What to say? This weekend, I really got to rest and it has never felt better. I finished Friday, and I had nothing to worry about for the weekend. My work for this term isn't over yet, but the really big things aside from the finals are done. Dirt off my shoulders? I think so. So, I thought it'd be a good idea to reward and feel good about myself this weekend - just a little bit.
A few weeks ago, I was asked to join the Christmas choir at CCBC. I wasn't so fond of the idea at first, and I didn't even know if I'd still be here for that celebration. I turned down the offer with the reason that I wasn't sure if I would still be here, and that I wanted my Sunday afternoons to be at home doing nothing. But it was insisted that I should just join the practices anyway, in case I am here. I think the chances of me being gone are higher, but I thought, meh, whatever. So today, I went to the practice. It isn't exactly a full blown choir per se, but it's got a good amount of people. I said that I'm not a tenor, but the only choices were bass and tenor. And people know I complain about songs being too low, so I just chose to sing the tenor parts. After all, it's only the standard SATB parts, no such thing as baritone. So after trying to keep up for the first couple runs, I started to catch on. And because I am a baritone and not a tenor, some parts are too high for me. For the music people, I'll explain my range for you. I am comfortable up to an F; I wouldn't be able to hold that note or keep my range within that vicinity for an entire song, but if the melody gets up there for a few measures here and there, it's within my normal range. Most of the time, I am fine with the odd G or sometimes G#. And if I'm really ambitious, I'll try for the A. So the very ending of the second song we're singing, the tenor is to up to that G# and is to hold it for TWELVE beats (3 measures). I wanted to die. Another guy that's a bit older than me that was beside me, the whole time we're just laughing our face out because of some of the high parts. We just had pho like fifteen minutes before practice, so the food hasn't even settled in and we're singing consistently in the range of D to G. It was pretty cool to be going through puberty again. But practice was a lot of fun. I haven't done any of this group singing stuff since Splash Kingdom, and it was fun. I'm just so glad that I'm really getting to know some people here at the church; they're pretty awesome - a lot like NEAC, but maybe a bit less... secular? I'm not sure if that's the right word.
With school, I cannot believe I have a week and a half left - a total of six class days. After that, I'll have one full week of four exams and then I'll be comin' home man! I should really put an effort into doing well in my exams so I can go home without any worries or regrets. Man, that first semester went by so quickly. It is definitely a change from the UofA. The first semester just dragged on and on there; and don't even get me started on the second semester. All I have left is a group presentation, a short assignment, and a short paper on Christian spirituality. I think that handing the theology term paper had me at the tip of the mountain. So I've hit the plateau and waiting for the finals to get here. Now I've just got to take care of a few more things and it'll be all down hill from then on.
One thing I learned about myself is that I think I might be too honest. When it really comes down to it, I think I'm a really straight forward person. I'm gonna tell things like it is, and not shy away from trying to beat around the bush. I would like to think that I'm a pretty open person in the sense that I'll take criticism, I'll listen to things and look at them from every side that I can. For instance, my blog! Anyone that's been following me on here have probably read some of the thoughts that I have towards certain situations, and sometimes I get pretty blunt. What I am implying is that I hope that I don't have as many readers as I think I might have. There's nothing more to it than that. I obviously talk about people I come into regular contact with, so I just hope they don't take me the wrong way. That's what sh.... nah.
Well, November only has a couple days left! Enjoy it while it lasts because December is gonna be legen...
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Hungover
I guess I'll try to break the "400 years of silence" in the blogging world. Not saying that it's been completely dead, but what happened after that huge explosion from the 1040 event? I like how at least one of you admits to being seriously tested after a spiritual high like the event from Jaeson Ma, but I guess it's just part of life.
Anyways. I finished a bit early in what I planned to do during my break today, so I thought I'd blogggg. A month later, I finally get my theology midterm mark. And guess what? I passed. I was a couple percent below class average, but I passed. Remember how I said before that if I passed, God probably REALLY wants me to do well? I think that by judging on the amount of mercy marks I got, it's true. Haha. Because if I remember, there was no possible way that I could've passed - unless I'm really good at guessing. So, with all things considered, my theology mark isn't very high right now, but it could be a lot worse! I hope that the work I put into my term paper will at least boost it a little bit because it's worth the most in this course.
Over the last week, all I've really done was work on my term paper. There were a couple aside things I had to take care of, but the focus was on this bad boy. I finished the basis of my paper on Monday night, and took yesterday off to let it marinade a little bit. It's so strange because when I woke up on Monday, I had absolutely no idea what day it was. I thought it was Tuesday, meaning I had to go to school, but when I turned on my computer, it said Monday. Today, I had to think twice to realize it was Wednesday too. This early morning thing is really starting to take its toll. I like my sleep - what can I say? But nonetheless, a little more editing, and my paper will be ready to hand in tomorrow! So excited!
And what's with all this Christmas buzz? Left and right, I'm seeing status', emails, all that kind of stuff about Christmas, but I don't feel it. I think that I've been so sheltered that I have absolutely no idea about what is going on in the secular world anymore. If I'm not on the bus, I'm at school; if I'm not at school, I'm at home; if I'm not at home, I'm at church. I don't get to go to the mall or any of that anymore. By the way, the malls in Calgary suck! I already see Londonderry as being an amateur-ish mall, but I don't think any of the malls here can even compare to Londonderry. I haven't been to every single one, but the ones I have been to are pretty weak. But I guess the good thing is that I won't be shopping because I'm already poor. So if I shop more, it'll be bad.
One more thing to add. My eating habits are strange. I barely get anything outside my three meals a day anymore. Before I moved, I ate all the time. Junk, healthy, after breakfast, afternoon, before lunch, after supper, before I sleep, that type of deal. Now, I'm seriously feeling the effects of being hungry. It's so weird that sometimes I can get past that hungry state and just not feel hungry anymore. But when I do finally put something in my stomach, I get the hungry feeling again. So I think it's that I go from starving to hungry, not hungry to full or starving to full. It's the strangest thing ever! Who knew you could go from being starved and not feel hungry to feeling hungry after you eat?
