I just got called emo. So I must redeem myself. I am not emo! I'm not! .. okay maybe just a little, but that's all over now. It was tough getting passed the initial emotions and all that fun stuff in my first day living away from home, so the only place I was able to vent was this blog. Unfortunately, I probably thought that I was on a roll with the way I was unleashing everything, so maybe all I did was blindly type without really knowing or keeping track of what was coming out. But I think it's reasonable. After all, I did just give up everything I've lived and worked for to start a brand new life. I had to close the book, put it aside, and take out a new one. It isn't just a matter of turning the page or starting a new chapter, it's an entirely new book.
Anyway, I'm actually kind of surprised how quickly I got over everything. One emo day, and the next day I'm back being my plain old destructive self. All it took was destroying a couple kids in Wii Sports Bowling to get me back to the ball. Nah. Actually, it was more than that. I know sometimes I make it seem that I'm living this life by myself, and that there's no one to share it with or any of that sappy sad story; but, at the end of the day, I just want to let everyone know how grateful I am for even having me cross your mind, even if just a second. A lot of people have sacrificed a lot to get me to where I am because of my incompetence, so there is no amount of thanks that I could say that will ever make up for it. I think that it is just that sometimes, I see how incredibly high expectations are for me, and believe me they're pretty high, that I get caught up in it and it seems that I'll never be able to get there just to let everyone down. I seem to have a huge reputation and people think very highly of me, and I don't even know why. Because, based on what I know I'm like, I would let people down time after time.
The one thing that has stayed the same is how good God has been to me. Anything that is any worthwhile in my life, God has played some role in it, and usually a huge one at that. Whether it's through people, "random" circumstances, whatever else you can think of, it's all come from God; and I owe my life to everyone.
But anyways, I absolutely love the kids that I live with. They are freakin' hilarious and awesome. They can easily make my day, and I'm glad that I'm gonna get to know them a bit this year. So far, I've pretty much settled in, and other than my books and some shoes, I'm all unpacked and settled in. I've had a couple days to get used to the way things will look like around the house, and I'm satisfied with the space that I have.
I just hope everyone can get used to my character and personality; let's face it, I'm not the type of person that the traditionalists and the proper will approve of. Of course I can do that, but it just ain't me. Of course not.
So, calm your horses, and have fun with this upcoming school year because it's going to be legen...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Check 1, 2, ...
Hello, my name is Nathan. Today, I woke up from a dream that took place over the time period of about nineteen and a half years. I don't know how they do it, but everything in my dream set me up for this day. It's almost as if my dream knew that I was going to wake up today and start my life. I'm normally a big fan of dreaming - especially the one you do during the day - but I'm a bit confused as to why my dream decided to put me to where I am right now.
Actually, with the way it ended, I would consider it a nightmare rather than a dream. The last few moments was so painful to bear. Right when the door shut, the dream ended, and I found myself standing a few meters behind it. There was so much confusion and anger and anything bad creeping through my mind. Towards the end of the dream, I was warned that it will be real difficult waking up; but I never imagined it to be like this. I kept wanting to go home, kept waiting to see when I'd be able to go home and see all the familiar things from my dream. But something told me that I can't go home anymore. I was told that I'm going to have to realize that I had to make this my home - whatever "this" is, is beyond me.
Everything is different. Nothing is familiar. I see all these faces, smiles and stares, none of which I recognize. The walls, the streets, the buildings, and everything in between and beyond them, it's all different. Then I find some stuff lying there, things that looked familiar. It's insane at how much better I feel just by looking at my blanket, pillow, and some other things that I brought from home. Familiarity has always been an important part in my life. I knew I was fragile, but not like this. Or maybe it was just that the greater part of twenty years made me too comfortable. To be honest, even though I'm all sheltered, clothed and fed, I probably would feel no different if I was thrown into a jungle with nothing, except maybe for the fact that I'll probably be dead in a couple hours.
When Jesus was on earth, the only thing he never had was a place to call home. He traveled from place to place, living wherever people welcomed Him. Even now, I have a place to call my temporary home; but Jesus never had that. It must've sucked. Realizing how big of an impact that home had on my life made me realize a whole new side of being fortunate. Like I said before, you can imagine all you want, but until you actually experience it for yourself, you'll never really know.
I think the part that hits me the most is that, yes, I have a home, but I can't go back to the place I know, to the people I know. To dead honesty, outside of my family, I don't think many people will really care that I'm gone. People wish me luck, tell me to work hard; but that's just part of the process of saying goodbye to someone; and more often than not, it just becomes a routine. One of my biggest fears is losing people that I care about, or knowing that they're in any sort of pain. So, now that I'm gone, I can't deal with any of that; and it hurts.
So it gets me thinking. Is it better to know where your home is, but yet you can't go back; or never having a home to begin with, so you're left with no knowledge of what home is like? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what the heck I've gotten myself into.
But even though it's hard to accept where I am now, I know that time heals almost all wounds. I've just got to keep on trecking along and hope that all this sacrifice will be worth the while in the long run.
Actually, with the way it ended, I would consider it a nightmare rather than a dream. The last few moments was so painful to bear. Right when the door shut, the dream ended, and I found myself standing a few meters behind it. There was so much confusion and anger and anything bad creeping through my mind. Towards the end of the dream, I was warned that it will be real difficult waking up; but I never imagined it to be like this. I kept wanting to go home, kept waiting to see when I'd be able to go home and see all the familiar things from my dream. But something told me that I can't go home anymore. I was told that I'm going to have to realize that I had to make this my home - whatever "this" is, is beyond me.
Everything is different. Nothing is familiar. I see all these faces, smiles and stares, none of which I recognize. The walls, the streets, the buildings, and everything in between and beyond them, it's all different. Then I find some stuff lying there, things that looked familiar. It's insane at how much better I feel just by looking at my blanket, pillow, and some other things that I brought from home. Familiarity has always been an important part in my life. I knew I was fragile, but not like this. Or maybe it was just that the greater part of twenty years made me too comfortable. To be honest, even though I'm all sheltered, clothed and fed, I probably would feel no different if I was thrown into a jungle with nothing, except maybe for the fact that I'll probably be dead in a couple hours.
When Jesus was on earth, the only thing he never had was a place to call home. He traveled from place to place, living wherever people welcomed Him. Even now, I have a place to call my temporary home; but Jesus never had that. It must've sucked. Realizing how big of an impact that home had on my life made me realize a whole new side of being fortunate. Like I said before, you can imagine all you want, but until you actually experience it for yourself, you'll never really know.
