"Today is my mom's birthday."
I used that as an excuse to go shopping this morning. And from what was intended to be just a casual trip, I came home with more to think about than just the things that I bought.
I've been eying a new pair of jeans and a zip-up hoodie for a while now. So I saw this as the perfect opportunity to seize the time that I have left in Edmonton to buy something as a "reward" for myself before I go back to school.
So I walked out of the store spending quite a bit of money buying those two items that I wanted and started to think about what my mom would want. I always feel like buying presents for moms are always the hardest. They never really want anything; even if they do, they'll never say it because they always put the family first.
Then I walked into the store and I saw a few neat things that I thought I could get. And then I looked at the price tag. There were two different things I wanted to get my mom but the price just could not justify me buying it. After debating for probably 10 minutes, I decided just to get them anyway. As I walk out the store I thought to myself, "why is it that I can so easily spend $200 on myself but struggle to spend $30 for my mom?" And on came the wave of guilty thoughts about how my mom has put us first all our lives, and blah blah blah. I think that even though the prices I paid for the two things I got my mom was a little more than what they should've cost, I should probably stop letting the price of something get in the way of showing someone how much I appreciate them. Sure, there's going to be a line that you can't really cross if something is ridiculously overpriced; but if I can so easily dish out an arm or a leg to buy something for myself, I should be able to do the same for others.
And I thought that when I left the mall, that was the end of it. I pulled close to the stop light where I needed to turn back onto 170th St., and I saw a guy holding a sign that said "I'm hungry. Can you help? I'm sorry." Normally, I just bypass these people without thinking much. And a lot of times, there are people that aren't really hungry and just want the money for drugs or whatever. But regardless of how they got into such a situation, it's a sad story. And this guy looked pretty legit in not having any food - he was pretty young, mid to late 20s is my guess. Even though I don't really care much for most of the people that I pass by with signs, it breaks my heart every time I see one. Whether or not they really need the money for food, having to resort to standing on the street and holding up a sign in hopes that someone feels bad for you is really unfortunate.
I take a look at myself and I know what it's like to not have enough money. Of course, my not having money is totally different from what the people on the streets see has not having money. My not having money is that I don't have enough to pay for school next year. The fortunate thing for me is that I still have a family that is looking out for me in providing what I don't have. And I look at my life and the way I just walked out of the mall spending over $200 while shopping for things that I really don't need, to seeing a guy that just wants money for lunch, it makes me feel like a dick.
So I reached into my pocket and pulled out whatever change I had, add onto the little bit that was just sitting in my cup holder, and I gave all of it to the guy. It was barely 5 bucks, but the smile and appreciation he had brought such joy to me because it felt like I wasn't giving out of reluctance or pity; but rather it was because I wanted to help him.
I've talked many times about leaving a "legacy" behind wherever you go so you can be take a look at how you'll be remembered. I've also talked a lot about how I want it so that when people look at me, they see Jesus. When I put these two things together, I wish that the people that I help out won't remember me for what I did, but the act itself that provided for something that they might not have gotten if it wasn't for it.
It's unfortunate that a source of payment runs this world. I'll never know that guy's name; and I'll probably never see him again; but I hope that through all the people that's provided for him, he'll be drawn toward Jesus more and more.
Forget about the price tag.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Heck of a Summer
And that concludes the eight weeks of coaching that I was fortunate to do. It was a lot of fun working for AIA and it was an honor that I got to meet so many cool people. The unfortunate thing was that I never did get to really build a bond to the extent that I would've liked with most of the people I met, but that's just the nature of this job. It was a lot of fun working on my stunning tan lines throughout the summer; and it will be even more fun trying to even them out now.
I know that I've regained a lot of my soccer form from many years ago, probably improved too. As far as the spiritual side of things, I'm not sure about what I've learned just yet. There's been a lot of reminders, I just haven't found something that has really stood out to me in terms of being something new. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing because sometimes the best thing that could happen is being reminded of something you may have forgotten or having it grown dim.
