It's crazy how beginning your working career can change your perspective for you. I'm usually one of those nerds that go all contemplative toward the end of a year and think back on everything that's gone on in the past year, try to analyze all the big and small events, and try to learn from them.
I'm not doing that this time around. There's so much to look forward to in the coming year that I am really not spending much time thinking about 2014. I probably look at my rear view mirror while I drive more than I'm looking back at 2014. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, I don't think. It just shows my excitement for all the new things that are going to take place just over the horizon.
With December winding down, I'm really not sure where this month went. I've been so busy that there's been days where I couldn't even find time to go to the washroom. Don't worry, it's mostly an exaggeration, but it gives the sense that there really is a lot of work to do.
I had a great week of Christmas where I decided to intentionally put work aside for a few days. So for Christmas Day, most of Boxing day, and after service on Sunday, I didn't do work. I took a couple hours on Boxing day and a chunk of Saturday to prepare for my sermon; but other than that, I really didn't do anything. I saw just how tired I was when I slept in to 11am or even noon a couple times - granted, that I don't go to sleep until 2 or 3am sometimes. I was thinking to myself yesterday of just how disoriented and dazed I felt after taking 3 or 4 days off completely.
Christmas this year was different, there's no question about it. I didn't see my family, there was no snow, and I was working through the days leading up to Christmas. So I apologize that I didn't really feel much hype for the festivities this time around.
I ended up going to my cousins' on Christmas day for a nice supper and gift exchange. It was good to still have the family time, and we're close enough that they feel very much like immediate family to me.
Other than that, what did I do during my self-inflicted time off? I watched a few movies - Thor 2, Guardians of the Galaxy, Elf, and Divergent. I still want to watch The Wolf of Wall Street (I've had this one for quite some time, but haven't gotten around to watching it). I also started to read a few books - Crazy Love (Francis Chan - I started re-reading this one, because we're doing it for my youth group), Walking Through Pain and Suffering (Tim Keller), Gospel (J.D. Greear), and You and Me Forever (Francis Chan). Honestly, I don't think I should be reading so many books at one time. LOL.
On top of all that, of course, I played a bunch of games with my friends. Most people will say that playing games is a waste of time, and I agree to some extent. I think for the group of us that play though, it's been a great way for us to keep in touch after we went our separate ways for school/work. I'll admit that sometimes we spend too much time playing and we even get on each other's nerves, but I'm confident in saying that playing together has kept us together while we're separated by different cities. This really is the main reason I play video games. It's also been interesting to observe how we've changed as people outside of the game taking effect inside the games that we play.
Anyway, I'm getting carried away here. What I really wanted to make of this post was to say that I'm looking forward to 2015. It's going to be like me learning how to ride a bike, after taking the training wheels off. I'm pretty sure I'm going to make a ton of mistakes, but that's going to be how I learn.
Kick off for youth is this Saturday; and I'm beginning my first ever sermon series on Sunday. For me personally, I'm also looking to begin my ordination process soon as well. This really is exciting times, and I'm so glad and thankful that I'm doing this (ministry) now.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Most Wonderful Time
Christmas has been, and always will be, my favorite time of year. Traditionally, it meant parties, family time, friends, presents, celebration, etc. I've come to love Christmas even more over the last four or five years because it meant I got to go home to see my friends and family.
Beginning this year, this tradition will change significantly for me. Though it still remains the most wonderful time of the year, it will be so differently. Being a pastor now means that there's a lot of things going on in church that I'll need to be involved in. Unfortunately, it means I don't get to go back to Edmonton to see my friends and family, but it could be something I rebrand down here in Vancouver.
Last Friday, we had our candlelight service at church. It was pretty awesome! Originally, I was kind of thrown into the "overseeing" duty for this without really having much of a choice. Then, I was approached in a bit of an emergency back up situation where someone that was going to be in the play got sick and couldn't participate in it anymore. So yes, I dusted off the Splash Kingdom acting skills and learned the lines in about two days and jumped right into a major role in the play.
At first, I was nervous about the actual evening because it seemed like the planning and preparation was pretty disorganized and messy. But when it came to the night, it worked quite well. I loved that we were able to step up our game and really pulled through with lines and all that stuff. Maybe we were just caught in the moment, but regardless, it came out pretty much positive. The only gripe I had with the evening was that I don't think we had enough candles. The stage, especially, was still quite dark so it was hard to see the faces of people that were up front. Haha.
This Wednesday, for Christmas Eve, we're going to have some caroling thing at church as well. I'm really not sure what's happening for it, as I'm not the one overseeing, so I guess I'll just show up and do whatever they tell me to do.
Other than that, I've got to manage my time in a way that I can still prepare a sermon for the coming Sunday. It's going to be weird having to work through Christmas this time around. I'm so used to just sitting at home and relaxing during the last two weeks of each year that I'm somewhat uneager to do it.
Finally, with Christmas also comes the New Year shortly after. I'm so excited for what we'll be implementing at church, but it does seem like there's way too much for me to be realistically keeping track of. I'm overhauling the worship serivce AND the youth group. These two tasks take so much time and energy that I just can't bring myself to looking after the other things that I'm supposed to look after as well. It's going to be a crazy first half of the year, but I hope that once things are in place, I can move my focus onto other things.
I'm so stoked!
If I don't manage another blog post, Merry Christmas to all of my readers! You all make my day and I love each and every one of you.
Happy Holidays!
Beginning this year, this tradition will change significantly for me. Though it still remains the most wonderful time of the year, it will be so differently. Being a pastor now means that there's a lot of things going on in church that I'll need to be involved in. Unfortunately, it means I don't get to go back to Edmonton to see my friends and family, but it could be something I rebrand down here in Vancouver.
Last Friday, we had our candlelight service at church. It was pretty awesome! Originally, I was kind of thrown into the "overseeing" duty for this without really having much of a choice. Then, I was approached in a bit of an emergency back up situation where someone that was going to be in the play got sick and couldn't participate in it anymore. So yes, I dusted off the Splash Kingdom acting skills and learned the lines in about two days and jumped right into a major role in the play.
At first, I was nervous about the actual evening because it seemed like the planning and preparation was pretty disorganized and messy. But when it came to the night, it worked quite well. I loved that we were able to step up our game and really pulled through with lines and all that stuff. Maybe we were just caught in the moment, but regardless, it came out pretty much positive. The only gripe I had with the evening was that I don't think we had enough candles. The stage, especially, was still quite dark so it was hard to see the faces of people that were up front. Haha.
This Wednesday, for Christmas Eve, we're going to have some caroling thing at church as well. I'm really not sure what's happening for it, as I'm not the one overseeing, so I guess I'll just show up and do whatever they tell me to do.
Other than that, I've got to manage my time in a way that I can still prepare a sermon for the coming Sunday. It's going to be weird having to work through Christmas this time around. I'm so used to just sitting at home and relaxing during the last two weeks of each year that I'm somewhat uneager to do it.
Finally, with Christmas also comes the New Year shortly after. I'm so excited for what we'll be implementing at church, but it does seem like there's way too much for me to be realistically keeping track of. I'm overhauling the worship serivce AND the youth group. These two tasks take so much time and energy that I just can't bring myself to looking after the other things that I'm supposed to look after as well. It's going to be a crazy first half of the year, but I hope that once things are in place, I can move my focus onto other things.
I'm so stoked!
If I don't manage another blog post, Merry Christmas to all of my readers! You all make my day and I love each and every one of you.
Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Secondaries
I just showered, so while I wait for my hair to dry before I go to sleep, I thought I'd throw down another blog post!
This one will be more casual and nonsensical because I just wanted to share a few things that I've found interesting since moving down.
First one is the whole dichotomy of an English congregation and a Chinese congregation in a Vancouver church. It's very hard to distinguish the difference because if it's a Chinese church, it seems like regardless of your associated congregation, you're going to be a regular user of the Chinese language. For example, pretty much my entire congregation is quite fluent in Cantonese even though we're the "English" congregation. There's a few small group or fellowship type groups that I am still, to this day, confused as to whether they belong to the English or the Chinese side of the church. This is because they use both languages regularly.
Following up on the first one, the second one is a bit of an "out of left field" thing for me. Being someone that is from a Chinese church in Edmonton, and now that I am pastoring in a Chinese church in Vancouver, I consider this a cross-cultural move. I didn't realize it until someone from my church told me; but when she did, it made a whole lot of sense. I'm thankful that she is a wise one and is able to recognize the situation I'm in. I'm actually a bit surprised I didn't catch onto it fast enough. When I think about it, most of the time I'm trying to translate in my head something that's been said. During meetings and other gatherings, it's also generally in Chinese so I'm the only one that has a strong preference for English. It all makes sense.
Living alone is quite the experience. I'm so bad at maintaining my place that there are times I'm wanting someone to live with me who is more willing to keep everything neat and tidy. So far, the only reasons I've cleaned or organized things were either because someone was coming over or I just couldn't stand the mess. Since I am a bit OCD and a slight neat freak, I clean and tidy somewhat regularly - as in once a week. But what bugs me is how fast I can make a mess. So between the times I clean, I can have things everywhere very quickly!
Meeting people and making friends as a pastor is so difficult! It's a little unfortunate, but for everyone I meet in my church, I have to gauge whether or not we can be friends outside of the pastor-member relationship. This is basically trying to see if, after I leave, will we still hang out and keep in touch as friends do. Naturally, my inclination is to primarily be everyone's friend. So as a friend, you know how I am. Some of these things that are part of my personality aren't appropriate for me to display in a pastor-member relationship. So it sucks that I have to be careful what I show due to my position of being a pastor. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself as friends to these people. I just have to understand, from both parties, that I am also their pastor. On the contrary, I sometimes wish I could be a pastor to my actual friends.
Again, expanding on this previous point, I don't get a chance to go out to meet people and explore the city very much. I'm basically in the vicinity of the church or a church member's home 24/7. Because I can't meet people, it doesn't help when I get my weekly comment of someone telling me that they're praying for me to meet a wonderful girl to be my wife and partner. It's nice that you have concern for me in wanting me to get married, and let me be the first to tell you that there is no one that wants me to get married more than I do myself, but I put so much time into my job, how do you expect me to spend enough time outside of church to meet someone? It's not easy, I have to find a different outlet. So this is why I'm contemplating the possibility of me joining a small group at a different church as an extracurricular thing, where I can just be Nathan and not Ps. Nathan.
Well, my hair is mostly dry. So I'll leave this post here. There's a bunch more on the topic of "secondaries," as I've labeled it, but it will have to wait until next time!
This one will be more casual and nonsensical because I just wanted to share a few things that I've found interesting since moving down.
First one is the whole dichotomy of an English congregation and a Chinese congregation in a Vancouver church. It's very hard to distinguish the difference because if it's a Chinese church, it seems like regardless of your associated congregation, you're going to be a regular user of the Chinese language. For example, pretty much my entire congregation is quite fluent in Cantonese even though we're the "English" congregation. There's a few small group or fellowship type groups that I am still, to this day, confused as to whether they belong to the English or the Chinese side of the church. This is because they use both languages regularly.
Following up on the first one, the second one is a bit of an "out of left field" thing for me. Being someone that is from a Chinese church in Edmonton, and now that I am pastoring in a Chinese church in Vancouver, I consider this a cross-cultural move. I didn't realize it until someone from my church told me; but when she did, it made a whole lot of sense. I'm thankful that she is a wise one and is able to recognize the situation I'm in. I'm actually a bit surprised I didn't catch onto it fast enough. When I think about it, most of the time I'm trying to translate in my head something that's been said. During meetings and other gatherings, it's also generally in Chinese so I'm the only one that has a strong preference for English. It all makes sense.
Living alone is quite the experience. I'm so bad at maintaining my place that there are times I'm wanting someone to live with me who is more willing to keep everything neat and tidy. So far, the only reasons I've cleaned or organized things were either because someone was coming over or I just couldn't stand the mess. Since I am a bit OCD and a slight neat freak, I clean and tidy somewhat regularly - as in once a week. But what bugs me is how fast I can make a mess. So between the times I clean, I can have things everywhere very quickly!
Meeting people and making friends as a pastor is so difficult! It's a little unfortunate, but for everyone I meet in my church, I have to gauge whether or not we can be friends outside of the pastor-member relationship. This is basically trying to see if, after I leave, will we still hang out and keep in touch as friends do. Naturally, my inclination is to primarily be everyone's friend. So as a friend, you know how I am. Some of these things that are part of my personality aren't appropriate for me to display in a pastor-member relationship. So it sucks that I have to be careful what I show due to my position of being a pastor. Don't get me wrong, I still consider myself as friends to these people. I just have to understand, from both parties, that I am also their pastor. On the contrary, I sometimes wish I could be a pastor to my actual friends.
Again, expanding on this previous point, I don't get a chance to go out to meet people and explore the city very much. I'm basically in the vicinity of the church or a church member's home 24/7. Because I can't meet people, it doesn't help when I get my weekly comment of someone telling me that they're praying for me to meet a wonderful girl to be my wife and partner. It's nice that you have concern for me in wanting me to get married, and let me be the first to tell you that there is no one that wants me to get married more than I do myself, but I put so much time into my job, how do you expect me to spend enough time outside of church to meet someone? It's not easy, I have to find a different outlet. So this is why I'm contemplating the possibility of me joining a small group at a different church as an extracurricular thing, where I can just be Nathan and not Ps. Nathan.
Well, my hair is mostly dry. So I'll leave this post here. There's a bunch more on the topic of "secondaries," as I've labeled it, but it will have to wait until next time!
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Regrouping
There is a crazy rainstorm outside! I got soaked from walking about 30 meters from my house to my car, and again from the car to my church.
I find Vancouver weather really weird. Every morning I wake up is an adventure to see what the weather will be like, even more so than when I was in Calgary with the four season days. People had warned me about the climate induced depression here, and I can definitely see this being a factor for many Vancouver residents. As someone who has teetered on that side of life (depression) before, I'd be lying if I said I've been unaffected by the days of rain without sun.
One other thing is that when I started driving here, I was told a few times that I need to have my headlights on when it rains even if it's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I thought it was a bit strange that I should do so, but I did it anyway because I trust the people who've been living here a lot more than I do myself. I didn't realize how important it was to have my lights on until I noticed the cars that didn't have them on - that's the point, I didn't notice them. You won't see the cars if they don't have their lights on, so never have I ever been so appreciative about having good headlights. I'd rather be driving in the rain where all the lights reflect off the road, but at least I know that there are cars there, rather than driving and not seeing cars at all.
I've hit a bit of a wall at church over the last couple weeks. I'm not exactly sure where or what caused the halt in my progress, but it was a battle. After having prayed and thought it over for a week, I'm starting to gain a bit of light as to where the issue came from. I think that some of the internal struggles and burdens that I've had to carry were likely one area of cause that made me hit a rut. I place such high expectations on myself, and with me being a new pastor, now that I've been "released" into ministry, I'm having one of those moments similar to a young bird learning how to fly. After the first few flaps of the wing, you realize that there's literally nothing keeping you up other than yourself. So out of a slight panic, you might fumble, fall and forget all the techniques you may have been taught.
As for me, I wouldn't go as far as saying there's no help, though it can feel that way because it's now up to me to approach people rather than having them watch me 24/7.
Nevertheless, I think church stuff is still going well. There's just far too many things for me to be able to give all my attention to, so I hope people don't mind giving me some time to address the more urgent things first. Christmas things are coming up, and the one question I don't like being asked is if I'm going home for Christmas. I would love to go home, but that's just not possible anymore, unless you're willing to let your pastor go for two weeks while you have to do all the Christmas things yourself.
So, other than that, I don't really have too much to update. I'll throw this one prayer request out there for those that read. If you read my blog, you deserve to know it because you're awesome that way; and in a sense, it's also a bit personal so I wouldn't just openly throw it out to everyone. However, it is urgent and important enough that I need to share it. Here it is:
I'm beginning to feel a tremendous force of darkness growing inside of me. You can probably trace it all the way back to when I started this position, but I started noticing it just last week. I think it's fair to say that it is a spiritual attack of some sort, to try to use my fears against me. A few times I've gone home each night to a really dark vision. I saw myself on Christmas night sitting alone on my couch staring at a cake of some sort with a stone cold expression. I had a small Christmas tree that was dimly lit, and the rest of the room was dark. The vision stops there, but I think the picture drawn from it speaks loud and clear what the situation is: being alone, isolated, abandoned, consumed by darkness. I could go on and on describing what the scenario implies, but I think you get the point.
Yeah, there you have it. I'm doing what I can to surround myself with what I need in order to make it through this, but it isn't easy when I live by myself because I'm forced to have at least several hours of being alone. You can read my previous post about what being alone has done to me.
So, I apologize for such a dark tone in my blog because I think we should focus on what's important that is coming up! Christmas season is here and it is definitely my favorite time of year.
I find Vancouver weather really weird. Every morning I wake up is an adventure to see what the weather will be like, even more so than when I was in Calgary with the four season days. People had warned me about the climate induced depression here, and I can definitely see this being a factor for many Vancouver residents. As someone who has teetered on that side of life (depression) before, I'd be lying if I said I've been unaffected by the days of rain without sun.
One other thing is that when I started driving here, I was told a few times that I need to have my headlights on when it rains even if it's at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I thought it was a bit strange that I should do so, but I did it anyway because I trust the people who've been living here a lot more than I do myself. I didn't realize how important it was to have my lights on until I noticed the cars that didn't have them on - that's the point, I didn't notice them. You won't see the cars if they don't have their lights on, so never have I ever been so appreciative about having good headlights. I'd rather be driving in the rain where all the lights reflect off the road, but at least I know that there are cars there, rather than driving and not seeing cars at all.
