Aside from the fact that my school's internet sucks, life on campus is convenient. I can wake up 15 minutes before class and I'll still be a couple minutes early. If I want food, I just need to go order it and swipe my card. There's workout facilities, plenty of bathrooms across the school, etc.
For whatever reason, my professor decided that he would make all his courses front loaded in an attempt to make it easier for us towards the end of the term. But this tactic only works if you're the only professor trying to do that. And because I have two classes with this professor, it means two of my courses automatically have all the big assignments due at the beginning of the term. This doesn't even account for my other three classes that are doing pretty much the same.
So this basically means that I'm pretty much screwed. I'm still in a summer holiday mood and feeling lazy; so there is pretty much no motivation to work. But it's okay! I will park myself in the school library in an attempt to steal some better internet so I can browse the internet without the disconnecting every 5 minutes. Conveniently enough, sitting in the library, the atmosphere is somewhat making me feel like I should work because everyone else is pretty much doing it. Maybe it's a win-win situation? No way. I can't do my internet stuff and work at the same time. My multitasking abilities are pretty weak.
But anyways, I have my stuff laid out in front of me and if I'm lucky I'll get some of these thoughts and notes into a Word document. The assignment is due next Wednesday so I really need to start writing. The good thing is that this paper is about worship and it's not as big of a beast as some of the theology papers I had to write last year.
You, the loyal reader that I love so much, probably don't care what my paper is supposed to be about but I'm going to tell you anyway! I have to write a 6-8 page paper that describes my stance on worship. There's a bunch of questions I need to attempt to answer, so it should be fun. Basically I'm writing a theology of worship.
So I'll be trying to give my position on questions like "what is worship", "why should we worship", "who can worship, why", etc., etc. It should be fun, and I know it's going to be fun writing on these topics; but I think the fact that I need to use about 5-6 sources kind of turns me off because it means that I have to read. Darn it! Haha.
Speaking of reading, I've recently discovered a pretty decent joy for reading the Bible, which is something that I've been needing for the longest time. So I guess that's a start!
So the first month of the new school year is pretty much coming to an end. I hope everyone has had a good start!
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Turning Tables
Well, this week was definitely a week worth remembering for multiple reasons. School has been decent. I'm still having a bit of trouble really getting down to work, but it's getting there!
The first half of the week was so full of bliss. I had so much joy in me for the first few days for many reasons. I was pleasantly surprised with visitors on Monday and Tuesday, and it was really cool to see people that I don't get to see often. I also had a lot of "fun" with Greek this week. All those translations and all the rules of this and that probably aged my brain a few years, but it was fun to experience. In my other religion classes, I really like the professor so paying attention has been easy and engaging with the topic as well. As for my practicum, it finally looks like there's a more definitive role for me that's starting to be laid out. So no more of that awkward sitting in on junior high and high school groups looking like another one of them. Haha.
Also with this week, I experienced how one person can make me feel like I'm on top of the world and then the most useless piece of garbage over the span of a couple of moments. I didn't know it was possible, but I guess it is. Aside from all the overreacting on my part and whatever else kind of factors that contributed to such a harsh and sudden turning of tables, I feel like there's something really valuable for me to learn, even if I haven't quite found out what it is exactly yet.
I've realized that in a relationship between two people, whether it is a friend, significant other, parent, sibling, etc., there are going to be times where there are rough patches that might cause a bit of tension and make things uncomfortable or sour. It's usually in these times where someone's true colors start to show, everything from how they handle the situation to where the relationship goes after that point of conflict.
When I think about it, I haven't had any of these situations happen to me in a very long time. From what it seemed to me anyway, most people were pretty cool with me and I never got into any fights or arguments that would cause bitterness or whatever. So having it happen this week, it caught me a little by surprise and I might not have done the best that I could have to handle it initially. And now that I've recovered from the initial shock a little bit, I hope that the amends I've tried to make will fix things a little bit. I'm honestly not entirely sure if my relationship with this person will ever be back to the way it was, literally, a few minutes before the tables turned. If you ask me, it was probably my fault that it even happened in the first place; but just the way that it played out, it was like how Tiger Woods was arguably the most respected athlete in the world, and the second his affairs were discovered, he lost almost all of it immediately. That's pretty much the extent to what I felt like happened, which is why I said earlier that it was amazing how one person could make me feel so amazing; and then all of a sudden, like I'm the worst person in the world.
So with that being said, here's hoping that my relationship with this person can heal without too much scarring.
