Thursday, September 30, 2010

He Sees It All

They say that hindsight is always 20/20; I believe this to be true. September is now over and I wanted to get one more blog post in to make this month a blogging mania for me. One down, many more to go.

Some say that the past influences the future. The only way by predicting the future is by acting upon it. However, some twisted people wonder if the future even exists. Then there are those that are totally out of their minds and say that the future influences the past (I first came upon this idea from reading Artemis Fowl). I'm not gonna bother and try my hand at explaining any of those, but looking back at September, it was definitely new.

To kind of recap, I moved to a new city and started school. I knew that there were going to have to be some things that I left behind, both my belongings and characteristics. School hasn't been alright; not the most ideal, but it will do for now. I have a lot to be thankful for, and that's how I try to look at things. I thought that it would be tremendously liberating for me to choose the transition that I did. But, without getting into much detail, it seems as if I've actually lost some freedom. I'm very limited to what I can do and it almost seems as if I'm being surveyed all the time.

I remember before I left, that my dad said, the minute I start this path, all eyes are going to be looking at me, for good and for bad. People were going to start looking up to me, or even down - depending on what I do to make it that way. In some occasions I've become the topic of conversation during supper time, even if it's just how to say my name. Oh, don't worry, I'm not just talking about being to "popular" when I talk about being surveyed. To kind of make it frank, I have a lot of venting I need to do, but there isn't anyone here that I'm comfortable to do it to yet. So, a lot of times, it just ends up between me and God, or stuck in my mind.

And now to the awesome. Again, I'm so grateful that I've survived a month of school. Everything that I have is a blessing, and I hope that everyone knows how thankful I am for any sort of prayers.

How long can someone go, in their lifetime, without requiring an external source of energy to keep them awake for the day? No, I'm not necessarily saying that I need coffee, because I don't. But I'm getting rather tired during the day - even on seven or eight hours of sleep. It's strange. I could start out the day fine, but by maybe lunch time, I'm dead tired. Let's hope that I never need to resort to c*ff**.

I never thought that I would be worth visiting, but I guess there are a couple people crazy enough to want to see me. I'm thankful for who you are that came to see me today, even if it's just the medium of where you were going to end up. Hopefully, I met your expectations of seeing me because I'm a really boring person.

Another 80 dollars for a bus pass, another month - here I come! I'm so gonna get owned on all my assignments/exams.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Psst!

Ever since coming to Calgary, there was one thing I noticed that happened a lot. There are certain people that really love to whisper into each other's ears. And because I'm new, I get stared at a lot; I don't like it. It often goes like this: I walk into the room, and someone stares at me for about a minute, then turns over to their friend and whispers something into their ear. Okay, there - I obviously know you're talking about me. I find it rather annoying. I understand that I'm new; and I know that it's a pretty small church, but you don't have to be so secretive of talking about me. But whatever, it's just how people like to communicate. For everyone that whispers, though, there's another that seems to already know who I am. I keep getting surprised at how I introduce myself to people and they already know of me. With the way it plays out, it's almost as if I'm like some big hot shot that they've been waiting for to arrive. Obviously I am not.

Anyways, as expected, things with school are starting to pile up. I'm falling behind in my reading, etc. I'm very curious to see how long it will take before I become a regular reader. I knew, going in, that I wouldn't be able to go from never reading to reading all day in a matter of days; but I'm just interested to see how long it will take now. It's hard to keep focused and the distractions just make it more fun. It's also different how intelligent and knowledgeable that everyone is at school. I wouldn't consider myself amazing at this whole theology stuff, but I'm lucky enough to be able to grasp them quite naturally; but the way some of these people think, it impresses me more and more.

Everyday, God continues to show up in my life; and, therefore, he deserves his own paragraph of acknowledgement.

Today, I led worship for the first time since moving here. It's the first time I did it as a member of a different church; and it's also the first time I did a Sunday worship by myself. I can say that I had never been so nervous before leading. It felt so strange because I'm usually pretty calm about doing worship, but I guess the whole new environment and the unknown just makes it different. The only other time I can recall being this nervous was before I led at YIC. But even then, I had my entire team behind me. It was a new experience, indeed. Also with a tiny congregation, it's hard to get a good grasp on whether or not people are really worshiping. However, strangely familiar scenes started taking place after worship; and you can probably tell where I'm going with this. More or less everyone that I crossed paths with complimented me in some way on my playing. I knew they like my guitar playing, I just hope that my voice didn't make their ears bleed.

Psalm 46:10 - Be still, and know that I am God...

