My time at home is coming to an end pretty soon. I'll be going to Calgary on Monday and then back to Assiniboia on Tuesday to finish the last four months of my internship. It's been a fun ride so far, and I expect the rest of this time will be no less than it has been for my first few.
When you put things into perspective, it's really eye-opening - how many times have you heard this before. Looking at my time in Saskatchewan, there's a lot of things to put into consideration. For instance, this could be the only time of my entire life where I am in this province. Seven months in my life or anyone else's lives there is almost irrelevent to the span of fifty years or more. And yet, such a small amount of time can make such a big difference. Or conversely, this could be the first of many years for me in Saskatchewan. I don't know. At this very point in my life, it would not be my choice of destination to do life in for the next bunch of years, but I wouldn't turn down an opportunity if I feel it is the right one. Even for the people in this town and church who have gotten to know me, or will get to know me, it's hardly enough time, it seems, for there to be any significant impact that will last a long time for me going in as an intern. So I'm always wondering if I can play as big of a role in their lives as they do in mine. Chances are that I won't, for obvious reasons. However, I don't think this stops me from making the most of what I'm given. So because of how gracious the people here are, it works out.
Learning about the wholeness of things has been very steadily consuming my mind recently, and there are many more things that have contributed to it.
Full time ministry has taken over my life when I turned 18. So for the past four years, I've had plenty of time to think about what being in ministry will look like for me. In turn, this plays into the shaping of my philosophy of ministry, something that pretty much all my profs and mentors tell me to revisit often. I think a lot about what I would look like when I'm working in a church in the future. I'm not sure how effective I'll be, but from this point in time, I think that's to be expected. So, since looking at the start of a new career is always filled with uncertainty, there's a lot of things and factors that affect or change how I view myself in ministry. It's been better since my internship, but it's usually kind of hard trying to get a grasp of what other people think. I'm a pretty curious person, so I would love to know what other people think of me being in ministry. At one point, there was tremendous support. But the time those comments came are long gone, and I'd like to think that I'm not the same person I am today as I was at 18, so there's got to be changes. Not to say that I don't have support from people, but that I don't get many chances to hear what they have to say anymore.
So with this final year upcoming, I think it could be a good idea for me to revisit this process to see what people think and maybe how their views have changed or not changed since the time that I first took to heart God's calling. It'd really help round things out for me, seeing what people thought back then and comparing it to where they see me going now. Even if it doesn't amount to a whole lot, it'd be very valuable in helping me evaluate my life.
One other thing came to mind today. I don't really know why I think about these things, but since it relates to the entirety of this post, I will talk about it. The best way for me to describe it is probably with some kind of lame example. As a musician or recording artist, his or her music and styles change over time. So if someone is asked to play songs that they wrote and sang five or ten years ago, how much of who they are now affects the way they play that song? Maybe who they are now completely disagrees with who they used to be, so it'd be hard for them to really reciprocate the message that that particular song had for them at that point in time. Therefore, it makes for a bit of a strange encounter. For someone that puts heavy emotion and investment into writing their particular music, it would be really hard for him or her to really do that song justice if it just doesn't represent who they are anymore. As people evolve, our tastes change as well; one event leads to the next.
When you look at it as a whole, who they used to be has brought them to where they are now. But hopefully it doesn't stop there. There should always be a hope that where they are now will continue to take them somewhere into the future. So I think it's always important to acknowledge our past, even if we didn't like them, because that past has brought us to where we are now. And where we are now, is also paving the road for us to allow our futures to unfold. Everything helps us get closer and closer to becoming whole.
This, to me, is what the essence of being a Christian is all about.
Friday, August 30, 2013
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Hello, Again
Aside from melting and dancing like a dork to some addicting music, today was a day that I needed - I danced like a dork because I can. Usually, when I don't really do anything productive during a day, I feel a little guilty. Not today, though.
Today is a good day to blog because of a couple of things. The first one is that I am more or less kind of halfway through my internship now. I arrived in Assiniboia on May 18 with half an open mind and a challenge laid out before me, to fulfill the internship aspect of my education degree and to gain better experience of what being in ministry is like. A second reason is because VBS has finished; and to my expectations, I'm very glad that the week went well. Finally, the end of the summer is approaching, meaning the start to a new school year again. For the second time in my life, I won't be going back to school like a lot of people are.
