The only reason I am not back in Calgary right now is because of the weather. It is strange how when traveling, you need to keep track of the weather in two different places. I know right?! Anyways, the weather seemed to be pretty good in Calgary yesterday, but not so good in Edmonton. And today, it flipped.
It is a bit inconvenient for me to have to wait an extra day before going back to Calgary, but this is pretty much what happened last year too. Of course, last year was a different circumstance. To be honest though, I think if my professor didn't reply to the email I sent her on Saturday, I'd have driven down today. I have a speech for class tomorrow at 1:00pm, but thankfully my prof was nice enough to tell me that if I really had to miss the class, it would be okay! So, as I prepare to drive back down to Calgary tomorrow, I guess I will be forced to miss pretty much all of my double block public speaking class. I also miss most of trade deadline day, which is kind of sad; but having the feeling that this trade deadline will be a quiet one, I am hoping even more for it to be quiet now.
Hopefully the roads will be good tomorrow so I can have a safe and smooth drive back to (F)lames' town!
It was a brutal reading week in terms of productivity. I brought everything home, and woke up every single day (literally) telling myself that I'd work today. And at the end of it, it is pretty standard that I did absolutely nothing other than play Final Fantasy 13-2.
I also have to confess that I have come to the conclusion that I have been more homesick than ever this year. I don't think that there was any period of time last year where I really wanted to go home. This year though, it's hit me like a brick wall. Maybe I just haven't been comfortable, but everything I've longed for or dreamed of pointed back to Edmonton where I am comfortable. Each time that I had to leave Edmonton to go back, I have felt a huge sense of resentment. A big reason is that I hate long distance driving, especially by myself; but I just don't think I've really gotten comfortable anywhere in Calgary this year. In other words, I haven't really had the chance to be myself without having some sort of barrier being up.
Anyways, I can't do anything about it. And as I go back down tomorrow, it will be for the home stretch of two more months to truck along before my second year of Bible college finishes. And even though I hate job hunting, this year has been tough enough for me to rather be looking for a job right now instead of being in school. Something that I've also started to notice is how people, especially when they get closer to graduating from university, start to "run out" of schooling. Pretty much, it means that there's just no desire left to be in school; a change of scenery is needed to be in the work field.
So, yeah. I think I've decided that I'm going to stay in Edmonton this summer. There's just way too much I'd rather be at home for than in Vancouver.
Good luck to everyone with school! You're almost done another year!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Serenity
My blog has been dead for quite a while. I looked over my last several posts and I don't really know what I'm talking about in any of them.
Nonetheless, I've been spending this past week at home, in Edmonton, for reading week. It is such a contrast to the environment to what I get at school where it is busy and noisy all day long. So when I come back home and experience the peace and quiet that I love so much, I kind of get lost in it.
I know that when I'm in Calgary, I talk and hype up so much about how when I get back to Edmonton, I'm going to do this and do that, but I think the truth is that I just want to be back to get away from the business of life that is on residence and at school. And when I finally am back, I realize that I don't REALLY want to do all that stuff - well, yes I do - but rather take that time to use the quieter and more peaceful times that I really don't get anymore.
That's the strange thing about being on the fence of an introvert and an extrovert. I'm so close in between that I can get so hyped up being around people, up until I forget what it's like to have that solitude and calmness, and then go back to having that stillness of being at home or whatever and just basking in all of its glory.
Anyways, that's what I've been doing all week: "me time." I always tell myself that I need to be more social, but the amount that I am setting myself up for is not me at all, which is why it's so hard; and if I try, I'd be way out of character, and therefore make me fake.
So, yeah. I apologize to those that I didn't get to hang out with or see this week because I really wanted to, but I just really need the quiet and alone times that I don't get anymore. I think even the most extroverted people need quiet and alone time, especially ones that are in my situation with living in residence. I guess you can say that I've been using this week to recharge... by playing Final Fantasy XIII-2.
With just a couple days left of my break, I probably need to get a ton of work done for next week of school. I also hope to goodness that the snow isn't so bad this weekend so I can drive back down to Calgary safely and peacefully. I really don't like driving alone on the highway because I get so bored and start dreaming. So with the snow, it could be bad; but I'm hoping that it won't be.
Finally, I guess I hope that everyone has had a good week. My life isn't that exciting so I don't blame the lack of activity on my blog on myself or anyone.
