New

About this time every year, people are scrambling around and being skeptic about a new school year. In Edmonton, there is one day of summer holidays left and then it begins a new year for the edumacation.

It's completely different for me this time around, because I'm not going back to school. To add on top of that, I haven't found a job yet. So while everyone is trying to get things together, organizing supplies and such, I'm sitting here at home with next to no life. This time around, I have the leisure to be able to not be caught up with being nervous about school, but rather be calm and relaxed at home. It is a bit tough to accept that I won't get to see some friends as often anymore. I know what it's like to be disconnected for a period of time, and it's not a pretty sight to see.

In reality, though, it sucks. Not being able to find a job has been one of the hardest things for me to deal with in the last few months. It is a feeling that I can't really describe. I know I need a job, and some of the motivation and effort to find one is there, but the fact that it's so hard to find jobs now and my lack of qualifications just makes it that much harder. I try not to let it get in my way of affecting the way I behave, but to tell you the truth, it's starting to eat me alive. Okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's the fear of not having a job and being a bum at home all day that keeps me up. I've had plenty of time to waste, but I can't seem to get myself to finding employment. I will give myself another week or so, to see if anyone calls from the places I applied last week, then I will probably revert to working at places I don't really want to work.

So this is what's new for me. Not going to school for the first time in my life. I can tell people that I've dropped out of school, haha. Pretty much everyday, now, is a new learning experience for me.

Anyways, I wish everyone a great start to their school year. A lot of people deserve great things, so hopefully this next year will bring nothing but greatness.

Don't lose hold of who you are.

Fall Into August

It seems that August is a bit of a slow month for blogging; most of the blogs that I follow and read have averaged less than two posts this month, which I find slightly strange. So, hopefully I bring a little bit of a light and pathway to open up for a few more entries before this month is over.

I'm not sure what to begin with, maybe just a few highlights. August has been a rather interesting month. Kids Camp was something I really looked forward to this year. The formerly known as VBS, now Kids Camp (to make it seem less like 'school'), was taking a whole new turn this year because our lovely Ps. Jen can definitely see greater things with our children in the church. The week of camp ended up to be a lot of fun. I got to play some type of a hill-billy character named Skeeter for the week, and although I don't do accents, I hope the kids enjoyed my spontaneous and random creativity during the skits. The highlight of the week, though, has got to be when we went to St. Albert for our afternoon field trip for bowling. I kind of hoped that we were to do 10 pin bowling, but seeing as most of the kids probably will have trouble lifting the balls (because I do), it was only reasonable that we did 5 pin. I am most definitely proud of making two strikes in a row, before I went downhill, so it demonstrated that my first one was not a fluke. Overall, it was right up there as one of my favorite weeks of this summer.

As I've mentioned that this year happened to be weddings bonanza, I got to witness a cousin's wedding this past weekend. It was pretty sweet, especially since people have been bugging them to get married for a few years, to be able to witness someone close to my family get married, and that it was the last one for me this year. And for a change, instead of my family going down to Vancouver, we had our relatives come up for a few days. I don't really care if it is us that go down, or them that come up, all that really matters is the company; having the cousins up this time, though, really reminded me of the old days when everyone still lived in Edmonton. I have to admit that it was a really fun weekend, especially being able to the best soccer game I've played in a long time on Sunday.

God does a pretty good job at giving me a kick in the pants every now and then in order to keep me in the right place with my attitude. God is quite the comedian, with the way He works. Every single time something dramatic happens, I end up looking at myself at the end of the day and laugh a little bit because of how impressed I am at seeing the many different ways God can peck at me without having me see it coming. But my point in this is that, even though I know I used to be a very bratty and cocky kid, I don't get why you can't see it in yourself with the way you are right now. You're old enough to make decisions for yourself and, unless you're completely oblivious, which I think you could be, should know what you think you are is not what you really are. Everyone has a different way of expressing the same feelings, and I am a pretty straight forward guy, so I will seem like I am in your face all the time of letting you know I don't appreciate the way you are. When you do decide to come challenge me and make me reinforce my opinions, I have to be forced to shut up because anything and everything I say will just reinforce what you already see of me. And because I still care for your well-being, I'm not going to steroid up those thoughts and make them ten times bigger. I just hope you learn for yourself, sooner rather than later. Wish You Well - Thousand Foot Krutch: the song I have for you.

So fall is coming, what do you fall back on to make the transition a little more fun?

Gratitude Cafe

Well, it's Saturday night and I thought that it is about time I recollect my thoughts on what my plan is for the upcoming school semester or two. I know that it is definitely possible that a few people are also interested in what my plans are - though I'm not sure if they read my blog - and have asked me about them.

I was browsing through Jason Mraz's latest tour, which he calls the "Gratitude Cafe" tour, as well as watching some of his videos and he reminds us all that we should constantly be thankful for the earth that God has given us. Throughout the three months that I've been out of school, I've done a lot of thinking, as I've mentioned many times, and I have to continually remind myself of how blessed I am. First of all, I think my parents are the best; I could not have asked for better and more supportive parents. I know that many parents stress tradition and have maps for where they usually like their kids to go. Some parents don't like their kids taking time off school to try to find themselves, but mine have been the best about it and I am completely humbled by that fact. It seems that I can do almost anything and my parents would have my back.