I've hit a bit of a wall at church over the last couple weeks. I'm not exactly sure where or what caused the halt in my progress, but it was a battle. After having prayed and thought it over for a week, I'm starting to gain a bit of light as to where the issue came from. I think that some of the internal struggles and burdens that I've had to carry were likely one area of cause that made me hit a rut. I place such high expectations on myself, and with me being a new pastor, now that I've been "released" into ministry, I'm having one of those moments similar to a young bird learning how to fly. After the first few flaps of the wing, you realize that there's literally nothing keeping you up other than yourself. So out of a slight panic, you might fumble, fall and forget all the techniques you may have been taught.
As for me, I wouldn't go as far as saying there's no help, though it can feel that way because it's now up to me to approach people rather than having them watch me 24/7.
Nevertheless, I think church stuff is still going well. There's just far too many things for me to be able to give all my attention to, so I hope people don't mind giving me some time to address the more urgent things first. Christmas things are coming up, and the one question I don't like being asked is if I'm going home for Christmas. I would love to go home, but that's just not possible anymore, unless you're willing to let your pastor go for two weeks while you have to do all the Christmas things yourself.
So, other than that, I don't really have too much to update. I'll throw this one prayer request out there for those that read. If you read my blog, you deserve to know it because you're awesome that way; and in a sense, it's also a bit personal so I wouldn't just openly throw it out to everyone. However, it is urgent and important enough that I need to share it. Here it is:
I'm beginning to feel a tremendous force of darkness growing inside of me. You can probably trace it all the way back to when I started this position, but I started noticing it just last week. I think it's fair to say that it is a spiritual attack of some sort, to try to use my fears against me. A few times I've gone home each night to a really dark vision. I saw myself on Christmas night sitting alone on my couch staring at a cake of some sort with a stone cold expression. I had a small Christmas tree that was dimly lit, and the rest of the room was dark. The vision stops there, but I think the picture drawn from it speaks loud and clear what the situation is: being alone, isolated, abandoned, consumed by darkness. I could go on and on describing what the scenario implies, but I think you get the point.
Yeah, there you have it. I'm doing what I can to surround myself with what I need in order to make it through this, but it isn't easy when I live by myself because I'm forced to have at least several hours of being alone. You can read my previous post about what being alone has done to me.
So, I apologize for such a dark tone in my blog because I think we should focus on what's important that is coming up! Christmas season is here and it is definitely my favorite time of year.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Piece By Piece
As I sit here after realizing that my place isn't big enough to have too many people gather in, I think it's a good opportunity to collect a few thoughts that I've had that have accumulated over the past couple weeks.
I tried to squeeze about 20 people in my place tonight for youth group - it didn't work so well in terms of spacing. But I think the kids and leaders were still able to have a good time, so I am thankful that they were gracious about the tight squeeze. Before tonight, I hoped that this would become somewhat of a regular thing, to have these kids at my place so I can share with them what they need: a safe place to ask questions and be comfortable in knowing they can approach me. I'm slightly saddened by the fact that I probably can't have them all here at one time too much due to how little room I have. However, this was the only thing that wasn't optimal tonight, so that means there's plenty to be excited about.
My planning for 2015 is really beginning to take shape, and I'm really excited at what this ministry could become. Aside from some of the preliminary obstacles I know I'm going to have to face, or ones I'm already facing, I think Newbern could become a thriving church... if some conditions are met. I'm told time and time again that I have a lot of rope and freedom to do with this English congregation what I deem necessary, but this obviously isn't fully going to be what I interpret as the freedom they think they've given me. However, until I step on some people's toes, I won't know exactly where my borders are, so I've just got to keep doing it until I get there. Just keep in mind this is a very traditional Chinese church.
I'm also really intrigued at the concept of a night service and why it's so much more attractive to people my age. When I talk about going to church on Sunday morning to some people around my age, they turn it down immediately. But when I mention of a night service, the interest is sparked. What is it about a nighttime service that is more appealing other than the time? I guess it's time for me to explore this area of church.
Finally, I'm admitting to myself that I need to make a few more changes about the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis. I've mentioned before that sometimes if I let myself wander in my thoughts too much, I'll get lost. So now I'm beginning to realize that I think I need to "extrovert" myself a bit more. It's going to be a real tough challenge, especially since I'm so inclined to be by myself. Part of why I think I need to do so is because I'm not liking what my mind does to me when I'm so self absorbed. In other words, I don't like the person I become when I'm surfing my mind. There's so many voices in me that steer me different ways that I don't want to lose sight of the one voice I need to listen to. And quite frankly, I just stop paying attention to my surroundings when I'm trapped in my thoughts.
I've got people coming to my place week after week, and this is going to help me with my outward interactions with my environment. I just hope I don't burn myself out. This hour or two of time before I go to sleep and the couple hours of when I get up are so precious to me. Maybe these are the times where I should stay by myself, and it will be sufficient.
So, there you have it, some really vague thoughts that really don't land on anything. But piece by piece, my ministry is slowly building itself. I'm stoked of what my church can and will become. I keep coming back to the idea that the church eventually take after its pastor, and I pray that what my congregation becomes will be a reflection of me in what God wants me to be.
I tried to squeeze about 20 people in my place tonight for youth group - it didn't work so well in terms of spacing. But I think the kids and leaders were still able to have a good time, so I am thankful that they were gracious about the tight squeeze. Before tonight, I hoped that this would become somewhat of a regular thing, to have these kids at my place so I can share with them what they need: a safe place to ask questions and be comfortable in knowing they can approach me. I'm slightly saddened by the fact that I probably can't have them all here at one time too much due to how little room I have. However, this was the only thing that wasn't optimal tonight, so that means there's plenty to be excited about.
My planning for 2015 is really beginning to take shape, and I'm really excited at what this ministry could become. Aside from some of the preliminary obstacles I know I'm going to have to face, or ones I'm already facing, I think Newbern could become a thriving church... if some conditions are met. I'm told time and time again that I have a lot of rope and freedom to do with this English congregation what I deem necessary, but this obviously isn't fully going to be what I interpret as the freedom they think they've given me. However, until I step on some people's toes, I won't know exactly where my borders are, so I've just got to keep doing it until I get there. Just keep in mind this is a very traditional Chinese church.
I'm also really intrigued at the concept of a night service and why it's so much more attractive to people my age. When I talk about going to church on Sunday morning to some people around my age, they turn it down immediately. But when I mention of a night service, the interest is sparked. What is it about a nighttime service that is more appealing other than the time? I guess it's time for me to explore this area of church.
Finally, I'm admitting to myself that I need to make a few more changes about the way I live my life on a day-to-day basis. I've mentioned before that sometimes if I let myself wander in my thoughts too much, I'll get lost. So now I'm beginning to realize that I think I need to "extrovert" myself a bit more. It's going to be a real tough challenge, especially since I'm so inclined to be by myself. Part of why I think I need to do so is because I'm not liking what my mind does to me when I'm so self absorbed. In other words, I don't like the person I become when I'm surfing my mind. There's so many voices in me that steer me different ways that I don't want to lose sight of the one voice I need to listen to. And quite frankly, I just stop paying attention to my surroundings when I'm trapped in my thoughts.
I've got people coming to my place week after week, and this is going to help me with my outward interactions with my environment. I just hope I don't burn myself out. This hour or two of time before I go to sleep and the couple hours of when I get up are so precious to me. Maybe these are the times where I should stay by myself, and it will be sufficient.
So, there you have it, some really vague thoughts that really don't land on anything. But piece by piece, my ministry is slowly building itself. I'm stoked of what my church can and will become. I keep coming back to the idea that the church eventually take after its pastor, and I pray that what my congregation becomes will be a reflection of me in what God wants me to be.
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Taking Off
I need a break! Where's my Kit Kat? Haha, just kidding.
Honestly, though, I wanted to take a few minutes to breathe a little. Life is starting to get busy; things are beginning to happen, and my plate is getting filled up rapidly. I somewhat saw this coming before going back to Edmonton, but I didn't know it would come on so fast! Things are flying at me left and right, some predicted and some that weren't. So after going nonstop this week, I thought I'd take a breather just to slow down for a minute.
I'm definitely excited that things are starting to take off - overwhelmed, slightly. So I'm sort of looking at the next couple months laughing, saying to myself, "yup, I'm definitely a pastor now." Since I started preaching, I would get weeks, if not months, to prepare one sermon. Now, I've got to do it in a week, and on top of everything else that I have to do. My preparations are definitely taking a toll, and I don't like how under prepared I always feel.
So with the upcoming weeks, I think I'm going to see the time fly by as I'm really engaging in a lot of activities. I just worry occasionally that I don't get any "me" time in a day when there's so much going on. The challenge is going to be, am I willing to squeeze an hour or two, even if it means pushing my sleep later, to get some time where I can do my own things that I like and none of that church stuff. We'll have to see.
I'll be preaching three times within the span of Sunday to Sunday. I've also got company coming over once a week in the next 3 weeks. Maybe I was a little ambitious when I set it all up because this doesn't even cover everything else I have to do. I'll be needing to finish up my monthly report and 2015 plan for the elders meeting on Tuesday, which, the meeting just should not be happening on Remembrance Day anyway.
I give up on listing my to-do list, because talking about how much I have to do is just boring and annoying. So I'll leave it here. With some great help, my place is almost finished! I am just a few pieces away and I'll be able to say that my place is truly mine.
Anyhow, this blog post was just to give me a few minutes; and now the time has expired.
Happy November.
Honestly, though, I wanted to take a few minutes to breathe a little. Life is starting to get busy; things are beginning to happen, and my plate is getting filled up rapidly. I somewhat saw this coming before going back to Edmonton, but I didn't know it would come on so fast! Things are flying at me left and right, some predicted and some that weren't. So after going nonstop this week, I thought I'd take a breather just to slow down for a minute.
I'm definitely excited that things are starting to take off - overwhelmed, slightly. So I'm sort of looking at the next couple months laughing, saying to myself, "yup, I'm definitely a pastor now." Since I started preaching, I would get weeks, if not months, to prepare one sermon. Now, I've got to do it in a week, and on top of everything else that I have to do. My preparations are definitely taking a toll, and I don't like how under prepared I always feel.
So with the upcoming weeks, I think I'm going to see the time fly by as I'm really engaging in a lot of activities. I just worry occasionally that I don't get any "me" time in a day when there's so much going on. The challenge is going to be, am I willing to squeeze an hour or two, even if it means pushing my sleep later, to get some time where I can do my own things that I like and none of that church stuff. We'll have to see.
I'll be preaching three times within the span of Sunday to Sunday. I've also got company coming over once a week in the next 3 weeks. Maybe I was a little ambitious when I set it all up because this doesn't even cover everything else I have to do. I'll be needing to finish up my monthly report and 2015 plan for the elders meeting on Tuesday, which, the meeting just should not be happening on Remembrance Day anyway.
I give up on listing my to-do list, because talking about how much I have to do is just boring and annoying. So I'll leave it here. With some great help, my place is almost finished! I am just a few pieces away and I'll be able to say that my place is truly mine.
Anyhow, this blog post was just to give me a few minutes; and now the time has expired.
Happy November.
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Boxes and Suitcases
Boy, is it ever refreshing to come home to Edmonton. This weekend is NEAC's 30th anniversary banquet, so I was able to take the weekend off and come back for the celebration. I'm glad I was given the green light to come back because it's a big deal to me that I'm able to support this church as much as I can wherever I can.
Prior to coming back, I was thinking about where I was at with settling down in my new place. I've found that while I'm comfortable, I'm still not at the stage where I can let loose the way I let loose here in Edmonton. My apologies! I'm working on this area of my life in being able to adapt to change as best I can.
For over four years, it's been a constant struggle with trying to learn how to live in boxes and suitcases (literally and figuratively) as I've been packing and moving every few months. This is nothing new to anyone who's been connected with me, but I'm realizing just how big of a struggle it has been. I think that in some ways, my problem with learning how to settle down has indirectly caused some walls and barriers to come up, some of which I don't know how to break down. There are certain parts of my life where I'm just completely closed off to people, and I don't do it on purpose, but it's just what developed in the last few years.
So that's going to be the challenge for me when I get back to Vancouver on Monday. It helps that I get away, even for a couple days, to get that broadened view to see how my life's been. Unfortunately, a lot of what it's looked like has been what I've presented myself as during my time in school. I've got to really put in an effort to be completely transparent and open with my life to the people around me. One way this is going to improve is that I've already got a few nights with people over. I think having people at my place is going to relieve some of the closed-off-ness. To be honest, I really don't have anything to hide, it's just a hesitancy to share my life with others I think. There's always that fear of looking like a dork or being embarrassed by hobbies and such, but I have all of those, and I wear them with confidence, so what's the matter then?
Bottom line, I have to learn to settle down and open up. On the other hand, a reputation and identity is not built overnight, so I need to remember to build strong habits and keep my life in order, have the accountability that I need and things will be looking up.
It's time I get rid of the boxes and suitcases life.
Prior to coming back, I was thinking about where I was at with settling down in my new place. I've found that while I'm comfortable, I'm still not at the stage where I can let loose the way I let loose here in Edmonton. My apologies! I'm working on this area of my life in being able to adapt to change as best I can.
For over four years, it's been a constant struggle with trying to learn how to live in boxes and suitcases (literally and figuratively) as I've been packing and moving every few months. This is nothing new to anyone who's been connected with me, but I'm realizing just how big of a struggle it has been. I think that in some ways, my problem with learning how to settle down has indirectly caused some walls and barriers to come up, some of which I don't know how to break down. There are certain parts of my life where I'm just completely closed off to people, and I don't do it on purpose, but it's just what developed in the last few years.
So that's going to be the challenge for me when I get back to Vancouver on Monday. It helps that I get away, even for a couple days, to get that broadened view to see how my life's been. Unfortunately, a lot of what it's looked like has been what I've presented myself as during my time in school. I've got to really put in an effort to be completely transparent and open with my life to the people around me. One way this is going to improve is that I've already got a few nights with people over. I think having people at my place is going to relieve some of the closed-off-ness. To be honest, I really don't have anything to hide, it's just a hesitancy to share my life with others I think. There's always that fear of looking like a dork or being embarrassed by hobbies and such, but I have all of those, and I wear them with confidence, so what's the matter then?
Bottom line, I have to learn to settle down and open up. On the other hand, a reputation and identity is not built overnight, so I need to remember to build strong habits and keep my life in order, have the accountability that I need and things will be looking up.
It's time I get rid of the boxes and suitcases life.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
The Playbook
I'm closing in on completing my first month of minstry here in Vancouver, and it's been nothing but a tremendous adjustment to real life. So far, I've had a lot of fun as well as a lot of challenges. There's no point in me going on to list out everything on each end, but I still often find myself dazed at the fact that I'm actually supposed to be doing a job now. Again, I have to give my thanks to those that have helped me, even when it was unwarranted. It shows that I continue to be surrounded by amazing people that want me to succeed; I appreciate it.
Before I continue, I must make mention of the best concert I've been to. This past Thursday, I went to the Jason Mraz show with a good friend, and if I had to describe the show in one word, it would be "uplifting." I don't even care that I'm one of the more dedicated fans of Mraz, but being at the show really lifted my spirits in a way they haven't been lifted in a long time. Most concerts I go to, the artists do their best to put on a show and have the goal of entertaining with the audience. With Mraz, he does more than that; he has a way of connecting with his fans and really doing life with everyone for the span of the show. I very much appreciated that he made me feel like I, along with everyone else, belonged. On the musical side of things, I also think that his vocals sound on point. He's recovered well from his illness several years ago, and it's really showing how well he can sing. What a night!
Coming back to my life at Newbern, I'm beginning to get a grasp of what the culture of the church is like. There's been more than a few days where I've thought to myself and asked God, "what in the world do I have to offer for this church?" And, I don't ask it with a skeptical tone, though there has been some of it, but I think it's just part of the process of starting at a new position. With where I'm at right now, I'm not even thinking about walking yet; I'm just simply trying to stand up without being wobbly.
I've shared with a few people about how I feel hesitant to dive right into doing things. There's been advice ranging from "yes! Get right in, do as much as you can while people are excited," to "you should wait at least 6 months before even trying to do anything." The answer I'm usually left with at the end of the day is the same question I had just mentioned, "what can I even do, at this point?"
Start small. That's what keeps coming to my mind. I need to develop good habits for myself, build a good routine and solidify my foundation. Basically, I think my first big challenge is to mould myself into what God wants my church to be before I try to get people to do the same - not going to be easy, but fair enough.
To cap off this post, I think I'm going to begin using my blog to help me with my ministry as well. I'm going to try to write down my impressions of things at certain points in time and then refer back to them later on to see if the thoughts still stand. If they do, then there's probably some digging that I can do to move forward with where I need to go and what I need to do.
First of all, there are a few things that are "bylaw" here that have resulted from something happening in the past. While I don't like this philosophy of running a church, I have to comply to it for now. When something happens, and it causes you to change fundamentals in how your church policies go, sometimes to a point of them being completely unbiblical, I find it more restricting than beneficial. At times, it's just flat out wrong; and a big chunk of these issues are one-offs anyway.
The second impression has many little contributing factors. The result of these factors is a sense that the people, especially the younger ones, don't even know what having a pastor is like. I got asked tonight at youth if I have a job. I assumed it was a side job that was being referred to, which I said politely, "no, this is my job." Then the response was, "so what do you do during the week then? Just stay at home?" She wasn't trying to be mean, but she just didn't know better. What a "pastor" means for these kids has always been the person that just comes to speak on Sunday, but have no affiliation with the church otherwise. I actually find this really sad. I've heard about this somewhat ignorant misconception many, many times, but now I've seen it in action in reference to myself.