I remember back in April and in May, before coming here to Assiniboia, asking a lot of people and hearing what they have to say about internships and all that kind of stuff. At the time, I did my very best to listen and take note of as many things as I could have in order to prepare myself. As of right now, I honestly cannot even recall anything that people told me. There was advice, expectations, goals, all kinds of different things that I wanted to know. I don't know if those things have been tatoo'd into my brain or something, but I can't even remember 90% of what was said to me. Quite frankly, I think that it's nice to ask people to see what they think about things, but when you're actually immersed into the process and into the thing, most of that stuff is a wash anyway. Practice and preparation helps you through a lot of things, but I always feel like that's only half of the story. The other half, of course, comes with how you are able to handle yourself in the situation. I could have had the best advice in the world (and I actually feel like I did get some of the best), but I don't know how much of it actually has affected me or played a role in how I did something. What's been more important in my ministry here is that there have been people who have been by my side, walking with me, and helping me through every step. That guidance has been far superior to anything someone might have said way back when.
What this means for me particularly going forward is that I hope it reminds me that when it comes a time when a situation presents itself in front of me where I can help someone, do more than just give advice: walk with them, care for their needs. James 2 talks about what good is it if you see someone who is struggling to meet their needs, and all you say to them is "be well." In a modern day context, that is like seeing someone struggle with something, and all you say is, "I'll pray for you!" Scary how true it rings for many of us.
So VBS went quite well despite all my anxiety and nervousness. We had, on average, 11 or 12 kids each day of the week. I wasn't expecting more than that, but we had 16 or 17 kids in an overall attendance. That means that if they all came every day, we'd have had a few more. All in all though, I'm again thankful for the help that I'd gotten because it continuously felt like I didn't do a whole lot other than to make sure that the thing was actually going. We had Kendra and Sonnie come from CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship) to lead the program throughout the week, while the church provided the filler activities such as crafts, games, and other things. I was blown away by the maturity level of both Kendra and Sonnie, and it was really sweet to have had them come to hang out with our kids.
I still don't really know what I should have done better for this VBS. Perhaps better advertisement could have helped, but I still think our numbers wouldn't have increased very much. There were a whole bunch of other factors that played into the attendance that we had. So I guess that at the end of the day, it was a neat experience having something just kind of dumped on me and seeing how I handled it - not very well, haha.
On Tuesday, I will be flying back to Edmonton to spend a couple weeks at home! It's my parents' 25th anniversary this year. And as many people have already seen on Facebook, my dad's been doing his thing already. I'm not too surprised that my dad's like this, but having talked to my mom, I know that she is just a little embarrassed. Haha. Anyhow, I'll get to spend some time with my family before the Fall things kick in. And I do have to give my parents props, because if they never got married 25 years ago, I'd never have been born.
So yeah, I'm excited to go home, mainly for a few things: the city life, cellular reception, and Tales of Xillia. As for everything else, I think I will confess now that I don't really have much inclination left to go home. I've realized that I really only want to go home for my family. When I first heard my cousins describe Edmonton after having left for several years, I've finally gotten to that point now. I will acknowledge the place that Edmonton has in my heart, but I don't really find much need for me to go back for an extended amount of time anymore. There is nothing against my friends there or the city itself, but I realize that life is about forward motion. If life brings me back to Edmonton for work or something else, then I'll fully embrace it. But as of now, there's no point me me getting all tripped up in the nostalgia of what the city means to me.
For my final thoughts, I'm at a good place right now. All things considered, I think life is fantastic. I love the fact that I don't need to go back to school immediately this September. Rather, I can focus more of my efforts in getting the ministries at church back into the school year routine. I told Greg this a while back, but serving in a church feels way too natural to me. I think this has been one of the most confirming aspects of my internship. I love doing this job so much that it doesn't even feel like a job. It's kind of like a dream job. Well, making music all day would be my dream job, but you get the point. It's not easy, but I really can see myself doing this for the rest of my life. And I'm not backing down.
Good night, friends!
Today is a good day to blog because of a couple of things. The first one is that I am more or less kind of halfway through my internship now. I arrived in Assiniboia on May 18 with half an open mind and a challenge laid out before me, to fulfill the internship aspect of my education degree and to gain better experience of what being in ministry is like. A second reason is because VBS has finished; and to my expectations, I'm very glad that the week went well. Finally, the end of the summer is approaching, meaning the start to a new school year again. For the second time in my life, I won't be going back to school like a lot of people are.
