I think I'm still in a state of disbelief that my schooling is done. I don't feel like I'm done, which is probably a good thing because it means I'm still willing to learn, but I believe the whole thing about "sinking in" won't happen until I actually start working. So then that means I'm left in this stage of limbo of my mind saying to me "I think I'm done." I've never been done school before, so this is totally new. Because I've never encountered this before, my brain and body keeps telling me that this break is all temporary and I need to find a summer job until school starts again in September. However, I know that this is not the case anymore. I actually wondered if I still needed to find a summer job. In all honesty, I probably could find a part time job to tie me over until I find a church, but I don't know if that's even necessary or if employers would hire me if I tell them that I'm working until I find an actual job.
You can probably tell what's sort of going through my head in that it's been almost a week of coming home and I haven't reflected and evaluated the end of my education, let alone blog about it. With the week that's gone by, I've basically done two things that (at least I, myself) find interesting. I bought a game for 60 bucks, played a couple hours of it, and don't really like it (don't worry, I'll still finish it). The second one is that I watched a music video of a song I've been listening to a lot recently, and realizing just how dark the song actually is now that I've watched the video. I thought it was just a song about putting the past behind you and moving on - boy, was I wrong.
Yeah, that's about it; pretty lame, I know. I'm also in a bit of conflict about unpacking all my things. I normally don't really unpack when I come home for summers because I know I'll just need to throw everything in boxes/bags again. Going down to Calgary was a big move, but my next one will be even bigger: I'll basically be vacating my spot in the house for good. As you can see, I'm stuck and not sure what to do with myself.
Furthermore, I keep getting asked, as expected, about potential churches - and even a wife, believe it or not - but I have to do my best to keep to what I said I'd do. I've been home for less than a week and I'm already feeling the pressure to go find a job, even after I said that I'm going to take two weeks completely off and that my goal is to be in a church by the Fall. It's difficult to try to go at my own pace when my pace gets swallowed up by the rest of the world's pace. Knowing me, though, it's not too difficult for me to take some time off. I just usually do it begrudingly, knowing I should probably be doing something productive.
So there you have it, a graduated student who's gone home for about a week, completely clueless as to what he is to do with himself during this time of transition. Nevertheless, tomorrow is a brand new day that I am extremely excited yet nervous about!
Now if only the weather would be warm enough to play soccer...
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Monday, April 21, 2014
Hi, My Name Is
What do I do with myself now? Everyone is pretty much gone, away with their summers, and here I am. However, there is one thing I can say that I've been looking forward to saying for a long time: I'm done! We normally like to celebrate by saying that we're done at the end of the school year, but for me, this time I mean it differently - my degree is now completed.
Okay. So, now what? I don't know, that's why I asked. I anticipate that I will be spending the next couple days in limbo, unsure of what to do with myself. Well, I went to church yesterday, so that's a start. For this week, though, there are literally no demands of me to do anything. Quite frankly, I think I'd rather not do anything. I know people will be asking me if there are churches that I've talked to, interviews to look forward to, but I can say without any regret, hesitation, or sense of urgency that there are no churches I'm looking at. I'm going to enjoy this - not everyone complete university degrees, and I'm so stoked that I managed it without any major setbacks.
So while I live in my own little bliss over the next few days before graduation, I'm looking ahead to see what's in store.
No, I haven't had any real discussions with any churches. I've looked at a couple and sent out some the standard preliminary greetings, but I don't think that any of them will really materialize. As I stand right now, I haven't been getting any strong pulls towards any place or any church, this considering that I haven't looked extensively yet. Furthermore, I think I'm going to take my time with this one. I'm not going to be in too much of a rush to find a job. I really, really think that this is worth enjoying and celebrating that I'm done. I would go as far as saying that the fact I'm done school is a miracle because there is no way I'd have ended up here without the guidance and leading of God. So because this is such a major milestone that I've arrived at, I'm not going to rush things; I'm going to celebrate and praise the Lord for being so good to me. People are so quick to panic looking for work, trying to "secure" a place that they overlook, or even forget, that being certified in anything is rather respectable and should be acknowledged.