I forgot what else I wanted to blog about, there was a lot.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Time Well Wasted

Today was the second Monday where I didn't have to school. Let me tell you now that I enjoy it so much. Usually, even though it's only been two weeks, I would do all my school work and readings today. However, I felt consistently distracted today from my reading, therefore I didn't really get much done.

What was I distracted with? Well, I've always wanted to record music to kind of see how everything sounds. I know a lot of music that gets released nowadays go through a ton of studio engineering to make it sound all pretty; so not a lot of stuff we hear now are really raw - straight out from the studio. In fact, the term "acoustic" has been somewhat redefined to mean this very concept of raw music. When someone does an acoustic set, I usually think of "natural". So nothing would be plugged in, no special effects or anything like that; everything you hear is what comes out of the mouth or instrument. But now, unfortunately, the word acoustic has been given a new territory.

Anyways, the first time I recorded myself, I thought it was the most hideous piece of music I had ever heard. From the vocals to the instrument, it was just downright awful. The strange thing was that I thought I sounded fine when I was recording, but I guess the voice you hear from yourself is never the voice that actually comes out. I wonder why, because I love the voice that I hear from myself, but not so much the one that's actually projected. So since then, I've always been a bit reluctant to sing, and at times even talk, because I didn't like my voice. But I knew that God gave me my voice for a reason, so I tried to embrace it and do everything I could to be better.

Well, anyways, another thing was that people had been saying that I'm good at guitar for the past 5 years that I've played. I never believed it, so I decided to see for myself by recording my playing once in a while, kind of hoping that it was just like my voice - horrendous. But, it turns out that it actually isn't too bad - way better than my singing.

So with my procrastination today, I tried to record a little section of one of my favorite songs. I just did the instrumental part and a couple excerpts from the chorus. I'm new to this whole sound editing thing, so the timings are slightly off and it's very raw and imperfect. Nonetheless, give it a listen and tell me what you think!

Oh! Sorry about the low volume. I don't know why my mic isn't very loud. But I'll try to see how to fix it.



Friday, September 17, 2010

First Impressions

I've been out of school for over a year, and it was expected that some time was needed to adjust back to the whole school routine type of deal. The first full week has ended, although it seems like it's been forever, and here are just some random thoughts that I have stored in my mind.

Ambrose University is one of the "cheaper" Bible colleges, but you still have to be rather well off to be able to attend without any financial aid; a lot of people I've come across do, indeed, come from above average income families. When listening in on some conversations, you can just tell that these people aren't people who have to really worry about how much or what they spend their money on.

I've wanted a macbook for a few years. The thing with these things is that they're very expensive: at least a grand; and I don't have that kind of spare change to pay for one. The envious side of me is absolutely exposed because 85% of the laptops that people have are macbooks or macbook pros. Like I said before, they're wealthy families. Everywhere I look, someone's got their book open and I'm just like, "man, why can't I have one?" However, I am very happy with the laptop I have now, and it's been good for me; and I expect it to be good for at least another few years, unless I get a macbook. Haha.

I've realized that a huge reason why I am no good at making friends is because I haven't needed to do it in the longest time. Most of the friends that I made, from junior high to my first year at the UofA, all have some sort of connection to the friends I already have. So, when you throw me into the game for some solo stuff, I choke and have no idea what I'm doing. It shows how much I've lived in a box for my life and how I never had to break some boundaries to get out of my comfortable self.

I was told that I am very brave for trying to bus to school everyday. Not only am I busing, it's pretty much a road trip with the length I have to go everyday. I'm being warned over and over again about the winters, and I kind of know what it's going to be like. My guess is usually just because people forget I'm from Edmonton, and it's definitely more consistently colder there, but I don't want to be rude to remind them, so I just agree. But then I started to think about it. My answer, or response, is that I'm not brave; I'm just very dumb. If busing will really be like what I'm thinking it will be like, especially with all the wait times I already have, it's going to be madness when it's -20 degrees. Why did I do this to myself again?

After being told that my first year English credits didn't transfer, I had to find out for myself why that was the case. I'm not a very intelligent person, so when I go into a class, I expect to be completely confused for the first few classes, or weeks for that matter. But when I finished my first couple classes of Effective Writing, I was about to explode. It's a course for high school students. Like I said, I don't go into classes expecting myself to know what's happening; but looking at the syllabus, I learned that material in Grade 11, Grade 12, and first year English. If I had to do this again, I would really die. So I finally took the initiative to get the down low on this biz - I know! Man I'm on a role with doing things for myself lately. After sorting everything out, it turns out that my English credits did transfer the way they should have. Thank God! Whoever told me that they didn't needed to get their eyes checked. So I very happily dropped out of my class, and am left with four classes for my first semester. I didn't add another fifth course in there because I am in a very tender situation here and I need to make sure my GPA is at a good point after the first semester. Or else, things could get real ugly.