I remember back in April and in May, before coming here to Assiniboia, asking a lot of people and hearing what they have to say about internships and all that kind of stuff. At the time, I did my very best to listen and take note of as many things as I could have in order to prepare myself. As of right now, I honestly cannot even recall anything that people told me. There was advice, expectations, goals, all kinds of different things that I wanted to know. I don't know if those things have been tatoo'd into my brain or something, but I can't even remember 90% of what was said to me. Quite frankly, I think that it's nice to ask people to see what they think about things, but when you're actually immersed into the process and into the thing, most of that stuff is a wash anyway. Practice and preparation helps you through a lot of things, but I always feel like that's only half of the story. The other half, of course, comes with how you are able to handle yourself in the situation. I could have had the best advice in the world (and I actually feel like I did get some of the best), but I don't know how much of it actually has affected me or played a role in how I did something. What's been more important in my ministry here is that there have been people who have been by my side, walking with me, and helping me through every step. That guidance has been far superior to anything someone might have said way back when.
What this means for me particularly going forward is that I hope it reminds me that when it comes a time when a situation presents itself in front of me where I can help someone, do more than just give advice: walk with them, care for their needs. James 2 talks about what good is it if you see someone who is struggling to meet their needs, and all you say to them is "be well." In a modern day context, that is like seeing someone struggle with something, and all you say is, "I'll pray for you!" Scary how true it rings for many of us.
So VBS went quite well despite all my anxiety and nervousness. We had, on average, 11 or 12 kids each day of the week. I wasn't expecting more than that, but we had 16 or 17 kids in an overall attendance. That means that if they all came every day, we'd have had a few more. All in all though, I'm again thankful for the help that I'd gotten because it continuously felt like I didn't do a whole lot other than to make sure that the thing was actually going. We had Kendra and Sonnie come from CEF (Child Evangelism Fellowship) to lead the program throughout the week, while the church provided the filler activities such as crafts, games, and other things. I was blown away by the maturity level of both Kendra and Sonnie, and it was really sweet to have had them come to hang out with our kids.
I still don't really know what I should have done better for this VBS. Perhaps better advertisement could have helped, but I still think our numbers wouldn't have increased very much. There were a whole bunch of other factors that played into the attendance that we had. So I guess that at the end of the day, it was a neat experience having something just kind of dumped on me and seeing how I handled it - not very well, haha.
On Tuesday, I will be flying back to Edmonton to spend a couple weeks at home! It's my parents' 25th anniversary this year. And as many people have already seen on Facebook, my dad's been doing his thing already. I'm not too surprised that my dad's like this, but having talked to my mom, I know that she is just a little embarrassed. Haha. Anyhow, I'll get to spend some time with my family before the Fall things kick in. And I do have to give my parents props, because if they never got married 25 years ago, I'd never have been born.
So yeah, I'm excited to go home, mainly for a few things: the city life, cellular reception, and Tales of Xillia. As for everything else, I think I will confess now that I don't really have much inclination left to go home. I've realized that I really only want to go home for my family. When I first heard my cousins describe Edmonton after having left for several years, I've finally gotten to that point now. I will acknowledge the place that Edmonton has in my heart, but I don't really find much need for me to go back for an extended amount of time anymore. There is nothing against my friends there or the city itself, but I realize that life is about forward motion. If life brings me back to Edmonton for work or something else, then I'll fully embrace it. But as of now, there's no point me me getting all tripped up in the nostalgia of what the city means to me.
For my final thoughts, I'm at a good place right now. All things considered, I think life is fantastic. I love the fact that I don't need to go back to school immediately this September. Rather, I can focus more of my efforts in getting the ministries at church back into the school year routine. I told Greg this a while back, but serving in a church feels way too natural to me. I think this has been one of the most confirming aspects of my internship. I love doing this job so much that it doesn't even feel like a job. It's kind of like a dream job. Well, making music all day would be my dream job, but you get the point. It's not easy, but I really can see myself doing this for the rest of my life. And I'm not backing down.
Good night, friends!
