A Couple of Thoughts

Going to bed or reading/writing paper would be much more productive right now, but there's a couple things that's been on my mind recently; so I'll just jot down my thoughts and then go to bed in hopes that I'll have more energy for tomorrow.

Oh! Before I continue, sorry about not having my second part to my empowering thing up yet. Who would've thought that if I left papers to the last minute that I'd be so busy? I'll try to have it up this weekend.

The first thing that's been on my mind has actually been a slow progression throughout the latter half of my life and then suddenly took a spike up since coming to Ambrose. Several years back, I was at a training with a bunch of people who I had just met for the first time that week, and also a few people that I had come to know prior to that training. There were a few odd occasions where a few jabs, just for funzies, at how there are Asians among the group and how if we do something, it's acceptable or at least understandable because we're Asian.

Later on one night, I was asked by a Caucasian how I felt about these jabs of being Asian. At the time, since I had been around Asians for most of my life, I never had a problem when I was out with people of different ethnicities where there might be a fun joke about how I do something, or could do something, because of the fact that I'm Asian. At the time, I actually thought it was pretty funny that people would actually notice that I'm Asian.

However, I brushed off that question and kind of shoved it to the back of my mind. I didn't forget about it completely because I noted the fact that my friend who had asked the question seemed pretty serious about it.

Since coming to Ambrose, I became one of just a handful of Asians in the school, especially in ministry - I may have been one of maybe only two or three. And on a different note, everybody has their little quirks about them. Of course, I have mine as well. Slowly, these little Asian jabs started to come back up - for fun of course, and I didn't mind.

I'm good at soccer? Oh, I'm Asian. I'm good at music? Oh, it's because I'm Asian. I do this and that? It's alright, I'm Asian. I had no issues with this until recently. I realize that it's all just for jokes and fun, but I really have to admit, it starts to wear on me and get old. I used to laugh and play along with these jokes, but I've caught myself at times now not even responding to it. If I'm in a good mood, maybe I'll still crack up the joke, but on any other day, it's almost annoying. If I had to guess, there's probably one Asian on each floor of my residence. I wonder if they experience the same things. I wonder if people of a different ethnicity does as well? There's a couple black people in res, and a couple of some mixed Latin American too, I'm sure.

Yeah, I went on a little bit long with that vent. Oops.

The second thing I want to touch on is about the year of 2011/2012 at Ambrose. I've talked repeatedly about how I had such an awful year. The thing is, as this year is progressing, I'm hearing more and more about how people had same experiences last year as well. I'm wondering if it's a strange coincidence? Or is it just that I'm noticing it when people are sharing because I went through it last year as well? It's so weird that I've now heard on several different occasions about people coming out to share about how at some point during the last year that they were either ready to kill themselves or give up God completely. I mean, I've shared my experience on a couple of occasions now; and there's others that are doing the same.

The one thing in common with all of our stories is that no one came out to ask for help or support during the time that we were going through it. It's just so strange how the forces of evil work in this world. You could be so immersed into a culture full of people, and yet be so incredibly isolated at the same time. It only takes one little peak off to the side of the road. If the devil catches you with just the one small glance away from God, he'll scare you off the path. Once you've strayed from the path, he continues to scare you until you're cornered and you have nowhere to go.

It's crazy how so many of us went through such similar pains and struggles. This, though, all the more reinforces the idea that the very moment we realize there's potential for us to stumble, we absolutely NEED to approach people for support and most importantly cling onto Jesus.

It blew my mind when I heard someone else tell their story; and it still blows my mind that I wasn't alone.

I'm done. Time to go to bed and then hammer out 2500 words tomorrow.

Empowerment - Pt. 1 // Introduction and Foundation

I debated this in my head for quite a while, about whether or not I should just slap everything onto one blog or separate it into sections. In the end, I'll probably have written at least two parts to this topic. But, alas! Here is my first part of writing about this topic.. Only a month and a half late. Sorry!