I think the part that hits me the most is that, yes, I have a home, but I can't go back to the place I know, to the people I know. To dead honesty, outside of my family, I don't think many people will really care that I'm gone. People wish me luck, tell me to work hard; but that's just part of the process of saying goodbye to someone; and more often than not, it just becomes a routine. One of my biggest fears is losing people that I care about, or knowing that they're in any sort of pain. So, now that I'm gone, I can't deal with any of that; and it hurts.
So it gets me thinking. Is it better to know where your home is, but yet you can't go back; or never having a home to begin with, so you're left with no knowledge of what home is like? I don't know. I'm still trying to figure out what the heck I've gotten myself into.
But even though it's hard to accept where I am now, I know that time heals almost all wounds. I've just got to keep on trecking along and hope that all this sacrifice will be worth the while in the long run.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Prelude: Infatuation - Part Two
in·fat·u·ate–verb (used with object)
I hope that I have not been blogging too frequently over the last week. But given the rabid followers that I have, they probably check back everyday and are all caught up on their readings. Har har har har... uhh, yeah.
As this is the last day of my life, I am often asking myself: am I ready? Am I ready to start a new life? Am I ready to take on the challenges that will be about a million times harder than ever? Am I ready to develop a new identity? Am I willing to prove myself all over again? No one will know who I am, no one knows what I've done in my life up to this point, and no one will care. So, I've got to ask myself: am I ready? And I can answer that question without hesitating. No. *gasp* then why are you doing it? Because. I have to tell you that, I have never been ready for anything in my life; and it shows in my spontaneous character. However, can anyone truly say that they're really ready for everything that life throws at them? I don't think so. Even if you know that something is going to happen, you can prepare all you want for it. But when the time actually comes, and unless you can tell the future, no one can say that they are 100% ready because the world is not perfect. Anything can happen, and even though things can take a turn, we are still here.
Anyways, what I'm trying to relate this to is the church. One of the things that I hold closest to my heart is to see a church that makes God smile. I've lived my entire life growing up with a church. Although the church is a bit older than I am, and not all of my years are the most clear in memory, I've been able to witness the growth of North Edmonton Alliance through almost twenty years. I couldn't tell you much about the early years of the church, but I have an idea. Our church has gone through rough times and times where things seem like they were breaking apart. But there is a reason why the church is where it is at now, and hopefully things can keep moving forward.
I'm going to skip all the preamble and go right to what I hope can become of NEAC. So, this message goes directly to everyone that is involved at this moment.
I'm not going to go saying that I'm anything like a prophet or fortune teller, but from some of the people that I've come to know that has worked in the church, we've come to share a very similar vision of the church; I just never told them.
The group of leaders - meaning anyone and everyone involved in serving - right now, from what I see, has tremendous potential. What I mean by potential is the ability to do great things. Unfortunately, I don't think enough people know this. This goes hand in hand with knowing how special it is to be chosen as God's servants. If everyone is able to realize how much of a privilege it is to be a people of God, and is willing to commit to doing so, then the possibilities of what our church is able to do is endless. God doesn't just pick anyone to lead others on behalf of His name, and if you're one of them, even if you just lead a small group or prepare the snacks, it's pretty awesome. If you come across this, I want you to know that you're incredible; and know that you can do great things that you've never even dreamt of doing.
So why isn't anything happening? Part of growing up in Canada is the good life. Everything comes too easy for all of us, myself included. We've barely ever been pushed in our lives; we think we have, but really, does failing a unit exam or not getting a scholarship forcing you to work to pay for tuition really mean you're being pushed to do things? There are always going to be exceptions, and for those, you can clearly see the difference in their lives, what they do and how they do it. Especially when it comes to the spiritual aspect of our lives, we don't give enough respect to how big of an effect it has, or should have, on our lives. Because we don't recognize it as that important, such as putting God first and foremost, we rarely feel the need to need to be challenged. Now I'm not saying that we don't care about our faith at all, but I feel that because of the potential that we have, we can push to that next level that will really make everything feel that much bigger. For me, I had no choice, I had nothing going on in my life, so I had nothing left but to invest everything I had into serving in the church. And sometimes, you just have to be thrown right into everything to be able to come out being glad that you did. I didn't just suddenly choose to be on a worship team. I was thrown right in, and you can probably tell how glad I am that I did. When I was put into a worship team, I had only been playing guitar for four months. Who in their right mind would think that they're ready do play for a worship team if they've only played an instrument for four months. So you learn. I'm a firm believer in learning by experience, and it holds very true for many people that I know.
Lastly, things in life are meant to be shared. Let's say that you put a huge amount of effort and time into serving in the church, or elsewhere. You gain a lot of valuable experience and you've learned a lot in life lessons. The understanding you gain of everything is so huge, but you keep it to yourself. Now imagine the church ten years from now, and for some reason, everything seems to be the polar opposite of how it was before. You see a bunch of people running the church that have no idea what they're doing, and have had next to no help. You feel that in some areas where they are struggling, that you could've had some input, or some way to help and make things better. The experiences, the lessons, that you've gained, if you had shared that with some newer volunteers or helpers could've meant a huge boost for when it was their turn to take the spotlight. The difference is huge. If you could take what you've gained when you were in their spot, and gave it to them so that they could have it, it might've meant the world. So, I just think that if we're so "successful" in doing what we do, if we maximize on our potential, but don't pass it along to the next group of leaders, then what's the point. It's like building an entire city, then burying it, just to have others build it again (did you guys know that Seattle is a city built on top of a city? True story). Grow yourself a love for serving. With an infatuation for the church, who knows what everything will look like twenty years down the road.
Anyways, I'm going to force myself to stop here. My mind is all scrambled from everything, so I can't really get my thoughts out as clear as I would like them. But next time, just ask yourself one thing when you're presented with an opportunity.
"Fifty years from now, when you’re looking back at your life, don’t you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" - Sam Witwicky, Transformers I.
I know right, even a movie like that contains useful information!
**Note** I may have used the term infatuation in the wrong context. If so, then I am probably pretty embarrassed, please forgive me. But give me a break, I like using big words!
1.
to inspire or possess with a foolish or unreasoning passion, as of love.
I hope that I have not been blogging too frequently over the last week. But given the rabid followers that I have, they probably check back everyday and are all caught up on their readings. Har har har har... uhh, yeah.