The countdown to Christmas begins! One month 'til Christmas Eve! ... Okay, now I'm excited.
Anyways. I finished a bit early in what I planned to do during my break today, so I thought I'd blogggg. A month later, I finally get my theology midterm mark. And guess what? I passed. I was a couple percent below class average, but I passed. Remember how I said before that if I passed, God probably REALLY wants me to do well? I think that by judging on the amount of mercy marks I got, it's true. Haha. Because if I remember, there was no possible way that I could've passed - unless I'm really good at guessing. So, with all things considered, my theology mark isn't very high right now, but it could be a lot worse! I hope that the work I put into my term paper will at least boost it a little bit because it's worth the most in this course.
Over the last week, all I've really done was work on my term paper. There were a couple aside things I had to take care of, but the focus was on this bad boy. I finished the basis of my paper on Monday night, and took yesterday off to let it marinade a little bit. It's so strange because when I woke up on Monday, I had absolutely no idea what day it was. I thought it was Tuesday, meaning I had to go to school, but when I turned on my computer, it said Monday. Today, I had to think twice to realize it was Wednesday too. This early morning thing is really starting to take its toll. I like my sleep - what can I say? But nonetheless, a little more editing, and my paper will be ready to hand in tomorrow! So excited!
And what's with all this Christmas buzz? Left and right, I'm seeing status', emails, all that kind of stuff about Christmas, but I don't feel it. I think that I've been so sheltered that I have absolutely no idea about what is going on in the secular world anymore. If I'm not on the bus, I'm at school; if I'm not at school, I'm at home; if I'm not at home, I'm at church. I don't get to go to the mall or any of that anymore. By the way, the malls in Calgary suck! I already see Londonderry as being an amateur-ish mall, but I don't think any of the malls here can even compare to Londonderry. I haven't been to every single one, but the ones I have been to are pretty weak. But I guess the good thing is that I won't be shopping because I'm already poor. So if I shop more, it'll be bad.
One more thing to add. My eating habits are strange. I barely get anything outside my three meals a day anymore. Before I moved, I ate all the time. Junk, healthy, after breakfast, afternoon, before lunch, after supper, before I sleep, that type of deal. Now, I'm seriously feeling the effects of being hungry. It's so weird that sometimes I can get past that hungry state and just not feel hungry anymore. But when I do finally put something in my stomach, I get the hungry feeling again. So I think it's that I go from starving to hungry, not hungry to full or starving to full. It's the strangest thing ever! Who knew you could go from being starved and not feel hungry to feeling hungry after you eat?
The countdown to Christmas begins! One month 'til Christmas Eve! ... Okay, now I'm excited.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Surprised by Joy
Since I "did" a book review on C.S. Lewis' book, his concept of being surprised by joy has been with me ever since. The way I relate things to "glimpses of heaven" is the same idea as Lewis' definition of "joy". And as I take an unprecedented break from reading for my term paper, I am a bit fascinated about the things I'm learning. The break really is a bit unwarranted right now because I decided to take FAR too long before I started doing the biggest paper of my first term at Bible school.
So, uhh, my paper is on the doctrine of sin. I'm so glad that I picked this topic because living life is all about our battles with sin. Of course, the battle has already been won by God through Jesus dying on the cross; but it is in each of our lives to live out that victory that was granted to us. The word that has been floating in my mind throughout this whole process is "fascination". I'm almost being blown away by what I'm discovering.
It should be a well known fact by now, that I am awful at reading. If I had my own Wikipedia page, that fact that I suck at reading would be under the "character traits" section of my page. C.S. Lewis said he often found his type of joy when he's reading through all his literature and mythologies; and I am finding a very similar experience as I'm reading Thomas Oden's "The Word of Life". The book is basically about Jesus and his role on this earth. So most of what I'm reading is what sin has to do with Jesus. I don't want to bore anyone with a ten page essay on all the theological stuff about what I'm reading (other than my prof), so I won't get into the tiny little details.
I think a lot of us "Christians" have a good grasp at this whole doctrine of sin. What is sin? Where did it come from? Why is it significant? How do we escape it? All that kind of stuff we have a good idea on; or at least I hope so. There were a couple of pretty cool questions that I came across while reading Oden. One of them is: if man had never fallen, would the incarnation of Jesus still be necessary? I think this question is pretty debated; I haven't looked into it, but I would imagine that it is. Another cool point is raised in Jesus' baptism. Getting baptized is a sign of being sanctified from sin. Jesus was born as a man without sin, so why did he get baptized? There is a more definitive answer to this question than the first one, but I still thought it was pretty cool that it was talked about.
Anyway, I think that's been the highlight of the last couple of days for me, other than the fact that it's so incredibly cold outside. I think I made a mistake to say that it was okay that I'd sacrifice travel distance to school in order to have a smooth transition. I'm not someone that lives with regrets, but this is getting pretty close to it. Of course, the transition has been pretty ideal. I'm comfortable, I'm living with people that I knew prior to moving here. Everything outside of school has been pretty decent. But the reason I am here is because of school, and I have to say that things aren't the best. I'm not complaining by saying it's bad, but it could be better. Like I said, I knew what I was getting myself into when I chose familiarity over being thrown right into the wolves; but I'm a bit second guessing my choice right now - which is also a thing that I don't really do. However, at the end of the day, I'm beyond content with what God's given me. So I'm going to choose to see it that way; and I always will.
Going to get back to work now. I'm actually a bit surprised that with these doctrinal stuff being so fascinating, that there isn't an entire horde of people who actively do this whole "Bible college" thing. It feels so great to be learning something that I love, and it's definitely been a change for me compared to my time in high school and the UofA.