The whole concept of empowerment first came to me last year. I was at my pastors house, sitting in on their youth leader meeting. We were going through a little task of trying to determining what type of leader everyone was. There were three basic categories of leaders: a) a complete hands on leader, right in the thick of things getting their hands dirty; b) a director, delegating tasks and helping where required; and c) an overseer/visionary type, having people work and being hands off in the process.

At first, I had trouble trying to categorize myself in one of the three. I felt that it really depended on the context in which I was leading. I kept coming back to the idea of ending up at C, where I would be able to be a hands off type of leader and allow a team to be self-sufficient. The only issue was how to get there. I said that depending on where I am and what I'm doing, I could potentially start at point A, or at point B; however, as it is also my weakness, I cannot stay at either A or B for a long time without a huge potential to burn myself out. Thus, the desire to gravitate toward point C. Further into the discussion, and with a little help from my pastor, he came up with the word to describe my type of leadership: empowerment.

It made a lot of sense from there on forward. This concept of leading with the end goal of seeing groups and teams be able to be self-sufficient lined up so well with my general philosophy of ministry. The core of my beliefs and values, and the very foundation of how I am wired, is based on this idea of building people up so that they can be as thriving as their imaginations allow them to fly. To me, it boils down to a very simple reason for why I have this strong desire for things to be self-sufficient: I, or other leaders for that matter, will not be around forever. So when we leave, what have we left behind? I base success largely upon, not only on what is happening during my time as leader, but perhaps even more so on what the ministry/environment looks like after I have left. If I work somewhere for 5-10 years, leave, and nothing has changed, did I really do anything at all?

So, brings me to the point: the very reason I would want to work in a church is so that I can play a role in people's lives, and as a result have them flourish and blossom into instruments that can be used by God to further his work, far beyond anything that we've ever dreamed to accomplish. I've talked about leaving legacies in places, wherever I go. I think that empowerment goes beyond that. It's more than just about leaving a lasting impression of myself; it's about setting people up to be on fire for God. Quite honestly, I actually don't even care if people don't remember me after I leave; but if I'm able to place into their hearts a desire to stretch the boundaries and push their limits for God, then I am content with what I have accomplished.

These are all things that drive me, but I also think that empowering people is one of the hardest tasks to do and achieve. I've been on the unfortunate end on a few occasions where having left, or being left behind, and not having taken the necessary steps to have people carry on what I, or other leaders, have started.

I will be first to admit that, strictly speaking in the terms and context of NEAC, I left too soon to pursue my vocation of becoming a pastor.

To find out why I feel this way, and more of what empowerment means to a community, stay tuned to my blog over the next few days for part number two!

Blessings (=

It's A Trap!

.. Not really.

About a month ago, a few people started up a new ministry that was aimed toward helping the smaller churches' youth groups. This group of people understood that some smaller churches may not necessarily have the resources to hold youth gatherings for their kids, etc., etc., etc.

I went to their meeting just to hear about what they were all about. Afterward, I decided that I wanted to help out with their ministry, just not in a front and center role. I was willing to pray, lend support in the smaller ways without leading worship, giving talks, etc.

I also found it funny that they had "applications" handed out for anyone that wanted to be part of the ministry. I took one, because I wanted to let them know I wanted to pray for them.

As I somehow always get myself into this kind of a situation, I got appointed the head worship leader.

I went from wanting to pray for them to being the one that's going to be in charge of the worship band.

Thanks?

The guy that told me about my newly appointed role said that it will probably put me out of my comfort zone, being the worship leader. Okay. Side note. My literal first impression when he told me that my role will probably put me out of my comfort zone was this: what, are you going to make me do janitorial work or something? For real! That's what I thought! Haha. How disrespectful of me. But anyway, I'll somewhat agree with that, I guess. I wasn't anticipating on investing more into this ministry than being a prayer warrior or whatever; but I guess they want me to lead, meaning I have to invest more into it than I hoped. I forget if I wrote that I've lead worship for several years; so while leading worship can always be uncomfortable, I wonder if they know that I have a bit of experience there. Regardless though, that probably doesn't really matter anyway as I try to approach every new ministry like I'm doing something for the first time - and it's important to do so in all aspects of life!