Monday, August 12, 2013
A New Question. A New Outlook
Alright. Alright. I honestly have no idea why I am blogging about this, but it's currently 12:41am on a Monday morning, and I just got home from spending three hours on top of a roof watching a meteor "shower."
First things first. An immediate question you may have is, "why did you put 'shower' in quotations?" The answer is simple. I went into this adventure to the rooftop with unrealistic expectations. I thought I was going to see something along the lines of those photoshopped pictures and fantasies where the entire sky is lit up with meteorites burning through the earth's atmosphere. While there were several cool ones, it was very underwhelming simply because of what I thought it would have been. I guess I should have used my brain to think that it would be more like what it turned out to be. And another thing that attributed to the disappointment was that we weren't up there during the peak hours - at 5am, apparently.
VBS is happening this week. I had to really force myself to accept that even though I don't understand people not signing up for it, they will show up. It is one thing to have 20 or 30 kids sign up prior, and then have the 15 to 20 last minute sign ups that do it the day before or the day of the start of camps; and it is another to just not have anyone officially register, but have plans to come attend. It was so hard for me, during the week, to try to prepare something that I had a difficult time believing that it would happen. As a result, I'm a bit behind in some of the prep work. It's almost like trying to run a business, knowing that you will be closing down in a month, but you still have to do it and sell your product like you're going to keep running. I was told that this is a small town thing. Though, I don't really think that it's necessarily like this all the time because at least a few people were surprised that no one had signed up a week before camp. So I guess it's just a new experience for me again. I did feel like God was telling me, on a few occasions, that even though no one had signed up yet, to have faith in him. And since I am someone that lacks faith, I didn't take this well. I'm not sure what this week will look like, but I know for sure that it will help me in the future. One of the toughest things for a pastor is to work so hard for so long, but seemingly see no results and no growth or nothing coming to fruition. It's the same concept, except with mine on a much smaller scale.
Finally, I have had the pleasure of meeting even more people in the last little while. From guest speakers, to people who are just stopping by, to old visitors who used to be part of the church, etc., tons of people who I've gotten the chance to see. So when I said I have no idea why I'm blogging this, I meant specifically this part. Haha. When first meeting several people, on top of the general things that people usually tell others about, I'm also being asked if I'm single or in a relationship. I usually say that I'm single, kind of brushing it off saying that I haven't really put in much time and effort into looking for a SO, and for whatever reason they kind of give me a sense that they are surprised. It's true that I don't really put a whole lot of effort or actively try to search for a girlfriend, but I'd be lying if I said it's never on my mind. Of course it is. I'm a dude, it's what we do. But I haven't really made an effort to explore this area of my life, I guess I can say. So I am wondering if it is time that I start doing that.
I don't really know, though. It seems so lame for me to be thinking, "okay! Let's begin to search for a girlfriend!" That just feels really weird to me. So, even thinking and blogging about it is kind of embarrassing. LOL. Oh well, if I meet a girl that really blows me away, then I'll look deeper into it. Off the top of my head, I can only think of one girl that I've met in the last couple years that is anywhere near that category. But like I said, I really don't put much thought into it.
Cya nerds.
First things first. An immediate question you may have is, "why did you put 'shower' in quotations?" The answer is simple. I went into this adventure to the rooftop with unrealistic expectations. I thought I was going to see something along the lines of those photoshopped pictures and fantasies where the entire sky is lit up with meteorites burning through the earth's atmosphere. While there were several cool ones, it was very underwhelming simply because of what I thought it would have been. I guess I should have used my brain to think that it would be more like what it turned out to be. And another thing that attributed to the disappointment was that we weren't up there during the peak hours - at 5am, apparently.
VBS is happening this week. I had to really force myself to accept that even though I don't understand people not signing up for it, they will show up. It is one thing to have 20 or 30 kids sign up prior, and then have the 15 to 20 last minute sign ups that do it the day before or the day of the start of camps; and it is another to just not have anyone officially register, but have plans to come attend. It was so hard for me, during the week, to try to prepare something that I had a difficult time believing that it would happen. As a result, I'm a bit behind in some of the prep work. It's almost like trying to run a business, knowing that you will be closing down in a month, but you still have to do it and sell your product like you're going to keep running. I was told that this is a small town thing. Though, I don't really think that it's necessarily like this all the time because at least a few people were surprised that no one had signed up a week before camp. So I guess it's just a new experience for me again. I did feel like God was telling me, on a few occasions, that even though no one had signed up yet, to have faith in him. And since I am someone that lacks faith, I didn't take this well. I'm not sure what this week will look like, but I know for sure that it will help me in the future. One of the toughest things for a pastor is to work so hard for so long, but seemingly see no results and no growth or nothing coming to fruition. It's the same concept, except with mine on a much smaller scale.