As for the rest of my courses, they're alright. My 8:15 class, introduction to Christian spirituality, is my favorite class. It makes getting up so early worth it - almost. I am not a fan of my evangelism and missions class because it seems like the professor just isn't very good at teaching. I don't want to get into details, but I got that impression almost immediately into the first class; fortunately, I'm not the only one that thinks this way, so maybe we can work together to just pass the freakin' thing. My Old Testament class is an interesting one. The professor I have is new, and very young. She is intelligent far beyond and out of our first year leagues. You can tell she really wants to make it work and stoop to our pathetic intelligent levels, but she's just so full of knowledge. There are a few "upper-classmen" in the class, and when they looked at the syllabus, most of them agreed that there is no way this is a first year class if they didn't know better. I'm going to have to pick up the slack with this class. Definitely. My theology class is also an interesting one. According to, what seems to be a pretty big consensus, the prof is the hardest prof in the school. When you think about "baptism by fire", that is what the freshman ministry students are in for.

My brain is fried. My body is burnt up. I'm almost ready to be served as a side dish to your lemon grass 6 oz. halibut. I wouldn't taste very good though, because I'm all bone and dorkiness; not very tasty. Time to rest it up!

I'm excited for the draft on Sunday (=

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Where to Begin?

I've had so much to blog about over the last couple days, but I was trying to find the right time to do it. In the end though, I think it's expected that I'd have a lot to say once I started my new life. Just about everything I've gone through has been a privilege for me to experience, and I'm glad that I am here.

First of all, how 'bout them Oilers? Man it's so awesome to see that hockey is back. The summer was just way too tough, watching baseball highlights after baseball highlights. Even though my internet feed cut out halfway through the prospects game against the Canucks, I was really happy to see watch some of Hall, Eberle, and MPS play with an Oilers' jersey.

School. Well, school is school. When I was at the orientation, I was informed that the average freshman in ministry will read about 700 pages per course. I don't know how I will manage that. I'm so lucky that I'm more of the cerebral person - I know right, who would've thought - so I am able to grasp a lot of these theological ideas more quickly. Although I have yet to really start diving into all my work, I'm able to have been able to really develop that motivation I need to do stuff. You know what they say: in life, you only get busier. Even though I don't like to look at it like that, it's true. All my professors and courses seem really demanding, but this is what I signed up to do; so I look forward to the opportunity of being able to overcome this lazy personality of mine.

While we're on the topic of school and reading, I've started reading one of my books - again, I know right - for my spirituality and Christianity course; it's a good one. It's called "Dear Church", and it's basically a book where a girl, in her twentysomethings, wrote a ton of letters addressing the church. It covers a lot of the ups and downs that a church will tend to go through, and just basically drawn from her own experience. If anyone is, at all, interested in something like that, definitely pick it up and read it.

I'm also not sure I'm going to be able to do the early mornings all semester, because three days in and I'm already tired all the time. It just makes my no-school-mondays feel that much more awesome; an extra day of rest, uhh I mean work, who would've thought?

Last, but never the least, I've only gone to my new church, as a Calgary resident, twice; and already, I seem to have people's attention; it's almost like they knew I was coming. The first week I went, I introduced myself to a man. I told him my name, and his response was this: "yes, I've heard about you". Is it just me, or is that somewhat creepy? Fast forward to this week's service. I'm in the washroom - yes, the washroom - and another man is trying to fix the paper towels. I wash my hands, because that's the cool thing to do, and when I go up to get some, he says "here you go Nathan." Last I checked, I don't remember who he is. Then he might have spotted the awkward look on my face and realized that he forgot his formality. But honestly, how formal can you get when you're in the washroom. So I proceeded to shake his hands, hopefully he washed his, and we go on; while I'm walking down the hall, I'm still confused as to how he knows my name. And finally, while I wait to go teach my first kids Sunday School class, another girl comes up to me and says "you must be Nathan. I've heard a lot about you". I didn't even know how to respond to that, and I don't remember. But what I said probably made for the weirdest first impression she could've expected.

I also find my social skills rather funny. I can talk to the most random people on the streets or in church, and be able to have a decent conversation. But in school, I seem to be the most anti-social kid you'll ever find. I have no idea why; I just don't talk. And as things stand, friends made on the streets - 1; friends made in school - ? Still waiting. I know they'll come, but I'm really slow and really bad at making friends.