As of right now, I'm cool with it. I just hope that my time and schedules are able to line up so that I won't be halfassing this commitment. Because, quite frankly, if they trust me to be the worship leader, then I have to follow through with it. So, I guess that this means I'll get to lead all the worship I want for the rest of the school year. Usually, I'll be playing/leading twice a month at SGAC. And now, with this ministry taking off, we'll see where it goes.

This could be the start of something good; or it just might be another small step that will allow me to further expand my ministry experience. Either way, I'm glad that there are people that still think I'm worth something.

.. Wait. This means I have to start practicing guitar again. Dang. I'm rusty. And when I say I'm rusty, I mean I AM rusty - my callouses aren't even there anymore.

Eleventh Hour

... Or eleventh month, whichever works for you.

First order of business, as always, I must listen to music when I blog. Today, I'm listening to T-Swizzle's new album. "22" is probably my favorite song at the moment.

Last week, during an opening prayer before class, my prof said something really true. He said that Novembers are usually times that feel either like we're in a desert or we're drowning. I found that saying so profound, I nearly shouted out in the middle of his prayer "AMEN!" But I didn't, because I have amazing self-control. LOL

Anyway, I need to step up my game. A month ago, I said I'd have a couple topics to write about, and I still haven't gotten to them yet. So good, right?! Unfortunately, as time has dragged on, I've felt less and less a desire to write them; so I guess I'll just put them on hold until I actually want to write because if I'm writing for the sake of writing, it won't turn out the way I want it to.

So now that October has come and gone, I don't really know what I did for the entire month. I know that the game timer says that I've invested over 40 hours total into Pokemon White 2, so I guess I put some good time into that game. Some time during the last month, I also received an email that was an invitation to test the beta for the new StarCraft 2 expansion Heart of the Swarm. I was honestly so excited. I've played some games on it, but it's really hard to get used to. It also demands more from my computer, so I don't want to play it too much in the fear of overheating. It looks promising though.

I've finished several papers that ranged from a solid A to a C-. Okay, I'm going to step aside and talk about my C- paper. It makes no sense, that in a class of seven people, writing a paper that is about each of our own lives and our ministry "profiles" can warrant marks only in the C range. We were all ripped apart for things that we wrote about ourselves. I was so offended at first because I thought it was only me, but apparently we all felt the same way. And after having a couple of my classmates talk to the prof about why he arrived at those marks, all he gave was basically like the NHL labour talks: a whole lot of talk, but no real substance. So, basically, we all got C's on papers that we wrote about ourselves. We're not perfect, but you don't have to rip us apart for how we feel about things in ministry just because they don't match up with what you think or aren't refined yet since we're still in school. Okay, enough venting. Haha.

On the topic of education, I don't know how many people I've told, but this is generally what my next year or so will look like. I'll finish this year in April, like everyone else. Depending on how my internship situation goes, I'm going to begin interning as early as May, and going through to Christmas of 2013. After that, I'm going to come back to Ambrose for one more semester to graduate. This is assuming that everything goes as planned. There shouldn't be any problems, but because my school is so small, I always have some fear of things not being processed because the administration is so poor, and some courses that I need aren't even offered when I need to take them. So, hopefully, things work out and I'll be out of here by Spring of 2014. If my graduation gets delayed a year, I won't be very happy; and neither will my parents and the elder board of NEAC.

In the news of other areas, I don't think I really have anything exciting to write about. Whenever Christmas pops into my mind, of course it's going to make me want to go shopping. So, yesterday, I went to the mall and bought myself a couple of shirts for a relatively cheap price. I used the excuse of needing to fill up gas to go to the mall. I am somewhat disappointed that I didn't walk away with more because I don't go shopping too much anymore, and that there were a couple stores that I usually like shopping at but they didn't exist at Chinook. However, I'm stoked to be going home this long weekend and hopefully paying a good visit to the new Simon's' store at WEM! STOKED!

Hey you! You look beautiful today! Yes, I am talking about you (= No, stop speculating on who it is, I'm talking to you!