One last thing, it's closing in on a year now that a family member was killed in a car accident. There seemed to be a bit of resolve in the case, but I know the family will be thinking of her in the next several days. So I pray that God comforts everyone.
Nonetheless, I've been spending this past week at home, in Edmonton, for reading week. It is such a contrast to the environment to what I get at school where it is busy and noisy all day long. So when I come back home and experience the peace and quiet that I love so much, I kind of get lost in it.
I know that when I'm in Calgary, I talk and hype up so much about how when I get back to Edmonton, I'm going to do this and do that, but I think the truth is that I just want to be back to get away from the business of life that is on residence and at school. And when I finally am back, I realize that I don't REALLY want to do all that stuff - well, yes I do - but rather take that time to use the quieter and more peaceful times that I really don't get anymore.
That's the strange thing about being on the fence of an introvert and an extrovert. I'm so close in between that I can get so hyped up being around people, up until I forget what it's like to have that solitude and calmness, and then go back to having that stillness of being at home or whatever and just basking in all of its glory.
Anyways, that's what I've been doing all week: "me time." I always tell myself that I need to be more social, but the amount that I am setting myself up for is not me at all, which is why it's so hard; and if I try, I'd be way out of character, and therefore make me fake.
So, yeah. I apologize to those that I didn't get to hang out with or see this week because I really wanted to, but I just really need the quiet and alone times that I don't get anymore. I think even the most extroverted people need quiet and alone time, especially ones that are in my situation with living in residence. I guess you can say that I've been using this week to recharge... by playing Final Fantasy XIII-2.
With just a couple days left of my break, I probably need to get a ton of work done for next week of school. I also hope to goodness that the snow isn't so bad this weekend so I can drive back down to Calgary safely and peacefully. I really don't like driving alone on the highway because I get so bored and start dreaming. So with the snow, it could be bad; but I'm hoping that it won't be.
Finally, I guess I hope that everyone has had a good week. My life isn't that exciting so I don't blame the lack of activity on my blog on myself or anyone.
One last thing, it's closing in on a year now that a family member was killed in a car accident. There seemed to be a bit of resolve in the case, but I know the family will be thinking of her in the next several days. So I pray that God comforts everyone.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Unsettling
Over at my Tumblr, I wrote a brief post: click to read!
Having worked with kids for so many years, and just having worked with teens and other youth over the last couple years, I often forget how much more developed these people are intellectually. What that basically means is that your typical Sunday School answers just don't work anymore.
I've had the pleasure to have some really animated discussions with a few teens over the last year and a half. Most of the time, I'm almost 100% sure that what I had to say was not nearly good enough for them. And to be quite honest, I don't want it to be; I want it so that it stirs up their curiosity so that they can go search for the answers themselves.
Since coming to Calgary, I've sat in on some really interesting conversations during fellowship or Sunday school. And since I'm almost never the primary teacher, I don't usually say much. The times that I do say something is usually when someone directly asks me to give an answer. And even then, I don't give the answers I want to give because based on what I've learned and what I know, it takes far more than the fifteen seconds or whatever that I typically have to answer in a reasonable way.
Due to some unfortunate circumstances on a few occasions, I've really felt the need to jump in because the questions were being asked, but the answers were really bad. I'm not trying to throw people under the bus because the best questions that get asked are usually the ones that we cannot possibly answer. But even though we don't have a solid "this is the answer", we can take what we do have and provide a reasoning that kind of, to be frank, makes the question really redundant. And so when such a situation arises, I really feel an urge to say something (and it's hard to say this without coming across as cocky) in order to kind of "right the ship".
By righting the ship, it doesn't mean that I have the answer because quite frankly, I have asked the same questions before as well. The answer that I give is usually what I have come to at the time that I answer it based on my experience and learning. I know that there is no way my answer will ever be good enough, but it's only my hope that it's enough to get someone thinking enough so that they want to go search for the answers themselves. Therefore, righting the ship really means to just steer the conversation back into the right direction. Because quite honestly, I've heard some incredibly shaky answers that have the potential to be very disastrous.
Anyways, enough rambling (=
One more week until I get to be home for a week! Here's hoping to good weather next weekend!
Having worked with kids for so many years, and just having worked with teens and other youth over the last couple years, I often forget how much more developed these people are intellectually. What that basically means is that your typical Sunday School answers just don't work anymore.