Maybe if the Oilers can win one, things will be even more joyful! Haha, who am I kidding...
So, uhh, my paper is on the doctrine of sin. I'm so glad that I picked this topic because living life is all about our battles with sin. Of course, the battle has already been won by God through Jesus dying on the cross; but it is in each of our lives to live out that victory that was granted to us. The word that has been floating in my mind throughout this whole process is "fascination". I'm almost being blown away by what I'm discovering.
It should be a well known fact by now, that I am awful at reading. If I had my own Wikipedia page, that fact that I suck at reading would be under the "character traits" section of my page. C.S. Lewis said he often found his type of joy when he's reading through all his literature and mythologies; and I am finding a very similar experience as I'm reading Thomas Oden's "The Word of Life". The book is basically about Jesus and his role on this earth. So most of what I'm reading is what sin has to do with Jesus. I don't want to bore anyone with a ten page essay on all the theological stuff about what I'm reading (other than my prof), so I won't get into the tiny little details.
I think a lot of us "Christians" have a good grasp at this whole doctrine of sin. What is sin? Where did it come from? Why is it significant? How do we escape it? All that kind of stuff we have a good idea on; or at least I hope so. There were a couple of pretty cool questions that I came across while reading Oden. One of them is: if man had never fallen, would the incarnation of Jesus still be necessary? I think this question is pretty debated; I haven't looked into it, but I would imagine that it is. Another cool point is raised in Jesus' baptism. Getting baptized is a sign of being sanctified from sin. Jesus was born as a man without sin, so why did he get baptized? There is a more definitive answer to this question than the first one, but I still thought it was pretty cool that it was talked about.
Anyway, I think that's been the highlight of the last couple of days for me, other than the fact that it's so incredibly cold outside. I think I made a mistake to say that it was okay that I'd sacrifice travel distance to school in order to have a smooth transition. I'm not someone that lives with regrets, but this is getting pretty close to it. Of course, the transition has been pretty ideal. I'm comfortable, I'm living with people that I knew prior to moving here. Everything outside of school has been pretty decent. But the reason I am here is because of school, and I have to say that things aren't the best. I'm not complaining by saying it's bad, but it could be better. Like I said, I knew what I was getting myself into when I chose familiarity over being thrown right into the wolves; but I'm a bit second guessing my choice right now - which is also a thing that I don't really do. However, at the end of the day, I'm beyond content with what God's given me. So I'm going to choose to see it that way; and I always will.
Going to get back to work now. I'm actually a bit surprised that with these doctrinal stuff being so fascinating, that there isn't an entire horde of people who actively do this whole "Bible college" thing. It feels so great to be learning something that I love, and it's definitely been a change for me compared to my time in high school and the UofA.
Maybe if the Oilers can win one, things will be even more joyful! Haha, who am I kidding...
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
The Same Ugly
I guess this means my "hiatus" is over. But I haven't started working yet since it's only 10:00am, and the sky left us a present last night. This is the first time that the snow has executed an invasion plan and actually worked (stayed, unmelted). These days always catch me by surprised. It's perfectly fine one day, and then all of a sudden the next morning I wake up and everything seems so bright because the snow is reflecting all the light and kind of rubbing it in by saying "haha! suckers! we're here now!" Yeah... Well, the stuff is the same down here as it is, I guess, everywhere else; it's the same type of ugly. But I guess I should've expected it because I looked at the weather forecast yesterday and there was a snowstorm warning for the Southern Alberta region. It's all good though, it's about time the snow arrived anyway.
On the other hand, it means Christmas just peaked its head around the corner and it's got me pretty excited. Christmas this year is going to mean going home! It's going to mean that I get to see and hopefully hang out with a lot of people back home and hopefully share some good times in between semesters. Presents have lost their appeal to me, so I don't care much for Christmas presents anymore. The best present I could get is to hang out with friends and family anyway; it beats having a new pair of jeans any day... Actually that's a close one. But the point is made.
That's about all I have to say. Now I've just got to catch up on my morning news and then seriously get down to business with doing my papers. Speaking of which, the two papers I've already finished, one turned out decent and the other was full of BS. I'll just say that my Theology course is incredibly hard. I hope to goodness that I can at least get a passing mark in this course, because it's not looking so great. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Hopefully everyone is hanging in there!
And it's also so cool to see so many people begin to get on fire for Christ. As another believer, it just makes me happy to see that God works in so many ways to touch people. He can turn pure apathy into full-blown, live out loud type of believers. It's great to see. I had to pull out the God card, because what would a blog post be without it? Haha.
On the other hand, it means Christmas just peaked its head around the corner and it's got me pretty excited. Christmas this year is going to mean going home! It's going to mean that I get to see and hopefully hang out with a lot of people back home and hopefully share some good times in between semesters. Presents have lost their appeal to me, so I don't care much for Christmas presents anymore. The best present I could get is to hang out with friends and family anyway; it beats having a new pair of jeans any day... Actually that's a close one. But the point is made.
That's about all I have to say. Now I've just got to catch up on my morning news and then seriously get down to business with doing my papers. Speaking of which, the two papers I've already finished, one turned out decent and the other was full of BS. I'll just say that my Theology course is incredibly hard. I hope to goodness that I can at least get a passing mark in this course, because it's not looking so great. But I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Hopefully everyone is hanging in there!