Finally, I have had the pleasure of meeting even more people in the last little while. From guest speakers, to people who are just stopping by, to old visitors who used to be part of the church, etc., tons of people who I've gotten the chance to see. So when I said I have no idea why I'm blogging this, I meant specifically this part. Haha. When first meeting several people, on top of the general things that people usually tell others about, I'm also being asked if I'm single or in a relationship. I usually say that I'm single, kind of brushing it off saying that I haven't really put in much time and effort into looking for a SO, and for whatever reason they kind of give me a sense that they are surprised. It's true that I don't really put a whole lot of effort or actively try to search for a girlfriend, but I'd be lying if I said it's never on my mind. Of course it is. I'm a dude, it's what we do. But I haven't really made an effort to explore this area of my life, I guess I can say. So I am wondering if it is time that I start doing that.
I don't really know, though. It seems so lame for me to be thinking, "okay! Let's begin to search for a girlfriend!" That just feels really weird to me. So, even thinking and blogging about it is kind of embarrassing. LOL. Oh well, if I meet a girl that really blows me away, then I'll look deeper into it. Off the top of my head, I can only think of one girl that I've met in the last couple years that is anywhere near that category. But like I said, I really don't put much thought into it.
Cya nerds.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Continuation
It's been a very strange couple of days. The rollercoaster of life decided to condense all its ups and downs into a very dense frequency that just turned all my insides around.
I didn't get to visit the lady again because she passed away. On Sunday, when I was passing out communion, I got to a man that looked really familiar, but I couldn't seem to recall who he was - I tend to do that with just about everyone I've met recently. After service, though, as I stood by the doorway out of the sanctuary, I saw him standing over by the coat rack by himself; and then it struck me right in the face. He was the husband of the lady who I had visited on Saturday. There was this really strange urge for me to go over to talk to him to see how he's doing even though I was still greeting some people. I caught a couple glimpses when he looked over at me, seeming like he wanted to talk to me. Something held me back though. I very rarely regret things, but when I left church, I felt like kicking myself in the face for not talking to him. I felt so bad. There's always things that I don't do that I feel like I should have done, or vice versa, but this time it felt completely different. It felt much more significant. Even now, I want to go back and be able to change that. Normally, when things pass by that I think could have gone differently, I'll acknowledge the hindsight, but rarely do I want to relive it and make that change; this time, I do.
Next week is also to be our VBS. As of this morning, there are zero kids registered to attend. On Sunday night, I felt this really heavy burden that was conflicting me, wondering why it's the week before and there's still zero sign ups. I'll admit right now that I haven't done a whole lot of work to prep for this VBS because there's some amazing people who have voluntarily helped me get crafts prepared, snacks ready, and all that kind of stuff; all I've really done is to get the ball rolling and made sure it kept going. So the thought of having to possibly cancel VBS because there's no kids is piercing. If I have to go up on Sunday to make the announcement that it's cancelled, I will feel really bad for the several that have taken time out to help me prepare, having all that effort amount to nothing.
Then on Monday, I decided to go out to take a walk into town. Because it was a holiday, pretty much nothing was open. The town was so quiet it was almost scary, as I walked through the streets. The funny thing that I found, of course, was that the Chinese restaurant was still open. I almost wanted to go in just to see what it was like, as I haven't been there yet. When I got home from the walk though, I felt so refreshed, so uplifted, like there wasn't a single worry in the world to be had. I felt so good. I even went on to have an awesome rest of the afternoon and evening. In League (I know you don't care, but I'm telling you anyway), I almost had back to back pentakills. What that means is I almost took out the entire enemy team by myself twice. For reference, it's like scoring two hattricks in a single game, and I'd have scored 5. It was an amazing Monday.