I've had the pleasure to have some really animated discussions with a few teens over the last year and a half. Most of the time, I'm almost 100% sure that what I had to say was not nearly good enough for them. And to be quite honest, I don't want it to be; I want it so that it stirs up their curiosity so that they can go search for the answers themselves.
Since coming to Calgary, I've sat in on some really interesting conversations during fellowship or Sunday school. And since I'm almost never the primary teacher, I don't usually say much. The times that I do say something is usually when someone directly asks me to give an answer. And even then, I don't give the answers I want to give because based on what I've learned and what I know, it takes far more than the fifteen seconds or whatever that I typically have to answer in a reasonable way.
Due to some unfortunate circumstances on a few occasions, I've really felt the need to jump in because the questions were being asked, but the answers were really bad. I'm not trying to throw people under the bus because the best questions that get asked are usually the ones that we cannot possibly answer. But even though we don't have a solid "this is the answer", we can take what we do have and provide a reasoning that kind of, to be frank, makes the question really redundant. And so when such a situation arises, I really feel an urge to say something (and it's hard to say this without coming across as cocky) in order to kind of "right the ship".
By righting the ship, it doesn't mean that I have the answer because quite frankly, I have asked the same questions before as well. The answer that I give is usually what I have come to at the time that I answer it based on my experience and learning. I know that there is no way my answer will ever be good enough, but it's only my hope that it's enough to get someone thinking enough so that they want to go search for the answers themselves. Therefore, righting the ship really means to just steer the conversation back into the right direction. Because quite honestly, I've heard some incredibly shaky answers that have the potential to be very disastrous.
Anyways, enough rambling (=
One more week until I get to be home for a week! Here's hoping to good weather next weekend!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Winter For Champs
I know nobody really cares, but I've been wearing flip flops for much of the last couple weeks. If that doesn't sound too weird, it is currently the middle of winter - February.
This winter, I have pulled out my winter jacket twice. The first time was to play ice hockey. The other time was the random cold day (below -20), and I needed to go get groceries.
Over the last several days, I have also been playing ultimate frisbee outside in the courtyard. Strangely enough, a lot of people like to play in the dark so we can't see the frisbee at all. But that's why it's so fun.
It has also been warm enough that I've set the thermostat in my room to 15 degrees. A normal winter would probably have me want to make sure it was at least 20 in the house.
This is a winter for champs.
In other news, I don't think there's a whole lot of "new" to talk about. This term has been, and will continue to be, rather busy. Tomorrow, I'll finally be able to give my first speech in my public speaking class. It was supposed to be last week, but we ran out of time; so I had to be nervous for another week.
Church has been fun, I guess. There's a Valentines Day thing coming up this Friday and I'll be involved with that. Personally, I think Valentines Day is really dumb and degrading for the people who are single. Singles-awareness Day is about the best way to describe it, because that's what it really is.
Hmm, what else can I write? I guess a little more about my spiritual health is okay. During my fight with God, there was a period of a week or two where I seriously considered giving up my vocation, my faith. The funny thing about that was how, based on my experience, I knew exactly how things were and are supposed to play out. That was the main reason for why I wanted to quit. I found it really stupid, and still do a little, about how things have to work the ways that they do. I hated how inferior we are. And I'm also going to admit that I called God a selfish God for having everything need to point to him. What that means is that all of the "all glory to God" or "every breath I take is because of and for God" type of stuff is all God-centered and needed to be. The whole idea of "we're helpless unless we have God" made me call God an attention whore.
That's not even the worst parts of my fight.
But as hindsight has it, I do take a lot of the blame for being stupid and narrow-minded. It's now motivating me to try to really focus on my attitude. I took my generally positive demeanor for granted for a lot of my life, and so I guess I just want to be able to restart the way I go about it - not being happy for the sake of being happy, but having the reason to do it I guess.
So, where I stand now, I'm still not happy with the way God does things, but I'm more accepting of it. I'm just going to keep going and see where I end up.
Wow, this post ended up much longer than I had originally planned! Haha!
This winter, I have pulled out my winter jacket twice. The first time was to play ice hockey. The other time was the random cold day (below -20), and I needed to go get groceries.
Over the last several days, I have also been playing ultimate frisbee outside in the courtyard. Strangely enough, a lot of people like to play in the dark so we can't see the frisbee at all. But that's why it's so fun.
It has also been warm enough that I've set the thermostat in my room to 15 degrees. A normal winter would probably have me want to make sure it was at least 20 in the house.
This is a winter for champs.
