Since the last time I blogged, lots have happened - most of which are struggles. I want to end the blog with the good so I'm going to start with the poo poo.
To put things quite frankly, I have never felt this stressed before. I don't even think the stress this week is self-inflicted at all, though I've allowed it to affect me. Each night I've gone to bed, and each morning I've waken up this week have been like trying to lift mountains. I don't think I've ever been burdened to the point of actual grief, but I came rather close on several occasions already.
My biggest worry as of right now is the brutal sermon I'll be preaching this coming Sunday. I don't want the people of this church to have to suffer through a terribly ill-prepared sermon because of my downfalls - this is my greatest concern. I normally like to start praying about sermons at least 2 weeks in advanced and the actual preparation the Monday of the week I'm going to preach. However, because I coached a week of soccer camp last week (which was actually amazing - more on that later), I didn't even think about my candidacy being this weekend until Monday.
Even when Monday arrived, I neglected the work I needed to put in. I tried to fight my laziness, but it really didn't work. Monday passed, Tuesday passed, and I was confused as to why I couldn't sit down and work. I was literally visiting every avenue that would allow me to stay away from preparing. My curiosity, though, makes me wonder how much of it is actually me and how much of it is that I'm being attacked. Several times throughout the week, I've caught myself accusing my own self about how I'm so lazy and how I really shouldn't be wasting time; and each time, I've helplessly spectated as I seemed to be beside myself and not be able to control my own actions. I would sit down, start up a game, and play it, all while my mind is telling me, "you should be preparing, but you know you can't! Suckaaaa!" It was awful.
Alright, let's backtrack a bit. If you only follow my blogs, you're likely confused as to how we got here. To make a long story short. I've decided to candidate at Newbern Memorial Alliance this weekend. This was decided early in August as I was trying to sort out what would be the best to approach the two churches. Given other reasons that I won't disclose yet, it looks like my relationship with Richmond Grace could possibly be over for now. Nothing is for certain, but I wanted to make it clear that I am focused solely on Newbern Memorial Alliance as of right now. Finally, due to professionalism and out of respect, I'm not going to go into more detail on my blog. If you're interested, I can definitely give you a good idea of what happened.
To cap off this job hunt process, I could really use some prayer over the next couple weeks. First, I need to be able to make it through the weekend as prepared and as clear-minded as possible. Given how this week has gone, if nothing changes, I'm going to have a really hard time and likely come out extremely discouraged. This is due to the combination that I've been in a bit of a rut spiritually and just the overall stresses of candidating at a church. Secondly, I'll need clarity in discernment to see that if I get an offer, that this is the church God wants me at. If it isn't, where do I go next? That's the big question, because I'm putting everything I have into getting this position.
Let's talk about the good now!
As mentioned, I had the awesome privilege to coach (and be paid!) a week of soccer camp at Terwillegar Community Church last week. This camp was a massive camp that needed a 5th coach, so Bev was nice enough to ask me to join them. I'm so glad that I had this opportunity, because I think God really used me at this camp to reach out to several kids. With a camp of 75 kids, it's really difficult to remember all their names, let alone connect with them, but I really think God made it work. Being able to coach, despite the harsh heat, really brought joy and refreshment to me as it gave me a chance to do what I love: play soccer and tell people about God.
On top of coaching at soccer camp, and even though my touch isn't the greatest right now (I don't think I could get back to the summer where I coached, unless I do it again), I feel like my ability to play the game is at an all time high now. I have never been so confident in my soccer ability, haha.
So there you have it: a quick update on where I'm at and where I'm going... tomorrow! I condensed everything as much as I can so this wouldn't turn into an essay.
Hopefully the next time I blog, it will be some fantastic news!