And it's also so cool to see so many people begin to get on fire for Christ. As another believer, it just makes me happy to see that God works in so many ways to touch people. He can turn pure apathy into full-blown, live out loud type of believers. It's great to see. I had to pull out the God card, because what would a blog post be without it? Haha.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Back Up Plan
Alright, here's the dealio. I'm not going to be doing anything productive for the rest of the day so I might as well do something that doesn't involve just wasting time. Speaking of which, what exactly is wasting time anyway? I don't know; if you think you have an answer, let me know! I realize I'm blogging two consecutive days, bumping up my blog total to four in ten days, which puts me on a torrid streak, but the post I wrote up yesterday wasn't really anything of stuff I really wanted to blog about anyway. So I'll consider this as my third blog for the month. Maybe I'll delete the post yesterday too, because it really doesn't do anything other than take up space. So by the time you're reading this, I'll probably have deleted it; but don't worry, you won't gain anything out of reading it anyway.
Way back when, I said I wanted to talk about being called into ministry. I finally decided to do that; except I think I'm going to try to broaden it up to make it more relatable to everyone, but use my experience of being called as an example. I just wrote part of a paper that dealt with this, so hopefully it's still fresh in my mind. Kind of. I think that for anyone that can come to appreciate blogging, they are probably well enough into their life that they are looking to see where their little life is taking them.
The question is, and always will be, how do you know that God really wants you to do that? God is invisible, you can't see or hear him, how do you know? I'm probably going to refer to my journal a couple times to tell of how I found out. Yeah, that's right. I have a journal too, except it's way more private. No, it's not a diary; it's a journal. Uhh, anyways... If I try to bring ministry into the picture, I think the biggest thing you have to concern yourself about, when you decide if you're really being called into ministry, is that it can't be a back-up plan. What it means is simple: plan A didn't work, so I'll go to plan B. A lot of people who grew up as Christians will usually have a good enough knowledge or foundation of being a theologian, so it's not too entirely hard to carry on with it. A theologian is anyone that thinks about God, that was brought forth by faith and the church. Just because there are people that are in Bible college doesn't mean that they are more "advanced" in faith; it just means they have that passion to know more about it. With me, I think it raised a few eyebrows when I told my family that I want to go to Bible college. Because of my inability to explain to my dad that going into the UofA music program was a mistake, he had to make sure I'm not doing it because music isn't working out. I started my journal in my first year of university. Until today, I have never read through all the things I wrote. I always start a new page when I start writing for the next entry. Multiple times, in my reflection, I have stated that music is just not what God has planned for me - and even though I didn't know what it was, I was sure that God wanted me to do something else. So I just kept waiting. I don't think it's a coincidence that I wrote something to that extent five or six times, in almost the exact wording. I guess that this is how I found out that music was wrong, and Bible college is right. So to bring this back into perspective, do you know if what you're doing right now is what God wants? Does what you're doing right now feel right? If not, why not?
Well, how do I know if what I'm doing is what God's plan is for me? I think it should be noted that even if God is telling you to do something, you have every "right" to not do it. Case in point: Jonah. Being called into ministry is a big deal. God doesn't just want anyone doing it. Again, I'm not saying that it means all pastors, etc. are better than everyone else. I'm still trying to find a good explanation to that, so I'll leave it as is. Well, then what's the difference between God wanting you to be an accountant versus a pastor? First of all, I think that God has given everyone gifts; and he wants us to use those gifts to glorify his name. So if you're good at all that number crunching, God could use you as a witness as an accountant. Would you agree with me that when you find out that someone who holds a high position is a Christian, it just makes you feel all tingly inside? Exactly. Most people won't get to those high positions, but it's about how you treat your relationships in the work place that will affect the way you're seen as a person.
The first, and most "in your face" (to me anyway), way of revelation is hearing it from people. If someone says something to you as a result of something you've done, you might want to take note. Criticism is always taken with a grain of salt, but when things start to get repetitive, you know there is something there. Time and time again, people said that I am good at leading worship. I refused to believe it for the longest time because I just hate listening to myself sing - I think I have an awful voice. But for some reason, it kept coming back. What do people compliment you on?
I'll put prayer as second, because it relates better to me. I kind of wonder, especially with all the busy lives, do you put aside a set time everyday to talk to God? For me, it was always before I went to bed. There can be a lot of arguments against this idea of being filled, but I think it's vital to have a set time because it allows for you and God to recognize that there is a time where you can really get intimate compared to the rest of the day. What does God reveal to you in your prayer? When I was so hateful on studying music, I kept asking God what he wants me to do. Time and time again, he responded by putting a thought of Bible college into my brain. I've even wrote in my journal about the thoughts of Bible college, but I just thought that I was crazy. Again, prayer is a two way conversation, so sometimes it's worth it just to listen to God.
Finally, the general revelation of God is in and through his Word. 2 Timothy says, "All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness." That means that everything in the Bible has a direct relation with God: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1) When you do your devotions (hopefully you do them), there are always going to be passages that stick out to your more than any other verse. When I read Psalm 46:10, during my times of anger, it immediately popped out of the page because it's so simple in that it says "... Be still, and know that I am God; ..." This verse has been with me ever since; and I know that a lot of people also like what it says in Jeremiah too, "For I know the plans I have for you, ... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Do you have any verses that pop out of your head when you think of the Bible?
These three things is how I've come to know that God wants me to go into ministry. I'm still not sure as to what exactly God wants me to do in ministry, but I know it's still early and there is time for me to specialize in one part of it. This is getting ridiculously long, so I'm going to try to wrap it up soon. If you've read everything up to here, ask me for a cookie! So that's what it was like for me to find out.What if you're doing something that isn't exactly what God wants from you? What if you went into ministry as a back up plan? Well, I don't really know. I can guess all I want, but it just puts some people in a really bad place. It's been said many times before that if we live in God's light, he's going to give us everything we need to succeed; although that isn't an excuse to not try. If you ask me, I think it's one of those things where you meet someone, and you can just tell after a while. I know there is at least a couple people that we all know that we think, "he/she is just made to do this." I don't know if there's anyone you know that when you look at them, it kind of makes you think, "based on where he's from and who he is, is this really where he's supposed to be?" Let's just hope it's a clash of styles and they didn't use the "easy way out" for when option A failed or didn't work out; although being a pastor is everything but easy, as those who saw it as option B will or have found out.