In the following weeks, I'm going to work hard at coming up with a ministry plan and goal - a playbook, you can say. The English congregation here has no identity and no guidance. One of the elders put it best when he said that it's somewhat in a survival mode. What I do appreciate is that the people are willing. That's all I need. I know that I'm going to ask to do some things that next to no one will like, but the fact that most of them seem willing is all it may take. One hopeless goal I have, though, is to make this place less Chinese. Haha! It's way too Asian for my likes, but I knew this going in.
Before I continue, I must make mention of the best concert I've been to. This past Thursday, I went to the Jason Mraz show with a good friend, and if I had to describe the show in one word, it would be "uplifting." I don't even care that I'm one of the more dedicated fans of Mraz, but being at the show really lifted my spirits in a way they haven't been lifted in a long time. Most concerts I go to, the artists do their best to put on a show and have the goal of entertaining with the audience. With Mraz, he does more than that; he has a way of connecting with his fans and really doing life with everyone for the span of the show. I very much appreciated that he made me feel like I, along with everyone else, belonged. On the musical side of things, I also think that his vocals sound on point. He's recovered well from his illness several years ago, and it's really showing how well he can sing. What a night!
Coming back to my life at Newbern, I'm beginning to get a grasp of what the culture of the church is like. There's been more than a few days where I've thought to myself and asked God, "what in the world do I have to offer for this church?" And, I don't ask it with a skeptical tone, though there has been some of it, but I think it's just part of the process of starting at a new position. With where I'm at right now, I'm not even thinking about walking yet; I'm just simply trying to stand up without being wobbly.
I've shared with a few people about how I feel hesitant to dive right into doing things. There's been advice ranging from "yes! Get right in, do as much as you can while people are excited," to "you should wait at least 6 months before even trying to do anything." The answer I'm usually left with at the end of the day is the same question I had just mentioned, "what can I even do, at this point?"
Start small. That's what keeps coming to my mind. I need to develop good habits for myself, build a good routine and solidify my foundation. Basically, I think my first big challenge is to mould myself into what God wants my church to be before I try to get people to do the same - not going to be easy, but fair enough.
To cap off this post, I think I'm going to begin using my blog to help me with my ministry as well. I'm going to try to write down my impressions of things at certain points in time and then refer back to them later on to see if the thoughts still stand. If they do, then there's probably some digging that I can do to move forward with where I need to go and what I need to do.
First of all, there are a few things that are "bylaw" here that have resulted from something happening in the past. While I don't like this philosophy of running a church, I have to comply to it for now. When something happens, and it causes you to change fundamentals in how your church policies go, sometimes to a point of them being completely unbiblical, I find it more restricting than beneficial. At times, it's just flat out wrong; and a big chunk of these issues are one-offs anyway.
The second impression has many little contributing factors. The result of these factors is a sense that the people, especially the younger ones, don't even know what having a pastor is like. I got asked tonight at youth if I have a job. I assumed it was a side job that was being referred to, which I said politely, "no, this is my job." Then the response was, "so what do you do during the week then? Just stay at home?" She wasn't trying to be mean, but she just didn't know better. What a "pastor" means for these kids has always been the person that just comes to speak on Sunday, but have no affiliation with the church otherwise. I actually find this really sad. I've heard about this somewhat ignorant misconception many, many times, but now I've seen it in action in reference to myself.
In the following weeks, I'm going to work hard at coming up with a ministry plan and goal - a playbook, you can say. The English congregation here has no identity and no guidance. One of the elders put it best when he said that it's somewhat in a survival mode. What I do appreciate is that the people are willing. That's all I need. I know that I'm going to ask to do some things that next to no one will like, but the fact that most of them seem willing is all it may take. One hopeless goal I have, though, is to make this place less Chinese. Haha! It's way too Asian for my likes, but I knew this going in.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Careful What You Say
There are times where I wonder if having such an analytical personality can affect me in worse ways than good. Regardless of the answer, I think the general sense is that it is good for me to be constantly analyzing situations and events. Having such a curious mind is probably what allows me to learn, or at least be aware of, things quickly. Most of the times that I do all this analyzing work is when I'm given some time to think about it. This is why you'll rarely see me give straight up answers immediately.
Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I'm beginning to see how God is teaching me to be more conscious about what I say and how I say things. It's pretty obvious that I'm a very sarcastic person, and in a very dry way too. I'll admit that I'll be joking about something at least 80% of the time. Part of it is due to my playful nature, and the other part is just that I like to be a bit of a troll. So because I'm sarcastic a majority of the time, people will have trouble realizing if I'm being serious or not. It gets to a point where I could be on the extreme of either end, and no one will know. This is not a good trait to carry onto the pulpit - I'm learning!
Getting to the point! I've vented to a few people about how upset I am that a church emphasizes so much about supporting their pastors so they can succeed and not have to struggle, and yet they go and pay them (what's essentially) minimum wage. I've always held this stance, even before I went into ministry.
However, I made one claim before I got hired that I don't really care about my salary, that I just wanted enough so that I'm living comfortably. Well, I guess "living comfortably" can be gone about in many different ways.
Now that I've accepted the fact that I can't afford maintaining a car with my current salary, I keep asking God what he's trying to help me learn here. I thought, I'm not someone that has issues with spending, nor do I drive wrecklessly. So what could it have possibly been that would make me go through such a hindrance to my ministry in its beginning phases?
It came back to that statement I made, about not caring about how much I would make. It's a rather bold statement, now that I think about it, especially considering I hadn't even stepped foot into the field yet. So God basically used my own humor against me by saying, really? Do you really not care how much you make?
And here I am, indirectly telling my elders board that I need a higher pay in order to support a vehicle.
I lost sleep this past week being angry about the whole situation. But I think this is the one valuable lesson I've learned that I've already seen myself applying to: be honest and be clear, because there's no point hiding things inside letting it boil and grow bitter. Deal with your issues, and (at least attempt to) solve your conflicts. Do it right away too, there's no point in waiting and allow bitterness to build up. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Even if nothing comes out of your attempt, honesty goes a long way and it's worth knowing that at least you gave it a shot.
For me, this means that from now on I'm going to at least inquire about my salary if I'm candidating at a church. I'll let them know what my stance on a pastor's salary is, the reasoning behind it, and let them decide what they want. I'm going to go nowhere if I just sit my passive butt down and be too polite to speak up when something is not right. I think I had the right mindset when I said I didn't want my salary to be a deciding factor on whether or not I accepted the job because it shows that I'm not greedy for money (I wouldn't be in ministry if I wanted money), and I'm sure they appreciated that I thought this way, but I still have to be able to support myself if I want to do what a church tells me to do. So if that means inquiring about the salary they show me, I'll do it rather than pacing back and forth being upset at them.
... And, I'm pretty much just rambling at this point.
Gotta preach tomorrow, good night!
Anyways, what I'm getting at is that I'm beginning to see how God is teaching me to be more conscious about what I say and how I say things. It's pretty obvious that I'm a very sarcastic person, and in a very dry way too. I'll admit that I'll be joking about something at least 80% of the time. Part of it is due to my playful nature, and the other part is just that I like to be a bit of a troll. So because I'm sarcastic a majority of the time, people will have trouble realizing if I'm being serious or not. It gets to a point where I could be on the extreme of either end, and no one will know. This is not a good trait to carry onto the pulpit - I'm learning!
Getting to the point! I've vented to a few people about how upset I am that a church emphasizes so much about supporting their pastors so they can succeed and not have to struggle, and yet they go and pay them (what's essentially) minimum wage. I've always held this stance, even before I went into ministry.
However, I made one claim before I got hired that I don't really care about my salary, that I just wanted enough so that I'm living comfortably. Well, I guess "living comfortably" can be gone about in many different ways.
Now that I've accepted the fact that I can't afford maintaining a car with my current salary, I keep asking God what he's trying to help me learn here. I thought, I'm not someone that has issues with spending, nor do I drive wrecklessly. So what could it have possibly been that would make me go through such a hindrance to my ministry in its beginning phases?
It came back to that statement I made, about not caring about how much I would make. It's a rather bold statement, now that I think about it, especially considering I hadn't even stepped foot into the field yet. So God basically used my own humor against me by saying, really? Do you really not care how much you make?
And here I am, indirectly telling my elders board that I need a higher pay in order to support a vehicle.
I lost sleep this past week being angry about the whole situation. But I think this is the one valuable lesson I've learned that I've already seen myself applying to: be honest and be clear, because there's no point hiding things inside letting it boil and grow bitter. Deal with your issues, and (at least attempt to) solve your conflicts. Do it right away too, there's no point in waiting and allow bitterness to build up. The longer you wait, the worse it gets. Even if nothing comes out of your attempt, honesty goes a long way and it's worth knowing that at least you gave it a shot.
For me, this means that from now on I'm going to at least inquire about my salary if I'm candidating at a church. I'll let them know what my stance on a pastor's salary is, the reasoning behind it, and let them decide what they want. I'm going to go nowhere if I just sit my passive butt down and be too polite to speak up when something is not right. I think I had the right mindset when I said I didn't want my salary to be a deciding factor on whether or not I accepted the job because it shows that I'm not greedy for money (I wouldn't be in ministry if I wanted money), and I'm sure they appreciated that I thought this way, but I still have to be able to support myself if I want to do what a church tells me to do. So if that means inquiring about the salary they show me, I'll do it rather than pacing back and forth being upset at them.
... And, I'm pretty much just rambling at this point.
Gotta preach tomorrow, good night!
Thursday, October 9, 2014
Avenue of Design
Rarely do I ever get so excited over something based on first encounters. Part of this hype I'll chalk up to my cousin giving me so many options and so many avenues to design my place into something I'd want.
Anyways, when I moved into my place, I was already somewhat interested in seeing how I could use its space to maximum efficiency. At first glance, you'd think that it's a task that anyone and everyone has to do if they want their place to be presentable and welcoming. However, my place offers a slightly different perspective for me given my situation and what the layout of my suite is like.
For the curious people, I have a two bedroom suite that's about 650 sq. ft., and it isn't exactly the most well designed in terms of the structure and architecture. My living space is more or less integrated with the kitchen; or you can say that the living area is just an extension from the kitchen. Therefore, it makes for some awkwardness when trying to divide up the room to create a designated living area. The biggest question I had to ask was, where do I draw the line with how big my living space can be without envoloping my kitchen space? The second question would be, what am I going to do with my 2nd room?
I'll just let it be known now that if I had more time, I probably wouldn't have picked this place. That doesn't mean, though, that I don't like it; it's a great transition suite for me, allowing me to get my feet wet in the logistics of living on my own and having the responsibility of maintaining it. By now, you can probably clue in that I'm likely going to stay here for a year, until my contract is up, and then move onto an apartment. If moving is inevitable, you could argue that I shouldn't put so much effort into designing my place, but I also value the exercise of doing this now so I can do a better job next time. I'm basically creating a new identity with the move to Vancouver, and I need to look after these things on a day-to-day basis so my life is in order. Plus, I need to have people over, so it makes no sense to invite them to a place that looks like trash and chaos.
My cousin, Jon, had an awesome design that would've made my place look great. However, due to a couple of road blocks, we've had to make some adjustments so that the furniture can actually fit without cutting off part of the suite. So the end result will be different, but it's okay. I wish the first design would've worked out, but you can't always get what you wish for, so I'll make it work.
Piece by piece, I've been adding to my place and I can finally start to see the suite resemble an actual home that someone would live in. For the first several days, all I had was a bed and a couch, making it rather awkward to actually spend time in the house. Now, I have a table and a few chairs to actually sit down and allow myself to work on. It's pretty neat.
I know some people have been asking for pictures of my place, and I've been holding out. Truth is, I have a plan for how I am going to show my place to the people that are interested, but it's going to require for me to actually have everything first. So if you don't mind, I hope you can wait just a couple more weeks!
Fact of the matter is, I absolutely love this activity of being able to create my own haven and design my own space. It's such a fun activity that I didn't know I would have interest in, and I really won't mind that I'm likely going to have to move to a different location in a year because I'll get to do it all over again!
Here is a sneak peek, my suite after moving in!
Anyways, when I moved into my place, I was already somewhat interested in seeing how I could use its space to maximum efficiency. At first glance, you'd think that it's a task that anyone and everyone has to do if they want their place to be presentable and welcoming. However, my place offers a slightly different perspective for me given my situation and what the layout of my suite is like.
For the curious people, I have a two bedroom suite that's about 650 sq. ft., and it isn't exactly the most well designed in terms of the structure and architecture. My living space is more or less integrated with the kitchen; or you can say that the living area is just an extension from the kitchen. Therefore, it makes for some awkwardness when trying to divide up the room to create a designated living area. The biggest question I had to ask was, where do I draw the line with how big my living space can be without envoloping my kitchen space? The second question would be, what am I going to do with my 2nd room?
I'll just let it be known now that if I had more time, I probably wouldn't have picked this place. That doesn't mean, though, that I don't like it; it's a great transition suite for me, allowing me to get my feet wet in the logistics of living on my own and having the responsibility of maintaining it. By now, you can probably clue in that I'm likely going to stay here for a year, until my contract is up, and then move onto an apartment. If moving is inevitable, you could argue that I shouldn't put so much effort into designing my place, but I also value the exercise of doing this now so I can do a better job next time. I'm basically creating a new identity with the move to Vancouver, and I need to look after these things on a day-to-day basis so my life is in order. Plus, I need to have people over, so it makes no sense to invite them to a place that looks like trash and chaos.
My cousin, Jon, had an awesome design that would've made my place look great. However, due to a couple of road blocks, we've had to make some adjustments so that the furniture can actually fit without cutting off part of the suite. So the end result will be different, but it's okay. I wish the first design would've worked out, but you can't always get what you wish for, so I'll make it work.
Piece by piece, I've been adding to my place and I can finally start to see the suite resemble an actual home that someone would live in. For the first several days, all I had was a bed and a couch, making it rather awkward to actually spend time in the house. Now, I have a table and a few chairs to actually sit down and allow myself to work on. It's pretty neat.
I know some people have been asking for pictures of my place, and I've been holding out. Truth is, I have a plan for how I am going to show my place to the people that are interested, but it's going to require for me to actually have everything first. So if you don't mind, I hope you can wait just a couple more weeks!
Fact of the matter is, I absolutely love this activity of being able to create my own haven and design my own space. It's such a fun activity that I didn't know I would have interest in, and I really won't mind that I'm likely going to have to move to a different location in a year because I'll get to do it all over again!
Here is a sneak peek, my suite after moving in!
Sunday, October 5, 2014
The Greatest Honor
I've had the dream of moving to Vancouver for almost 10 years. Today was sort of the official day in which I am instated into the position that fulfills the dream. Originally, I would've never thought that I'd come as a pastor; the first time that the prospect of moving to Vancouver was even a possibility was if I were to come here to do music production. Obviously, that never worked out because no one really thought I'd be able to make a career in music that was stable, myself included.
However, today was the installation service for me in becoming a part of the Newbern family and being the English pastor there. I established a connection with Newbern for a little over a month ago, and they've already shown me the level of committment they're willing to give to try to make this relationship work. For that, I'm thankful.
To bring everyone up to date, I got the keys to my place last Wednesday and officially moved in on Thursday afternoon. Right now, I don't have too much because half of my things are still in Edmonton waiting to be brought down, but I have what I need.
I have a bed, a couch, and some kitchen things - essentially the things that will keep me alive for the next while, I have access to, and that's really all I need. I was a little surprised yesterday when I was going to sit down to eat lunch. I sat on my couch, and then thought to myself, "oh, I don't actually have a table to put this plate on." So it was funny to see myself turn a box over and use it as my table, then doing the same with my laundry basket to make a night table.
I've been at work a few days, but there isn't much to talk about. I was introduced to my office space, got caught up on a few things, and am basically in a bit of an evaluation period to get to know the people and see where the needs of the church are.
I'm so eager to start implementing things, but I have to remind myself that these relationships have to be established before I try to organize everything. However, I also can't simply just hang out with people and neglect the ministries. So I'll have to try to find that line of balance where I'm revamping the church structure while getting to know the people.
With the initial impressions I've gathered from the first week-ish, everyone is also eager and anxious to see movement within the church. There's so many different avenues that I could go down to get to where we need to go, so I'll have to choose wisely. I could start with the things on the surface, such as the Sunday worship, the youth gatherings, etc., that would attract people to come and get the numbers up. Or I could take the "back" path and develop my leaders first so that when I go to tackle the bigger things, they're right there with me. There are pros and cons to each, so I think I'm going to be spending the next months seeing where I need to go.
I'm excited. Like I mentioned earlier, this is a dream come true. It's just amazing that so many people have contributed to bringing me to the point of where I'm at. I think of Edmonton, Calgary, Assiniboia, and everything in between.
It's so great and such an honor for me to be able to represent the people God has put in my life.
Bring on the honeymoon period.
However, today was the installation service for me in becoming a part of the Newbern family and being the English pastor there. I established a connection with Newbern for a little over a month ago, and they've already shown me the level of committment they're willing to give to try to make this relationship work. For that, I'm thankful.
To bring everyone up to date, I got the keys to my place last Wednesday and officially moved in on Thursday afternoon. Right now, I don't have too much because half of my things are still in Edmonton waiting to be brought down, but I have what I need.