On top of being thankful for my parents, I also have to remind myself that I am extremely gifted. Not only do I have a fully functional body, but I can consume almost any garbage this world throws out these days and still be the same; that is just an added bonus, if you ask me. I do believe that I am gifted musically, but I think I'm beginning to discover a gift larger my musical talent. At the beginning of my first year of university, I thought that music was my one and only, which makes it the biggest, gift that God has blessed me with. Sometimes, it takes people four or five years to find out what their passions in life are and realize that they've been in school all that time studying the wrong things. God has a timeline for everyone, and I was lucky enough to have my path set straight really early in my life. I learn really quickly, and all I can say is that it is worth my trip to the Gratitude Cafe just for this one aspect. In all my years, I thought that I was just a bratty and arrogant kid with a soft spot in my heart for everything; I have to thank my mom for this quality. I know that I can still be a jerk at times, but I think that just comes with my maturity level - I am still quite a child still, you know. But along with being a softy, I have a huge desire to relate to people. With these two things that I have, I am generally really sensitive to how people are and how they are feeling; I feed off of this "energy" and it affects the way I am. I don't believe I've told anyone about this possession that I have, so if you some how come across my blog and read it all, you've just learned one of my biggest secrets and qualities to who I am and why I'm the person I've become.

So, what can you get out of all of this? There are a few things, actually. If you've skipped over most of this blog, I think it's worth reading this part. First and foremost, I think it's crucial for people to long breaks, vacations, whatever you want to call it, and just enjoy life as it is. When I say long breaks, something like my three months of doing absolutely nothing is a good start; of course, this doesn't really apply to everyone because of employment and stuff. Life is meant to be enjoyed; therefore, you should enjoy it. Second, with the break that I've been taking and discovering of who I am, it has allowed me to really solidify why Bible college is the path that God has for me. The details of my self-adventure are too much to put in this one entry, so I think I'll leave little hints here and there. Third, dealing with my future, I find it funny how when I look back to when I was younger, people always asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up (who hasn't been asked this a billion times?). I always said I wanted to do something that's like what my dad does (duh, again). But now that I'm eighteen and a half years old, I've realized that what I hope to be doing will be incredibly similar to what my dad does. My dad was an Occupational Therapist before he took on the managing role. An occupational therapist and a pastor do similar work even though it's in different fields of study. Both jobs require you to relate to people to try to help them live life. Isn't that just the coolest?

And the last thing, is that there isn't very much in life that is worth worrying about. Here's an exellent little excerpt I found of Jason Mraz talking about the topic.

I often ask myself: Am I doing enough? What contributions have I made today? If my list is short I will get out of bed and start typing something - often a letter or a journal entry, as if my own journal will someday amount to something (which it usually does, allowing me sort out the garbage from the recycling in my head.) Otherwise, I waste little energy on worry. What’s there to be anxious about? Missing a flight or not making a phone payment can be an inconvenience, just as someone you know getting sick or even dying can be very unfortunate. But Worry is what happens when you take those misfortunes on and think you have control over them. You tell yourself that you are responsible in some way for these situations. Or worse, you’ve decided if the outcome isn’t pleasant, there could be even more trouble for yourself and others.

Worry is a story you tell yourself and nothing more. Sometimes we do it to over-express our care in a matter. Other times we’re looking for sympathy. We’ll even go so far as to tell all about our worries in hopes that someone else will share the responsibility with us. There are plenty of reasons we create for Worry to creep its little head in.

But the real fact is, you are responsible for nothing to begin with.

Let’s say you send some love to someone, but they don’t reciprocate the way you expected. That’s nothing to worry about. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Besides, if they don’t, why worry about that? If that mattered, you’d be creating that as a condition for having love in your life. Unconditional love is what we practiced when we came into this world in the first place – so it’s best we get back to being that.

/endsuperlongpost

Memory

After the month of July and the adventures I went on, I learned that life is just basically a lot of memories stacked on top of each other.

Everything you do in life just adds onto your memory and it keeps on going. When you experience something, you remember it; when you learn something, you remember it; basically, whenever you gain something, it's stored into your brain or your body, and that is another thing that turns into memory. There are different kinds of learning - all resulting in some sort of memory - because, after all, the meaning of learning is to remember something and have the ability to recall it when needed.

It's pretty cool how when I revisit a location or a situation similar to one I've experienced before, instantaneously, my brain would throw a whole bunch of information back to the front of my brain caused by different memory hooks. I can remember things that I never even thought I remembered, but suddenly resurface and it wakes my senses up.

I was lying in my bed, one night, while in Oregon, and it basically occurred to me, this: you are who you are because of the memories you carry with you. Since time only goes one direction, and at a constant rate, what you make out of your time is what you become. Every experience you gain, everything you learn gets stored into your body and that's that. You can't go back in time to encounter moments in your life so what you remember is what apparently "happened". However you chose to record your memory at the time you experienced an event will be how it affects you in the future.

Anyways, I had a real fun month of July. I have a hard time believing that it's August already. I'm real excited for Kids' Camp at church, which starts next week. Actually, I have to say that I'm really looking forward to the bowling fieldtrip. I'm so ready to kick some of the kids' butts at bowling; okay, I suck at bowling, but no one needs to know that. One of the reasons why I love working with kids so much is because you get to mess with their mind, and they'll almost believe anything you say. Yeah, I know that's mean but no one gets hurt and all the kids get to know who I really am in the end. Making it seem like you're mysterious to them makes them want to know your more, and that is great to have. Once you can build your relationships, then you've got a good thing going.