I don't know. I'm not sure if you're going to get anything out of this, or if it wasn't what you expected. But I hope that what you're doing and where you're going isn't a back up plan or an easy way out. If you would like to share your side of the story, I'm always open! Really, I like listening to people's stories; that's why I'm doing this.
I'm probably going to take a bit of a hiatus from blogging. By hiatus, I probably mean around a week or two at the most... I really have no life, but I desperately need to finish, what is now, six assignments in two weeks. There might have even been some I've forgotten about.
Way back when, I said I wanted to talk about being called into ministry. I finally decided to do that; except I think I'm going to try to broaden it up to make it more relatable to everyone, but use my experience of being called as an example. I just wrote part of a paper that dealt with this, so hopefully it's still fresh in my mind. Kind of. I think that for anyone that can come to appreciate blogging, they are probably well enough into their life that they are looking to see where their little life is taking them.
The question is, and always will be, how do you know that God really wants you to do that? God is invisible, you can't see or hear him, how do you know? I'm probably going to refer to my journal a couple times to tell of how I found out. Yeah, that's right. I have a journal too, except it's way more private. No, it's not a diary; it's a journal. Uhh, anyways... If I try to bring ministry into the picture, I think the biggest thing you have to concern yourself about, when you decide if you're really being called into ministry, is that it can't be a back-up plan. What it means is simple: plan A didn't work, so I'll go to plan B. A lot of people who grew up as Christians will usually have a good enough knowledge or foundation of being a theologian, so it's not too entirely hard to carry on with it. A theologian is anyone that thinks about God, that was brought forth by faith and the church. Just because there are people that are in Bible college doesn't mean that they are more "advanced" in faith; it just means they have that passion to know more about it. With me, I think it raised a few eyebrows when I told my family that I want to go to Bible college. Because of my inability to explain to my dad that going into the UofA music program was a mistake, he had to make sure I'm not doing it because music isn't working out. I started my journal in my first year of university. Until today, I have never read through all the things I wrote. I always start a new page when I start writing for the next entry. Multiple times, in my reflection, I have stated that music is just not what God has planned for me - and even though I didn't know what it was, I was sure that God wanted me to do something else. So I just kept waiting. I don't think it's a coincidence that I wrote something to that extent five or six times, in almost the exact wording. I guess that this is how I found out that music was wrong, and Bible college is right. So to bring this back into perspective, do you know if what you're doing right now is what God wants? Does what you're doing right now feel right? If not, why not?
Well, how do I know if what I'm doing is what God's plan is for me? I think it should be noted that even if God is telling you to do something, you have every "right" to not do it. Case in point: Jonah. Being called into ministry is a big deal. God doesn't just want anyone doing it. Again, I'm not saying that it means all pastors, etc. are better than everyone else. I'm still trying to find a good explanation to that, so I'll leave it as is. Well, then what's the difference between God wanting you to be an accountant versus a pastor? First of all, I think that God has given everyone gifts; and he wants us to use those gifts to glorify his name. So if you're good at all that number crunching, God could use you as a witness as an accountant. Would you agree with me that when you find out that someone who holds a high position is a Christian, it just makes you feel all tingly inside? Exactly. Most people won't get to those high positions, but it's about how you treat your relationships in the work place that will affect the way you're seen as a person.
The first, and most "in your face" (to me anyway), way of revelation is hearing it from people. If someone says something to you as a result of something you've done, you might want to take note. Criticism is always taken with a grain of salt, but when things start to get repetitive, you know there is something there. Time and time again, people said that I am good at leading worship. I refused to believe it for the longest time because I just hate listening to myself sing - I think I have an awful voice. But for some reason, it kept coming back. What do people compliment you on?
I'll put prayer as second, because it relates better to me. I kind of wonder, especially with all the busy lives, do you put aside a set time everyday to talk to God? For me, it was always before I went to bed. There can be a lot of arguments against this idea of being filled, but I think it's vital to have a set time because it allows for you and God to recognize that there is a time where you can really get intimate compared to the rest of the day. What does God reveal to you in your prayer? When I was so hateful on studying music, I kept asking God what he wants me to do. Time and time again, he responded by putting a thought of Bible college into my brain. I've even wrote in my journal about the thoughts of Bible college, but I just thought that I was crazy. Again, prayer is a two way conversation, so sometimes it's worth it just to listen to God.
Finally, the general revelation of God is in and through his Word. 2 Timothy says, "All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness." That means that everything in the Bible has a direct relation with God: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (John 1:1) When you do your devotions (hopefully you do them), there are always going to be passages that stick out to your more than any other verse. When I read Psalm 46:10, during my times of anger, it immediately popped out of the page because it's so simple in that it says "... Be still, and know that I am God; ..." This verse has been with me ever since; and I know that a lot of people also like what it says in Jeremiah too, "For I know the plans I have for you, ... plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Do you have any verses that pop out of your head when you think of the Bible?
These three things is how I've come to know that God wants me to go into ministry. I'm still not sure as to what exactly God wants me to do in ministry, but I know it's still early and there is time for me to specialize in one part of it. This is getting ridiculously long, so I'm going to try to wrap it up soon. If you've read everything up to here, ask me for a cookie! So that's what it was like for me to find out.What if you're doing something that isn't exactly what God wants from you? What if you went into ministry as a back up plan? Well, I don't really know. I can guess all I want, but it just puts some people in a really bad place. It's been said many times before that if we live in God's light, he's going to give us everything we need to succeed; although that isn't an excuse to not try. If you ask me, I think it's one of those things where you meet someone, and you can just tell after a while. I know there is at least a couple people that we all know that we think, "he/she is just made to do this." I don't know if there's anyone you know that when you look at them, it kind of makes you think, "based on where he's from and who he is, is this really where he's supposed to be?" Let's just hope it's a clash of styles and they didn't use the "easy way out" for when option A failed or didn't work out; although being a pastor is everything but easy, as those who saw it as option B will or have found out.