I have a bed, a couch, and some kitchen things - essentially the things that will keep me alive for the next while, I have access to, and that's really all I need. I was a little surprised yesterday when I was going to sit down to eat lunch. I sat on my couch, and then thought to myself, "oh, I don't actually have a table to put this plate on." So it was funny to see myself turn a box over and use it as my table, then doing the same with my laundry basket to make a night table.
I've been at work a few days, but there isn't much to talk about. I was introduced to my office space, got caught up on a few things, and am basically in a bit of an evaluation period to get to know the people and see where the needs of the church are.
I'm so eager to start implementing things, but I have to remind myself that these relationships have to be established before I try to organize everything. However, I also can't simply just hang out with people and neglect the ministries. So I'll have to try to find that line of balance where I'm revamping the church structure while getting to know the people.
With the initial impressions I've gathered from the first week-ish, everyone is also eager and anxious to see movement within the church. There's so many different avenues that I could go down to get to where we need to go, so I'll have to choose wisely. I could start with the things on the surface, such as the Sunday worship, the youth gatherings, etc., that would attract people to come and get the numbers up. Or I could take the "back" path and develop my leaders first so that when I go to tackle the bigger things, they're right there with me. There are pros and cons to each, so I think I'm going to be spending the next months seeing where I need to go.
I'm excited. Like I mentioned earlier, this is a dream come true. It's just amazing that so many people have contributed to bringing me to the point of where I'm at. I think of Edmonton, Calgary, Assiniboia, and everything in between.
It's so great and such an honor for me to be able to represent the people God has put in my life.
Bring on the honeymoon period.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Learning to Walk
I've made it! I'm alive, and it wasn't all that bad! I've been in Vancouver for a little over 24 hours now; and since I had a final thoughts before leaving, I'm going to jot down a few initial thoughts after arriving.
First and foremost, I have to apologize to my family because I don't usually take the time to say a good heartfelt goodbye - I'm bad at it, and I really just don't like it. It's not that I don't care enough to say a "proper" goodbye, I just prefer things to be quick and painless. I've seen many families hug it out and sob for hours, but I'm really not about that. Sorry if you disagree with me, it's just not my style. And quite frankly, I'm a guy and I have an ego to protect whether I like it or not. The crying in public thing... nah. Finally, I just don't believe in saying the type of goodbye where it seems like we'll never see each other again.
When I landed, I was pretty tired, as I didn't really sleep much the night before leaving. As you can tell from my last post, I really was not feeling well. But thanks to being so joyfully greeted by my cousins, I was able to get excited pretty quickly. We went to Aberdeen, because it was close to the airport, for supper, and then we got back to Jon's place to get settled in. It's amazing how much more at ease I am just because I have family here, people I know and can trust. I never had that in Calgary, so settling in was difficult. I feel right at home already.
I didn't go to Newbern this morning because I wanted to take the opportunity to visit another church one last time before I'm basically stapled to the one I work at.
Over the next couple days, I hope to get a couple things sorted out before starting work and moving into my place. There's not a whole lot that I have to apply for or transfer over from Alberta; the only actual things I need to get changed is to apply for a BC health card and a new driver's license. Other than that, I think I'm pretty well set and ready to begin.
The first thing I'll need to get over as soon as I can is that I'm not here in Vancouver for vacation anymore. When I landed, the flight attendant was doing her usual thing by talking through the intercom, and the part that I caught was: "if Vancouver is home, welcome home!" I thought to myself, yeah, this is home now. And I'll need to keep reminding myself this over the next while because everything seems way too surreal now. Also, this is the third time I've come to Vancouver in the last three months - the feeling is familiar. This city has always been a place I associated vacation with. However, this has all changed now as I learn to adopt it as my new home.
About my job, I've already been asked two or three times today at 5 Stones of how I feel moving down and starting my first pastoral job. I thought about it each time and I really didn't have a feeling I could give an answer to. I'm not really feeling nervous, not overly excited, not anxious, not much. So, I guess if I really had to give an answer, I'd say that I'm feeling quite relaxed.
I have to thank God for allowing me to feel this way, because if I take the time to look at what's in front of me, I have every reason to be freaking out. But as I told one of the people that asked me about how I feel today, it's probably better that I don't feel anything as opposed to being overwhelmed by the culture shock and the task that's laid out in front of me. Another word that came to mind was "suppressed." All my thoughts and emotions seem to have been surpressed since arriving. I think that there's a good chance I will feel the effects of them maybe a month later or a couple months later, but as of now, I really do feel a peace inside of me.
Not only that, but I already feel that drive and passion begin to burn inside of me, telling me that this is what I need to work on, this is where I have to go, this is what I need to do to get there. Let me be the first to tell you, with what I've been challenged with in the first 24 hours of being here, I'm going to struggle the crap out of it. But you know what, this comes with the cost of being a disciple, and I'm okay with that. My end goal is to be like Christ, so I don't really care what hurdles are in the way, I know I have to get over them even if there are times I don't want to.
So to sum it up a little bit, I feel good. I feel encouraged, excited to be starting a new journey. I feel challenged, knowing how I need to shape myself to be in the position I need to be for this job. I feel blessed, being given everything I need, from family to resources. And, I feel thankful, having come this far in my young life because God has called me here.
When I move into my place, you can look forward to an MTV Cribs syled tour of my suite! It'll be awesome.
First and foremost, I have to apologize to my family because I don't usually take the time to say a good heartfelt goodbye - I'm bad at it, and I really just don't like it. It's not that I don't care enough to say a "proper" goodbye, I just prefer things to be quick and painless. I've seen many families hug it out and sob for hours, but I'm really not about that. Sorry if you disagree with me, it's just not my style. And quite frankly, I'm a guy and I have an ego to protect whether I like it or not. The crying in public thing... nah. Finally, I just don't believe in saying the type of goodbye where it seems like we'll never see each other again.
When I landed, I was pretty tired, as I didn't really sleep much the night before leaving. As you can tell from my last post, I really was not feeling well. But thanks to being so joyfully greeted by my cousins, I was able to get excited pretty quickly. We went to Aberdeen, because it was close to the airport, for supper, and then we got back to Jon's place to get settled in. It's amazing how much more at ease I am just because I have family here, people I know and can trust. I never had that in Calgary, so settling in was difficult. I feel right at home already.
I didn't go to Newbern this morning because I wanted to take the opportunity to visit another church one last time before I'm basically stapled to the one I work at.
Over the next couple days, I hope to get a couple things sorted out before starting work and moving into my place. There's not a whole lot that I have to apply for or transfer over from Alberta; the only actual things I need to get changed is to apply for a BC health card and a new driver's license. Other than that, I think I'm pretty well set and ready to begin.
The first thing I'll need to get over as soon as I can is that I'm not here in Vancouver for vacation anymore. When I landed, the flight attendant was doing her usual thing by talking through the intercom, and the part that I caught was: "if Vancouver is home, welcome home!" I thought to myself, yeah, this is home now. And I'll need to keep reminding myself this over the next while because everything seems way too surreal now. Also, this is the third time I've come to Vancouver in the last three months - the feeling is familiar. This city has always been a place I associated vacation with. However, this has all changed now as I learn to adopt it as my new home.
About my job, I've already been asked two or three times today at 5 Stones of how I feel moving down and starting my first pastoral job. I thought about it each time and I really didn't have a feeling I could give an answer to. I'm not really feeling nervous, not overly excited, not anxious, not much. So, I guess if I really had to give an answer, I'd say that I'm feeling quite relaxed.
I have to thank God for allowing me to feel this way, because if I take the time to look at what's in front of me, I have every reason to be freaking out. But as I told one of the people that asked me about how I feel today, it's probably better that I don't feel anything as opposed to being overwhelmed by the culture shock and the task that's laid out in front of me. Another word that came to mind was "suppressed." All my thoughts and emotions seem to have been surpressed since arriving. I think that there's a good chance I will feel the effects of them maybe a month later or a couple months later, but as of now, I really do feel a peace inside of me.
Not only that, but I already feel that drive and passion begin to burn inside of me, telling me that this is what I need to work on, this is where I have to go, this is what I need to do to get there. Let me be the first to tell you, with what I've been challenged with in the first 24 hours of being here, I'm going to struggle the crap out of it. But you know what, this comes with the cost of being a disciple, and I'm okay with that. My end goal is to be like Christ, so I don't really care what hurdles are in the way, I know I have to get over them even if there are times I don't want to.
So to sum it up a little bit, I feel good. I feel encouraged, excited to be starting a new journey. I feel challenged, knowing how I need to shape myself to be in the position I need to be for this job. I feel blessed, being given everything I need, from family to resources. And, I feel thankful, having come this far in my young life because God has called me here.
When I move into my place, you can look forward to an MTV Cribs syled tour of my suite! It'll be awesome.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
If These Wings Could Fly
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky
Yes, I'm going to open with a cliche, cheesy quote that everyone knows and yet always seems to get wrong.
People always tell me how they are so excited for me and how where my life is going would be fun or amazing. While I don't necessarily disagree, I always let my timidness get the best of me. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this (probably have, given that I lack a filter sometimes), but everytime I've left home, beginning with my internship to UrbanPromise back in 2008, I've been depressed the week leading up to leaving, and the week after leaving. So, yes, everytime I've had to leave for Calgary, when I left each week during AIA, when I left for Saskatchewan, I've had extreme difficulties dealing with my emotions. Over time, I've learned, not by choice, to hide it all inside. It's not anxiety, though there is some of it, that gets the best of me, I think it's just that people are usually scared of uncertainty and I'm no different. I like being comfortable and being in a place where I can let down my guard - who doesn't?
Therefore, I apologize for the overall negative and sad tone of this blog post.
This past week, I've had trouble sleeping again; and even when I did sleep, my dreams were so vivid and so strange that I would wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all and very confused as to what my dreams were even about. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but there's no turning back now. On top of this, I've been second guessing my decision to move to Vancouver literally every day. I don't try to, but I always find myself asking why I couldn't just find a church in Edmonton and explore the church that caught my attention here. The voices tell me that, yeah, I should've just found a church in Edmonton, NEAC even, and then I could do my thing all while being able to be at home and being close to my friends and family. And while I agree that I could've taken this "easy way out," it's not what will grow me the most. I would love to come back to Edmonton to be a pastor in the future, just not now.
Tomorrow, I say farewell to the place I call home. I've mentioned that I never really found Calgary to be home; and Saskatchewan got close, but I wasn't there long enough. Edmonton raised me and I'm who I am today because of this city and the people I've known. This city is, and probably always will be, home for me. I'm not sure how long into my new life in ministry it will take for me to be comfortable to call wherever I'm at "home," so it'll be interesting to see where this goes.
To all my friends and family, thank you.
I love each and everyone of you more than you know and I'm so grateful that I've had the honor to know you in my lifetime. I'm probably the worst person when it comes to describing and showing appreciation because I've always been shy. Every night, I wonder to myself why God has chosen me, in many regards, to be so blessed and filled with an abundance. I see so many of the people I care about that are seemingly so much less fortunate than I am and ask God, why can't they have what I have? I am no more deserving than anyone with anything that God has given me, but I know that he loves each one of us the same and nothing could ever change that. There are people far more capable than I am, and I do often wish for these people to be doing what I'm doing instead of me. However, we're all called to fulfill God's will in our own unique way, and no matter how I feel at the end of the day, I am thankful that this is the path I have.
Even though I leave, this is not goodbye. I would love, more than anything, for you to come visit me in Vancouver if you have the chance. I made it to this point of my life because of you, and I still need you to help me move forward. Without you, my friends and family, I am nothing.
So here we are. As life goes on for everyone, I begin a new one. To answer your questions of my impression on this move: yes, I am beyond scared. But underneath that fear, there is an ocean of excitement, determination, and feeling of adventure.
I attended a chapel service at school a couple years back, we had a guest speaker. I remember his challenge to us: when given two choices, pick the harder path. I have no idea why, but that challenge has stuck with me and is now paying dividends. I've picked this church, where the task for me to take this church to where God wants it to go is overwhelming. But if these wings do indeed fly, it will be purely because of God's grace. I've picked the hard road because I know that it will challenge me even further to place my faith in God, trusting that he will deliver and change lives. Everything that I might be able to accomplish will be because of God's strength, not mine.
There you have it, my final thoughts before taking off tomorrow evening. Thank you to everyone in what you've done for me in my life. As I go to this new place, I am representing you in what you've made me into and the place that I am from, and I hope I do you proud.
~ Hope to see you soon.
EDIT: By the way, if you are a regular on my blog, I'm slowly pulling back from my social media. Not to say that I'm on the Facebook or Twitter all day long, but I've started for about a month to retract the amount I put up on these social sites. As of now, I'll probably stick to updating on this blog and on Facebook. You'll still likely see the odd picture on Instagram, but other than that, I'm removing myself from the internet to focus my attention more on the real life interactions. Thanks.
Yes, I'm going to open with a cliche, cheesy quote that everyone knows and yet always seems to get wrong.
People always tell me how they are so excited for me and how where my life is going would be fun or amazing. While I don't necessarily disagree, I always let my timidness get the best of me. I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this (probably have, given that I lack a filter sometimes), but everytime I've left home, beginning with my internship to UrbanPromise back in 2008, I've been depressed the week leading up to leaving, and the week after leaving. So, yes, everytime I've had to leave for Calgary, when I left each week during AIA, when I left for Saskatchewan, I've had extreme difficulties dealing with my emotions. Over time, I've learned, not by choice, to hide it all inside. It's not anxiety, though there is some of it, that gets the best of me, I think it's just that people are usually scared of uncertainty and I'm no different. I like being comfortable and being in a place where I can let down my guard - who doesn't?
Therefore, I apologize for the overall negative and sad tone of this blog post.
This past week, I've had trouble sleeping again; and even when I did sleep, my dreams were so vivid and so strange that I would wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all and very confused as to what my dreams were even about. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but there's no turning back now. On top of this, I've been second guessing my decision to move to Vancouver literally every day. I don't try to, but I always find myself asking why I couldn't just find a church in Edmonton and explore the church that caught my attention here. The voices tell me that, yeah, I should've just found a church in Edmonton, NEAC even, and then I could do my thing all while being able to be at home and being close to my friends and family. And while I agree that I could've taken this "easy way out," it's not what will grow me the most. I would love to come back to Edmonton to be a pastor in the future, just not now.
Tomorrow, I say farewell to the place I call home. I've mentioned that I never really found Calgary to be home; and Saskatchewan got close, but I wasn't there long enough. Edmonton raised me and I'm who I am today because of this city and the people I've known. This city is, and probably always will be, home for me. I'm not sure how long into my new life in ministry it will take for me to be comfortable to call wherever I'm at "home," so it'll be interesting to see where this goes.
To all my friends and family, thank you.
I love each and everyone of you more than you know and I'm so grateful that I've had the honor to know you in my lifetime. I'm probably the worst person when it comes to describing and showing appreciation because I've always been shy. Every night, I wonder to myself why God has chosen me, in many regards, to be so blessed and filled with an abundance. I see so many of the people I care about that are seemingly so much less fortunate than I am and ask God, why can't they have what I have? I am no more deserving than anyone with anything that God has given me, but I know that he loves each one of us the same and nothing could ever change that. There are people far more capable than I am, and I do often wish for these people to be doing what I'm doing instead of me. However, we're all called to fulfill God's will in our own unique way, and no matter how I feel at the end of the day, I am thankful that this is the path I have.
Even though I leave, this is not goodbye. I would love, more than anything, for you to come visit me in Vancouver if you have the chance. I made it to this point of my life because of you, and I still need you to help me move forward. Without you, my friends and family, I am nothing.
So here we are. As life goes on for everyone, I begin a new one. To answer your questions of my impression on this move: yes, I am beyond scared. But underneath that fear, there is an ocean of excitement, determination, and feeling of adventure.
I attended a chapel service at school a couple years back, we had a guest speaker. I remember his challenge to us: when given two choices, pick the harder path. I have no idea why, but that challenge has stuck with me and is now paying dividends. I've picked this church, where the task for me to take this church to where God wants it to go is overwhelming. But if these wings do indeed fly, it will be purely because of God's grace. I've picked the hard road because I know that it will challenge me even further to place my faith in God, trusting that he will deliver and change lives. Everything that I might be able to accomplish will be because of God's strength, not mine.
There you have it, my final thoughts before taking off tomorrow evening. Thank you to everyone in what you've done for me in my life. As I go to this new place, I am representing you in what you've made me into and the place that I am from, and I hope I do you proud.
~ Hope to see you soon.
EDIT: By the way, if you are a regular on my blog, I'm slowly pulling back from my social media. Not to say that I'm on the Facebook or Twitter all day long, but I've started for about a month to retract the amount I put up on these social sites. As of now, I'll probably stick to updating on this blog and on Facebook. You'll still likely see the odd picture on Instagram, but other than that, I'm removing myself from the internet to focus my attention more on the real life interactions. Thanks.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
The Good Note
B-flat is my favorite key in music. There's just something about the way the frequencies of the notes resonate in your ears when you hear a song played/sung in this key. I'm not sure where I developed the particularity towards such a strange thing in music, but I've always had these sorts of quirks. To make me sound even more like a dork, and to give some contrast, I find the saddest key to be D-minor. You can define what "sad" means in this case.
As I sit here listening to Jason Mraz's new album, "Yes," I'm basically counting down the days until I leave. Speaking of Mraz and music, I will be attending his concert in Vancouver at the end of October. To say that I am excited for this is a severe understatement.