In Cochrane, I'll remember Bailey. She was 7 years old and one of the cutest kids I've met this summer.
At NEAC/Steele Heights, I'll remember how strange it felt for me to work in the place I call home.
In Rocky Mt. House, I'll remember the allergies that kept me from doing anything well.
At West Meadows, I'll remember how well we were treated by the church outside of camp.
In Athabasca, I'll remember Jessica. This week was the most fun I had all summer.
In Red Deer, I'll remember Sean and I being the only boys. I'll also remember the Motz's kids.
At SEAC, I'll remember helping the church feel comfortable holding soccer camps for the first time.
In Calgary, I'll remember learning the power of gentleness, patience, and compromise.
I really want to thank anyone that even took a second to think or pray for me throughout the summer. I also think that for everyone I met, whether or not they've already forgotten me, it was a blessing for me to be a small part of your summer. And I guess I also have to thank AIA for hiring me this year.
What now? I'm going to have to turn my attention back to school as I am a week from moving back to Calgary. On September 4th, I'll be breaking down all my walls and be put in a spot that I might not necessarily be comfortable with when I move into res. It'll be quite the experience. Hopefully it treats me as well as this summer treated me.
/summerof2011.
I know that I've regained a lot of my soccer form from many years ago, probably improved too. As far as the spiritual side of things, I'm not sure about what I've learned just yet. There's been a lot of reminders, I just haven't found something that has really stood out to me in terms of being something new. It doesn't mean it's a bad thing because sometimes the best thing that could happen is being reminded of something you may have forgotten or having it grown dim.
In Cochrane, I'll remember Bailey. She was 7 years old and one of the cutest kids I've met this summer.
At NEAC/Steele Heights, I'll remember how strange it felt for me to work in the place I call home.
In Rocky Mt. House, I'll remember the allergies that kept me from doing anything well.
At West Meadows, I'll remember how well we were treated by the church outside of camp.
In Athabasca, I'll remember Jessica. This week was the most fun I had all summer.
In Red Deer, I'll remember Sean and I being the only boys. I'll also remember the Motz's kids.
At SEAC, I'll remember helping the church feel comfortable holding soccer camps for the first time.
In Calgary, I'll remember learning the power of gentleness, patience, and compromise.
I really want to thank anyone that even took a second to think or pray for me throughout the summer. I also think that for everyone I met, whether or not they've already forgotten me, it was a blessing for me to be a small part of your summer. And I guess I also have to thank AIA for hiring me this year.
What now? I'm going to have to turn my attention back to school as I am a week from moving back to Calgary. On September 4th, I'll be breaking down all my walls and be put in a spot that I might not necessarily be comfortable with when I move into res. It'll be quite the experience. Hopefully it treats me as well as this summer treated me.
/summerof2011.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
So Soon
It's hard to imagine that I only have one week of soccer camps left. This summer has been such a blessing to me. It's been so tough but so enjoyable. As of right now, it can easily go down as one of my favorite summers of all time.
Truth be told, I didn't expect for this job to have treated me this way. I feel like I've grown quite a bit in terms of my soccer ability; I'd actually be shocked if I didn't regain a lot of my form from the days that I played a lot because of the amount of times I get to touch the ball in a day. And as for the spiritual side of things, the summer has really been a summer of confirmation for me. I know that ministry is where God wants me, but you can never be reminded enough and have enough of that assurance that you are being backed by the one who wrote history. Having that renewed feeling of knowing that this is where God wants me brings all the joy I need to get up everyday.
As awesome as coaching has been, it needs to end some time. I don't really want to go back to school right now. The biggest reason is because I'm nervous about moving into residence. You should know by now, I'm anti-social. Haha. It's stupid that something so little is all that holds me back from being what I am capable of being - it's always this way. But even though I am scared, I think it'll turn out okay. Part of the "excitement" of living life is that we never know what's happening tomorrow. I do believe, however, that moving into the residence is the right decision for me. So at least I have some confidence in knowing that it'll be fun.