I don't know. I'm not sure if you're going to get anything out of this, or if it wasn't what you expected. But I hope that what you're doing and where you're going isn't a back up plan or an easy way out. If you would like to share your side of the story, I'm always open! Really, I like listening to people's stories; that's why I'm doing this.
I'm probably going to take a bit of a hiatus from blogging. By hiatus, I probably mean around a week or two at the most... I really have no life, but I desperately need to finish, what is now, six assignments in two weeks. There might have even been some I've forgotten about.
Friday, November 5, 2010
The Little Things
This post has the potential to contain some harsh and borderline inappropriate words.
Guys are normally "big picture" type of people. There are always exceptions where some guys do care enough for the details; however, there is no chance that a guy can match a girl at details - they're just on another level. I know I've done it before, and I know you have too. What have we done? When there is something, often a message, that you're trying to deliver to someone but don't want to be a dick about it, you often try to drop a hint subtly and hope they notice. I've thrown these out tons of times, and when I get a dirty look, I know I did my job. Okay, there is the cocky side of me. Yeah, I know you've done it before. When I do it, it's never a personal attack. I do it most of the time as a joke, or for funzies. I will never deliberately attack another person's character because I respect who they are. If there is something I feel that I need to express about that person, I will - most of the time - tell it to them in a semi-polite manner. If it is just something that I personally can`t cope with, I`ll often leave it alone because I know that it's just my problem that I can't agree with their whatever. But if I feel that it needs to be addressed because it goes beyond affecting me, then of course, I'm going to let them know.
However, recently I've noticed a few of these little minor detailed attacks. Instead of just trying to subtly drop it when I'm around so that I might catch it, they take it a step further and attack the areas that I influence. Some of you avid followers of my blog may remember reading me talking about how it seems everyone knows me and what I'm capable of. Not everyone has a natural ability to lead, and oddly enough I have a bit of that. So it means that I'm going to be able to influence the way some people act. And also, I've mentioned before that when you invite someone to live in your household, they can very potentially change the dynamics of your home; and I always feel like I've been doing that, even if it's not for the good. Unfortunately, they're too much of a wuss to tell me that I need to lay off a bit, so they attack my areas of influence. Or maybe they're just trying to be nice and let me be me, but trying to take indirect shots by eliminating the things I accomplish - so to speak. Basically what this mean is, they're disapproving the person that I am by controlling those that have taken something from my character. I know that I'm beating around the bush a lot, but let me try to draw a comparison for you. Let's say you have a kid. You teach your kid to act and behave a certain way. But one day, someone comes along, sees your kid act or behave a certain way, and then say to your kid that he/she is dumb and shouldn't be doing that. By calling out your kid, that person pretty much insults you and the way you are too because of what you taught your kid. Are you offended yet?
Anyways, what I was writing about may have made absolutely no sense to you; but to me, it's a big deal because my character is being attacked. I would like to think that anyone who knows me knows that I would never intentionally do something that would potentially harm someone or something. Yeah, I'm not the smartest so sometimes my decisions aren't the best; but it doesn't mean that there's a cruel intention behind it. If you have a better way of doing something, be my guest; just don't take shots at me by trying to "correct" something that resulted from who I am. If you really, really want to know the exact details to this, just talk to me. I wouldn't mind a chance to kind of vent a little bit either.
And at the end of the day (just in case you're like "oh, nathan"), I know I need to get used to these things and can't take "feedback" so seriously. I know that if I'm going to do what I think God wants me to do, I have to be able to handle these things. I'm writing about them because I care and I'm always looking to improve who I am. In my Christian Spirituality class, we talked briefly about how we can know that we are living in God's will. And I think what I talked about ties pretty well into all of this because how do you know if you're doing the right thing? A really abbreviated answer that we got was that if you're living by faith in God, genuine faith, then you're living in his will. When Jesus said multiple times "follow me", he doesn't say where to; and I think that it is just brilliant because it sprouts your curiosity and the only way you'll find out where you're going is if you follow. So, it's a lot alike in that same sense that if you're chasing after God's heart with your faith, then you'll be fine.
So, how does five papers in three weeks sound? I like writing papers that ask for my view or opinion. I, however, don't like writing papers that require me to do 20 hours of research just to maybe get an A. My plan is to get the easy ones out of the way as fast as I can, so I can focus on the biggies. There is quite the possibility of me getting owned this month. But because we're there..
... Hello weekend! Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour!
Guys are normally "big picture" type of people. There are always exceptions where some guys do care enough for the details; however, there is no chance that a guy can match a girl at details - they're just on another level. I know I've done it before, and I know you have too. What have we done? When there is something, often a message, that you're trying to deliver to someone but don't want to be a dick about it, you often try to drop a hint subtly and hope they notice. I've thrown these out tons of times, and when I get a dirty look, I know I did my job. Okay, there is the cocky side of me. Yeah, I know you've done it before. When I do it, it's never a personal attack. I do it most of the time as a joke, or for funzies. I will never deliberately attack another person's character because I respect who they are. If there is something I feel that I need to express about that person, I will - most of the time - tell it to them in a semi-polite manner. If it is just something that I personally can`t cope with, I`ll often leave it alone because I know that it's just my problem that I can't agree with their whatever. But if I feel that it needs to be addressed because it goes beyond affecting me, then of course, I'm going to let them know.
