Managing the Optimism

When harvest pretty much ended, we started up a new program for kids called Club DJ. It's a lot like AWANA and the pioneer clubs that we find across churches throughout the country. Since I'm heading this program up, I get to pretty much have the final say on almost anything (which is pretty cool - I'VE GOT THE POWER).

But as we all know, with great power comes great responsibility... Or, something like that. After about a month of running this ministry, I am so incredibly excited and encouraged by what we've seen in just a few short weeks. After each club, I've caught myself wishing the next one would come already. What's even more awesome is that we're nowhere near the efficiency that we should be at with running the thing yet, but the kids are still having such an amazing time.

We do it a little bit different from how AWANA has been like for me in past years. Our Club DJ runs on Tuesdays as an afternoon program type of a time slot. This works for us because Tuesday is the emptier day for extra-curricular activities in this town. We're doing it as an afterschool thing because some of the kids live out on farms, and it'd be too much of a hassle trying to get kids in and then having to drive back out if we have it as a 7:30-9 thing. So we'd finish our club at 5:15 or 5:30, and the kids can go home for supper.

One of the issues that I've had to deal with is how to manage this optimism that we are seeing right from the start. This last Tuesday, I was caught off guard and surprised at how many kids we had. Our first week started with seven kids, all regular church attenders. Then we increased by one or two each week, and suddenly we were popped with 14! While 14 still isn't that big, it was the fact that half of them were first timers. Since everybody has been getting sick the last couple weeks, we had several that weren't even able to come. So if everyone did come, we'd probably suddenly have 20.

Now, we're putting together the crafts for the kids to do. While trying to see how much of the material we need to order, we're faced with the challenge of how much of things we need to order. As already shown, by trying to be realistic, that might not work because we know what God can do to surprise us with numbers. But how optimistic can we be? We went through the possibilities of who else might come in the next couple weeks, and the range is just too big. We could technically be up to around 30 kids in two weeks. So even if we order enough for 25, which is already 10 more than our average attendance, and have 30 show up, that's going to be disastrous.

So the big decision that my team has to make is this: while we want to aim really high, prepare for the best because we know God can bring kids here, where do we draw the line from being optimistic enough to let God make use of our preparations, to that of just throwing away money that we really don't have to.

I am so glad that I am having these problems because it helps us know that these are the types of problems we want to have. These are the types of things that really help me get up in the mornings, and I am just so thankful that I get to be along for the ride here.

I think I will lean toward the thought of preparing for way more than what we deem realistic, and then having the faith in God that he will bring enough kids to be taking each one of the handbooks and crafts home.

Isaiah 40 -

²⁸ Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

What I Never Actually Said

I was as prepared as I could be. I swore I was ready to preach today. Even though I had one of the less popular passages that you'd expect a sermon to come from, I was quite confident that I was going to deliver and show that there is still important things to take from the greeting of one of Paul's letters.

I was slotted to start off 2 Timothy. While I wasn't all that excited to preach the first five verses where Paul basically says hi to Timothy, I managed to make it work. Or, at least I thought I did.

As I was walking up after the song, I quickly ran over everything I needed to say with my mind. For whatever reason, the second I started talking, I launched right into the middle of my notes. I caught myself doing it, but I couldn't stop - I just kept talking. I even remember, somewhere in the back of my mind, thinking, "oh no, I started right in the middle? This means my sermon is going to be like all of five minutes!"

Since we were preaching through Paul's letters chronologically, we did 1 Timothy, Titus, then we started on 2 Timothy today. As there was actually quite a fascinating background to this book/letter, I was actually stoked to tell everyone all about the context, how the letter came to be, about how Paul was basically going to die right after he finished this, etc. I managed to give some of it, albeit brief and spread out over a few places.

But I had it all planned out!

I was going to talk about how this is Pauls last hurrah, his going out in a blaze of glory, or whatever you do right before you die. And then I was going to recount the journey that he had with his disciple Timothy, which lead to his reminiscing of the situation that Paul was in while he wrote the letter. It was supposed to be an epic adventure.