Happy Friday, everyone! (=
The first half of the week was so full of bliss. I had so much joy in me for the first few days for many reasons. I was pleasantly surprised with visitors on Monday and Tuesday, and it was really cool to see people that I don't get to see often. I also had a lot of "fun" with Greek this week. All those translations and all the rules of this and that probably aged my brain a few years, but it was fun to experience. In my other religion classes, I really like the professor so paying attention has been easy and engaging with the topic as well. As for my practicum, it finally looks like there's a more definitive role for me that's starting to be laid out. So no more of that awkward sitting in on junior high and high school groups looking like another one of them. Haha.
Also with this week, I experienced how one person can make me feel like I'm on top of the world and then the most useless piece of garbage over the span of a couple of moments. I didn't know it was possible, but I guess it is. Aside from all the overreacting on my part and whatever else kind of factors that contributed to such a harsh and sudden turning of tables, I feel like there's something really valuable for me to learn, even if I haven't quite found out what it is exactly yet.
I've realized that in a relationship between two people, whether it is a friend, significant other, parent, sibling, etc., there are going to be times where there are rough patches that might cause a bit of tension and make things uncomfortable or sour. It's usually in these times where someone's true colors start to show, everything from how they handle the situation to where the relationship goes after that point of conflict.
When I think about it, I haven't had any of these situations happen to me in a very long time. From what it seemed to me anyway, most people were pretty cool with me and I never got into any fights or arguments that would cause bitterness or whatever. So having it happen this week, it caught me a little by surprise and I might not have done the best that I could have to handle it initially. And now that I've recovered from the initial shock a little bit, I hope that the amends I've tried to make will fix things a little bit. I'm honestly not entirely sure if my relationship with this person will ever be back to the way it was, literally, a few minutes before the tables turned. If you ask me, it was probably my fault that it even happened in the first place; but just the way that it played out, it was like how Tiger Woods was arguably the most respected athlete in the world, and the second his affairs were discovered, he lost almost all of it immediately. That's pretty much the extent to what I felt like happened, which is why I said earlier that it was amazing how one person could make me feel so amazing; and then all of a sudden, like I'm the worst person in the world.
So with that being said, here's hoping that my relationship with this person can heal without too much scarring.
Happy Friday, everyone! (=
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Getting Used to "New"
I thought about putting my title as getting used to the "different", but I thought that it's not the right mindset to have.
Quite obviously, everything has been different for me so far. The biggest change is the whole living in community aspect. I'm still not exactly used to it even though it's been better than I thought. Especially the last few days, I've been having trouble working myself up to interacting with people. In a sense, I've really caved into myself again. I remember the last few nights where I just kind of sat in my bed while there seemed to be quite a bit of stuff happening outside and I just kind of sat there not doing anything - no real thoughts or anything. And to kind of make things worse, I'm just consistently tired now, even with a full night's sleep. This doesn't really bode well because this is the week that I really have to start working.
Maybe there's too much on my mind? Who knows. But with school and a lot of other extracurricular things, it's seeming like I don't have any time on the down low. Even going to church has a bit of a school motif behind it because I'm doing my practicum. If things keep going like this, I don't even want to begin imagining what it feels like for the people to have burnt out.
And more recently, as in the last couple months, my mind has been constantly clouded with one thing; so even if I am not thinking about school or church, I'm thinking about this other thing. I feel like it's just such a battle in my brain when I'm trying to focus, it keeps popping up - kind of distracting.
With church, it's really neat to see what kind of an experience each one brings. With South Gate Alliance, it's been really interesting. I think that if I were just visiting or casually attending, I wouldn't think too much of it; but because I'm a practicum student at this church, I kind of automatically start thinking about how things are run and maybe how it can be better. I was raised a certain way so I'm going to think about how I would want to do things to change a worship service to form into the way that I grew up seeing it. I think it's perfectly natural, but I probably shouldn't be jumping to conclusions so fast about how this area could be this way, or that could be that way. So I tried to change my point of view during this morning's worship to try to see things in a new way, but I'm not going to lie, it was tough.
In a sense, this excites me because I get to see a pretty different way of structure and maybe even emphasis in how a church's routine week can look like. So I guess what I'm really saying is that, other than the size of the church, South Gate is next to nothing like NEAC. Don't get me wrong though, I don't mind, I just need to get used to it.