Anyways, our last week will be in Calgary. It's going to be a long drive tomorrow because I hate long drives unless I'm with the people that I would die to be with (hypothetically speaking), and it's going to be blazing hot - my car doesn't have air conditioning. So after the painful drive, I'm going to have a great week coaching my last week for AIA.
This summer is ending too soon!
Truth be told, I didn't expect for this job to have treated me this way. I feel like I've grown quite a bit in terms of my soccer ability; I'd actually be shocked if I didn't regain a lot of my form from the days that I played a lot because of the amount of times I get to touch the ball in a day. And as for the spiritual side of things, the summer has really been a summer of confirmation for me. I know that ministry is where God wants me, but you can never be reminded enough and have enough of that assurance that you are being backed by the one who wrote history. Having that renewed feeling of knowing that this is where God wants me brings all the joy I need to get up everyday.
As awesome as coaching has been, it needs to end some time. I don't really want to go back to school right now. The biggest reason is because I'm nervous about moving into residence. You should know by now, I'm anti-social. Haha. It's stupid that something so little is all that holds me back from being what I am capable of being - it's always this way. But even though I am scared, I think it'll turn out okay. Part of the "excitement" of living life is that we never know what's happening tomorrow. I do believe, however, that moving into the residence is the right decision for me. So at least I have some confidence in knowing that it'll be fun.
Anyways, our last week will be in Calgary. It's going to be a long drive tomorrow because I hate long drives unless I'm with the people that I would die to be with (hypothetically speaking), and it's going to be blazing hot - my car doesn't have air conditioning. So after the painful drive, I'm going to have a great week coaching my last week for AIA.
This summer is ending too soon!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Perspective
Working two weeks in a row has really opened my eyes to this whole concept of perspective.
Here's an example: people that have grown up in Edmonton would take a look at places like Vancouver, Toronto, New York, London, etc. to be big cities. On the contrary, those larger cities in the world would look at Edmonton and think that it's a little hamlet; and as for the actual towns and hamlets, they probably don't even exist to people from the big city.
This week, we were in Red Deer. I told one of the volunteers that I'm from Edmonton, and one of the first things that she said was that she refuses to drive in Edmonton. At first, I didn't know what she was saying. And eventually, I realized that it would be the same for me if I was in a place like New York. Even though I suck at it, meeting people and getting to know their background is one of the funnest things to do. It's great to see from the eyes of different types of people that come from different places. So I guess it would be fair that if you grew up in Red Deer, Edmonton and Calgary would be the big city experience for you even if you've traveled to many different places.
With that being said, there's been one thing that I've noticed with all of the camps this summer. I was talking to my boss a couple weeks back about how things were going and there was one thing that seemed to stick out in terms of the people we're meeting. People from the city are so different from people from the smaller towns and villages. When she told me that she's observed that, I couldn't agree more. It's not that the kids and volunteers from the city are bad, but there just seems to be something about the kids from the smaller places that seem really special. I think that vaguely speaking, the people from the towns and villages in general have been much more pleasant to meet. Playing favorites is not the best thing to do, but my 2 favorite kids this summer live in Cochrane and Athabasca - both towns of just a couple thousand people. And to maybe put it in a harsh way, the kids we've gotten in Edmonton just seem a little brattier than the rest. Of course, that's possibly over generalizing, but it's still true. I'd just think that it has to do with the culture where, especially now, the kids are so spoiled in the city.
So, as much as it sucked that Athabasca didn't have a Starbucks or Tim Hortons, or heck, even a McDonalds, I'd go back instantly to be able to see the people that I've met there.
Just my perspective.