I know where I want to go, but I'm not going to put a ceiling on where or what God can do for me. As I wait in anticipation for the next chapter of my life to start, I will simply prepare myself for the time that comes for me to introduce myself, saying, "Hi, my name is..."
And the rest will be history.
Okay. So, now what? I don't know, that's why I asked. I anticipate that I will be spending the next couple days in limbo, unsure of what to do with myself. Well, I went to church yesterday, so that's a start. For this week, though, there are literally no demands of me to do anything. Quite frankly, I think I'd rather not do anything. I know people will be asking me if there are churches that I've talked to, interviews to look forward to, but I can say without any regret, hesitation, or sense of urgency that there are no churches I'm looking at. I'm going to enjoy this - not everyone complete university degrees, and I'm so stoked that I managed it without any major setbacks.
So while I live in my own little bliss over the next few days before graduation, I'm looking ahead to see what's in store.
No, I haven't had any real discussions with any churches. I've looked at a couple and sent out some the standard preliminary greetings, but I don't think that any of them will really materialize. As I stand right now, I haven't been getting any strong pulls towards any place or any church, this considering that I haven't looked extensively yet. Furthermore, I think I'm going to take my time with this one. I'm not going to be in too much of a rush to find a job. I really, really think that this is worth enjoying and celebrating that I'm done. I would go as far as saying that the fact I'm done school is a miracle because there is no way I'd have ended up here without the guidance and leading of God. So because this is such a major milestone that I've arrived at, I'm not going to rush things; I'm going to celebrate and praise the Lord for being so good to me. People are so quick to panic looking for work, trying to "secure" a place that they overlook, or even forget, that being certified in anything is rather respectable and should be acknowledged.
I know where I want to go, but I'm not going to put a ceiling on where or what God can do for me. As I wait in anticipation for the next chapter of my life to start, I will simply prepare myself for the time that comes for me to introduce myself, saying, "Hi, my name is..."
And the rest will be history.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Evolution
I gave up on studying for tonight. For any that are interested, my English Literature class' final is tomorrow. For those that are really interested, I'm not confident going into the exam because I really cannot recall learning anything in class since the middle of February - like, I am completely clueless of any material that's going to be on the exam.
Anyways, my purpose for blogging tonight is a different reason. I spent the last half hour or so going back to the year of 2009. I read all my blog posts in January and February, and if you were to go read those posts, aside from all the silliness that I am, you would also notice the sudden drastic change of my character shortly after my 18th birthday. For much of January, I felt lost and confused, unable to be at rest about my life. Then, after my birthday, all of a sudden I became a totally different person.
If you haven't clued in already, that was the time of my life when I met God's call for me to ministry face to face. I really didn't know what going to bible college and doing full-time ministry would entail at that time, but I seemed to carry this confidence, a new spark, in me that was so sure of where God was leading me. I look back at that period of time and sometimes wished that I had that type of confidence again. Nevertheless, where I am now in relation to where I was then is a miracle.
It is absolutely amazing how coming face to face, a dramatic encounter, with God can so drastically change someone's life. I can't even come to believe that I had gone through that kind of radical change in such a way that it happened. Rest assured, today I am able to more clearly define, and even confirm, that a call to the vocation of ministry is an inescapable call. Being a pastor wasn't something I had chosen like I would've if I wanted to be a music producer or a teacher. Throughout my four years at Ambrose, I've learned that for those that God calls into ministry, it's unlike any other career. I mean, you could say that ultimately I got to choose whether or not I actually wanted to become a pastor, but with how things unfolded and placed together, I probably would've chosen to be a pastor again 100% of the time. That is how confident I am in God's call for me to be in ministry. Being a pastor, like I already said, isn't one job of many that I can choose, it is the role that God has prepared and equipped my life for. I would not have it any other way.
With all that's been said, my amazement doesn't seize as I have now essentially graduated. As long as I don't randomly not show up for my three finals, I will be able to walk the stage on the 26th as a sign of perhaps the greatest accomplishment of my life. Like I said, when I go back to those few months, even as early as late 2008, I cannot believe that I am here - it is all too surreal.
And all of this is by God's grace. God decided to take a shy, heavily introverted, timid, stubborn, selfish, scrawny, and ignorant kid that had absolutely no confidence and turned him into someone who now sees himself as the way God created him to be. It's amazing, and quite frankly baffling, that God would choose me; but I'm so glad he did.