Anyway, at the end of the day, everything is a blessing and I can only be thankful. I'm glad that people haven't really forgotten me at home, and I'm well enough known here that I can survive. Unfortunately, I think I'm turning out to be a... not very good example to the kids. Twice I've seen now, where I'm in the vicinity, and an adult has said to them "why have you been behaving so strange today/recently?" Then an awkward stare follows right after.

Okay, I have more to say. When you have a "home" church, and you attend other churches, it's not good, but it's really hard to avoid comparing. All I will say about this topic is that NEAC is a fantastic church. Sure there are some things that could be better, but the vibe and environment in the worships and such have improved so drastically over the last few years. Every fellow NEAC member who reads this should be really proud of what our church has become. From the praise teams, to the friendly people, to the small groups, and a lot more, it's really great. I think the thing we should work on next is improving our hostility to newcomers and reaching out to the community. We want to be able to draw people in to our church; and when they do happen to attend, we want to make them want to come back. After all, the only way a church expands is through outreach opportunities. So ask God how you can help in that aspect, because He does amazing things!

*insert cheesy exit phrase*

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Day One

Not too many people have the privilege to say that they get to have a day one of university twice. Although this isn't really my first day, it is. And believe me, it was a different first day.

I somehow managed to pry myself out of bed at about 5:50am, got dressed, and got out of the house at 6:30. When I got to the spot where I needed to switch buses, I waited for about 15 minutes; and those 15 minutes could not have gone any slower. But alas, I did eventually make it to school with some time to spare before my class started. I guess at AUC, a class of 60 people would be as big as it gets; my biggest class with the UofA was probably over 400.

I wasn't overly surprised that a majority of the people in my classes are already from Calgary, or they came here with someone, so they already have some friends. Also, technically speaking, I'm a third year university student taking freshman courses. So a lot of people that liked to wear their high school grad stuff said "class of 10", which I found interesting. I think that, ironically enough, I enjoyed my first class the most. The course looks pretty straight forward, and seems more suited to my personality. Before, there was almost always a definitive answer to everything you learned; so you either got it right, or you got it wrong. I like that now, I can present different ideas without being completely off base and still get credit for it - as long as it is not heresy. Well, that's the impression from the first class.

I thought that if all my classes would be like my first class, I'd really come to like school. After my dreadful 3 and a half hour break, which I did absolutely nothing during the time, I pulled my bum to my second class which started at 1:00pm. I was greeted by a prof who slammed a stack of loose leaf pages in front of me, handed me a sharpie, and told me to write my name on it, fold it up, and put it in front of me so it's a name tag. I didn't mind too much, just thought that she wanted to know her students better. Then all hell broke loose. As we go through the syllabus, this class just looks worse and worse. It's the complete opposite of my first classes syllabus: everything that I did not want to see in a course was there. To kind of give a summary of what this course will be like: I have to learn and locate about 50 different tiny countries that no one cares about, know how to find them, and be able to name the capitals all by Friday - the one after tomorrow. I had some serious thoughts about switching time slots just so I could get out of this class; but I'm pretty sure that this is the only time slot for this class. God please help me with this one T_T

After the torture finally ended, I managed to get to my last class of the day - granted, feeling a bit sleepy. When I got into my seat, I heard one of the more important people of the school, who was walking around the class for whatever reason, say that this class is the new prof's very first class. So I thought, wow I get to go down in history being in this prof's first class. Similarly to my evangelism and missions class, I was astonished. I saw the profs mouth move frequently and rapidly, but all I heard was "a;ksdjf;aksdfkas;kahs;dfjaksdjf;askjdf;aksdjf;aj". For the parts that I was lucky enough to catch, she sounds like she's way out of our freshmen league. I'm not insulting her in anyway, because she is extremely intelligent and knows a TON of stuff; whatever kind of theological big name or word you can think of, she probably knows. She even prefers reading the Bible in their original languages; case in point. She's a new teacher, but her expectations are already off the charts.

So to sum it all up, my day started fantastic; and with the day it ended, I couldn't have been more happier. Oh wait, I could have; if I didn't have to take the bus home...

Anyways, I was able to talk to a few new students and they all mentioned one word: overwhelming. I can totally relate to what it may feel like, because I was there a couple years ago too. The only difference is how you choose to react to it. I'm definitely amazed at the amount of work I'll have to do for a measly three classes too; but unlike the first time at the UofA, I'm open to this challenge.

I don't know a whole lot, but if you're starting post-secondary, I don't have a whole lot to say to you. Just have some fun and don't procrastiFREAKInate.