The entire time I talked, probably all ten minutes of it, I was so confused. Even though I managed to get to most of the applicable parts of the sermon, talking about how we need to constantly nurture our faith to keep it genuine, much of what I said wasn't actually the way it was supposed to come out.

Honestly, I don't even really remember what I said during the whole thing; and I'm almost afraid of listening to it.

So I finished up and walked off the stage rather depressed, probably visibly too. I refused to make eye contact with anyone until the service was over. After service finally did end, a few people came up to me to thank me for my message and said that it was a good one. Now, having been here for five months, I've come to learn that people here are insanely nice and gracious. So the first few people to tell me that it was a good message, I was really skeptical because I felt that they were probably just being nice. Then, the associate pastor told me that he meant it when he said it's my best sermon since coming here, and I finally felt a little relieved.

It's almost ridiculous how that works sometimes. I tell myself to say something, but whatever it is that's coming out of my mouth is not lining up with what my brain said. It drives me nuts. It confuses the crap out of me. And yet, after it's done, I am comforted by the fact that God's using me for the better. I'm reminded that I need to shut up about what I want to say and let God do the talking. It's his message after all; I'm just the person that delivers it.

So while I am perfectly fine with God doing that to me, I just wish I didn't have to feel so terrible about it. Ah well, the enemy will attack at every corner that they can. Even though it's still a sermon that I probably would rather like to forget, I'll at least know next time that this happens why it's happening.

Big Plans

Wow, it's been a crazy few weeks. I didn't even realize the last time I blogged was back in September. Granted, it's only ten days into October, but there's been a lot of things going on, so it feels like a lot of time has passed.

Exciting things with me include having finalized my winter schedule for my graduating term and having successfully applied to graduate. If everything works out the way it's supposed to, I will officially be in the work force in about half a year. I'm incredibly stoked. I know that it's going to be a very challenging road ahead, but each day that I live and learn equips me to take on that challenge.

Because I'm looking at graduating, I am also looking at jobs. I think it's agreed upon by me and several other people that I've talked to that it's a good idea for me to take a bit of time off before I seriously consider positions. I know that the searching process will almost work in my favor because a lot of churches are already needing people like me to be a pastor in their church. So in some ways, I won't be looking for a job so much as my job will be looking for me.

I was able to have a brief chat with an old friend yesterday about this job searching process, and I came away very encouraged. I asked him about people pastoring in their home church; and while I already had a good idea of an answer I'd expect to get, what he contributed to the discussion was relevent to my entire job search and not just the question I asked. I'm now a little more aware of what I'll need to be looking for when I go out to look for a church to work at, and I'm incredibly grateful. A while back, I mentioned that I'm actively pursuing what people think I am doing well as I transition into ministry and what I need to do better, kind of an overall scope of things. From this chat, it became the second time that someone has said to me that they would hire me in a heartbeat. Hearing such words is probably still the most humbling thing anyone could say to me. It's crazy to think that because I haven't even come out to work for real yet, and there are people that are confident enough in me to tell me to my face that they'd pick me up without any hesitation. In the end, I think it's just a testament to the person God has made me to be. I have so much to learn, and honestly, I'd be willing to work and learn from any of these people that have said such encouraging words to me.

We had a small group meeting today and I came away pretty challenged. One of the questions that stuck out in my mind was to ask ourselves what being a fearless Christian looks like. There were several things that we talked about during the session. And while I'm usually someone that takes a while to be able to contribute to the discussion, I kept coming back to the idea that we need to be so rooted in the person of Christ and what he did for us on the cross. It really gives me the impression that, with the endless amounts of questions that we can ask about our faith and about life in general, it almost always comes back to Jesus. I guess we aren't really wrong to say that Jesus is the answer to everything. It's about being able to recognize who we are in relation to the reason that Jesus came to this earth, and what the result of that is. It's insanely profound, really. We've heard it millions of times, but I am still moved by it every single time I take it seriously.

Are you a sinner saved by grace? Or a saint who sins occassionally?