Good luck to everyone writing finals in the next couple weeks! Study hard, and make sure to get good rest.
Anyways, my purpose for blogging tonight is a different reason. I spent the last half hour or so going back to the year of 2009. I read all my blog posts in January and February, and if you were to go read those posts, aside from all the silliness that I am, you would also notice the sudden drastic change of my character shortly after my 18th birthday. For much of January, I felt lost and confused, unable to be at rest about my life. Then, after my birthday, all of a sudden I became a totally different person.
If you haven't clued in already, that was the time of my life when I met God's call for me to ministry face to face. I really didn't know what going to bible college and doing full-time ministry would entail at that time, but I seemed to carry this confidence, a new spark, in me that was so sure of where God was leading me. I look back at that period of time and sometimes wished that I had that type of confidence again. Nevertheless, where I am now in relation to where I was then is a miracle.
It is absolutely amazing how coming face to face, a dramatic encounter, with God can so drastically change someone's life. I can't even come to believe that I had gone through that kind of radical change in such a way that it happened. Rest assured, today I am able to more clearly define, and even confirm, that a call to the vocation of ministry is an inescapable call. Being a pastor wasn't something I had chosen like I would've if I wanted to be a music producer or a teacher. Throughout my four years at Ambrose, I've learned that for those that God calls into ministry, it's unlike any other career. I mean, you could say that ultimately I got to choose whether or not I actually wanted to become a pastor, but with how things unfolded and placed together, I probably would've chosen to be a pastor again 100% of the time. That is how confident I am in God's call for me to be in ministry. Being a pastor, like I already said, isn't one job of many that I can choose, it is the role that God has prepared and equipped my life for. I would not have it any other way.
With all that's been said, my amazement doesn't seize as I have now essentially graduated. As long as I don't randomly not show up for my three finals, I will be able to walk the stage on the 26th as a sign of perhaps the greatest accomplishment of my life. Like I said, when I go back to those few months, even as early as late 2008, I cannot believe that I am here - it is all too surreal.
And all of this is by God's grace. God decided to take a shy, heavily introverted, timid, stubborn, selfish, scrawny, and ignorant kid that had absolutely no confidence and turned him into someone who now sees himself as the way God created him to be. It's amazing, and quite frankly baffling, that God would choose me; but I'm so glad he did.
Good luck to everyone writing finals in the next couple weeks! Study hard, and make sure to get good rest.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
The Interlude
I've finally begun to actively think about my summer and what I'd be doing. With a few things somewhat cleared up, I can now insert tasks and all the other fun things into the space that I have with time. Ideally, I want to start working by the Fall, which in a lot of ways is a scary thought, but it gives me some time to spend.
Originally, my family was to go on a week or two vacation at the beginning of May that I was actually really looking forward to, but I guess my parents decided that we'll just take a longer one in August to be in Vancouver. So this means that I'll be able to go home after graduation and really just do nothing. I think I will force myself to take the first two weeks of May to do absolutely nothing and not regret it. I know some people frown at that, but I know I need it. After my two weeks, I'll probably start to re-surface and begin to take on things again, especially given that I preach at the end of the month.
So what's on the agenda? Aside from a few things, right now, I don't really know.
There is summer camp on the last weekend of June and there is the Vancouver trip in August. Other than these two things, I think I am pretty much free. I'm sure that when I get home and begin some conversations, I'll have more things put onto my plate, but until that happens, I'll take it somewhat easy with the active volunteering.
One thing I'll be thinking about is whether or not I want to lead worship for the duration that I'm home. This whole topic of leading worship has become an interesting one for me to think about. To be quite honest, I miss it. I really miss jamming with the team and using such a gift that God has given me to be able to play and sing. I miss the practices, the learning of new songs and new styles, the preparation that leads up to a Sunday or worship event, and all the hard work it takes to build a team. If there are opportunities for me to lead worship, I will definitely think about them seriously. The other thing about it is that I haven't done it regularly in such a long time, and I don't know that this one specific task is something I want to do in a church - I see myself working in a broader sense rather than just being a worship pastor. I also have a lot of catching up to do with leading teams and building worship sets. Like fashion, the worship environment changes rapidly, and what the scene is like now compared to what it was back to the period where I lead during 2005 to 2010 is already quite different. I knew that worship would become increasingly contemporary, which it has, but I still need to be able to practically apply my knowledge. No one wants me to still be singing the songs in the same way and same style that I used to. And let's face it, some times it's better to leave the things of the past where they belong. Being a worship leader is what sprung me forward with my ministry, and maybe that was what was appropriate for me at that time of life; and where I'm headed now may be a different direction.