In other news, I don't think there's a whole lot of "new" to talk about. This term has been, and will continue to be, rather busy. Tomorrow, I'll finally be able to give my first speech in my public speaking class. It was supposed to be last week, but we ran out of time; so I had to be nervous for another week.
Church has been fun, I guess. There's a Valentines Day thing coming up this Friday and I'll be involved with that. Personally, I think Valentines Day is really dumb and degrading for the people who are single. Singles-awareness Day is about the best way to describe it, because that's what it really is.
Hmm, what else can I write? I guess a little more about my spiritual health is okay. During my fight with God, there was a period of a week or two where I seriously considered giving up my vocation, my faith. The funny thing about that was how, based on my experience, I knew exactly how things were and are supposed to play out. That was the main reason for why I wanted to quit. I found it really stupid, and still do a little, about how things have to work the ways that they do. I hated how inferior we are. And I'm also going to admit that I called God a selfish God for having everything need to point to him. What that means is that all of the "all glory to God" or "every breath I take is because of and for God" type of stuff is all God-centered and needed to be. The whole idea of "we're helpless unless we have God" made me call God an attention whore.
That's not even the worst parts of my fight.
But as hindsight has it, I do take a lot of the blame for being stupid and narrow-minded. It's now motivating me to try to really focus on my attitude. I took my generally positive demeanor for granted for a lot of my life, and so I guess I just want to be able to restart the way I go about it - not being happy for the sake of being happy, but having the reason to do it I guess.
So, where I stand now, I'm still not happy with the way God does things, but I'm more accepting of it. I'm just going to keep going and see where I end up.
Wow, this post ended up much longer than I had originally planned! Haha!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Phases
Am I the only person that is really stoked that this year is a leap year? From what I've seen so far, people seem more excited about Groundhog Day tomorrow than the fact that we get to live an extra day this year! What that means is that I get to be 21 an extra day longer than I got to be 20, or 22.
I'm a dork, I know.
Anyways, we had a two hour floor meeting tonight so that's why I didn't get to blog until past midnight. We were doing some encouragement thing with yarn so it took forever. It was really nice to have positivity spread around the pod and to know that there are some nice people.
Recently, I've been thinking about all the phases, or all the fads, that happen over the years. To illustrate, I will briefly walk through some of the phases I've experienced in my life.
And then I think about how we're always like, "ooh the things in this world will all pass away, and all our treasure in heaven will be eternal." I guess that passing away part is already evident. Because even though all of these things have shaped who I am and who we are, what do they really mean in the grand scheme of things? What or how are they really represented in who I am. Does having beat every single Pokemon game affect who I am on a day to day basis right now? Probably not. Does doing magic trick really affect the way I go about business? Other than maybe impressing a girl here or there, I doubt it.
So I guess it's one thing to jump on a bandwagon, but a whole different monster to be someone that starts a trend or phase. Kudos to those that have been successful in starting some, or renewing some.
I wonder what the next one will be? Selling all our belongings because the world is ending this year?
HAHA!
I'm a dork, I know.
Anyways, we had a two hour floor meeting tonight so that's why I didn't get to blog until past midnight. We were doing some encouragement thing with yarn so it took forever. It was really nice to have positivity spread around the pod and to know that there are some nice people.
Recently, I've been thinking about all the phases, or all the fads, that happen over the years. To illustrate, I will briefly walk through some of the phases I've experienced in my life.
- Pogs! I was incredibly young so I never really did a whole lot with them.
- Pokemon! Might be the biggest fad I caught onto.
- Yu-Gi-Oh and Beyblade! At the same time, these things popped up and consumed hours, as well as dollars, of my life.
- And then in high school and onward, there weren't really any dominant trends because there were quite a few that could go on over a period of time.
And then I think about how we're always like, "ooh the things in this world will all pass away, and all our treasure in heaven will be eternal." I guess that passing away part is already evident. Because even though all of these things have shaped who I am and who we are, what do they really mean in the grand scheme of things? What or how are they really represented in who I am. Does having beat every single Pokemon game affect who I am on a day to day basis right now? Probably not. Does doing magic trick really affect the way I go about business? Other than maybe impressing a girl here or there, I doubt it.
So I guess it's one thing to jump on a bandwagon, but a whole different monster to be someone that starts a trend or phase. Kudos to those that have been successful in starting some, or renewing some.
I wonder what the next one will be? Selling all our belongings because the world is ending this year?
HAHA!
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