So as another week is about to begin, I just hope that I can recharge enough because a majority of my courses are front loaded and so most of the work will be done before the end of October. I definitely also need to take time to force myself to not think about or do anything related to school, church, and whatever else distracts me from having God first in my life, and just spend time reading the Bible, praying and listening to God. I know it'll be tough, but I have to do it.
Quite obviously, everything has been different for me so far. The biggest change is the whole living in community aspect. I'm still not exactly used to it even though it's been better than I thought. Especially the last few days, I've been having trouble working myself up to interacting with people. In a sense, I've really caved into myself again. I remember the last few nights where I just kind of sat in my bed while there seemed to be quite a bit of stuff happening outside and I just kind of sat there not doing anything - no real thoughts or anything. And to kind of make things worse, I'm just consistently tired now, even with a full night's sleep. This doesn't really bode well because this is the week that I really have to start working.
Maybe there's too much on my mind? Who knows. But with school and a lot of other extracurricular things, it's seeming like I don't have any time on the down low. Even going to church has a bit of a school motif behind it because I'm doing my practicum. If things keep going like this, I don't even want to begin imagining what it feels like for the people to have burnt out.
And more recently, as in the last couple months, my mind has been constantly clouded with one thing; so even if I am not thinking about school or church, I'm thinking about this other thing. I feel like it's just such a battle in my brain when I'm trying to focus, it keeps popping up - kind of distracting.
With church, it's really neat to see what kind of an experience each one brings. With South Gate Alliance, it's been really interesting. I think that if I were just visiting or casually attending, I wouldn't think too much of it; but because I'm a practicum student at this church, I kind of automatically start thinking about how things are run and maybe how it can be better. I was raised a certain way so I'm going to think about how I would want to do things to change a worship service to form into the way that I grew up seeing it. I think it's perfectly natural, but I probably shouldn't be jumping to conclusions so fast about how this area could be this way, or that could be that way. So I tried to change my point of view during this morning's worship to try to see things in a new way, but I'm not going to lie, it was tough.
In a sense, this excites me because I get to see a pretty different way of structure and maybe even emphasis in how a church's routine week can look like. So I guess what I'm really saying is that, other than the size of the church, South Gate is next to nothing like NEAC. Don't get me wrong though, I don't mind, I just need to get used to it.
So as another week is about to begin, I just hope that I can recharge enough because a majority of my courses are front loaded and so most of the work will be done before the end of October. I definitely also need to take time to force myself to not think about or do anything related to school, church, and whatever else distracts me from having God first in my life, and just spend time reading the Bible, praying and listening to God. I know it'll be tough, but I have to do it.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Keeping Up
Hard to imagine that I was moving in right around this time last week. It's been a week and it seems like it's been such a long time.
After the first few days, I'd settled in and unpacked pretty much everything by the time classes got going. I got pretty lucky and managed to get back to taking five courses each semester. So my Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays are pretty relaxed as I only have one class each of those days - they're in the afternoon as well.
It's amazing how much energy the people on res have. I've found myself being exhausted at the end of most days and how much I enjoyed quiet time in the evening. I think this really confirms how much of an introvert I am. It's strange because I feed off of energy from the people around me, but I never realized how much I loved silence until now.
Anyways, everything is going underway now that the school year is back in full flight. Getting to meet some new people at church has been nice too. The only thing I find strange is that for some reason, the pastor and I somehow agreed upon not introducing me as the practicum student yet. So going to the junior high and high school fellowship on Friday, and then going to Sunday school this morning, felt really strange because all the kids expected me to be their age. So I had to cave and tell a few of them who I am because it'd just be strange if I told them that I'm in grade 11 or 12. One thing that I do like though is that the youth seem pretty open and energetic here, a lot less reserved than the ones back home in NEAC.
It's much tougher trying to get to know people without already having previous connections in the church like I did last year to kind of show you around and introduce you to the people. And add to the fact that the size of South Gate is closer to the size of NEAC, so it will definitely be tougher to remember people's names. But it's not like I'm not used to meeting new people right? Haha.
So I guess with the second week coming up, I'm pretty excited. I look forward to continuing to get to know people better and build stronger friendships down the road.
I have a feeling that I'm going to get owned by Greek.
Speaking of which, HOCKEY'S BACK! YEAH!
After the first few days, I'd settled in and unpacked pretty much everything by the time classes got going. I got pretty lucky and managed to get back to taking five courses each semester. So my Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays are pretty relaxed as I only have one class each of those days - they're in the afternoon as well.