However, recently I've noticed a few of these little minor detailed attacks. Instead of just trying to subtly drop it when I'm around so that I might catch it, they take it a step further and attack the areas that I influence. Some of you avid followers of my blog may remember reading me talking about how it seems everyone knows me and what I'm capable of. Not everyone has a natural ability to lead, and oddly enough I have a bit of that. So it means that I'm going to be able to influence the way some people act. And also, I've mentioned before that when you invite someone to live in your household, they can very potentially change the dynamics of your home; and I always feel like I've been doing that, even if it's not for the good. Unfortunately, they're too much of a wuss to tell me that I need to lay off a bit, so they attack my areas of influence. Or maybe they're just trying to be nice and let me be me, but trying to take indirect shots by eliminating the things I accomplish - so to speak. Basically what this mean is, they're disapproving the person that I am by controlling those that have taken something from my character. I know that I'm beating around the bush a lot, but let me try to draw a comparison for you. Let's say you have a kid. You teach your kid to act and behave a certain way. But one day, someone comes along, sees your kid act or behave a certain way, and then say to your kid that he/she is dumb and shouldn't be doing that. By calling out your kid, that person pretty much insults you and the way you are too because of what you taught your kid. Are you offended yet?
Anyways, what I was writing about may have made absolutely no sense to you; but to me, it's a big deal because my character is being attacked. I would like to think that anyone who knows me knows that I would never intentionally do something that would potentially harm someone or something. Yeah, I'm not the smartest so sometimes my decisions aren't the best; but it doesn't mean that there's a cruel intention behind it. If you have a better way of doing something, be my guest; just don't take shots at me by trying to "correct" something that resulted from who I am. If you really, really want to know the exact details to this, just talk to me. I wouldn't mind a chance to kind of vent a little bit either.
And at the end of the day (just in case you're like "oh, nathan"), I know I need to get used to these things and can't take "feedback" so seriously. I know that if I'm going to do what I think God wants me to do, I have to be able to handle these things. I'm writing about them because I care and I'm always looking to improve who I am. In my Christian Spirituality class, we talked briefly about how we can know that we are living in God's will. And I think what I talked about ties pretty well into all of this because how do you know if you're doing the right thing? A really abbreviated answer that we got was that if you're living by faith in God, genuine faith, then you're living in his will. When Jesus said multiple times "follow me", he doesn't say where to; and I think that it is just brilliant because it sprouts your curiosity and the only way you'll find out where you're going is if you follow. So, it's a lot alike in that same sense that if you're chasing after God's heart with your faith, then you'll be fine.
So, how does five papers in three weeks sound? I like writing papers that ask for my view or opinion. I, however, don't like writing papers that require me to do 20 hours of research just to maybe get an A. My plan is to get the easy ones out of the way as fast as I can, so I can focus on the biggies. There is quite the possibility of me getting owned this month. But because we're there..
... Hello weekend! Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour!
Monday, November 1, 2010
Half Of One
After hitting ten posts in October, and it being the first time I hit the double digits in the year of o'ten, I was pretty proud of myself. Actually, I had to restrain myself from blogging every single day, because it seemed that I had something to say everyday. And now that November has began, I will give a quick update on my edumacation... and of course, other things.
The first two months of school has passed by incredibly quickly. September rolled and I got left in the dust. October came around, and I kind of caught up until the last week-ish. Having school just four days a week make my weeks feel so much shorter because I really don't do a whole lot on Mondays unless I have a test or something due that week. So, like this week, I don't have anything huge, so I'm not really doing anything. On Tuesdays, my week will start and before I know it, it's Friday.
Last week, I had two midterms, one quiz, and one paper compacted into two days. I devised a freakin' genius plan that would help me be able to do all of that. But it failed. Miserably. One: I barely studied. Two: I forgot I had a geography quiz. Three: I only did my paper to the extend that I was satisfied. Four: I hoped that I'd do well on at least one of the 3 tests, but did well on none. I think I got 69% on my geography quiz, because with these things, you either know it or you don't. So guessing can only take you so far. Thankfully I had 100% on first two geography tests, so the 69% doesn't sting so bad. Thankfully, the entire Theology class thought the midterm was hard. To take from a classmates words, "I thought I studied, but when I looked at the test, I didn't know anything." Thankfully, my Old Testament midterm was more heavily weighted towards the geography side. With the geography side worth half of the test, I'm quite confident I got all of that; for the rest of the exam, I knew probably around half of that too; so, if all went well, I might still have eeked out a 75%.
So in a bit of a chaotic fashion, I had two papers, two midterms, one quiz that needed to be done in the span of three class days. Thankfully there was a weekend after my first paper was due. Anyways, like I've said many times, I am really thankful for anyone that still takes the time to think about me. I might have mentioned it on my blog - if not, it was in my email update - that it's hard for a student like me to get to know a whole lot of people because I live so far away and I'm not from the greater Calgary area. But in October, I've got to get introduced to some more people and I'm glad that I had people I can actually approach to talk to now. I know I'm really slow at this, but I know I'm going to be able to get there, even if it takes all year. November is going to be a ridiculously hectic month. Right now, I'm kind of entering the eye of the storm. I get a really easy week this week, with a short assignment due on Wednesday, but nothing else that really needs to be done. But starting next week, there is quite the possibility that I get destroyed by the amount that I'm going to need to do. I managed to make it through the first wave of things okay, but this second wave is about twice as difficult. I'm kind of intimidated by my theology term paper because of what the requirements are. It's an 8-10 page essay that requires 15 scholarly sources. It's pretty much a really dry paper because it's just all about me demonstrating that I know my stuff. I didn't do great in my first year English papers, but I improved drastically as the year went on, so hopefully the trend continues.