As this is the last day of my life, I am often asking myself: am I ready? Am I ready to start a new life? Am I ready to take on the challenges that will be about a million times harder than ever? Am I ready to develop a new identity? Am I willing to prove myself all over again? No one will know who I am, no one knows what I've done in my life up to this point, and no one will care. So, I've got to ask myself: am I ready? And I can answer that question without hesitating. No. *gasp* then why are you doing it? Because. I have to tell you that, I have never been ready for anything in my life; and it shows in my spontaneous character. However, can anyone truly say that they're really ready for everything that life throws at them? I don't think so. Even if you know that something is going to happen, you can prepare all you want for it. But when the time actually comes, and unless you can tell the future, no one can say that they are 100% ready because the world is not perfect. Anything can happen, and even though things can take a turn, we are still here.
Anyways, what I'm trying to relate this to is the church. One of the things that I hold closest to my heart is to see a church that makes God smile. I've lived my entire life growing up with a church. Although the church is a bit older than I am, and not all of my years are the most clear in memory, I've been able to witness the growth of North Edmonton Alliance through almost twenty years. I couldn't tell you much about the early years of the church, but I have an idea. Our church has gone through rough times and times where things seem like they were breaking apart. But there is a reason why the church is where it is at now, and hopefully things can keep moving forward.
I'm going to skip all the preamble and go right to what I hope can become of NEAC. So, this message goes directly to everyone that is involved at this moment.
I'm not going to go saying that I'm anything like a prophet or fortune teller, but from some of the people that I've come to know that has worked in the church, we've come to share a very similar vision of the church; I just never told them.
The group of leaders - meaning anyone and everyone involved in serving - right now, from what I see, has tremendous potential. What I mean by potential is the ability to do great things. Unfortunately, I don't think enough people know this. This goes hand in hand with knowing how special it is to be chosen as God's servants. If everyone is able to realize how much of a privilege it is to be a people of God, and is willing to commit to doing so, then the possibilities of what our church is able to do is endless. God doesn't just pick anyone to lead others on behalf of His name, and if you're one of them, even if you just lead a small group or prepare the snacks, it's pretty awesome. If you come across this, I want you to know that you're incredible; and know that you can do great things that you've never even dreamt of doing.
So why isn't anything happening? Part of growing up in Canada is the good life. Everything comes too easy for all of us, myself included. We've barely ever been pushed in our lives; we think we have, but really, does failing a unit exam or not getting a scholarship forcing you to work to pay for tuition really mean you're being pushed to do things? There are always going to be exceptions, and for those, you can clearly see the difference in their lives, what they do and how they do it. Especially when it comes to the spiritual aspect of our lives, we don't give enough respect to how big of an effect it has, or should have, on our lives. Because we don't recognize it as that important, such as putting God first and foremost, we rarely feel the need to need to be challenged. Now I'm not saying that we don't care about our faith at all, but I feel that because of the potential that we have, we can push to that next level that will really make everything feel that much bigger. For me, I had no choice, I had nothing going on in my life, so I had nothing left but to invest everything I had into serving in the church. And sometimes, you just have to be thrown right into everything to be able to come out being glad that you did. I didn't just suddenly choose to be on a worship team. I was thrown right in, and you can probably tell how glad I am that I did. When I was put into a worship team, I had only been playing guitar for four months. Who in their right mind would think that they're ready do play for a worship team if they've only played an instrument for four months. So you learn. I'm a firm believer in learning by experience, and it holds very true for many people that I know.
Lastly, things in life are meant to be shared. Let's say that you put a huge amount of effort and time into serving in the church, or elsewhere. You gain a lot of valuable experience and you've learned a lot in life lessons. The understanding you gain of everything is so huge, but you keep it to yourself. Now imagine the church ten years from now, and for some reason, everything seems to be the polar opposite of how it was before. You see a bunch of people running the church that have no idea what they're doing, and have had next to no help. You feel that in some areas where they are struggling, that you could've had some input, or some way to help and make things better. The experiences, the lessons, that you've gained, if you had shared that with some newer volunteers or helpers could've meant a huge boost for when it was their turn to take the spotlight. The difference is huge. If you could take what you've gained when you were in their spot, and gave it to them so that they could have it, it might've meant the world. So, I just think that if we're so "successful" in doing what we do, if we maximize on our potential, but don't pass it along to the next group of leaders, then what's the point. It's like building an entire city, then burying it, just to have others build it again (did you guys know that Seattle is a city built on top of a city? True story). Grow yourself a love for serving. With an infatuation for the church, who knows what everything will look like twenty years down the road.
Anyways, I'm going to force myself to stop here. My mind is all scrambled from everything, so I can't really get my thoughts out as clear as I would like them. But next time, just ask yourself one thing when you're presented with an opportunity.
"Fifty years from now, when you’re looking back at your life, don’t you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car?" - Sam Witwicky, Transformers I.
I know right, even a movie like that contains useful information!
**Note** I may have used the term infatuation in the wrong context. If so, then I am probably pretty embarrassed, please forgive me. But give me a break, I like using big words!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Is It Any Wonder?
As I take a break from the five minutes of packing that I've done today, one question keeps popping into my mind: is it any wonder...?
More often than not, it is "is it any wonder that my room is so dusty?" For every other question or thought that pops up, this one will return. For those that don't know, I live in the basement. I have lived in the basement for the past seven or eight years. A lot of times, it is rather cold, dark, and depressing down there, so I barely go down - unless the temperature is ridiculously hot. So not being in my basement much also means that I don't go in my room very often, unless I'm going to sleep or I need to grab something. Without going into my room much, things don't get moved around so often. And since I am such a lazy person, I don't clean up very much. But now that I am forced to "clean", everything I touch has a nice thin layer of dust on it. Is it any wonder that I wake up every morning with a chunk of crap stuck up my nose? Probably not.
And as I look through every inch, every corner, and every drawer, I'm finding a lot of the stuff that I had since we made the move into this house in Grade 8. The resurfacing of a lot of these toys and other stuff, it brings back a lot of memories of what I used to do. I'm probably laughing most of the time after I see some of these things. Seeing these things made me think: is it any wonder that I'm such a dork? Definitely not. Some of the stuff that has come up just makes me laugh and shake my head at the things that I used to do. All of the dorky, albeit very cool, things that I did are now just kind of sitting there - yes, I just called myself a very cool dork. I don't really want to throw anything out because of the crazy memories that I've stored in them, but if my mom chooses to do so, I won't mind too much. It's just to let you know that I won't be the one doing the tossing away of old toys.