Here's an example: people that have grown up in Edmonton would take a look at places like Vancouver, Toronto, New York, London, etc. to be big cities. On the contrary, those larger cities in the world would look at Edmonton and think that it's a little hamlet; and as for the actual towns and hamlets, they probably don't even exist to people from the big city.
This week, we were in Red Deer. I told one of the volunteers that I'm from Edmonton, and one of the first things that she said was that she refuses to drive in Edmonton. At first, I didn't know what she was saying. And eventually, I realized that it would be the same for me if I was in a place like New York. Even though I suck at it, meeting people and getting to know their background is one of the funnest things to do. It's great to see from the eyes of different types of people that come from different places. So I guess it would be fair that if you grew up in Red Deer, Edmonton and Calgary would be the big city experience for you even if you've traveled to many different places.
With that being said, there's been one thing that I've noticed with all of the camps this summer. I was talking to my boss a couple weeks back about how things were going and there was one thing that seemed to stick out in terms of the people we're meeting. People from the city are so different from people from the smaller towns and villages. When she told me that she's observed that, I couldn't agree more. It's not that the kids and volunteers from the city are bad, but there just seems to be something about the kids from the smaller places that seem really special. I think that vaguely speaking, the people from the towns and villages in general have been much more pleasant to meet. Playing favorites is not the best thing to do, but my 2 favorite kids this summer live in Cochrane and Athabasca - both towns of just a couple thousand people. And to maybe put it in a harsh way, the kids we've gotten in Edmonton just seem a little brattier than the rest. Of course, that's possibly over generalizing, but it's still true. I'd just think that it has to do with the culture where, especially now, the kids are so spoiled in the city.
So, as much as it sucked that Athabasca didn't have a Starbucks or Tim Hortons, or heck, even a McDonalds, I'd go back instantly to be able to see the people that I've met there.
Just my perspective.
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Pondering
One of the biggest things I hate about myself is that I hate saying goodbye, so I almost never say it because there's always hopes that you will see them again in the future.
The thing that has struck me most about these soccer camps that I've been doing is that, a) they are a week long - any kind of relationship we develop with anyone cannot possibly last that long; and b) is there anything more than just simply "planting the seed" that we keep talking about?
As for the relationships, it just frustrates me that anytime I feel like I'm really starting to connect with someone, we have to leave. Sure we can do the whole Facebook thing and "stay connected" or "reconnect", but I still find that it's challenging especially when it comes to kids that don't have Facebook. We're supposed to be role models and good examples to these kids and volunteers; but how much can one week really do? I know that we also talk about how we're not going to see results right away. But for any parent or anyone that's been in the mentoring position before, don't you think that you'll want to be there when your child graduates, or when your pupil surpasses the master? I sure has heck would want to be there. Instead, we're told that we have to leave it in the hands of the church and the community to continue watering and growing these seeds that we place in the kids lives. To me, it's not good enough. Why? Because I am forced to put my faith into other people to develop my relationship with a kid that they did not create. And of course, we have to trust that God is going to use these one week camps to influence childrens' lives someway and somehow.
I don't know about you, but I personally want to develop my own relationships with people and not have others do it for me. It only seems like the logical thing to do, don't you think? So as we plant these seeds into the kids' lives with our words and our actions, it seems that we're missing a glaring detail. While we're "planting" these seeds, we're growing a special bond with certain kids. So to use an example, if I plant a seed in the garden, wouldn't it only make sense that I would want to be the one that waters it and nourish it and watch it grow? Maybe I need to change my mindset, or maybe I've just found my true calling. Because if it were up to me, I'd want to spend all the time in the world with those that I've created a special bond with. I don't like this whole "you have one week to plant as many seeds as you can and then move on to the next camp to do the same" type of system. Obviously, we're not purely a numbers driven motif, but given what we have to work with, it's hard to do anything more - if you know what I'm saying.
All it really means though is that I just have a hard time letting go. And if so, it really shouldn't be coming as a surprise to anyone because that's me. Maybe it's just me, but I actually value the relationships that I have with other people that God has blessed me with.