I think I'll also challenge myself to rekindle a lot of the relationships that I've left behind when I left Edmonton. It'll probably be quite weird for my friends and the people I know, especially given that I haven't really been around for four years, but building relationships take a lot of effort, and that's what I need to commit to. So it's my goal to see where a lot of my friends are headed; this topic is rather vulnerable and can force a lot of walls to come up, but I think it's something that has to be addressed.
Aside from these things, I don't have big plans. Maybe in a few weeks, something will come up, but I don't think I'll really be traveling or doing anything out of the ordinary because I can't afford it. I screwed myself over with how much I've spent in the last couple months, so I'll live with the consequences.
Anyways, it looks like Spring has finally arrived, and I could not be happier just thinking about the warm weather that is approaching! I've got three more papers and three exams to do. Time to buckle down and get 'er done.
Originally, my family was to go on a week or two vacation at the beginning of May that I was actually really looking forward to, but I guess my parents decided that we'll just take a longer one in August to be in Vancouver. So this means that I'll be able to go home after graduation and really just do nothing. I think I will force myself to take the first two weeks of May to do absolutely nothing and not regret it. I know some people frown at that, but I know I need it. After my two weeks, I'll probably start to re-surface and begin to take on things again, especially given that I preach at the end of the month.
So what's on the agenda? Aside from a few things, right now, I don't really know.
There is summer camp on the last weekend of June and there is the Vancouver trip in August. Other than these two things, I think I am pretty much free. I'm sure that when I get home and begin some conversations, I'll have more things put onto my plate, but until that happens, I'll take it somewhat easy with the active volunteering.
One thing I'll be thinking about is whether or not I want to lead worship for the duration that I'm home. This whole topic of leading worship has become an interesting one for me to think about. To be quite honest, I miss it. I really miss jamming with the team and using such a gift that God has given me to be able to play and sing. I miss the practices, the learning of new songs and new styles, the preparation that leads up to a Sunday or worship event, and all the hard work it takes to build a team. If there are opportunities for me to lead worship, I will definitely think about them seriously. The other thing about it is that I haven't done it regularly in such a long time, and I don't know that this one specific task is something I want to do in a church - I see myself working in a broader sense rather than just being a worship pastor. I also have a lot of catching up to do with leading teams and building worship sets. Like fashion, the worship environment changes rapidly, and what the scene is like now compared to what it was back to the period where I lead during 2005 to 2010 is already quite different. I knew that worship would become increasingly contemporary, which it has, but I still need to be able to practically apply my knowledge. No one wants me to still be singing the songs in the same way and same style that I used to. And let's face it, some times it's better to leave the things of the past where they belong. Being a worship leader is what sprung me forward with my ministry, and maybe that was what was appropriate for me at that time of life; and where I'm headed now may be a different direction.
I think I'll also challenge myself to rekindle a lot of the relationships that I've left behind when I left Edmonton. It'll probably be quite weird for my friends and the people I know, especially given that I haven't really been around for four years, but building relationships take a lot of effort, and that's what I need to commit to. So it's my goal to see where a lot of my friends are headed; this topic is rather vulnerable and can force a lot of walls to come up, but I think it's something that has to be addressed.
Aside from these things, I don't have big plans. Maybe in a few weeks, something will come up, but I don't think I'll really be traveling or doing anything out of the ordinary because I can't afford it. I screwed myself over with how much I've spent in the last couple months, so I'll live with the consequences.
Anyways, it looks like Spring has finally arrived, and I could not be happier just thinking about the warm weather that is approaching! I've got three more papers and three exams to do. Time to buckle down and get 'er done.
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