With the resurgence of old things popping up in mind, comes my last wonder: is it any wonder that I'm moving out? I personally don't think so. In fact, I think that moving out is going to be good for me. Like I've mentioned many times, although it's hard, it's the right thing to do. The grown up and more mature side of me is looking at all these things that made my childhood, and even though I will proudly say that I've had one of the best childhoods of all time, it's time to move on. I know that, and don't even deny it, some people's reactions to some things that I've done, or still do, is "grow up!" There are still many sides of me that are very immature and childish. Don't get me wrong, I promote all ages of people to live with the heart of a child, but there are those things that are just part of your characteristics and they need to be changed. So, moving out will force me to look at life in a new way. It's kind of like being born again. When you're a child, everything is new, and the curiosity in you is just forever flowing, and it allows you to have a brand new and fresh perspective on just about everything. Therefore, my step of independence is going to see the biggest change in me since I got potty trained. Living with the heart of a child doesn't require you to pull cruel pranks on people, or whine about only getting one Jolly-Rancher, but it's crucial in helping people grow in their lives and staying fresh. If you ask me, this is definitely something worth revisiting sometimes, and I'd be glad to try to give anyone more insight on what it's like or how you can do it. Or, if you don't like talking to me, read "No Greater Love" by Mother Teresa.
Perhaps it's back to cleaning? Uhh, I mean packing.. I don't clean =D
And no, this isn't part two.
More often than not, it is "is it any wonder that my room is so dusty?" For every other question or thought that pops up, this one will return. For those that don't know, I live in the basement. I have lived in the basement for the past seven or eight years. A lot of times, it is rather cold, dark, and depressing down there, so I barely go down - unless the temperature is ridiculously hot. So not being in my basement much also means that I don't go in my room very often, unless I'm going to sleep or I need to grab something. Without going into my room much, things don't get moved around so often. And since I am such a lazy person, I don't clean up very much. But now that I am forced to "clean", everything I touch has a nice thin layer of dust on it. Is it any wonder that I wake up every morning with a chunk of crap stuck up my nose? Probably not.
And as I look through every inch, every corner, and every drawer, I'm finding a lot of the stuff that I had since we made the move into this house in Grade 8. The resurfacing of a lot of these toys and other stuff, it brings back a lot of memories of what I used to do. I'm probably laughing most of the time after I see some of these things. Seeing these things made me think: is it any wonder that I'm such a dork? Definitely not. Some of the stuff that has come up just makes me laugh and shake my head at the things that I used to do. All of the dorky, albeit very cool, things that I did are now just kind of sitting there - yes, I just called myself a very cool dork. I don't really want to throw anything out because of the crazy memories that I've stored in them, but if my mom chooses to do so, I won't mind too much. It's just to let you know that I won't be the one doing the tossing away of old toys.
With the resurgence of old things popping up in mind, comes my last wonder: is it any wonder that I'm moving out? I personally don't think so. In fact, I think that moving out is going to be good for me. Like I've mentioned many times, although it's hard, it's the right thing to do. The grown up and more mature side of me is looking at all these things that made my childhood, and even though I will proudly say that I've had one of the best childhoods of all time, it's time to move on. I know that, and don't even deny it, some people's reactions to some things that I've done, or still do, is "grow up!" There are still many sides of me that are very immature and childish. Don't get me wrong, I promote all ages of people to live with the heart of a child, but there are those things that are just part of your characteristics and they need to be changed. So, moving out will force me to look at life in a new way. It's kind of like being born again. When you're a child, everything is new, and the curiosity in you is just forever flowing, and it allows you to have a brand new and fresh perspective on just about everything. Therefore, my step of independence is going to see the biggest change in me since I got potty trained. Living with the heart of a child doesn't require you to pull cruel pranks on people, or whine about only getting one Jolly-Rancher, but it's crucial in helping people grow in their lives and staying fresh. If you ask me, this is definitely something worth revisiting sometimes, and I'd be glad to try to give anyone more insight on what it's like or how you can do it. Or, if you don't like talking to me, read "No Greater Love" by Mother Teresa.
Perhaps it's back to cleaning? Uhh, I mean packing.. I don't clean =D
And no, this isn't part two.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Prelude: I Made It - Part One
I don't know what kind of reactions I will get from this, if any at all. I don't know what this will amount to. Maybe all it becomes is data on the internet. Maybe it becomes a story of inspiration to someone. I don't know. But I've been feeling the need to tell a bit of my story, to get it off my chest. Call me an attention whore, call it self-pity, call it whatever. Maybe you won't even get passed the first paragraph. Maybe you'll refer back to it regularly. I don't know. I've never told my story in its entirety, so maybe I'll give it a try.
Here goes nothing.
This feels different. All of it. But, I guess when you think about it, it's supposed to be different; if it isn't different, then maybe that'd be a real cause for concern. I'm sitting here and wondering, have you ever bought a plane ticket with no return flight? Or maybe just any sort of one way pass with nothing that will bring you back after you've used it. I don't know. I think that this is the feeling that I'm getting, but it's all new to me.
I've been so blessed to have lived such an easy life for almost 20 years. When you can go through 20 years without having one day where there was a real fear of losing your life, I'd have to say that you are quite privileged. I can proudly say that there could not have been a whole lot of other bodies for God to put my soul into that would have been better. School was easy, I was musical, I was coordinated, I was liked by a lot of people, I had great people around me. As a kid, a lot of people often believe that nothing could ever stop them from being anything they wanted to be, or doing whatever they wanted to do. Unfortunately, the media and other sources of influence try to teach kids about this mentality - and I was one who, whether I knew it or not, was under the spell. Even if the influence is meant for good intentions, not everything works out the way they're supposed to. And as you probably could've guessed, the higher you are, the harder you fall.
In my case, I think life progressed gradually instead of having one hardcore and intense moment. God probably knew that I'm a slow learner, which is ironic to the fact that I tend to be able to pick things up relatively quickly; but when it comes to life, I need a lot of help - let's just leave it at that. With things being so easy for the early stages of my life, it was only a matter of time before things started to turn. As the law of averages state: what goes around, comes around. And it makes absolute sense too. If you're good at something, you rarely have to really give an effort. But depending on how good you are, or wherever your threshold is, there eventually comes a time when you being good at something can only take you so far, and then you have to put in the effort to get to that next step. So, without ever having to try, how do you possibly break a habit that is built into your reflexes? It's quite sad to say that this is exactly what happened to me.