Fast forward to this morning, I just felt kind of down again. Having to come back to facing the things that are ahead of me this week, there's a lot that I need to do. I need to continue to prepare for a possibly non-existant VBS, find music to lead worship with, contact a load of people to find their availabilities for several ministries, etc. I don't really think that I'm overwhelmed or feeling worried about any of these things, but I just feel terrible when I let people down.
So in the midst of all this, I wrote a song. LOL. I have no idea why or how, but it just kind of showed up. I've recorded an unfinished version on my computer, but I don't think I'd change it a whole lot more. It's a pretty dark song, as you might have guessed with all that's gone on the past few days, but I'm just amazed that it came out because I am a terrible songwriter. I wonder if I should share it - I really don't know, because if you're good at reading between lines, it kind of reveals some of the darkest areas of my life.
Anyhow, back to work.
I didn't get to visit the lady again because she passed away. On Sunday, when I was passing out communion, I got to a man that looked really familiar, but I couldn't seem to recall who he was - I tend to do that with just about everyone I've met recently. After service, though, as I stood by the doorway out of the sanctuary, I saw him standing over by the coat rack by himself; and then it struck me right in the face. He was the husband of the lady who I had visited on Saturday. There was this really strange urge for me to go over to talk to him to see how he's doing even though I was still greeting some people. I caught a couple glimpses when he looked over at me, seeming like he wanted to talk to me. Something held me back though. I very rarely regret things, but when I left church, I felt like kicking myself in the face for not talking to him. I felt so bad. There's always things that I don't do that I feel like I should have done, or vice versa, but this time it felt completely different. It felt much more significant. Even now, I want to go back and be able to change that. Normally, when things pass by that I think could have gone differently, I'll acknowledge the hindsight, but rarely do I want to relive it and make that change; this time, I do.
Next week is also to be our VBS. As of this morning, there are zero kids registered to attend. On Sunday night, I felt this really heavy burden that was conflicting me, wondering why it's the week before and there's still zero sign ups. I'll admit right now that I haven't done a whole lot of work to prep for this VBS because there's some amazing people who have voluntarily helped me get crafts prepared, snacks ready, and all that kind of stuff; all I've really done is to get the ball rolling and made sure it kept going. So the thought of having to possibly cancel VBS because there's no kids is piercing. If I have to go up on Sunday to make the announcement that it's cancelled, I will feel really bad for the several that have taken time out to help me prepare, having all that effort amount to nothing.
Then on Monday, I decided to go out to take a walk into town. Because it was a holiday, pretty much nothing was open. The town was so quiet it was almost scary, as I walked through the streets. The funny thing that I found, of course, was that the Chinese restaurant was still open. I almost wanted to go in just to see what it was like, as I haven't been there yet. When I got home from the walk though, I felt so refreshed, so uplifted, like there wasn't a single worry in the world to be had. I felt so good. I even went on to have an awesome rest of the afternoon and evening. In League (I know you don't care, but I'm telling you anyway), I almost had back to back pentakills. What that means is I almost took out the entire enemy team by myself twice. For reference, it's like scoring two hattricks in a single game, and I'd have scored 5. It was an amazing Monday.
Fast forward to this morning, I just felt kind of down again. Having to come back to facing the things that are ahead of me this week, there's a lot that I need to do. I need to continue to prepare for a possibly non-existant VBS, find music to lead worship with, contact a load of people to find their availabilities for several ministries, etc. I don't really think that I'm overwhelmed or feeling worried about any of these things, but I just feel terrible when I let people down.
So in the midst of all this, I wrote a song. LOL. I have no idea why or how, but it just kind of showed up. I've recorded an unfinished version on my computer, but I don't think I'd change it a whole lot more. It's a pretty dark song, as you might have guessed with all that's gone on the past few days, but I'm just amazed that it came out because I am a terrible songwriter. I wonder if I should share it - I really don't know, because if you're good at reading between lines, it kind of reveals some of the darkest areas of my life.
Anyhow, back to work.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Facing Death
I experienced one of the most painful things in my life today. When first asked if it was something I wanted to do, I really didn't want to; but I knew that I'd eventually have to deal with these things, so that's why I chose to go.
For many of us that have had been in that situation before, I am sorry that you had to go through it. Yesterday, I was informed that there was someone from the church who only had a few days left to live. I was asked if I wanted to go visit her at the nursing home today. Knowing that she was basically unconscious and starting to get cold, the thought of the possibility that she might pass on right in front of me was a thought that made me feel the most uncomfortable I'd been in a long time.