It's amazing how much energy the people on res have. I've found myself being exhausted at the end of most days and how much I enjoyed quiet time in the evening. I think this really confirms how much of an introvert I am. It's strange because I feed off of energy from the people around me, but I never realized how much I loved silence until now.
Anyways, everything is going underway now that the school year is back in full flight. Getting to meet some new people at church has been nice too. The only thing I find strange is that for some reason, the pastor and I somehow agreed upon not introducing me as the practicum student yet. So going to the junior high and high school fellowship on Friday, and then going to Sunday school this morning, felt really strange because all the kids expected me to be their age. So I had to cave and tell a few of them who I am because it'd just be strange if I told them that I'm in grade 11 or 12. One thing that I do like though is that the youth seem pretty open and energetic here, a lot less reserved than the ones back home in NEAC.
It's much tougher trying to get to know people without already having previous connections in the church like I did last year to kind of show you around and introduce you to the people. And add to the fact that the size of South Gate is closer to the size of NEAC, so it will definitely be tougher to remember people's names. But it's not like I'm not used to meeting new people right? Haha.
So I guess with the second week coming up, I'm pretty excited. I look forward to continuing to get to know people better and build stronger friendships down the road.
I have a feeling that I'm going to get owned by Greek.
Speaking of which, HOCKEY'S BACK! YEAH!
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Moved In!
So the new year has arrived, so to speak. Today felt like such a rush and now that I have a chance to wind down a little bit, it feels great. Let me take you through the past few days, the way I saw it.
It ended like this. I walk into my room after a pretty eventful night that included Marble Slab, ultimate frisbee, watching a firetruck put out a fire, more ultimate frisbee, and walk into my room with my roommate sleeping. Due to trying to be polite and being a klutz, I stumbled through the room trying to find where my stuff is - most of it is still packed - took a quick shower, and popped open my laptop and sat on my bed.
To be honest, it's all overwhelming so far. I can barely remember people's names other than the ones that were on my team when we played ultimate. I think this year has been a bit of a reversal from last year in how I reacted to the move. Last year, I felt good up until the move. When I got down, I lost it. This year was a bit different.
The last few days were extremely tough for me. And thanks to probably my favorite person as of right now, I was able to talk things through and vent a little bit; otherwise, I could have possibly broken down before today. So after service, I felt kind of bad for forcing my brother and sister to have to leave right away and started the drive down. When I arrived at Ambrose, I didn't feel too bad at all. It was actually quite pleasant in that people came quickly to help me move my stuff into my room.
After I put everything down, I went to Dairy Queen with the family for supper. Then we came back to drop me off and said goodbye. It didn't feel too bad at all. Of course, everyone already knows each other here; so in the conversations, I'm still a bit on the outside looking in. However, some people have been pretty nice to me already and we had some good chats.
There's definitely going to be a lot of getting used to the life that is here on residence. In fact, I probably still haven't registered that I'm actually here yet. It's just all too surreal.
So tomorrow, I think I have some orientation things to do - group activities and registrations type of things. I think the thing I'll miss the most is milk. I haven't figured out a good way for me to be able to get the milk that I love to drink in the morning and at night. I just might have to go get some for myself and label my name on it.
But I know it'll just take some time and I'll be right in the thick of things. I just hope that it'll happen fast; that I'll make the friends I want to make right away, and be on my way with my studies.
Speaking of which, I have no idea where I'm gonna get my breakfast tomorrow. Shoot!
It ended like this. I walk into my room after a pretty eventful night that included Marble Slab, ultimate frisbee, watching a firetruck put out a fire, more ultimate frisbee, and walk into my room with my roommate sleeping. Due to trying to be polite and being a klutz, I stumbled through the room trying to find where my stuff is - most of it is still packed - took a quick shower, and popped open my laptop and sat on my bed.
To be honest, it's all overwhelming so far. I can barely remember people's names other than the ones that were on my team when we played ultimate. I think this year has been a bit of a reversal from last year in how I reacted to the move. Last year, I felt good up until the move. When I got down, I lost it. This year was a bit different.
The last few days were extremely tough for me. And thanks to probably my favorite person as of right now, I was able to talk things through and vent a little bit; otherwise, I could have possibly broken down before today. So after service, I felt kind of bad for forcing my brother and sister to have to leave right away and started the drive down. When I arrived at Ambrose, I didn't feel too bad at all. It was actually quite pleasant in that people came quickly to help me move my stuff into my room.