Touching on the topic of Vancouver, I'm every bit as reluctant as I am nervous. I'll be on my own now, and given who I am and some of the things I've struggled with in my life, I question every day about whether or not I'm ready to be doing this. Confidence has never been a strength for me, and so I'll always doubt myself and somewhat return to the things that I know and am comfortable with. However, the fact that I feel this way about moving to Vancouver is the very reason I need to do it. Time and time again in my life where I'm forced to step out into the world, I grow. And this is where the excitement comes in. I'm a bit of a visionary, so I'm always picturing myself in certain cases where I'm making an impact around the people I'm with.
Even though I'm someone that doesn't have confidence, I do have confidence in the fact that I'm being taken care of. During my week of coaching with AIA this past summer, I was my usual self being timid on the first day as I am trying to catch up to the other 4 coaches and finding my place on the team all while needing to perform - meaning that I had to actually teach the kids how to play soccer and teach them about Christ. I forget when I mentioned that I am a pastor, but after the first drill, one of the volunteers, an older lady, comes up to me with a big smile and says to me, "coach Sunny, you're going to be a great pastor! I just know it." I think she could see that I was completely caught off guard by the comment so she explained to me why she thinks so. And after she told me, I could openly admit that I wasn't even aware that these little things I was doing within the first couple hours of camp would be noticeable. So I concluded that this was only possible because of the people that have raised me and grown me. I managed to pick up on habits, attitudes, etc., from people that have shaped me into being able to do such things that can draw such a comment. That volunteer made my day, and I was so incredibly grateful.
So, coming back to the Vancouver thing, I have no doubt that God will take care of me. I just have to battle my weakness of being afraid of things. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm super stoked to get to know these people and help reshape their church. I'm a big picture guy, so I'm also eager to see the potential that is in these people and how we'll be able to get there together.
Due to circumstances, and I might even lean toward them as unfortunate, I really haven't been serving in church since the end of my internship. I definitely feel terrible about it. During my last semester, I said that I'd take a break because I was really tired, so I did. Coming home for the summer though, I always felt like I could contribute, but I didn't. Other than helping with worship a couple times and volunteering during the week of soccer camp, I haven't done anything to help my home church.
It's a little sad on my part to think that everything I had done and accomplished for God before bible college is now basically vanished. To me, the generation is mostly turned over. So I start to question many things, the latest being whether or not I've overstayed my time at home. Admittedly, it's a little difficult for me to do much knowing that I'm just going to leave again, so I can't really commit. But the thing that pains me the most is to watch those who are serving now basically having to relearn everything that I learned when I grew up serving. It puts a bit of a salty taste in my mouth because this indicates that I may not have completed my job in passing on what I had going for me. I've gone from "the guy that plays guitar and leads worship" to "oh yeah, he's Justin's/Sarah's older brother." Instead of being engulfed by service, I'm left a bystander.
I'm not okay with this because I'm still way too passionate about my home church. I want so badly for my friends and family to have a fire the size of the freakin' sun for God; and instead, it seems more like we're shivering in the cold while someone tries to restart the fire for us. So, what this means for me going forward, especially into Newbern, is that I have to make sure that God's work through me is at least as close to finish as possible before I leave. I am as determined as I've ever been in my life to be so passionate about Christ and the Church that it infects the church and community I'll be working in. I don't want to end up leaving due to selfish reasons, only when God calls me elsewhere. I have absolutely no idea how to get there or if it'll happen the way I envision it at all, but I'm all-in.
It starts with me - this is my good note.
As I sit here listening to Jason Mraz's new album, "Yes," I'm basically counting down the days until I leave. Speaking of Mraz and music, I will be attending his concert in Vancouver at the end of October. To say that I am excited for this is a severe understatement.
Touching on the topic of Vancouver, I'm every bit as reluctant as I am nervous. I'll be on my own now, and given who I am and some of the things I've struggled with in my life, I question every day about whether or not I'm ready to be doing this. Confidence has never been a strength for me, and so I'll always doubt myself and somewhat return to the things that I know and am comfortable with. However, the fact that I feel this way about moving to Vancouver is the very reason I need to do it. Time and time again in my life where I'm forced to step out into the world, I grow. And this is where the excitement comes in. I'm a bit of a visionary, so I'm always picturing myself in certain cases where I'm making an impact around the people I'm with.
Even though I'm someone that doesn't have confidence, I do have confidence in the fact that I'm being taken care of. During my week of coaching with AIA this past summer, I was my usual self being timid on the first day as I am trying to catch up to the other 4 coaches and finding my place on the team all while needing to perform - meaning that I had to actually teach the kids how to play soccer and teach them about Christ. I forget when I mentioned that I am a pastor, but after the first drill, one of the volunteers, an older lady, comes up to me with a big smile and says to me, "coach Sunny, you're going to be a great pastor! I just know it." I think she could see that I was completely caught off guard by the comment so she explained to me why she thinks so. And after she told me, I could openly admit that I wasn't even aware that these little things I was doing within the first couple hours of camp would be noticeable. So I concluded that this was only possible because of the people that have raised me and grown me. I managed to pick up on habits, attitudes, etc., from people that have shaped me into being able to do such things that can draw such a comment. That volunteer made my day, and I was so incredibly grateful.
So, coming back to the Vancouver thing, I have no doubt that God will take care of me. I just have to battle my weakness of being afraid of things. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm super stoked to get to know these people and help reshape their church. I'm a big picture guy, so I'm also eager to see the potential that is in these people and how we'll be able to get there together.
Due to circumstances, and I might even lean toward them as unfortunate, I really haven't been serving in church since the end of my internship. I definitely feel terrible about it. During my last semester, I said that I'd take a break because I was really tired, so I did. Coming home for the summer though, I always felt like I could contribute, but I didn't. Other than helping with worship a couple times and volunteering during the week of soccer camp, I haven't done anything to help my home church.
It's a little sad on my part to think that everything I had done and accomplished for God before bible college is now basically vanished. To me, the generation is mostly turned over. So I start to question many things, the latest being whether or not I've overstayed my time at home. Admittedly, it's a little difficult for me to do much knowing that I'm just going to leave again, so I can't really commit. But the thing that pains me the most is to watch those who are serving now basically having to relearn everything that I learned when I grew up serving. It puts a bit of a salty taste in my mouth because this indicates that I may not have completed my job in passing on what I had going for me. I've gone from "the guy that plays guitar and leads worship" to "oh yeah, he's Justin's/Sarah's older brother." Instead of being engulfed by service, I'm left a bystander.
I'm not okay with this because I'm still way too passionate about my home church. I want so badly for my friends and family to have a fire the size of the freakin' sun for God; and instead, it seems more like we're shivering in the cold while someone tries to restart the fire for us. So, what this means for me going forward, especially into Newbern, is that I have to make sure that God's work through me is at least as close to finish as possible before I leave. I am as determined as I've ever been in my life to be so passionate about Christ and the Church that it infects the church and community I'll be working in. I don't want to end up leaving due to selfish reasons, only when God calls me elsewhere. I have absolutely no idea how to get there or if it'll happen the way I envision it at all, but I'm all-in.
It starts with me - this is my good note.
Friday, September 5, 2014
This Time's For Real
School was basically wiped out of my mind, so it was strange to see so many people with backpacks on the streets going to and from school. Life is busy again. For the second time in my life, I'm sitting at home while everyone's back to their routine. Though I must also say that as time has passed, more and more of my age group is moving past the school stage.
Now I've joined them.
First things first, I got the job. My official start date is Oct 1, and the move in date to my new place is also Oct 1. Let me tell you about how it all went down. EDIT: I'm the English Pastor at Newbern Memorial Alliance Church.
Well, when I got to Vancouver, I wasn't prepared for the weekend (and that might be an understatement). Thankfully, my cousin picked me up from the airport and I got to have a good chat with him over supper before heading back to my hotel. I was scheduled to attend the youth group BBQ on Saturday night, preach Sunday morning, then have the official interview after lunch on the same day.
So I spent most of my Saturday preparing for the sermon, and thankfully, what I preached on was a lot of what I needed to hear myself. The area that my hotel was in was rather noisy, especially with construction going on, so it was tough to keep focused; there was also an Eskimos game that afternoon on TV. While I made decent progress on my sermon, I had to take a couple hours to go meet the youth.
A few things that surprised me about the youth: they are extremely tight knit, and they speak amazing Chinese. The latter is probably a Vancouver thing, so I'll let it go. They're all really nice and polite... in most senses. After we ate, we were to have some kind of sharing thing, in which I would be sharing about myself and my spiritual journey. So the part-time pastor that was there started talking after we gathered to sit in a circle, but the kids wouldn't stop talking. I was a bit baffled as to why it took such a long time for them to settle down. However, when I started talking, and because I'm the new guy, they all listened pretty well, I think. Overall, it was a good night, the kids are really nice. The group's only about 10-15 big, but I like that size; I can work with that.
The next morning, I got to the church, and as expected, the congregation is young and small. What blew my mind, though I don't know why, was how insanely traditional their worship structure and format was. It's strange because I was told that this is a more traditional church, but maybe I didn't expect it to be that traditional in the sense that I haven't seen such a traditional format since I was a little child. Ultimately, I think this was what held me back the most from being excited about the job. As for the sermon, it was pretty good! It went a lot better than I expected, and from what I heard, it seems to have been received well too.
After the service, I sat in on the adult Sunday school class. Before the class even began, I knew what I needed to address first in this church: DO NOT, EVER, WATER DOWN YOUR COFFEE! That was such a crime, I almost cried. Instead of topping off their cups with coffee, they filled it with hot water - sad days. All jokes aside, these adults are really awesome and it was fun to listen in on their conversations about several things.
Moving ahead to the interview, and to put it quite frankly, it wasn't much of one. Unfortunately, due to time constraints, it only lasted about 45 minutes, most of which I answered questions that I already answered when I met them the first time. I didn't really get to ask any of the questions I had for the church, but I guess that's okay; I'll find out the answers in due time.
Originally, I thought it'd take about a week or two for them to get back to me with an offer or decline in my application. However, they contacted me that very night to give me the job. I was so caught off guard that I wasn't ready to accept it. I was still trying to recover from the exhaustion after preaching, and here they basically throw the next several years of my life at me, saying, "come! Come now!"
I wasn't ready.
So after having talked it through with a few people I highly respect, it ultimately came down to me and what was holding me back from accepting the job. When I talked to the senior pastor on Wednesday morning, something hit me. During the conversation, I was reminded of how I felt when I originally went to Saskatchewan to do my internship and how it eventually turned out. For some reason, this feeling of reluctance to accept the offer felt the same; so without hesitation, I immediately accepted the job during that phone conversation. I had asked for a week to pray and decide, but I knew then that this job was for me.
Skipping ahead, because this post is already way too long, I got all the details figured out, and all that was left was for the move down to Vancouver. When I accepted the job, my parents immediately began helping me find places to live. This being Vancouver, everything is beyond ridiculous in terms of rent. And with what I am getting paid, there's literally no way I could live comfortably given the position I'm in. I won't tell you how much I make, but I'll let you know that I make even less than starting/new pastors in Alberta. The C&MA has guidelines given out to churches to let them know roughly how much pastors should be paid, but it doesn't account for the cost of living and all those things. I really don't want my salary to influence my ministry here, so I'm going to try to make as small a deal of it as possible, but I do feel like it will affect me in my work if I can't even afford to meet my basic needs.
With that being said, on Sunday, my parents and I had basically given up on finding an apartment for the time being because everything was bloody expensive and way over my budget - even the crappy places. However, my flight randomly decided to get delayed by about 2 and a half hours, so we managed to arrange a last minute visit to a house with a 2 bedroom basement suite. We got there, had a nice viewing and a good chat, found out that that family is pretty new to the church as well and attend one of the Alliance churches not too far from the place. They were nice enough and understanding enough to see my job and took the rent down to $920/month when they could've easily charged over $1000 for the place. So I signed away my lease, at least for the first year. My ultimate goal is still to have my own apartment (renting, of course), but I'll make do with what I have for now. $920/month is still almost half my take home salary for the month, so that tells you how much I make and how, if you've done the rent/mortgage thing, that almost half your salary on rent is WAY too much. But, it's the best that we could do, and I know God always provides, so I'll stay faithful in this regard that things will ease up a bit.
Finally, to wrap things up, I'm super stoked to be starting a new life down in Vancouver. I'm ready for the culture shock, the burnt/undercooked meals, the independent life that awaits me. Of course, there's also stress that comes with it, but I'm going to focus more on what excites me, and that is the ministry that God has placed in front of me for the next few years.
Feel free to talk to me, send me an email, or give me a call if you're interested in knowing more. I've really only covered the surface of things, so if you're interested, I'd love to chat.
Now to plan out the things I need to do before leaving.
Now I've joined them.
First things first, I got the job. My official start date is Oct 1, and the move in date to my new place is also Oct 1. Let me tell you about how it all went down. EDIT: I'm the English Pastor at Newbern Memorial Alliance Church.
Well, when I got to Vancouver, I wasn't prepared for the weekend (and that might be an understatement). Thankfully, my cousin picked me up from the airport and I got to have a good chat with him over supper before heading back to my hotel. I was scheduled to attend the youth group BBQ on Saturday night, preach Sunday morning, then have the official interview after lunch on the same day.
So I spent most of my Saturday preparing for the sermon, and thankfully, what I preached on was a lot of what I needed to hear myself. The area that my hotel was in was rather noisy, especially with construction going on, so it was tough to keep focused; there was also an Eskimos game that afternoon on TV. While I made decent progress on my sermon, I had to take a couple hours to go meet the youth.
A few things that surprised me about the youth: they are extremely tight knit, and they speak amazing Chinese. The latter is probably a Vancouver thing, so I'll let it go. They're all really nice and polite... in most senses. After we ate, we were to have some kind of sharing thing, in which I would be sharing about myself and my spiritual journey. So the part-time pastor that was there started talking after we gathered to sit in a circle, but the kids wouldn't stop talking. I was a bit baffled as to why it took such a long time for them to settle down. However, when I started talking, and because I'm the new guy, they all listened pretty well, I think. Overall, it was a good night, the kids are really nice. The group's only about 10-15 big, but I like that size; I can work with that.
The next morning, I got to the church, and as expected, the congregation is young and small. What blew my mind, though I don't know why, was how insanely traditional their worship structure and format was. It's strange because I was told that this is a more traditional church, but maybe I didn't expect it to be that traditional in the sense that I haven't seen such a traditional format since I was a little child. Ultimately, I think this was what held me back the most from being excited about the job. As for the sermon, it was pretty good! It went a lot better than I expected, and from what I heard, it seems to have been received well too.
After the service, I sat in on the adult Sunday school class. Before the class even began, I knew what I needed to address first in this church: DO NOT, EVER, WATER DOWN YOUR COFFEE! That was such a crime, I almost cried. Instead of topping off their cups with coffee, they filled it with hot water - sad days. All jokes aside, these adults are really awesome and it was fun to listen in on their conversations about several things.
Moving ahead to the interview, and to put it quite frankly, it wasn't much of one. Unfortunately, due to time constraints, it only lasted about 45 minutes, most of which I answered questions that I already answered when I met them the first time. I didn't really get to ask any of the questions I had for the church, but I guess that's okay; I'll find out the answers in due time.
Originally, I thought it'd take about a week or two for them to get back to me with an offer or decline in my application. However, they contacted me that very night to give me the job. I was so caught off guard that I wasn't ready to accept it. I was still trying to recover from the exhaustion after preaching, and here they basically throw the next several years of my life at me, saying, "come! Come now!"
I wasn't ready.
So after having talked it through with a few people I highly respect, it ultimately came down to me and what was holding me back from accepting the job. When I talked to the senior pastor on Wednesday morning, something hit me. During the conversation, I was reminded of how I felt when I originally went to Saskatchewan to do my internship and how it eventually turned out. For some reason, this feeling of reluctance to accept the offer felt the same; so without hesitation, I immediately accepted the job during that phone conversation. I had asked for a week to pray and decide, but I knew then that this job was for me.
Skipping ahead, because this post is already way too long, I got all the details figured out, and all that was left was for the move down to Vancouver. When I accepted the job, my parents immediately began helping me find places to live. This being Vancouver, everything is beyond ridiculous in terms of rent. And with what I am getting paid, there's literally no way I could live comfortably given the position I'm in. I won't tell you how much I make, but I'll let you know that I make even less than starting/new pastors in Alberta. The C&MA has guidelines given out to churches to let them know roughly how much pastors should be paid, but it doesn't account for the cost of living and all those things. I really don't want my salary to influence my ministry here, so I'm going to try to make as small a deal of it as possible, but I do feel like it will affect me in my work if I can't even afford to meet my basic needs.
With that being said, on Sunday, my parents and I had basically given up on finding an apartment for the time being because everything was bloody expensive and way over my budget - even the crappy places. However, my flight randomly decided to get delayed by about 2 and a half hours, so we managed to arrange a last minute visit to a house with a 2 bedroom basement suite. We got there, had a nice viewing and a good chat, found out that that family is pretty new to the church as well and attend one of the Alliance churches not too far from the place. They were nice enough and understanding enough to see my job and took the rent down to $920/month when they could've easily charged over $1000 for the place. So I signed away my lease, at least for the first year. My ultimate goal is still to have my own apartment (renting, of course), but I'll make do with what I have for now. $920/month is still almost half my take home salary for the month, so that tells you how much I make and how, if you've done the rent/mortgage thing, that almost half your salary on rent is WAY too much. But, it's the best that we could do, and I know God always provides, so I'll stay faithful in this regard that things will ease up a bit.