A lot of things played into making me the person that I am today. I never needed to study a lot in school to get by. My habits carried over into junior high, and onto high school. The thing I started to notice was that my marks started to drop; and I had no idea why. At about this same time, some other things started to fail on me. Dominating so badly in piano competitions when I was younger against some average to decent players made everything seem like cake walk. But when I got a new teacher, I was opened up to a whole new world of "talent". To give a comparison, I have never escaped my elementary talent shows without a medal - about half of my medals are gold. After switching, I haven't won anything; call it bad luck, but there were a couple times where it seemed I should've won based on popular demand, but still came out losing to someone. Aside from school and piano taking its toll on me, there had also been some other things going on in my life that just chewed away at my confidence. It kind of embarrasses me to be talking about this, but I think it's had a big enough impact on me for it to be mentioned. When you like someone, two things happen: the world shrinks by a large margin, and the center of the world isn't the sun anymore. You try to do everything in your power to make that person happy. When it works, there is next to no better feeling; when it doesn't, you can't dig yourself into a deeper hole. For me, it barely ever worked. I can honestly say that I've only had real feelings a couple times. And to this day, I still wish I could go back to change some of the things that happened.
At about the halfway point in grade 12, I think that it might have been the lowest point in my life. I usually don't like to let my personal life affect my friends and family, because I don't like having people worrying about me. Of course, I later come to realize that the very reason why people are in your lives are because they're there to help you through the journey. But it's funny how God works. I think everything that I've talked about so far seemed to be pretty crazy depressing (and if you stuck with me, I'm glad).
For me, it wasn't about learning about God sending Jesus to save my sins. It wasn't about realizing that I've done wrong and need forgiveness. Though these things are all true, it wasn't the defining point in my life, like it might have been for someone else that didn't know about God's grace until they've lived for some time. For me, it was realizing how much I needed God even though I go to church every Sunday, or attending fellowship every Saturday. By taking away everything I had going for me, in my life, God left one thing with me when it seemed like I was done for. His love. When the buildings collapse and when the earth shatters, one thing is always left standing at the end. This is basically what brought me to where I am now. Every accomplishment brings new challenges, and that's what I'm doing every single day of my life.
Somewhere along realizing myself, God began calling me into ministry. As I was still new to my changed self, I didn't know all the perks of having God run my life. During the first little while of university, I started asking myself why the heck am I doing something I have a strong dislike for. There was a reason for why I had quit piano, but now I find myself back studying that same type of music. It was just a complete clash of different styles, and it didn't work for me. Throughout the whole process, God kept saying to me that I should devote to becoming a full time minister. And because I was completely ignorant, I had no idea that what I got during my prayers wasn't just my imagination, and that it was actually God's call. Trying to describe it now is really strange, because it is impossible to tell you what it was like exactly. Even after I had figured out that I wasn't crazy, I needed proof. I needed something solid, something with definition to show me that I'm still sane. And for once in my life, everything fell into place. I remembered things that I can't say I really remembered, or tried to remember. But it seemed that everything that had entered my ears during my down time, whether at church or at home, was meant for me. It was like a million different puzzle pieces just forming themselves to something more definitive. Even then, I wasn't the most sure. However, when I started broadcasting this idea, the support that I had was so incredible that it blew my mind. I never really thought that I was really close with anyone, or that there were people who would care about me enough to think about me and wish me well; but, boy, was I wrong. It was then, that I knew that God was for real; there was no way I could turn down God if he wants me to serve him for the rest of my life.
I still think a lot of people don't realize what it means to be chosen by God to be His people. It is a different topic, so I will try not to get into too many details. If you are the one single dress chosen by the princess of the universe to wear, wouldn't you feel so honored? I know that's lame and cheesy, but it works.
So when it gets to the point of where I am right now, leaving for Bible college, again, feels very different. As hard as it is to leave my family behind, to leave my friends behind, to leave home behind, and to leave familiarity behind, this is the right decision for me. To some people, it just means another kid going off trying to be a hotshot Pastor. But to me, it means the world. I just hope I do it right. Even though the title of this blog is "I Made It", this is just the beginning.
Well, there you have it. I tried to condense as much as I could; but seeing as I don't focus all that well and with all the cheese in my life, I tend to go off topic. Haha. If anyone in this world was crazy enough to read through the whole thing, I'm very grateful that you did.
Look for part two next week! Don't worry, it won't be about me!
Here goes nothing.
This feels different. All of it. But, I guess when you think about it, it's supposed to be different; if it isn't different, then maybe that'd be a real cause for concern. I'm sitting here and wondering, have you ever bought a plane ticket with no return flight? Or maybe just any sort of one way pass with nothing that will bring you back after you've used it. I don't know. I think that this is the feeling that I'm getting, but it's all new to me.
I've been so blessed to have lived such an easy life for almost 20 years. When you can go through 20 years without having one day where there was a real fear of losing your life, I'd have to say that you are quite privileged. I can proudly say that there could not have been a whole lot of other bodies for God to put my soul into that would have been better. School was easy, I was musical, I was coordinated, I was liked by a lot of people, I had great people around me. As a kid, a lot of people often believe that nothing could ever stop them from being anything they wanted to be, or doing whatever they wanted to do. Unfortunately, the media and other sources of influence try to teach kids about this mentality - and I was one who, whether I knew it or not, was under the spell. Even if the influence is meant for good intentions, not everything works out the way they're supposed to. And as you probably could've guessed, the higher you are, the harder you fall.
In my case, I think life progressed gradually instead of having one hardcore and intense moment. God probably knew that I'm a slow learner, which is ironic to the fact that I tend to be able to pick things up relatively quickly; but when it comes to life, I need a lot of help - let's just leave it at that. With things being so easy for the early stages of my life, it was only a matter of time before things started to turn. As the law of averages state: what goes around, comes around. And it makes absolute sense too. If you're good at something, you rarely have to really give an effort. But depending on how good you are, or wherever your threshold is, there eventually comes a time when you being good at something can only take you so far, and then you have to put in the effort to get to that next step. So, without ever having to try, how do you possibly break a habit that is built into your reflexes? It's quite sad to say that this is exactly what happened to me.