In church, I continue to do Sunday school, lead worship once a week, and do Bible study once a month for the youth group. People, apparently, keep hearing incredible things about me that I don't even know where it came from. I don't know why, but the more I attend this church, the more I don't feel right. I may have just thrown a grenade out by saying that, but I'm being honest. I don't know what it is. Is it an alliance versus baptist thing? Is it because it's a tiny church? Is it because of the people? I'm trying to figure it out. Normally, I love to go to church; I would look for excuses to be at church. Right now, and it's definitely not a good thing, but I'm almost trying to avoid it? I'm not trying to avoid church in general, but the one that I am attending. Again, another grenade may have been tossed, but I'll take my chances. I've been running all sorts of situations through my head, trying to simulate several instances where someone might have been in the same situation that I'm in, so I can find out why I might be feeling this way. I have my opinions, but this is a scenario that played out in my head. It's not directed at a certain church, but it's a thought that I got when I saw something.
It's fifteen minutes before the start of service, and the church parking lot is empty. There are a couple cars parked on the side of the road that belonged to the people who are serving on the day, but nothing more. The pastor pulls in, and the family goes into the church. It's now five minutes passed the service start time, and the pastor is in his office as he takes a peak at the watch and says to himself "let's give it a few more minutes". Finally, towards fifteen minutes passed the start time, the worship leader steps on to the stage and starts his welcoming. There are about five or six people sitting in the congregation, and they're sitting close to the back. As worship progresses, people finally start to pile in and things seem to be rolling again. At that service, there is a new visitor that has just moved into the city and is looking for a new church to settle down with. After service, the visitor stands around and waits for a bit, but no one even approaches to say hi. The visitor finally gets fed up and leaves without being greeted to even once.
What kind of impressions do you get? When you're a visitor, or a new church member, what do you feel about something like that?
I had other things to blog about, but this is long enough. Have a happy Movember! Make it legendary.
The first two months of school has passed by incredibly quickly. September rolled and I got left in the dust. October came around, and I kind of caught up until the last week-ish. Having school just four days a week make my weeks feel so much shorter because I really don't do a whole lot on Mondays unless I have a test or something due that week. So, like this week, I don't have anything huge, so I'm not really doing anything. On Tuesdays, my week will start and before I know it, it's Friday.
Last week, I had two midterms, one quiz, and one paper compacted into two days. I devised a freakin' genius plan that would help me be able to do all of that. But it failed. Miserably. One: I barely studied. Two: I forgot I had a geography quiz. Three: I only did my paper to the extend that I was satisfied. Four: I hoped that I'd do well on at least one of the 3 tests, but did well on none. I think I got 69% on my geography quiz, because with these things, you either know it or you don't. So guessing can only take you so far. Thankfully I had 100% on first two geography tests, so the 69% doesn't sting so bad. Thankfully, the entire Theology class thought the midterm was hard. To take from a classmates words, "I thought I studied, but when I looked at the test, I didn't know anything." Thankfully, my Old Testament midterm was more heavily weighted towards the geography side. With the geography side worth half of the test, I'm quite confident I got all of that; for the rest of the exam, I knew probably around half of that too; so, if all went well, I might still have eeked out a 75%.
So in a bit of a chaotic fashion, I had two papers, two midterms, one quiz that needed to be done in the span of three class days. Thankfully there was a weekend after my first paper was due. Anyways, like I've said many times, I am really thankful for anyone that still takes the time to think about me. I might have mentioned it on my blog - if not, it was in my email update - that it's hard for a student like me to get to know a whole lot of people because I live so far away and I'm not from the greater Calgary area. But in October, I've got to get introduced to some more people and I'm glad that I had people I can actually approach to talk to now. I know I'm really slow at this, but I know I'm going to be able to get there, even if it takes all year. November is going to be a ridiculously hectic month. Right now, I'm kind of entering the eye of the storm. I get a really easy week this week, with a short assignment due on Wednesday, but nothing else that really needs to be done. But starting next week, there is quite the possibility that I get destroyed by the amount that I'm going to need to do. I managed to make it through the first wave of things okay, but this second wave is about twice as difficult. I'm kind of intimidated by my theology term paper because of what the requirements are. It's an 8-10 page essay that requires 15 scholarly sources. It's pretty much a really dry paper because it's just all about me demonstrating that I know my stuff. I didn't do great in my first year English papers, but I improved drastically as the year went on, so hopefully the trend continues.
In church, I continue to do Sunday school, lead worship once a week, and do Bible study once a month for the youth group. People, apparently, keep hearing incredible things about me that I don't even know where it came from. I don't know why, but the more I attend this church, the more I don't feel right. I may have just thrown a grenade out by saying that, but I'm being honest. I don't know what it is. Is it an alliance versus baptist thing? Is it because it's a tiny church? Is it because of the people? I'm trying to figure it out. Normally, I love to go to church; I would look for excuses to be at church. Right now, and it's definitely not a good thing, but I'm almost trying to avoid it? I'm not trying to avoid church in general, but the one that I am attending. Again, another grenade may have been tossed, but I'll take my chances. I've been running all sorts of situations through my head, trying to simulate several instances where someone might have been in the same situation that I'm in, so I can find out why I might be feeling this way. I have my opinions, but this is a scenario that played out in my head. It's not directed at a certain church, but it's a thought that I got when I saw something.
It's fifteen minutes before the start of service, and the church parking lot is empty. There are a couple cars parked on the side of the road that belonged to the people who are serving on the day, but nothing more. The pastor pulls in, and the family goes into the church. It's now five minutes passed the service start time, and the pastor is in his office as he takes a peak at the watch and says to himself "let's give it a few more minutes". Finally, towards fifteen minutes passed the start time, the worship leader steps on to the stage and starts his welcoming. There are about five or six people sitting in the congregation, and they're sitting close to the back. As worship progresses, people finally start to pile in and things seem to be rolling again. At that service, there is a new visitor that has just moved into the city and is looking for a new church to settle down with. After service, the visitor stands around and waits for a bit, but no one even approaches to say hi. The visitor finally gets fed up and leaves without being greeted to even once.
What kind of impressions do you get? When you're a visitor, or a new church member, what do you feel about something like that?
I had other things to blog about, but this is long enough. Have a happy Movember! Make it legendary.
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