Finally, to wrap things up, I'm super stoked to be starting a new life down in Vancouver. I'm ready for the culture shock, the burnt/undercooked meals, the independent life that awaits me. Of course, there's also stress that comes with it, but I'm going to focus more on what excites me, and that is the ministry that God has placed in front of me for the next few years.
Feel free to talk to me, send me an email, or give me a call if you're interested in knowing more. I've really only covered the surface of things, so if you're interested, I'd love to chat.
Now to plan out the things I need to do before leaving.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
One Trip, One Goal
Since the last time I blogged, lots have happened - most of which are struggles. I want to end the blog with the good so I'm going to start with the poo poo.
To put things quite frankly, I have never felt this stressed before. I don't even think the stress this week is self-inflicted at all, though I've allowed it to affect me. Each night I've gone to bed, and each morning I've waken up this week have been like trying to lift mountains. I don't think I've ever been burdened to the point of actual grief, but I came rather close on several occasions already.
My biggest worry as of right now is the brutal sermon I'll be preaching this coming Sunday. I don't want the people of this church to have to suffer through a terribly ill-prepared sermon because of my downfalls - this is my greatest concern. I normally like to start praying about sermons at least 2 weeks in advanced and the actual preparation the Monday of the week I'm going to preach. However, because I coached a week of soccer camp last week (which was actually amazing - more on that later), I didn't even think about my candidacy being this weekend until Monday.
Even when Monday arrived, I neglected the work I needed to put in. I tried to fight my laziness, but it really didn't work. Monday passed, Tuesday passed, and I was confused as to why I couldn't sit down and work. I was literally visiting every avenue that would allow me to stay away from preparing. My curiosity, though, makes me wonder how much of it is actually me and how much of it is that I'm being attacked. Several times throughout the week, I've caught myself accusing my own self about how I'm so lazy and how I really shouldn't be wasting time; and each time, I've helplessly spectated as I seemed to be beside myself and not be able to control my own actions. I would sit down, start up a game, and play it, all while my mind is telling me, "you should be preparing, but you know you can't! Suckaaaa!" It was awful.
Alright, let's backtrack a bit. If you only follow my blogs, you're likely confused as to how we got here. To make a long story short. I've decided to candidate at Newbern Memorial Alliance this weekend. This was decided early in August as I was trying to sort out what would be the best to approach the two churches. Given other reasons that I won't disclose yet, it looks like my relationship with Richmond Grace could possibly be over for now. Nothing is for certain, but I wanted to make it clear that I am focused solely on Newbern Memorial Alliance as of right now. Finally, due to professionalism and out of respect, I'm not going to go into more detail on my blog. If you're interested, I can definitely give you a good idea of what happened.
To cap off this job hunt process, I could really use some prayer over the next couple weeks. First, I need to be able to make it through the weekend as prepared and as clear-minded as possible. Given how this week has gone, if nothing changes, I'm going to have a really hard time and likely come out extremely discouraged. This is due to the combination that I've been in a bit of a rut spiritually and just the overall stresses of candidating at a church. Secondly, I'll need clarity in discernment to see that if I get an offer, that this is the church God wants me at. If it isn't, where do I go next? That's the big question, because I'm putting everything I have into getting this position.
Let's talk about the good now!
As mentioned, I had the awesome privilege to coach (and be paid!) a week of soccer camp at Terwillegar Community Church last week. This camp was a massive camp that needed a 5th coach, so Bev was nice enough to ask me to join them. I'm so glad that I had this opportunity, because I think God really used me at this camp to reach out to several kids. With a camp of 75 kids, it's really difficult to remember all their names, let alone connect with them, but I really think God made it work. Being able to coach, despite the harsh heat, really brought joy and refreshment to me as it gave me a chance to do what I love: play soccer and tell people about God.
On top of coaching at soccer camp, and even though my touch isn't the greatest right now (I don't think I could get back to the summer where I coached, unless I do it again), I feel like my ability to play the game is at an all time high now. I have never been so confident in my soccer ability, haha.
So there you have it: a quick update on where I'm at and where I'm going... tomorrow! I condensed everything as much as I can so this wouldn't turn into an essay.
Hopefully the next time I blog, it will be some fantastic news!
To put things quite frankly, I have never felt this stressed before. I don't even think the stress this week is self-inflicted at all, though I've allowed it to affect me. Each night I've gone to bed, and each morning I've waken up this week have been like trying to lift mountains. I don't think I've ever been burdened to the point of actual grief, but I came rather close on several occasions already.
My biggest worry as of right now is the brutal sermon I'll be preaching this coming Sunday. I don't want the people of this church to have to suffer through a terribly ill-prepared sermon because of my downfalls - this is my greatest concern. I normally like to start praying about sermons at least 2 weeks in advanced and the actual preparation the Monday of the week I'm going to preach. However, because I coached a week of soccer camp last week (which was actually amazing - more on that later), I didn't even think about my candidacy being this weekend until Monday.
Even when Monday arrived, I neglected the work I needed to put in. I tried to fight my laziness, but it really didn't work. Monday passed, Tuesday passed, and I was confused as to why I couldn't sit down and work. I was literally visiting every avenue that would allow me to stay away from preparing. My curiosity, though, makes me wonder how much of it is actually me and how much of it is that I'm being attacked. Several times throughout the week, I've caught myself accusing my own self about how I'm so lazy and how I really shouldn't be wasting time; and each time, I've helplessly spectated as I seemed to be beside myself and not be able to control my own actions. I would sit down, start up a game, and play it, all while my mind is telling me, "you should be preparing, but you know you can't! Suckaaaa!" It was awful.
Alright, let's backtrack a bit. If you only follow my blogs, you're likely confused as to how we got here. To make a long story short. I've decided to candidate at Newbern Memorial Alliance this weekend. This was decided early in August as I was trying to sort out what would be the best to approach the two churches. Given other reasons that I won't disclose yet, it looks like my relationship with Richmond Grace could possibly be over for now. Nothing is for certain, but I wanted to make it clear that I am focused solely on Newbern Memorial Alliance as of right now. Finally, due to professionalism and out of respect, I'm not going to go into more detail on my blog. If you're interested, I can definitely give you a good idea of what happened.
To cap off this job hunt process, I could really use some prayer over the next couple weeks. First, I need to be able to make it through the weekend as prepared and as clear-minded as possible. Given how this week has gone, if nothing changes, I'm going to have a really hard time and likely come out extremely discouraged. This is due to the combination that I've been in a bit of a rut spiritually and just the overall stresses of candidating at a church. Secondly, I'll need clarity in discernment to see that if I get an offer, that this is the church God wants me at. If it isn't, where do I go next? That's the big question, because I'm putting everything I have into getting this position.
Let's talk about the good now!
As mentioned, I had the awesome privilege to coach (and be paid!) a week of soccer camp at Terwillegar Community Church last week. This camp was a massive camp that needed a 5th coach, so Bev was nice enough to ask me to join them. I'm so glad that I had this opportunity, because I think God really used me at this camp to reach out to several kids. With a camp of 75 kids, it's really difficult to remember all their names, let alone connect with them, but I really think God made it work. Being able to coach, despite the harsh heat, really brought joy and refreshment to me as it gave me a chance to do what I love: play soccer and tell people about God.
On top of coaching at soccer camp, and even though my touch isn't the greatest right now (I don't think I could get back to the summer where I coached, unless I do it again), I feel like my ability to play the game is at an all time high now. I have never been so confident in my soccer ability, haha.
So there you have it: a quick update on where I'm at and where I'm going... tomorrow! I condensed everything as much as I can so this wouldn't turn into an essay.
Hopefully the next time I blog, it will be some fantastic news!
Sunday, July 27, 2014
SOON™
What an eventful and productive 10 days I spent in Vancouver! I come back with awesome news and great anticipation; hopefully you can find as much excitement as I can, haha.
When I got to Vancouver, I was somewhat nervous about the whole situation. I know that usually when I go to stay over with the cousins, it means fun and games. For the first couple days, I had to really bring home my preparation for the summer camp talks. I was so stoked that my four sermons were really coming together and really bringing the theme to the place that would hit home for the church. When I look at it now, it somewhat amazes me the way God put this series together for me. One of my struggles at first was that, while the four sermons needed to be distinct sermons, they also needed to be linked together in the specific theme for the weekend. For most of my prep work, I had four distinctions, but I didn't find many opportunities to join them together to help gain a bigger and broader understanding of the theme.
So we went off to a pretty sweet resort (mostly awesome if you're in the bigger numbers of your age) called Cedar Springs. It was a Christian resort/retreat centre that felt like it was Narnia, mostly because of where it is and how hidden the place is relative to how the highways and roads worked in that part of Washington. The site was pretty cool, but it didn't offer too many opportunities for the youth to run around and play games/activities. Their food was also fantastic for it being camp food. I was actually somewhat disappointed when Ps. Joe told me that the food there was actually on the lower end of some of the nearby resorts and what they offered - I really thought the food was great, just to find out that there's even better food!
At the end of the day, I think I did a good job with the series. There was probably one where I struggled a bit because I decided to join the group for a morning hike, thinking that it would be a nice casual walk, but turned out to be exhausting and destroying of my confidence. One girl even fell going down a steep part and got some scrapes. So I was slightly shaken before the talk. However, I think I recovered alright and then gave a couple pretty good sermons to cap it off. All in all, the experience was incredible. I just wish I would've been prepared for how tired I would've been after. I knew I had to meet with two churches on Monday and Wednesday, so I didn't have time to be tired, but throughout the rest of my time in Vancouver, I was beyond out of it. I almost did my hair with toothpaste. Yeah.
With the seamless transition into the topic of visiting churches, I've been invited by both of them to candidate as a potential pastor. Meeting with both churches was awesome. It was so nice to be able to meet them and hear where they are and where they need to go. Thinking about the potential of working in either of those environments has me all jittery with excitement!
So there is one of the churches that I really want. If that one doesn't work out, I'll be extremely disappointed because I don't know if the other church will be as good of a match as the first one. What will happen, then, is that I'll pick one church to candidate at first. If I like it enough, I'll take the job. If there are some things that aren't lining up, then I'll candidate at the second church as well, then make the decision.
My guess is that this process will take a month or so once I start, so when I go to Vancouver again, it could mean that I'm there for good! I am so excited; you could not believe how excited I am!
So that's that. My dream will be fulfilled soon! I'm totally looking forward to the fun and the challenges I will face when I can finally arrive at where God told me to go five years ago when his call for me to go into ministry met me in my prayers.
When I got to Vancouver, I was somewhat nervous about the whole situation. I know that usually when I go to stay over with the cousins, it means fun and games. For the first couple days, I had to really bring home my preparation for the summer camp talks. I was so stoked that my four sermons were really coming together and really bringing the theme to the place that would hit home for the church. When I look at it now, it somewhat amazes me the way God put this series together for me. One of my struggles at first was that, while the four sermons needed to be distinct sermons, they also needed to be linked together in the specific theme for the weekend. For most of my prep work, I had four distinctions, but I didn't find many opportunities to join them together to help gain a bigger and broader understanding of the theme.
So we went off to a pretty sweet resort (mostly awesome if you're in the bigger numbers of your age) called Cedar Springs. It was a Christian resort/retreat centre that felt like it was Narnia, mostly because of where it is and how hidden the place is relative to how the highways and roads worked in that part of Washington. The site was pretty cool, but it didn't offer too many opportunities for the youth to run around and play games/activities. Their food was also fantastic for it being camp food. I was actually somewhat disappointed when Ps. Joe told me that the food there was actually on the lower end of some of the nearby resorts and what they offered - I really thought the food was great, just to find out that there's even better food!
At the end of the day, I think I did a good job with the series. There was probably one where I struggled a bit because I decided to join the group for a morning hike, thinking that it would be a nice casual walk, but turned out to be exhausting and destroying of my confidence. One girl even fell going down a steep part and got some scrapes. So I was slightly shaken before the talk. However, I think I recovered alright and then gave a couple pretty good sermons to cap it off. All in all, the experience was incredible. I just wish I would've been prepared for how tired I would've been after. I knew I had to meet with two churches on Monday and Wednesday, so I didn't have time to be tired, but throughout the rest of my time in Vancouver, I was beyond out of it. I almost did my hair with toothpaste. Yeah.
With the seamless transition into the topic of visiting churches, I've been invited by both of them to candidate as a potential pastor. Meeting with both churches was awesome. It was so nice to be able to meet them and hear where they are and where they need to go. Thinking about the potential of working in either of those environments has me all jittery with excitement!
So there is one of the churches that I really want. If that one doesn't work out, I'll be extremely disappointed because I don't know if the other church will be as good of a match as the first one. What will happen, then, is that I'll pick one church to candidate at first. If I like it enough, I'll take the job. If there are some things that aren't lining up, then I'll candidate at the second church as well, then make the decision.
My guess is that this process will take a month or so once I start, so when I go to Vancouver again, it could mean that I'm there for good! I am so excited; you could not believe how excited I am!
So that's that. My dream will be fulfilled soon! I'm totally looking forward to the fun and the challenges I will face when I can finally arrive at where God told me to go five years ago when his call for me to go into ministry met me in my prayers.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Journeyman
What's really exciting and nerve wracking is that I'm about to travel alone for the first time in six years. Going to school doesn't count because that's just driving 3 hours south, and I usually did it with someone anyway.
The last time I ventured to Vancouver alone was when I interned at UrbanPromise. I'm a very different person than I was then, and it's also unfortunate that UrbanPromise Vancouver no longer exists. That organization was one of the pinnacle moments for me in my life's ministry.
I'll be taking off at around 6:30pm tonight to Vancouver for a much different purpose. I'll be in Vancouver for 10 days, mostly for "work" related things.
This upcoming weekend, I'll be speaking at Westwood Alliance's summer camp down in Cedar Springs. I was told that the resort is really nice, so I'm looking forward to staying there. Preparing these talks have been difficult because I've needed to prepare 4 talks rather than just 1. On top of that, my primary purpose for being at this camp is to speak, and speak to many people who I'll be meeting for the first time and likely the last as well. What I've noticed is that a lot of what I've prepared for so far (I'm not done yet), is that a lot of what I'm going through in my season of life ends up in these talks. What I've learned from studying and reading has also affected the way I've lived life as well. Personally, I think every sermon should begin like this: we have to be ministered to by the message first, otherwise it diminishes the effect it would have on the people listening. So far, so good - though I'm sure there will be many times I don't feel this way.
After the camp, I'm going to be spending the week contacting churches and such. People ask me if I'll go buy anything, go to parks, or whatever. I want to, and the temptation is there, but I need to remind myself that it will have to wait. However, my cousin convinced me to go to an amusement park this week (I'm assuming the PNE). All it took was "roller coaster"; I'm not even someone that really enjoys them.
I haven't been to Vancouver in two years, and there's always that anticipation from me that wonders what has changed to the place and the people I know. I know I've changed, so I guess it goes both ways.
Here's to hoping it's a very productive couple weeks for me; my immediate future could very well hinge on these next days.
The last time I ventured to Vancouver alone was when I interned at UrbanPromise. I'm a very different person than I was then, and it's also unfortunate that UrbanPromise Vancouver no longer exists. That organization was one of the pinnacle moments for me in my life's ministry.
I'll be taking off at around 6:30pm tonight to Vancouver for a much different purpose. I'll be in Vancouver for 10 days, mostly for "work" related things.
This upcoming weekend, I'll be speaking at Westwood Alliance's summer camp down in Cedar Springs. I was told that the resort is really nice, so I'm looking forward to staying there. Preparing these talks have been difficult because I've needed to prepare 4 talks rather than just 1. On top of that, my primary purpose for being at this camp is to speak, and speak to many people who I'll be meeting for the first time and likely the last as well. What I've noticed is that a lot of what I've prepared for so far (I'm not done yet), is that a lot of what I'm going through in my season of life ends up in these talks. What I've learned from studying and reading has also affected the way I've lived life as well. Personally, I think every sermon should begin like this: we have to be ministered to by the message first, otherwise it diminishes the effect it would have on the people listening. So far, so good - though I'm sure there will be many times I don't feel this way.
After the camp, I'm going to be spending the week contacting churches and such. People ask me if I'll go buy anything, go to parks, or whatever. I want to, and the temptation is there, but I need to remind myself that it will have to wait. However, my cousin convinced me to go to an amusement park this week (I'm assuming the PNE). All it took was "roller coaster"; I'm not even someone that really enjoys them.
I haven't been to Vancouver in two years, and there's always that anticipation from me that wonders what has changed to the place and the people I know. I know I've changed, so I guess it goes both ways.
Here's to hoping it's a very productive couple weeks for me; my immediate future could very well hinge on these next days.
Wednesday, July 2, 2014
The Unvealing
Man, it's July! What in the.. what?!
This is absolutely crazy, the fact that summer is suddenly in full fledge. I'm currently sitting in my room after spending a day being roasted by the sun - my face hurts. Our church is doing our soccer camps this week, and I've loved every minute of it. I miss working with AIA so much, so this really brings back the joy that I find when I get to play soccer with a bunch of kids all while telling them about God. In all honesty, if my summer and fall time wasn't so unstable and unpredictable, I probably would've wanted to coach again this summer. However, with the plans already set in place for this summer, I'm glad that I chose the path that I did. I probably won't ever get a chance to coach for AIA again, but I would push very hard, wherever I'm working, to get AIA to come to the church.