A lot of things played into making me the person that I am today. I never needed to study a lot in school to get by. My habits carried over into junior high, and onto high school. The thing I started to notice was that my marks started to drop; and I had no idea why. At about this same time, some other things started to fail on me. Dominating so badly in piano competitions when I was younger against some average to decent players made everything seem like cake walk. But when I got a new teacher, I was opened up to a whole new world of "talent". To give a comparison, I have never escaped my elementary talent shows without a medal - about half of my medals are gold. After switching, I haven't won anything; call it bad luck, but there were a couple times where it seemed I should've won based on popular demand, but still came out losing to someone. Aside from school and piano taking its toll on me, there had also been some other things going on in my life that just chewed away at my confidence. It kind of embarrasses me to be talking about this, but I think it's had a big enough impact on me for it to be mentioned. When you like someone, two things happen: the world shrinks by a large margin, and the center of the world isn't the sun anymore. You try to do everything in your power to make that person happy. When it works, there is next to no better feeling; when it doesn't, you can't dig yourself into a deeper hole. For me, it barely ever worked. I can honestly say that I've only had real feelings a couple times. And to this day, I still wish I could go back to change some of the things that happened.
At about the halfway point in grade 12, I think that it might have been the lowest point in my life. I usually don't like to let my personal life affect my friends and family, because I don't like having people worrying about me. Of course, I later come to realize that the very reason why people are in your lives are because they're there to help you through the journey. But it's funny how God works. I think everything that I've talked about so far seemed to be pretty crazy depressing (and if you stuck with me, I'm glad).
For me, it wasn't about learning about God sending Jesus to save my sins. It wasn't about realizing that I've done wrong and need forgiveness. Though these things are all true, it wasn't the defining point in my life, like it might have been for someone else that didn't know about God's grace until they've lived for some time. For me, it was realizing how much I needed God even though I go to church every Sunday, or attending fellowship every Saturday. By taking away everything I had going for me, in my life, God left one thing with me when it seemed like I was done for. His love. When the buildings collapse and when the earth shatters, one thing is always left standing at the end. This is basically what brought me to where I am now. Every accomplishment brings new challenges, and that's what I'm doing every single day of my life.
Somewhere along realizing myself, God began calling me into ministry. As I was still new to my changed self, I didn't know all the perks of having God run my life. During the first little while of university, I started asking myself why the heck am I doing something I have a strong dislike for. There was a reason for why I had quit piano, but now I find myself back studying that same type of music. It was just a complete clash of different styles, and it didn't work for me. Throughout the whole process, God kept saying to me that I should devote to becoming a full time minister. And because I was completely ignorant, I had no idea that what I got during my prayers wasn't just my imagination, and that it was actually God's call. Trying to describe it now is really strange, because it is impossible to tell you what it was like exactly. Even after I had figured out that I wasn't crazy, I needed proof. I needed something solid, something with definition to show me that I'm still sane. And for once in my life, everything fell into place. I remembered things that I can't say I really remembered, or tried to remember. But it seemed that everything that had entered my ears during my down time, whether at church or at home, was meant for me. It was like a million different puzzle pieces just forming themselves to something more definitive. Even then, I wasn't the most sure. However, when I started broadcasting this idea, the support that I had was so incredible that it blew my mind. I never really thought that I was really close with anyone, or that there were people who would care about me enough to think about me and wish me well; but, boy, was I wrong. It was then, that I knew that God was for real; there was no way I could turn down God if he wants me to serve him for the rest of my life.
I still think a lot of people don't realize what it means to be chosen by God to be His people. It is a different topic, so I will try not to get into too many details. If you are the one single dress chosen by the princess of the universe to wear, wouldn't you feel so honored? I know that's lame and cheesy, but it works.
So when it gets to the point of where I am right now, leaving for Bible college, again, feels very different. As hard as it is to leave my family behind, to leave my friends behind, to leave home behind, and to leave familiarity behind, this is the right decision for me. To some people, it just means another kid going off trying to be a hotshot Pastor. But to me, it means the world. I just hope I do it right. Even though the title of this blog is "I Made It", this is just the beginning.
Well, there you have it. I tried to condense as much as I could; but seeing as I don't focus all that well and with all the cheese in my life, I tend to go off topic. Haha. If anyone in this world was crazy enough to read through the whole thing, I'm very grateful that you did.
Look for part two next week! Don't worry, it won't be about me!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Happiest Place On Earth
Monday - 6:35am
It's early on Monday morning and it's time to wake up. I hate waking up early, and I am not a morning person whatsoever. But with the airplane leaving at 10am, I had to be at the airport by 8. Unfortunately, the airport is on the other side of the city, and quite literally too, so it takes at least 45 minutes to get there. Trust me, with slow drivers, it's not a fun ride. But anyhow, we hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan... no, wait.
We had issues with the left turn signal in our oh-so luxurious Buick Lacrosse, so we had to take it back. Then, to make up for it, we end up with a Chevy Impala. So, it's fair to say that we didn't get the best transportation vehicles; but that doesn't matter too much.
We basically just spent the rest of the day walking around and had dinner at Denny's.
Tuesday - 9:45am
After another early morning and breakfast, we've arrived at Disneyland. It took about 20-25 minutes to walk there. Our hotel was close enough that we didn't really need to drive; because if we drove, we'd have to find parking and would have to walk the same distance anyway. Unfortunately, my dad forgot to bring the booklets that the tickets came in, so he had to walk all the way back to the hotel to grab the books so we can enter the 'Happiest Place on Earth'. By about an hour later, we finally get in.
The place was pretty crazy. The amount of people and the amount of work put into building such an impressive theme park just blows my mind. So we spend the whole day there, doing the things that you do at the Disney Park.
Ride of the day: It's a Small World.
Wednesday - some time in the morning
We really wanted to watch 'World of Color', and being the hot commodity that it is, the lineup was longer than the Great Wall. Seriously. You probably could have seen the lineup to get tickets from outer space. But with much patience, we managed to snag tickets for the 10:15pm show. So we had the day to kill, and just continued to trek along.
World of Color was amazing. It was probably worth every bit of waiting. There is a lake sort of thing in the middle of the park, and they use the water and light projections to pretty much put on a presentation that included a medley of some classic Disney shows. Very impressive.
Thursday - after more sleep
We figured that we might've been too aggressive with the way we were going about this vacation, so my dad decided to slow down a bit by going to the beach. We got an extra hour of sleep, which was way helpful because I was already almost out of gas after the second day - and, that my back was seriously ready to give out. So we ended up on Laguna Beach. It was somewhat hazy when we got there, but it was still a really nice beach. It is crazy how much more intense the sun is in California than it is up here in Edmonton - but that is of no surprise. So we spent a big chunk of the day at the beach.
