoying. So I'll leave it here. With some great help, my place is almost finished! I am just a few pieces away and I'll be able to say that my place is truly mine.

Anyhow, this blog post was just to give me a few minutes; and now the time has expired.

Happy November.

Boxes and Suitcases

Boy, is it ever refreshing to come home to Edmonton. This weekend is NEAC's 30th anniversary banquet, so I was able to take the weekend off and come back for the celebration. I'm glad I was given the green light to come back because it's a big deal to me that I'm able to support this church as much as I can wherever I can.

Prior to coming back, I was thinking about where I was at with settling down in my new place. I've found that while I'm comfortable, I'm still not at the stage where I can let loose the way I let loose here in Edmonton. My apologies! I'm working on this area of my life in being able to adapt to change as best I can.

For over four years, it's been a constant struggle with trying to learn how to live in boxes and suitcases (literally and figuratively) as I've been packing and moving every few months. This is nothing new to anyone who's been connected with me, but I'm realizing just how big of a struggle it has been. I think that in some ways, my problem with learning how to settle down has indirectly caused some walls and barriers to come up, some of which I don't know how to break down. There are certain parts of my life where I'm just completely closed off to people, and I don't do it on purpose, but it's just what developed in the last few years.

So that's going to be the challenge for me when I get back to Vancouver on Monday. It helps that I get away, even for a couple days, to get that broadened view to see how my life's been. Unfortunately, a lot of what it's looked like has been what I've presented myself as during my time in school. I've got to really put in an effort to be completely transparent and open with my life to the people around me. One way this is going to improve is that I've already got a few nights with people over. I think having people at my place is going to relieve some of the closed-off-ness. To be honest, I really don't have anything to hide, it's just a hesitancy to share my life with others I think. There's always that fear of looking like a dork or being embarrassed by hobbies and such, but I have all of those, and I wear them with confidence, so what's the matter then?

Bottom line, I have to learn to settle down and open up. On the other hand, a reputation and identity is not built overnight, so I need to remember to build strong habits and keep my life in order, have the accountability that I need and things will be looking up.

It's time I get rid of the boxes and suitcases life.