As with a lot of things in life, I just kind of did it; I just showed up. When I entered the room with the associate pastor, I saw her laying on the bed, her husband sitting beside her, and her daughter and son in law around as well. George Beverly Shea was being played in the background, and before anything was really said, the mood was as sombre as it would have been during a funeral service.
Then, I was blown away by the strength and, I might even say, joy that came from the lady's daughter. She was just trying to bring us up to date on what's been going on, and she seemed to be so free of worry. It caught me so off guard because I was being absolutely swallowed by the whole thing of someone slowly passing away right in front of me, and here is a lady, a daughter, who seemed to be in good spirits.
Such is the hope and peace that is found in Christ Jesus.
We sat there, and as the daughter was telling us a couple stories and recounting some memories with us, I saw the lady's husband in the background trying so hard to hold back tears. As a husband, what is it like to see your wife laying there during her last few days? I can't even begin to fathom what that's like.
We didn't stay long, because they seemed to have already been overwhelmed with the amount of visitors over the last day and a little bit. Before we left, I was asked to pray, and this is probably where I might have potentially screwed the whole thing up. I didn't know what to say. I can't even remember much of what I actually prayed about, but the words that came out of my mouth probably didn't make much sense. It was tough.
I've mentioned that I've had to deal with the idea of death so much more recently, and it still kind of haunts me. When the day started, I wanted to and needed to do a few things today; but after the visit, I really couldn't work myself up to doing much for the rest of the day.
I'm just so glad that their family is a believing family, so we can look forward to having the lady be with the Lord rather than feel pain and suffering down here on earth. I'd been told a few times by different people, who have the experience, that the difference between Christian families and secular families during the times of the passing of a family member seems to be night and day. So don't even ask me how I'd be if I had to go through it with a non-believing family.
Before we left, we said that we'd try to see them again tomorrow. If that is a possibility, I think I want to be back there with them.
For many of us that have had been in that situation before, I am sorry that you had to go through it. Yesterday, I was informed that there was someone from the church who only had a few days left to live. I was asked if I wanted to go visit her at the nursing home today. Knowing that she was basically unconscious and starting to get cold, the thought of the possibility that she might pass on right in front of me was a thought that made me feel the most uncomfortable I'd been in a long time.
As with a lot of things in life, I just kind of did it; I just showed up. When I entered the room with the associate pastor, I saw her laying on the bed, her husband sitting beside her, and her daughter and son in law around as well. George Beverly Shea was being played in the background, and before anything was really said, the mood was as sombre as it would have been during a funeral service.
Then, I was blown away by the strength and, I might even say, joy that came from the lady's daughter. She was just trying to bring us up to date on what's been going on, and she seemed to be so free of worry. It caught me so off guard because I was being absolutely swallowed by the whole thing of someone slowly passing away right in front of me, and here is a lady, a daughter, who seemed to be in good spirits.
Such is the hope and peace that is found in Christ Jesus.
We sat there, and as the daughter was telling us a couple stories and recounting some memories with us, I saw the lady's husband in the background trying so hard to hold back tears. As a husband, what is it like to see your wife laying there during her last few days? I can't even begin to fathom what that's like.
We didn't stay long, because they seemed to have already been overwhelmed with the amount of visitors over the last day and a little bit. Before we left, I was asked to pray, and this is probably where I might have potentially screwed the whole thing up. I didn't know what to say. I can't even remember much of what I actually prayed about, but the words that came out of my mouth probably didn't make much sense. It was tough.
I've mentioned that I've had to deal with the idea of death so much more recently, and it still kind of haunts me. When the day started, I wanted to and needed to do a few things today; but after the visit, I really couldn't work myself up to doing much for the rest of the day.
I'm just so glad that their family is a believing family, so we can look forward to having the lady be with the Lord rather than feel pain and suffering down here on earth. I'd been told a few times by different people, who have the experience, that the difference between Christian families and secular families during the times of the passing of a family member seems to be night and day. So don't even ask me how I'd be if I had to go through it with a non-believing family.
Before we left, we said that we'd try to see them again tomorrow. If that is a possibility, I think I want to be back there with them.
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