When we left, we decided to go to a shopping complex called 'The Block'. It was a pretty cool place that was pretty much a mini shopping outlet with some pretty cheap prices.
Friday - forgot to wake up
We decided that we would get shopping over with on Friday. When I say shopping, it means an 'all day, drive two hours to a premium outlet' shopping. We drove up to Northern California, a little west of San Francisco, to Camarillo. There, in what seems to be the middle of no where, is a HUGE outlet. You could find just about all upper-end stores here. More walking!
After the day, I went back to the hotel with $140 turned into clothing. I am poor, so I had to put a huge limit on how much I could spend. But nonetheless, I was satisfied with the place. It probably wasn't the best outlet I've been to, but it's definitely worth visiting if you like high end clothes with Old Navy prices.
Saturday - didn't feel like it at all
Since it was a super combo pack thing that my dad bought, we got to get into Universal Studios, too. So, today was the day. And very early into the day, and after a week in California, I came to the conclusion that Californians have very nice legs. Yeah, I guess you can pretty much say that I checked everyone out in order to arrive at that conclusion, but it's the truth. Besides, with 70% of girls wearing really short shorts, and guys that wear shorts, and moms and dads wearing shorts, it's hard not to look at someone without seeing much skin.
Anyways, Universal Studios was really cool. The studio tour was by far the best ride in the whole trip. They pretty much set up the tour to be an adventure ride kind of thing, so when you go through the park, you experience all the technology and toys that they've developed over the years.
Sunday - since when
This was the first Sunday, in a long time, where I didn't go to church. It felt really weird since church has been in my routine since I was born. Not going to church meant going down to San Diego. We drove down WAY too early for anyone's likings. We decided to go to Sea World, or whatever it was called, and it's your typical water based theme park - with one exception: the sweetest Killer Whale show on earth. Yes, trained Killer Whales putting on live performances. Shamu makes the sea lions and dolphin shows that WEM has/had look chump. It was a really sweet experience to see so many interactive events with such wild animals.
Monday - earliest yet
It was time to go home. We had to leave the hotel at 7:30 to be able to have everything returned and ready for our flight at noon. It was a long day of travel; but, at about midnight, we got home from an overall stellar family vacation.
After four theme parks, two hotels, a few shopping centers, sore muscles, a broken back, and a lot of sweat, it's pretty nice to say "I'm home". I would have to rate the vacation at about a 8.5/10. The only thing that would've made it better was taking a more relaxed approach. But that would mean, staying more nights, which translates to spending more money. But whatever, all's good.
California girls are, most definitely, unforgettable. Haha.
It's early on Monday morning and it's time to wake up. I hate waking up early, and I am not a morning person whatsoever. But with the airplane leaving at 10am, I had to be at the airport by 8. Unfortunately, the airport is on the other side of the city, and quite literally too, so it takes at least 45 minutes to get there. Trust me, with slow drivers, it's not a fun ride. But anyhow, we hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan... no, wait.
We had issues with the left turn signal in our oh-so luxurious Buick Lacrosse, so we had to take it back. Then, to make up for it, we end up with a Chevy Impala. So, it's fair to say that we didn't get the best transportation vehicles; but that doesn't matter too much.
We basically just spent the rest of the day walking around and had dinner at Denny's.
Tuesday - 9:45am
After another early morning and breakfast, we've arrived at Disneyland. It took about 20-25 minutes to walk there. Our hotel was close enough that we didn't really need to drive; because if we drove, we'd have to find parking and would have to walk the same distance anyway. Unfortunately, my dad forgot to bring the booklets that the tickets came in, so he had to walk all the way back to the hotel to grab the books so we can enter the 'Happiest Place on Earth'. By about an hour later, we finally get in.
The place was pretty crazy. The amount of people and the amount of work put into building such an impressive theme park just blows my mind. So we spend the whole day there, doing the things that you do at the Disney Park.
Ride of the day: It's a Small World.
Wednesday - some time in the morning
We really wanted to watch 'World of Color', and being the hot commodity that it is, the lineup was longer than the Great Wall. Seriously. You probably could have seen the lineup to get tickets from outer space. But with much patience, we managed to snag tickets for the 10:15pm show. So we had the day to kill, and just continued to trek along.
World of Color was amazing. It was probably worth every bit of waiting. There is a lake sort of thing in the middle of the park, and they use the water and light projections to pretty much put on a presentation that included a medley of some classic Disney shows. Very impressive.
Thursday - after more sleep
We figured that we might've been too aggressive with the way we were going about this vacation, so my dad decided to slow down a bit by going to the beach. We got an extra hour of sleep, which was way helpful because I was already almost out of gas after the second day - and, that my back was seriously ready to give out. So we ended up on Laguna Beach. It was somewhat hazy when we got there, but it was still a really nice beach. It is crazy how much more intense the sun is in California than it is up here in Edmonton - but that is of no surprise. So we spent a big chunk of the day at the beach.
When we left, we decided to go to a shopping complex called 'The Block'. It was a pretty cool place that was pretty much a mini shopping outlet with some pretty cheap prices.
Friday - forgot to wake up
We decided that we would get shopping over with on Friday. When I say shopping, it means an 'all day, drive two hours to a premium outlet' shopping. We drove up to Northern California, a little west of San Francisco, to Camarillo. There, in what seems to be the middle of no where, is a HUGE outlet. You could find just about all upper-end stores here. More walking!
After the day, I went back to the hotel with $140 turned into clothing. I am poor, so I had to put a huge limit on how much I could spend. But nonetheless, I was satisfied with the place. It probably wasn't the best outlet I've been to, but it's definitely worth visiting if you like high end clothes with Old Navy prices.
Saturday - didn't feel like it at all
Since it was a super combo pack thing that my dad bought, we got to get into Universal Studios, too. So, today was the day. And very early into the day, and after a week in California, I came to the conclusion that Californians have very nice legs. Yeah, I guess you can pretty much say that I checked everyone out in order to arrive at that conclusion, but it's the truth. Besides, with 70% of girls wearing really short shorts, and guys that wear shorts, and moms and dads wearing shorts, it's hard not to look at someone without seeing much skin.
Anyways, Universal Studios was really cool. The studio tour was by far the best ride in the whole trip. They pretty much set up the tour to be an adventure ride kind of thing, so when you go through the park, you experience all the technology and toys that they've developed over the years.