Trust me.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Let's Try Again

The last time I went to school for anything meaningful was in June of 2008. Looking at it now, that was over two years ago. I know that typically, when people are done high school, they would like to get into some sort of post-secondary education. It's not always the case, but it's usually how things go.

The last time I started school, I had no idea what I was doing. I was anticipating on getting a BA in Music. Things have drastically changed since then, and it's hard to believe that it was two years ago. Looking at it now, I never fit in with the UofA education life. I never made more than a few new friends, and I had absolutely no desire to study. Initially, I thought that if my four years with the UofA was going to be like that all the way through, I'd want no part of it. I barely managed a 2.0 GPA. Actually, I think I was under that for most of the year. Yes, I have never been an honors student; I have never been good in school. School has never been my thing; I'm more of a street smarts guy that thinks it's really dumb that society nowadays will pretty much look right past you if you don't have a post-secondary degree of some sort.

So the first time I tried doing this University business, it failed miserably. Let's see if this time works out better. The thing I don't look forward to the most are the early mornings of epic proportions. I've never been a morning person, and neither have I ever been a night person. There's about a two or three hour span in the day where I am wide awake. The rest of them, well, I'm usually either asleep or almost there. Another thing that may raise concern is that, since I've been out of school for over a year, how am I going to be able to pick it up again? I know that not a whole lot of people my age can say that they've had any extended time of being out of school. Another thing is that I will never have needed to waste so much time of my life spending it inside  a bus of some sort. High school and the UofA usually meant around 45 minutes to an hour. This time, I'm pushing upwards of 2 hours from the door of my house to the school. It's quite bizarre.

Let's just hope that it doesn't take me too long to get back into the swing of things.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Sleight of Hand

I am home for the weekend, and it feels pretty good. However, I am reminded of how much and why I hate riding in Greyhound buses. But the problem is, the most convenient way for me to get back up to Edmonton will probably be by a Greyhound bus - unless someone was so kind to pick me up. For what I'm doing at home, I'm not quite sure. Actually, I'm lying; but I won't say why I am home yet, because you will find out soon enough. It's true what they say: wherever is home, the heart is. I seem to be a person that can get attached pretty easily, so you can catch onto where that is leading.

I re-learned something this week. When I was in elementary, there was a period where I was obsessed with magic. There was a point when those book order things came in, I demanded my parents to buy me the magic kit that they sold in that month's issue. The thing was though, that I failed to grasp most of the concepts of magic at the time due to my age, so it was hard for me to learn any decent tricks. So, I gave up for a few years; and then the passion for magic was reignited in High School. I have long fingers, but my hands aren't exactly big enough to be able to handle cards as well as I'd like to. So you can probably imagine that I wasn't very good with my tricks. But I continued to practice behind closed doors, and I think I've got a pretty good grasp on how to compromise for my skinny hands as well as a good insight on a lot of the magic world. Of course, there will be the odd trick that I just won't be able to do because of the sizing of the hand, but it's pretty good otherwise. I've been practicing my tricks for quite a few years now. When I get the chance, I'll bust out the odd trick to either kill some dead time, or just try and get a few 'wows'.

Anyways, why am I talking about such a random thing? When someone asks me what my definition of magic is, I usually say that it's two things: psychology and sleight of hand. Well, what the heck is sleight of hand? To put it into really basic terms, it's by using your hands to direct your eyes to seeing things that might not be what it really is. At the end of the day, and when it all comes down to it, I see magic as nothing more than pure entertainment. When I do a magic trick, there will never be any witchcraft or the sort involved. I am firmly against those things, so I wouldn't even dare come near any of that. The thing is, the definition of "magic" differs from people to people. A lot of the, more, traditional or, for the lack of a better phrase, old fashioned people, whenever they hear the word magic, and no matter the context, they will think that it's evil and should not be around it. Some people may not be so extreme in what they think about magic, but they still prefer not to be in vicinity where they, or their loved ones, may be influenced by it.

So by now, you're probably thinking, "what did you do this time?" Well, all I'll say is that I probably should've thought twice before I go around openly showing people that I can change the color of a deck of cards from blue to red, or change a Jack of Hearts into the Ace of Spades. Although I disagree with not allowing card tricks to be done to people, I will respect the wish of others, in that if they don't want to see any tricks, I won't do any.

Oops. I'll be more careful next time ;)

Umm, I should also probably say that this isn't directed to anyone specific. I've encountered a few of these situations, and thought I'd just share my opinion because I'm just taking it easy tonight.