After I put everything down, I went to Dairy Queen with the family for supper. Then we came back to drop me off and said goodbye. It didn't feel too bad at all. Of course, everyone already knows each other here; so in the conversations, I'm still a bit on the outside looking in. However, some people have been pretty nice to me already and we had some good chats.
There's definitely going to be a lot of getting used to the life that is here on residence. In fact, I probably still haven't registered that I'm actually here yet. It's just all too surreal.
So tomorrow, I think I have some orientation things to do - group activities and registrations type of things. I think the thing I'll miss the most is milk. I haven't figured out a good way for me to be able to get the milk that I love to drink in the morning and at night. I just might have to go get some for myself and label my name on it.
But I know it'll just take some time and I'll be right in the thick of things. I just hope that it'll happen fast; that I'll make the friends I want to make right away, and be on my way with my studies.
Speaking of which, I have no idea where I'm gonna get my breakfast tomorrow. Shoot!
Friday, September 2, 2011
A Year Later
A year ago, I was sitting in my new room thinking. I spent way too many nights in that room being confused and probably feeling lonely. To put it quite frankly, my first year at Ambrose was tough. Many things were less than ideal, but I just don't live life that way to keep dwelling on them, or looking at things that way.
Now I'm sitting at my kitchen table just one day removed from having to move down to Calgary again. I didn't intend to do it, but the recent deaths of three hockey players and their link to depression has really got me thinking. It breaks my heart to have to hear about people go through these things on a daily basis. I did some thinking about what sort of things might lead to depression and what sort of things someone might experience when they are in that state. It's very sad. I wish the best to all the families and friends that have been affected by these deaths.
What does this have to do with Calgary? I don't know, really. I just have a hard time thinking that I have to leave again. I think the difference between this year and last year though is that I tried to push aside all the feelings that were going through my head last year, partly because I had no idea what to expect. And so when things finally happened, I kind of caved all at once. This time around, I have a better idea of what to think about and what to expect my brain and heart would be feeling like. It's not very much easier the second time around. My body and mind are still recovering from a really high paced and demanding two months of soccer and teaching the kids about God, so it's been a tough week of transition for me.
There were quite a few times over this passed week where I kind of just found myself sitting here like a fruit. When I realized that I was literally only breathing and blinking, I kind of caught myself in some sort of strange intermediate state about trying to find out what coaching soccer did for me and needing to get ready for school.
And so here I am, with one day left until I hit the road again to move back to Calgary. I'm moving into the residence this year and I'm nervous about it. Since finishing soccer, my mind has just been a mess and I don't think I've made much sense at all this week - in what I said, wrote, thought, etc. So if this blog post doesn't make sense, you now know why.
Half of me is incredibly excited to move into res and start school. The other half is holding on to what I have here at home: my family, my friends, my familiarity. So far, the latter half is winning.
Now I'm sitting at my kitchen table just one day removed from having to move down to Calgary again. I didn't intend to do it, but the recent deaths of three hockey players and their link to depression has really got me thinking. It breaks my heart to have to hear about people go through these things on a daily basis. I did some thinking about what sort of things might lead to depression and what sort of things someone might experience when they are in that state. It's very sad. I wish the best to all the families and friends that have been affected by these deaths.
What does this have to do with Calgary? I don't know, really. I just have a hard time thinking that I have to leave again. I think the difference between this year and last year though is that I tried to push aside all the feelings that were going through my head last year, partly because I had no idea what to expect. And so when things finally happened, I kind of caved all at once. This time around, I have a better idea of what to think about and what to expect my brain and heart would be feeling like. It's not very much easier the second time around. My body and mind are still recovering from a really high paced and demanding two months of soccer and teaching the kids about God, so it's been a tough week of transition for me.
There were quite a few times over this passed week where I kind of just found myself sitting here like a fruit. When I realized that I was literally only breathing and blinking, I kind of caught myself in some sort of strange intermediate state about trying to find out what coaching soccer did for me and needing to get ready for school.
And so here I am, with one day left until I hit the road again to move back to Calgary. I'm moving into the residence this year and I'm nervous about it. Since finishing soccer, my mind has just been a mess and I don't think I've made much sense at all this week - in what I said, wrote, thought, etc. So if this blog post doesn't make sense, you now know why.
Half of me is incredibly excited to move into res and start school. The other half is holding on to what I have here at home: my family, my friends, my familiarity. So far, the latter half is winning.
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