Sunday - since when
This was the first Sunday, in a long time, where I didn't go to church. It felt really weird since church has been in my routine since I was born. Not going to church meant going down to San Diego. We drove down WAY too early for anyone's likings. We decided to go to Sea World, or whatever it was called, and it's your typical water based theme park - with one exception: the sweetest Killer Whale show on earth. Yes, trained Killer Whales putting on live performances. Shamu makes the sea lions and dolphin shows that WEM has/had look chump. It was a really sweet experience to see so many interactive events with such wild animals.
Monday - earliest yet
It was time to go home. We had to leave the hotel at 7:30 to be able to have everything returned and ready for our flight at noon. It was a long day of travel; but, at about midnight, we got home from an overall stellar family vacation.
After four theme parks, two hotels, a few shopping centers, sore muscles, a broken back, and a lot of sweat, it's pretty nice to say "I'm home". I would have to rate the vacation at about a 8.5/10. The only thing that would've made it better was taking a more relaxed approach. But that would mean, staying more nights, which translates to spending more money. But whatever, all's good.
California girls are, most definitely, unforgettable. Haha.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Let The Games Begin
Well, here we are: August. What a beautiful mess I've created. How did it get to the point where summer is mostly over and everyone decides to leave for vacation so I barely get to see anyone?
The "to do's" list is starting to write itself for what I need to do in preparation for Calgary. To recap what has happened so far: let everything sink in - semi-check; mixed emotions - check; farewells - they've begun; mentally visualize list of items I need to bring - check. I think that is about all that I've done so far. As you can see, the progress is slower than watching Rosie O'Donnell walk across the stage.
I am still of the most clueless when it comes to gathering required materials and information for post-secondary education. I'm struggling to know how to find out what textbooks I need, how much tuition I need to pay, and how much of a toll it will take on me to take such long bus rides to and from school. Speaking of bus rides, I am very disappointed to find out that the time it will take me to get to and from school has just expanded about, I would guess, half an hour. As if my ride was not already long enough. I heard that Calgary has decided to close down a bus station that would get me to school; so I need to make one other transfer. It seems that things are just looking so fantastic from here on out. I honestly don't know how I can possibly survive. Honestly.
Anyways, I don't know why I'm blogging about this next topic; but, I decided to do so. Some people know that I play guitar. Over the last couple years, I've learned a technique that helps me play without using a guitar pick. I don't really like using picks too much because I always drop them, they wear out, and they cost money. So this technique requires the use of my fingers. So you're probably thinking: wow, finger picking - how original. The average person with average guitar knowledge would think that you actually use your fingers to finger pick - and they are not wrong. But the tone that you get from finger picking is very soft, and it's hard to play loudly when the music builds. So the technique I've learned encompasses the use of finger nails to sharpen up the tone (at the same time, louder) and strumming. If you've strummed a guitar with a finger and with a finger nail, you will know the difference. So, in order to do this well, you need long finger nails. So here is where it gets gross, and I get comments on it all the time. Yes, I have very long finger nails on my right hand; but not anymore because I cut them. If any of this intrigues you in anyway and want to know more, I'd be more than happy to explain; I just don't want to take up too much room talking about something that could be boring the heck out of my (not) very big audience of readers.
Why did I cut my finger nails? I've decided to give up playing the guitar for the month of August. There are a couple reasons. Something has been clouding my mind lately, and I haven't found much motivation to play. Also, I need to send in my guitar to get fixed up before I leave. Despite my love for guitars, they haven't treated me very well; or, contrarily, I haven't treated mine very well. I have run into problems with both my guitars that needed to be sent back to the shop to get fixed, and yes, I need to send my Taylor in to have something fixed. I just hope that I don't have to pay any money. If I do need to pay, then it will hurt me, but also teach me that love hurts. Yeah I did.
Uhh, anyways, I think I'll be okay with everything put into consideration. I managed to get through my dark days of high school, so I think I'll be able to get through starting a new life.
Hopefully.
The "to do's" list is starting to write itself for what I need to do in preparation for Calgary. To recap what has happened so far: let everything sink in - semi-check; mixed emotions - check; farewells - they've begun; mentally visualize list of items I need to bring - check. I think that is about all that I've done so far. As you can see, the progress is slower than watching Rosie O'Donnell walk across the stage.
I am still of the most clueless when it comes to gathering required materials and information for post-secondary education. I'm struggling to know how to find out what textbooks I need, how much tuition I need to pay, and how much of a toll it will take on me to take such long bus rides to and from school. Speaking of bus rides, I am very disappointed to find out that the time it will take me to get to and from school has just expanded about, I would guess, half an hour. As if my ride was not already long enough. I heard that Calgary has decided to close down a bus station that would get me to school; so I need to make one other transfer. It seems that things are just looking so fantastic from here on out. I honestly don't know how I can possibly survive. Honestly.
Anyways, I don't know why I'm blogging about this next topic; but, I decided to do so. Some people know that I play guitar. Over the last couple years, I've learned a technique that helps me play without using a guitar pick. I don't really like using picks too much because I always drop them, they wear out, and they cost money. So this technique requires the use of my fingers. So you're probably thinking: wow, finger picking - how original. The average person with average guitar knowledge would think that you actually use your fingers to finger pick - and they are not wrong. But the tone that you get from finger picking is very soft, and it's hard to play loudly when the music builds. So the technique I've learned encompasses the use of finger nails to sharpen up the tone (at the same time, louder) and strumming. If you've strummed a guitar with a finger and with a finger nail, you will know the difference. So, in order to do this well, you need long finger nails. So here is where it gets gross, and I get comments on it all the time. Yes, I have very long finger nails on my right hand; but not anymore because I cut them. If any of this intrigues you in anyway and want to know more, I'd be more than happy to explain; I just don't want to take up too much room talking about something that could be boring the heck out of my (not) very big audience of readers.
Why did I cut my finger nails? I've decided to give up playing the guitar for the month of August. There are a couple reasons. Something has been clouding my mind lately, and I haven't found much motivation to play. Also, I need to send in my guitar to get fixed up before I leave. Despite my love for guitars, they haven't treated me very well; or, contrarily, I haven't treated mine very well. I have run into problems with both my guitars that needed to be sent back to the shop to get fixed, and yes, I need to send my Taylor in to have something fixed. I just hope that I don't have to pay any money. If I do need to pay, then it will hurt me, but also teach me that love hurts. Yeah I did.
Uhh, anyways, I think I'll be okay with everything put into consideration. I managed to get through my dark days of high school, so I think I'll be able to get through starting a new life.
Hopefully.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)