We also had our bi-annual summer camp this past weekend. To put it plainly, summer camp is just so great for us. I've never ever seen our group of people be so engaged in anything else than I have at summer camp. Add to the fact that I was on the worship team again (not actually leading - the first time in close to 10 years), I was front and center in seeing the response of everyone there. I absolutely loved this weekend. This camp was also probably the first time where there were more people I didn't know than ones I did. Ps. Neil is a fantastic speaker; he is so good at painting pictures for us to relate to. The way he spoke was simple and straight forward; everything had a purpose in the way he said it. I definitely took some notes and will be borrowing from the way he delivers.
So here's the two big news items that I've been keeping to myself for the past couple weeks.
I'm in talks with two churches to potentially become their English pastor. There are pros and cons to both. Both of the congregations are really small, but I'd rather work in a small church. The one I really want to go to, the downside, is that they're only looking for a part-time pastor. So when I go down to speak at Westwood Alliance's summer camp, I will be visiting the church to get a sense of where they're going. The other church is slightly bigger, and I'm also open to looking at potentially working there. I really hope I'm able to begin my career at one of these churches because I've been searching for almost half a year, and this was the first time where I found the job and thought to myself that I really want to do this. And, if it does end up being the part-time one, I don't think it's the biggest deal. Sure, living in Vancouver is way too expensive, and I probably wouldn't be able to afford to live there on my own with a part time job, but if God wills, he provides.
The other exciting thing that I mentioned last post banked on me getting a job by September. Circumstances lead to the opportunity for me to officiate my first wedding. Yep, so far I am tentatively going to be the officiator for Olivia and Chris' wedding in September. Crazy, right?! I can't even believe it. From what I've gathered so far, this wedding will be pretty stinkin' awesome, and for them to ask me to be a part of it in such a big role probably means as much to me as getting married does for them (okay, it doesn't, but it's close!). To be quite honest, I don't really know how I'm going to do the message part other than to look at what the Bible says because I'm freakin' single, dude. But that's not going to stop me from going all out on this; they deserve the best I that I have to offer.
That's about it! This was probably the most insight-packed, progress-made blog post I've had in a long while, so I hope that you, who are reading this, is as excited about life as I am. My life is about to change drastically in a matter of months, potentially weeks. It would be an honor if you joined me on this journey, even if only by reading my blog!
Anyways, time to hit the sack and get roasted by the sun some more tomorrow!
This is absolutely crazy, the fact that summer is suddenly in full fledge. I'm currently sitting in my room after spending a day being roasted by the sun - my face hurts. Our church is doing our soccer camps this week, and I've loved every minute of it. I miss working with AIA so much, so this really brings back the joy that I find when I get to play soccer with a bunch of kids all while telling them about God. In all honesty, if my summer and fall time wasn't so unstable and unpredictable, I probably would've wanted to coach again this summer. However, with the plans already set in place for this summer, I'm glad that I chose the path that I did. I probably won't ever get a chance to coach for AIA again, but I would push very hard, wherever I'm working, to get AIA to come to the church.
We also had our bi-annual summer camp this past weekend. To put it plainly, summer camp is just so great for us. I've never ever seen our group of people be so engaged in anything else than I have at summer camp. Add to the fact that I was on the worship team again (not actually leading - the first time in close to 10 years), I was front and center in seeing the response of everyone there. I absolutely loved this weekend. This camp was also probably the first time where there were more people I didn't know than ones I did. Ps. Neil is a fantastic speaker; he is so good at painting pictures for us to relate to. The way he spoke was simple and straight forward; everything had a purpose in the way he said it. I definitely took some notes and will be borrowing from the way he delivers.
So here's the two big news items that I've been keeping to myself for the past couple weeks.
I'm in talks with two churches to potentially become their English pastor. There are pros and cons to both. Both of the congregations are really small, but I'd rather work in a small church. The one I really want to go to, the downside, is that they're only looking for a part-time pastor. So when I go down to speak at Westwood Alliance's summer camp, I will be visiting the church to get a sense of where they're going. The other church is slightly bigger, and I'm also open to looking at potentially working there. I really hope I'm able to begin my career at one of these churches because I've been searching for almost half a year, and this was the first time where I found the job and thought to myself that I really want to do this. And, if it does end up being the part-time one, I don't think it's the biggest deal. Sure, living in Vancouver is way too expensive, and I probably wouldn't be able to afford to live there on my own with a part time job, but if God wills, he provides.
The other exciting thing that I mentioned last post banked on me getting a job by September. Circumstances lead to the opportunity for me to officiate my first wedding. Yep, so far I am tentatively going to be the officiator for Olivia and Chris' wedding in September. Crazy, right?! I can't even believe it. From what I've gathered so far, this wedding will be pretty stinkin' awesome, and for them to ask me to be a part of it in such a big role probably means as much to me as getting married does for them (okay, it doesn't, but it's close!). To be quite honest, I don't really know how I'm going to do the message part other than to look at what the Bible says because I'm freakin' single, dude. But that's not going to stop me from going all out on this; they deserve the best I that I have to offer.
That's about it! This was probably the most insight-packed, progress-made blog post I've had in a long while, so I hope that you, who are reading this, is as excited about life as I am. My life is about to change drastically in a matter of months, potentially weeks. It would be an honor if you joined me on this journey, even if only by reading my blog!
Anyways, time to hit the sack and get roasted by the sun some more tomorrow!
Saturday, June 14, 2014
Getting Away
Alright! I'm feeling pretty good after coming home from our brief five day trip to Radium, BC. The last time I went out of town with my family was two years ago when my mom turned 50. From what I can remember, we spent two weeks in Vancouver, did a bunch of things, and came back for school. I am so blessed to be able to have the family and extended family that I have. We, as a whole, have been blessed so much by God and just to be so gifted in more or less everything we do is a great honour and privilege.
This time around, we decided to do a trip in early June because it's the first time the three of us are done school at the end of April. I definitely understand the difficulties in planning family vacations now. Add another fact that each of us are have varying differences in the things we want to do. In the past, it used to be my parents planned the trip, and we did whatever they planned. Now that we're older and more independent, my parents give us more freedom to recommend things. But because we all like different things, trying to arrive at a conclusion is hard because we want to be accommodating, but at the same time push for the things we want. LOL.
Either way, this brief trip was so needed for me. On the Thursday, randomly, my parents thought maybe going to Vancouver would be a better idea. I love Vancouver, but I cannot spend only five days there, especially given that our cousins still have work and school to do. So we ended up doing the Radium trip.
When we departed on Sunday morning, my family wanted to go to a mega church and an Alliance church. So I only had one suggestion, First Alliance in Calgary. I hadn't gone to that church in over a year, so it was a nice time being able to attend their service again.
Later the day, we arrived in Radium, and I'm pretty sure we brought the average age of the town down by about ten years. Since it was Sunday night, anyone that would've been in Radium would be going home, leaving only the old folks and family/business owners there. The town was ghost-ish, so I didn't really feel that great about the trip.
On Monday, we drove down to the Invermere area to explore. Then, after some hard work of persuasion, we went up to a par 3 nine hole golf course. I was so stoked to be able to actually play a full 9. Having worked at a golf course over a summer, I never had the opportunity to play a full course before; the only time I got to hit the ball was on some quiet or rainy days when the course was empty. Since golf isn't really a sport you can just pick up, my family had some hesitations about going because we knew we'd look pathetic. And we did; after spending 45 minutes on the first hole, and me trying to teach my family how to hold the club and how to hit the ball, we had all successfully sunk our first hole! Halfway through that hole, I knew my family felt defeated and ready to pack it in, so I did my best just to encourage them to have fun and forget about technique and all that stuff. I'm glad I did, because I think we actually ended up having a great time! We spent a total of three hours on the golf course, and I hit a +17.
After the golf, you guessed it, we went back to our motel to watch hockey.
On Tuesday morning, we drove an hour up to Golden, BC, to go white water rafting. I think we felt hesitant for this one too because we're not the greatest swimmers, and quite frankly, being swept away by water is scary for anyone. When we were down at the dock to load onto our rafts, I think I could hear my mom shivering in her gear behind me. I, myself, was slightly shaky for the first bit because I hadn't done any rafting in a few years either, so I had to get over the initial jitters. Then, about half an hour later, and somewhere down the river, I was just exhausted from sitting in the front getting splashed on and having to paddle the damn raft when everything was hurting! All in all, I'm so glad my mom ended up braving up and going down the river with us; it would not have been the same without her.
To finish off the day, we went back to Radium and just soaked in the hot springs for an hour or so, then got some ice cream. What an awesome way to end the day!
Finally, to finish off the trip on Wednesday, we drove out to Banff just to take an easier day in walking around the town and watching hockey. On Thursday morning, we drove out back to Calgary and spent a few hours at Cross Iron Mills, where I bought two pairs of shorts, before coming back to Edmonton.
Now that I'm back home, I realize that I'm closing in on two months since finishing my degree. I'm just beginning to discover that the "summer off" that I wanted really isn't going to be a summer off. I'm facing the constant pressure and stress of having to find a church to work at, having people ask me to do this and do that. While I love being with and helping people, I didn't expect much of it. I thought it'd be a low key summer for me, but I guess I should've known better. It's all good, in the end.
I'm really excited, looking ahead to September for a first that will happen for me. I won't disclose what it is yet because it's not confirmed/finalized, but assuming that everything works out, I'm going to be taking part of my first real task that comes with the territory of being a pastor; and I cannot WAIT!
How about that Spain-Netherlands game, though.
This time around, we decided to do a trip in early June because it's the first time the three of us are done school at the end of April. I definitely understand the difficulties in planning family vacations now. Add another fact that each of us are have varying differences in the things we want to do. In the past, it used to be my parents planned the trip, and we did whatever they planned. Now that we're older and more independent, my parents give us more freedom to recommend things. But because we all like different things, trying to arrive at a conclusion is hard because we want to be accommodating, but at the same time push for the things we want. LOL.
Either way, this brief trip was so needed for me. On the Thursday, randomly, my parents thought maybe going to Vancouver would be a better idea. I love Vancouver, but I cannot spend only five days there, especially given that our cousins still have work and school to do. So we ended up doing the Radium trip.
When we departed on Sunday morning, my family wanted to go to a mega church and an Alliance church. So I only had one suggestion, First Alliance in Calgary. I hadn't gone to that church in over a year, so it was a nice time being able to attend their service again.
Later the day, we arrived in Radium, and I'm pretty sure we brought the average age of the town down by about ten years. Since it was Sunday night, anyone that would've been in Radium would be going home, leaving only the old folks and family/business owners there. The town was ghost-ish, so I didn't really feel that great about the trip.
On Monday, we drove down to the Invermere area to explore. Then, after some hard work of persuasion, we went up to a par 3 nine hole golf course. I was so stoked to be able to actually play a full 9. Having worked at a golf course over a summer, I never had the opportunity to play a full course before; the only time I got to hit the ball was on some quiet or rainy days when the course was empty. Since golf isn't really a sport you can just pick up, my family had some hesitations about going because we knew we'd look pathetic. And we did; after spending 45 minutes on the first hole, and me trying to teach my family how to hold the club and how to hit the ball, we had all successfully sunk our first hole! Halfway through that hole, I knew my family felt defeated and ready to pack it in, so I did my best just to encourage them to have fun and forget about technique and all that stuff. I'm glad I did, because I think we actually ended up having a great time! We spent a total of three hours on the golf course, and I hit a +17.
After the golf, you guessed it, we went back to our motel to watch hockey.
On Tuesday morning, we drove an hour up to Golden, BC, to go white water rafting. I think we felt hesitant for this one too because we're not the greatest swimmers, and quite frankly, being swept away by water is scary for anyone. When we were down at the dock to load onto our rafts, I think I could hear my mom shivering in her gear behind me. I, myself, was slightly shaky for the first bit because I hadn't done any rafting in a few years either, so I had to get over the initial jitters. Then, about half an hour later, and somewhere down the river, I was just exhausted from sitting in the front getting splashed on and having to paddle the damn raft when everything was hurting! All in all, I'm so glad my mom ended up braving up and going down the river with us; it would not have been the same without her.
To finish off the day, we went back to Radium and just soaked in the hot springs for an hour or so, then got some ice cream. What an awesome way to end the day!
Finally, to finish off the trip on Wednesday, we drove out to Banff just to take an easier day in walking around the town and watching hockey. On Thursday morning, we drove out back to Calgary and spent a few hours at Cross Iron Mills, where I bought two pairs of shorts, before coming back to Edmonton.
Now that I'm back home, I realize that I'm closing in on two months since finishing my degree. I'm just beginning to discover that the "summer off" that I wanted really isn't going to be a summer off. I'm facing the constant pressure and stress of having to find a church to work at, having people ask me to do this and do that. While I love being with and helping people, I didn't expect much of it. I thought it'd be a low key summer for me, but I guess I should've known better. It's all good, in the end.
I'm really excited, looking ahead to September for a first that will happen for me. I won't disclose what it is yet because it's not confirmed/finalized, but assuming that everything works out, I'm going to be taking part of my first real task that comes with the territory of being a pastor; and I cannot WAIT!
How about that Spain-Netherlands game, though.
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Biding Time
Hi! Hey! Hello!
Nice to meet you. I am terrible, I haven't blogged in almost a month, but you can call me Nathan! Unfortunately, not blogging is largely because I don't have much to blog about, meaning I haven't done, or even attempted to do, much. To be honest, I don't have much to say now either, so maybe I'll just tell you what you probably know.
First things first, I've watched a few more movies since the last blog. I think I watched more movies in the month of May than I have in all of 2012 and 2013 combined. One thing I love, though, is that I can always learn something from movies that directors attempt to relay to viewers. I appreciate that even some of the most pointless movies can have something decent - there are exceptions, of course.
Well, I can also say that I've officially preached my first sermon at my home church. Almost two weeks later, I still don't know how I feel about it. I'm afraid to confess that the entire time, it seemed like I couldn't really connect with the congregation; it felt like I was preaching inside of a box or a vacuum. People told me that they thought I did well, so I guess that they're just either being nice or that some part of my message did get through. It was an altogether strange experience for me. I normally feel pretty down after preaching, but this time wasn't all that bad. I just hope that what my impression of the sermon is a one-off. Overall, I'd put the sermon somewhere in the middle of all the times I've preached, in terms of how well it went. I always pray that if the message can touch at least one person, then the job is done, so hopefully that's what occurred.
Next, my family will embark on a five day trip to Radium in BC! We leave Sunday and come back Thursday, I think. I'm really stoked to get away for a while because coming home has grown a bit numb for me.
Speaking of coming home, I really feel my time of being at home for extended time is done. It's become so evident that when I'm home, I fall back into old habits and the old persona of who I am or was before I left. So I find myself not really being the person that I'd become during my time away. It sucks because this makes me somewhat of a two-face, but I guess if I'm just like this all the time, then it isn't really being two-faced, it's just me not being me. LOL. I really do think I've matured a whole lot as a person, but being where I am now just kind of brings back that side of me and I'm not really the person I've grown to be. So when I do or say something that is immature or inappropriate, I catch myself and get upset because I know that I've put these things behind so they shouldn't be resurfacing.
Anyhow! If you're wondering about my job search, I'm still stuck in a bit of a rut because I don't really know exactly what it is I'm looking for in a church. In the past, I've sort of listed out the preferences, described the scenarios I want, etc., but we all know that if God says differently, none of it matters. So I'm, in a sense, scared to say that "this" is what I want or that there is a certain role I want to get into. However, I also know that if I don't actively look for churches, I won't know when I come across the "right" one. So it works both ways, it's all up to me.
In the end, I don't think I really said anything. I'm just simply biding time until things happen. I'm still stuck, and beginning to feel numb. So this means I should probably do something with myself. Although, I am really looking forward to summer camp! World cup also starts next week, so I'll have things to occupy my time with again!
Nice to meet you. I am terrible, I haven't blogged in almost a month, but you can call me Nathan! Unfortunately, not blogging is largely because I don't have much to blog about, meaning I haven't done, or even attempted to do, much. To be honest, I don't have much to say now either, so maybe I'll just tell you what you probably know.
First things first, I've watched a few more movies since the last blog. I think I watched more movies in the month of May than I have in all of 2012 and 2013 combined. One thing I love, though, is that I can always learn something from movies that directors attempt to relay to viewers. I appreciate that even some of the most pointless movies can have something decent - there are exceptions, of course.
Well, I can also say that I've officially preached my first sermon at my home church. Almost two weeks later, I still don't know how I feel about it. I'm afraid to confess that the entire time, it seemed like I couldn't really connect with the congregation; it felt like I was preaching inside of a box or a vacuum. People told me that they thought I did well, so I guess that they're just either being nice or that some part of my message did get through. It was an altogether strange experience for me. I normally feel pretty down after preaching, but this time wasn't all that bad. I just hope that what my impression of the sermon is a one-off. Overall, I'd put the sermon somewhere in the middle of all the times I've preached, in terms of how well it went. I always pray that if the message can touch at least one person, then the job is done, so hopefully that's what occurred.
Next, my family will embark on a five day trip to Radium in BC! We leave Sunday and come back Thursday, I think. I'm really stoked to get away for a while because coming home has grown a bit numb for me.
Speaking of coming home, I really feel my time of being at home for extended time is done. It's become so evident that when I'm home, I fall back into old habits and the old persona of who I am or was before I left. So I find myself not really being the person that I'd become during my time away. It sucks because this makes me somewhat of a two-face, but I guess if I'm just like this all the time, then it isn't really being two-faced, it's just me not being me. LOL. I really do think I've matured a whole lot as a person, but being where I am now just kind of brings back that side of me and I'm not really the person I've grown to be. So when I do or say something that is immature or inappropriate, I catch myself and get upset because I know that I've put these things behind so they shouldn't be resurfacing.