If working for AIA has taught me anything, this would be what I learned. Don't get me wrong, I am having a blast. Everything has gone better than I could ever imagine it to be as far as the traveling and the camps go. It's just that when I think about the mark that I leave, or the impression that I give, one week just doesn't do enough.
Don't get me wrong. It's just that I got pushed over the edge a little bit when for the second time in my life today, I was told that I'm going to be missed by a child that I got to spend quality time with. It's not that I was told that I'll be missed for a second time; it is that I was told that I'll be missed, but for the second time, I didn't know what to respond with because I have no idea that I'll ever see them again.
Is it wrong to think that the relationships I make are intended to be lifelong? I wouldn't think so. If it is wrong, then you are in desperate need to learn about God's intentions from the beginning. I don't know, I just hate that I know that there's a possibility for me to not be able to follow through on a lot of people's wishes.
Just my pondering for the night.
The thing that has struck me most about these soccer camps that I've been doing is that, a) they are a week long - any kind of relationship we develop with anyone cannot possibly last that long; and b) is there anything more than just simply "planting the seed" that we keep talking about?
As for the relationships, it just frustrates me that anytime I feel like I'm really starting to connect with someone, we have to leave. Sure we can do the whole Facebook thing and "stay connected" or "reconnect", but I still find that it's challenging especially when it comes to kids that don't have Facebook. We're supposed to be role models and good examples to these kids and volunteers; but how much can one week really do? I know that we also talk about how we're not going to see results right away. But for any parent or anyone that's been in the mentoring position before, don't you think that you'll want to be there when your child graduates, or when your pupil surpasses the master? I sure has heck would want to be there. Instead, we're told that we have to leave it in the hands of the church and the community to continue watering and growing these seeds that we place in the kids lives. To me, it's not good enough. Why? Because I am forced to put my faith into other people to develop my relationship with a kid that they did not create. And of course, we have to trust that God is going to use these one week camps to influence childrens' lives someway and somehow.
I don't know about you, but I personally want to develop my own relationships with people and not have others do it for me. It only seems like the logical thing to do, don't you think? So as we plant these seeds into the kids' lives with our words and our actions, it seems that we're missing a glaring detail. While we're "planting" these seeds, we're growing a special bond with certain kids. So to use an example, if I plant a seed in the garden, wouldn't it only make sense that I would want to be the one that waters it and nourish it and watch it grow? Maybe I need to change my mindset, or maybe I've just found my true calling. Because if it were up to me, I'd want to spend all the time in the world with those that I've created a special bond with. I don't like this whole "you have one week to plant as many seeds as you can and then move on to the next camp to do the same" type of system. Obviously, we're not purely a numbers driven motif, but given what we have to work with, it's hard to do anything more - if you know what I'm saying.
All it really means though is that I just have a hard time letting go. And if so, it really shouldn't be coming as a surprise to anyone because that's me. Maybe it's just me, but I actually value the relationships that I have with other people that God has blessed me with.
If working for AIA has taught me anything, this would be what I learned. Don't get me wrong, I am having a blast. Everything has gone better than I could ever imagine it to be as far as the traveling and the camps go. It's just that when I think about the mark that I leave, or the impression that I give, one week just doesn't do enough.
Don't get me wrong. It's just that I got pushed over the edge a little bit when for the second time in my life today, I was told that I'm going to be missed by a child that I got to spend quality time with. It's not that I was told that I'll be missed for a second time; it is that I was told that I'll be missed, but for the second time, I didn't know what to respond with because I have no idea that I'll ever see them again.
Is it wrong to think that the relationships I make are intended to be lifelong? I wouldn't think so. If it is wrong, then you are in desperate need to learn about God's intentions from the beginning. I don't know, I just hate that I know that there's a possibility for me to not be able to follow through on a lot of people's wishes.
Just my pondering for the night.
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