Anyhow! If you're wondering about my job search, I'm still stuck in a bit of a rut because I don't really know exactly what it is I'm looking for in a church. In the past, I've sort of listed out the preferences, described the scenarios I want, etc., but we all know that if God says differently, none of it matters. So I'm, in a sense, scared to say that "this" is what I want or that there is a certain role I want to get into. However, I also know that if I don't actively look for churches, I won't know when I come across the "right" one. So it works both ways, it's all up to me.
In the end, I don't think I really said anything. I'm just simply biding time until things happen. I'm still stuck, and beginning to feel numb. So this means I should probably do something with myself. Although, I am really looking forward to summer camp! World cup also starts next week, so I'll have things to occupy my time with again!
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Awaiting the Day
Hello! I'm still alive, just differently. I've just emerged from my two weeks of doing absolutely nothing, and life is good.
What did I do throughout my two weeks? Well, not much, to be honest. I probably spoiled myself by not waking up until noon pretty much everyday. I wish I was able to say that I did something exciting, but I basically woke up each day, sat around doing a bunch of random things until it was time to watch hockey or play some games. Completely avoiding the job searching was difficult though, because pretty much everyone I reconnect with has asked me about "what next?" Many of the folks here asked me to come back to pastor at NEAC, and I am thankful that they respect my desire to go elsewhere for my first job, having open arms for me if I ever wanted to come back.
Where will that elsewhere be, you ask? That's a great question! I know where I want to go, as I've mentioned multiple times, but I'll have to see what situations arise. I've been contacted by a bigger church in Saskatoon about a worship pastor position, so I'm currently in conversation with their lead pastor. From what I'm able to grasp right now, I think I will probably have to choose between doing worship or youth, at least to start. If it were up to me, I feel strangely that I somewhat lean more towards youth. It may be because I don't really feel qualified to be a worship pastor. I've been starting to move away from worship pastor because, at this point in time, my style of leadership wouldn't suit an environment that doesn't prefer a more relaxed, laid back, and open ended worship. Music is so strange that there are so many demands of rules and structure, and yet at the same time, some of the greatest musicians break a lot of these rules. I'm more of the person that breaks the rules, which would drive some others crazy. And because I so heavily emphasize discipleship, I want to be able to look at the broader context rather and a specific ministry. I love to lead worship for fun, but in the days where I see it merely as a job will scare me.
So there's that...
I watched The Amazing Spiderman 2 and Captain America 2 in the theatres over the last week, and I must say that they were both good. Some people ripped Spiderman to pieces, but I didn't mind it at all. Those people that harp so much on the movie are just anal - we'll leave it at that. So many people see themselves as such "experts" that they can't even go enjoy a movie in the theatres with friends/family: the very reason why a lot of us go watch movies to begin with.
I'm also leading worship for a revival meeting this upcoming Saturday at church. I haven't lead worship with a full band in almost two years, so practice tonight felt new to me; thanks to the incredible competence of my friends' musical abilities, I didn't have much trouble picking up my worship leading.
Finally, I am infinitely glad that Spring has arrived for good! Going outside with the sun and warm weather just makes my heart so happy. Haha.
What did I do throughout my two weeks? Well, not much, to be honest. I probably spoiled myself by not waking up until noon pretty much everyday. I wish I was able to say that I did something exciting, but I basically woke up each day, sat around doing a bunch of random things until it was time to watch hockey or play some games. Completely avoiding the job searching was difficult though, because pretty much everyone I reconnect with has asked me about "what next?" Many of the folks here asked me to come back to pastor at NEAC, and I am thankful that they respect my desire to go elsewhere for my first job, having open arms for me if I ever wanted to come back.
Where will that elsewhere be, you ask? That's a great question! I know where I want to go, as I've mentioned multiple times, but I'll have to see what situations arise. I've been contacted by a bigger church in Saskatoon about a worship pastor position, so I'm currently in conversation with their lead pastor. From what I'm able to grasp right now, I think I will probably have to choose between doing worship or youth, at least to start. If it were up to me, I feel strangely that I somewhat lean more towards youth. It may be because I don't really feel qualified to be a worship pastor. I've been starting to move away from worship pastor because, at this point in time, my style of leadership wouldn't suit an environment that doesn't prefer a more relaxed, laid back, and open ended worship. Music is so strange that there are so many demands of rules and structure, and yet at the same time, some of the greatest musicians break a lot of these rules. I'm more of the person that breaks the rules, which would drive some others crazy. And because I so heavily emphasize discipleship, I want to be able to look at the broader context rather and a specific ministry. I love to lead worship for fun, but in the days where I see it merely as a job will scare me.
So there's that...
I watched The Amazing Spiderman 2 and Captain America 2 in the theatres over the last week, and I must say that they were both good. Some people ripped Spiderman to pieces, but I didn't mind it at all. Those people that harp so much on the movie are just anal - we'll leave it at that. So many people see themselves as such "experts" that they can't even go enjoy a movie in the theatres with friends/family: the very reason why a lot of us go watch movies to begin with.
I'm also leading worship for a revival meeting this upcoming Saturday at church. I haven't lead worship with a full band in almost two years, so practice tonight felt new to me; thanks to the incredible competence of my friends' musical abilities, I didn't have much trouble picking up my worship leading.
Finally, I am infinitely glad that Spring has arrived for good! Going outside with the sun and warm weather just makes my heart so happy. Haha.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
A New Day
I think I'm still in a state of disbelief that my schooling is done. I don't feel like I'm done, which is probably a good thing because it means I'm still willing to learn, but I believe the whole thing about "sinking in" won't happen until I actually start working. So then that means I'm left in this stage of limbo of my mind saying to me "I think I'm done." I've never been done school before, so this is totally new. Because I've never encountered this before, my brain and body keeps telling me that this break is all temporary and I need to find a summer job until school starts again in September. However, I know that this is not the case anymore. I actually wondered if I still needed to find a summer job. In all honesty, I probably could find a part time job to tie me over until I find a church, but I don't know if that's even necessary or if employers would hire me if I tell them that I'm working until I find an actual job.
You can probably tell what's sort of going through my head in that it's been almost a week of coming home and I haven't reflected and evaluated the end of my education, let alone blog about it. With the week that's gone by, I've basically done two things that (at least I, myself) find interesting. I bought a game for 60 bucks, played a couple hours of it, and don't really like it (don't worry, I'll still finish it). The second one is that I watched a music video of a song I've been listening to a lot recently, and realizing just how dark the song actually is now that I've watched the video. I thought it was just a song about putting the past behind you and moving on - boy, was I wrong.
Yeah, that's about it; pretty lame, I know. I'm also in a bit of conflict about unpacking all my things. I normally don't really unpack when I come home for summers because I know I'll just need to throw everything in boxes/bags again. Going down to Calgary was a big move, but my next one will be even bigger: I'll basically be vacating my spot in the house for good. As you can see, I'm stuck and not sure what to do with myself.
Furthermore, I keep getting asked, as expected, about potential churches - and even a wife, believe it or not - but I have to do my best to keep to what I said I'd do. I've been home for less than a week and I'm already feeling the pressure to go find a job, even after I said that I'm going to take two weeks completely off and that my goal is to be in a church by the Fall. It's difficult to try to go at my own pace when my pace gets swallowed up by the rest of the world's pace. Knowing me, though, it's not too difficult for me to take some time off. I just usually do it begrudingly, knowing I should probably be doing something productive.
So there you have it, a graduated student who's gone home for about a week, completely clueless as to what he is to do with himself during this time of transition. Nevertheless, tomorrow is a brand new day that I am extremely excited yet nervous about!
Now if only the weather would be warm enough to play soccer...
You can probably tell what's sort of going through my head in that it's been almost a week of coming home and I haven't reflected and evaluated the end of my education, let alone blog about it. With the week that's gone by, I've basically done two things that (at least I, myself) find interesting. I bought a game for 60 bucks, played a couple hours of it, and don't really like it (don't worry, I'll still finish it). The second one is that I watched a music video of a song I've been listening to a lot recently, and realizing just how dark the song actually is now that I've watched the video. I thought it was just a song about putting the past behind you and moving on - boy, was I wrong.
Yeah, that's about it; pretty lame, I know. I'm also in a bit of conflict about unpacking all my things. I normally don't really unpack when I come home for summers because I know I'll just need to throw everything in boxes/bags again. Going down to Calgary was a big move, but my next one will be even bigger: I'll basically be vacating my spot in the house for good. As you can see, I'm stuck and not sure what to do with myself.
Furthermore, I keep getting asked, as expected, about potential churches - and even a wife, believe it or not - but I have to do my best to keep to what I said I'd do. I've been home for less than a week and I'm already feeling the pressure to go find a job, even after I said that I'm going to take two weeks completely off and that my goal is to be in a church by the Fall. It's difficult to try to go at my own pace when my pace gets swallowed up by the rest of the world's pace. Knowing me, though, it's not too difficult for me to take some time off. I just usually do it begrudingly, knowing I should probably be doing something productive.
So there you have it, a graduated student who's gone home for about a week, completely clueless as to what he is to do with himself during this time of transition. Nevertheless, tomorrow is a brand new day that I am extremely excited yet nervous about!
Now if only the weather would be warm enough to play soccer...
Monday, April 21, 2014
Hi, My Name Is
What do I do with myself now? Everyone is pretty much gone, away with their summers, and here I am. However, there is one thing I can say that I've been looking forward to saying for a long time: I'm done! We normally like to celebrate by saying that we're done at the end of the school year, but for me, this time I mean it differently - my degree is now completed.
Okay. So, now what? I don't know, that's why I asked. I anticipate that I will be spending the next couple days in limbo, unsure of what to do with myself. Well, I went to church yesterday, so that's a start. For this week, though, there are literally no demands of me to do anything. Quite frankly, I think I'd rather not do anything. I know people will be asking me if there are churches that I've talked to, interviews to look forward to, but I can say without any regret, hesitation, or sense of urgency that there are no churches I'm looking at. I'm going to enjoy this - not everyone complete university degrees, and I'm so stoked that I managed it without any major setbacks.
So while I live in my own little bliss over the next few days before graduation, I'm looking ahead to see what's in store.
No, I haven't had any real discussions with any churches. I've looked at a couple and sent out some the standard preliminary greetings, but I don't think that any of them will really materialize. As I stand right now, I haven't been getting any strong pulls towards any place or any church, this considering that I haven't looked extensively yet. Furthermore, I think I'm going to take my time with this one. I'm not going to be in too much of a rush to find a job. I really, really think that this is worth enjoying and celebrating that I'm done. I would go as far as saying that the fact I'm done school is a miracle because there is no way I'd have ended up here without the guidance and leading of God. So because this is such a major milestone that I've arrived at, I'm not going to rush things; I'm going to celebrate and praise the Lord for being so good to me. People are so quick to panic looking for work, trying to "secure" a place that they overlook, or even forget, that being certified in anything is rather respectable and should be acknowledged.
I know where I want to go, but I'm not going to put a ceiling on where or what God can do for me. As I wait in anticipation for the next chapter of my life to start, I will simply prepare myself for the time that comes for me to introduce myself, saying, "Hi, my name is..."
And the rest will be history.
Okay. So, now what? I don't know, that's why I asked. I anticipate that I will be spending the next couple days in limbo, unsure of what to do with myself. Well, I went to church yesterday, so that's a start. For this week, though, there are literally no demands of me to do anything. Quite frankly, I think I'd rather not do anything. I know people will be asking me if there are churches that I've talked to, interviews to look forward to, but I can say without any regret, hesitation, or sense of urgency that there are no churches I'm looking at. I'm going to enjoy this - not everyone complete university degrees, and I'm so stoked that I managed it without any major setbacks.
So while I live in my own little bliss over the next few days before graduation, I'm looking ahead to see what's in store.
No, I haven't had any real discussions with any churches. I've looked at a couple and sent out some the standard preliminary greetings, but I don't think that any of them will really materialize. As I stand right now, I haven't been getting any strong pulls towards any place or any church, this considering that I haven't looked extensively yet. Furthermore, I think I'm going to take my time with this one. I'm not going to be in too much of a rush to find a job. I really, really think that this is worth enjoying and celebrating that I'm done. I would go as far as saying that the fact I'm done school is a miracle because there is no way I'd have ended up here without the guidance and leading of God. So because this is such a major milestone that I've arrived at, I'm not going to rush things; I'm going to celebrate and praise the Lord for being so good to me. People are so quick to panic looking for work, trying to "secure" a place that they overlook, or even forget, that being certified in anything is rather respectable and should be acknowledged.
I know where I want to go, but I'm not going to put a ceiling on where or what God can do for me. As I wait in anticipation for the next chapter of my life to start, I will simply prepare myself for the time that comes for me to introduce myself, saying, "Hi, my name is..."
And the rest will be history.
Friday, April 11, 2014
Evolution
I gave up on studying for tonight. For any that are interested, my English Literature class' final is tomorrow. For those that are really interested, I'm not confident going into the exam because I really cannot recall learning anything in class since the middle of February - like, I am completely clueless of any material that's going to be on the exam.
Anyways, my purpose for blogging tonight is a different reason. I spent the last half hour or so going back to the year of 2009. I read all my blog posts in January and February, and if you were to go read those posts, aside from all the silliness that I am, you would also notice the sudden drastic change of my character shortly after my 18th birthday. For much of January, I felt lost and confused, unable to be at rest about my life. Then, after my birthday, all of a sudden I became a totally different person.
If you haven't clued in already, that was the time of my life when I met God's call for me to ministry face to face. I really didn't know what going to bible college and doing full-time ministry would entail at that time, but I seemed to carry this confidence, a new spark, in me that was so sure of where God was leading me. I look back at that period of time and sometimes wished that I had that type of confidence again. Nevertheless, where I am now in relation to where I was then is a miracle.
It is absolutely amazing how coming face to face, a dramatic encounter, with God can so drastically change someone's life. I can't even come to believe that I had gone through that kind of radical change in such a way that it happened. Rest assured, today I am able to more clearly define, and even confirm, that a call to the vocation of ministry is an inescapable call. Being a pastor wasn't something I had chosen like I would've if I wanted to be a music producer or a teacher. Throughout my four years at Ambrose, I've learned that for those that God calls into ministry, it's unlike any other career. I mean, you could say that ultimately I got to choose whether or not I actually wanted to become a pastor, but with how things unfolded and placed together, I probably would've chosen to be a pastor again 100% of the time. That is how confident I am in God's call for me to be in ministry. Being a pastor, like I already said, isn't one job of many that I can choose, it is the role that God has prepared and equipped my life for. I would not have it any other way.
With all that's been said, my amazement doesn't seize as I have now essentially graduated. As long as I don't randomly not show up for my three finals, I will be able to walk the stage on the 26th as a sign of perhaps the greatest accomplishment of my life. Like I said, when I go back to those few months, even as early as late 2008, I cannot believe that I am here - it is all too surreal.
And all of this is by God's grace. God decided to take a shy, heavily introverted, timid, stubborn, selfish, scrawny, and ignorant kid that had absolutely no confidence and turned him into someone who now sees himself as the way God created him to be. It's amazing, and quite frankly baffling, that God would choose me; but I'm so glad he did.
Good luck to everyone writing finals in the next couple weeks! Study hard, and make sure to get good rest.
Anyways, my purpose for blogging tonight is a different reason. I spent the last half hour or so going back to the year of 2009. I read all my blog posts in January and February, and if you were to go read those posts, aside from all the silliness that I am, you would also notice the sudden drastic change of my character shortly after my 18th birthday. For much of January, I felt lost and confused, unable to be at rest about my life. Then, after my birthday, all of a sudden I became a totally different person.
If you haven't clued in already, that was the time of my life when I met God's call for me to ministry face to face. I really didn't know what going to bible college and doing full-time ministry would entail at that time, but I seemed to carry this confidence, a new spark, in me that was so sure of where God was leading me. I look back at that period of time and sometimes wished that I had that type of confidence again. Nevertheless, where I am now in relation to where I was then is a miracle.
It is absolutely amazing how coming face to face, a dramatic encounter, with God can so drastically change someone's life. I can't even come to believe that I had gone through that kind of radical change in such a way that it happened. Rest assured, today I am able to more clearly define, and even confirm, that a call to the vocation of ministry is an inescapable call. Being a pastor wasn't something I had chosen like I would've if I wanted to be a music producer or a teacher. Throughout my four years at Ambrose, I've learned that for those that God calls into ministry, it's unlike any other career. I mean, you could say that ultimately I got to choose whether or not I actually wanted to become a pastor, but with how things unfolded and placed together, I probably would've chosen to be a pastor again 100% of the time. That is how confident I am in God's call for me to be in ministry. Being a pastor, like I already said, isn't one job of many that I can choose, it is the role that God has prepared and equipped my life for. I would not have it any other way.
With all that's been said, my amazement doesn't seize as I have now essentially graduated. As long as I don't randomly not show up for my three finals, I will be able to walk the stage on the 26th as a sign of perhaps the greatest accomplishment of my life. Like I said, when I go back to those few months, even as early as late 2008, I cannot believe that I am here - it is all too surreal.
And all of this is by God's grace. God decided to take a shy, heavily introverted, timid, stubborn, selfish, scrawny, and ignorant kid that had absolutely no confidence and turned him into someone who now sees himself as the way God created him to be. It's amazing, and quite frankly baffling, that God would choose me; but I'm so glad he did.
Good luck to everyone writing finals in the next couple weeks! Study hard, and make sure to get good rest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)